36. Nobody’s Gonna Know
CHAPTER
NOBODY’S GONNA KNOW
ADAM
“You’re fucking embarrassing.”
“Oh, what? So you and Carter can bring your kids to family skate, but I can’t bring mine?” Jaxon flings his arms into the air before propping his fists on his hips. His cat, Mittens, meows from where he’s strapped to his chest, in a— fuck, this pains me to say
—cat carrier. “Double fucking standards.”
Garrett looks up from his knees, where he’s lacing up Jennie’s skates. “I’m scared you might be losing it, bud.”
Jennie cringes. “I hate to say this, Jaxon, but I think you might need a—”
“Don’t say it. Don’t fucking say it, Jennie.”
“—girlfriend.”
There go his arms, up above his head again. “I told you not to say it! Mittens has a touch of separation anxiety, that’s all. And we were just on the road for eight days.” He takes Mittens’ paw, jiggling it. “You hate when I leave you, don’t you, chunk? Yes, you do. Daddy hates leaving you too.”
Rosie snorts a laugh, and Jaxon narrows his eyes at her. She folds her lips into her mouth, pretending to button them, then leans into me as I tie Connor’s brand-new hockey skates. “I think we all know who’s the one with separation anxiety.”
I chuckle, watching as she looks down at her skates, swings them gently, her fingers gripping the bench as she breathes deeply. She sure isn’t experiencing separation anxiety from a cat right now, but I know my girl is feeling a little anxious. “How are you doing, trouble?”
“Me?” Her brows jump, and she lays her hand on her chest. “Fine. I’m fine, Adam.”
“Wanna try that again?”
She sighs, long and loud, back to staring at her skates. “I’m nervous. I’ve never skated before. I think I’m going to make a fool out of myself, but I’m so happy to be here and doing something that means so much to you.”
Her hesitant gaze flicks to the crowd of children who’ve just exploded through the doors, rushing to find spots on the benches in our locker room to get skates on too. Kids from Second Chance Home, joining us today for a family skate, because they’re part of our Viper family.
I cover Rosie’s wringing hands with one of mine, tipping her chin up until she’s looking at me.
Over the past two months, I’ve told Rosie all about my charity, the Family Project, the work we do with the foster community.
She loves my stories, and she’s so damn proud of me, and as much as I would’ve loved to drag her along to meet everyone, I’ve never asked her.
I’ve never wanted to put her in a position where she’s forced to relive parts of her childhood she wishes never happened.
But this, inviting the kids to be a part of our family skate, to help decorate the tree at the arena, it was her idea.
“I don’t want to remember what it feels like to go unnoticed,” she admits quietly.
“To feel unwanted. But then I don’t think the memory has ever really been far, and I guess I’m just…
dreading seeing myself in someone else, someone small and perfect and innocent who deserves to be the center of somebody’s world.
Someone who shouldn’t have to be wondering how they can change themselves, make themselves more lovable so somebody will choose them. ”
She’s got the biggest heart, my Rosie, and it shows in every one of her decisions, every thought that wanders through her head. I know she’s passed that quality onto her son, too, because Connor reaches up, laying his hand on her cheek, and tells her, “Conn’a choose Mama.”
She kisses the inside of his palm. “I choose you, too, Connor.”
“I think spending some time with these kids when you’ve had such heavy emotions surrounding the foster system is brave of you, Rosie.
But you don’t always have to be brave. If it ever becomes too much, you can step away, okay?
Just let me know whether you want to step away by yourself, or with me.
I’ll support you however you need to be supported. ”
Grateful eyes look up at me. “Thank you.”
Chestnut pigtails catch my eye, and I find Lily hovering by herself in the corner, watching Connor, Rosie, and me. When I wave at her, her ears burn bright red, and she looks away.
“That must be Lily,” Rosie murmurs. “Why don’t you go say hi? Connor and I will make our way out to the ice with the others and wait for you on the bench.” She drops a kiss to my lips and stands on shaky legs, looping one arm through Jaxon’s as Garrett scoops Connor up, and I watch them disappear.
Lily twines a pigtail around her finger, scuffing at the floor as I approach her.
“Hey, Lily-bug. I’m happy to see you.”
Brown eyes dart to mine. “Was that your family?”
“Yeah, that was Rosie and Connor. Do you want to meet them?”
She lifts a shoulder. “I don’t want to bother them.”
“You wouldn’t be bothering them.”
“It’s okay. I’ll just stay here.”
I frown. “You’re not gonna skate?”
“I don’t know how.”
“Well, I’ll teach you.” I hold my hand out to her. “C’mon. Let’s go find a pair of skates that fit those teensy feet of yours.”
“Will you promise not to let go of my hand? I’m afraid of falling.”
I hold up two fingers in a promise. “I will not let go of your hand unless you ask me to.” You can trust me, Lily.”
Her nose wrinkles, and slowly, she slides her tiny hand into mine. “I trust you, Adam.”
I’m not sure what I’ve done in this life to deserve her trust, but I know I’m never going to do anything to break it.
With a pair of skates on her feet, a helmet on her head, and her hand in mine, we walk through the tunnel and out to the rink.
“ Adam
!” Rosie screams, the biggest smile I’ve ever seen splitting her cheeks as she clings to Olivia and Garrett, gliding along with them. “Look! I’m doing it! I’m skating!”
“ Dada
!” Connor waves from the ice, where he holds onto the little red skating aid, Emmett holding onto it from the other side as Connor takes tiny, quick steps. “Dada, hi! Conn’a pay hockey!”
“Look at you, little trouble! You’re doing it! And Mama too!”
“They’re just learning too?” Lily asks, tugging on my hand. “Like me?”
“Just like you, sweetheart.”
Her chest puffs. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
“That’s my girl,” I whoop, stepping onto the ice.
Lily freezes at the last second, dropping my hand and hugging the boards. “No. Wait. I’m scared.”
I crouch down in front of her. “That’s okay. Sometimes the best things in life are a little scary. We can do them at our own pace. There’s no rush.”
She peeks around me, watching all the kids zipping around the ice, having fun, and then those ginormous brown eyes come to mine. “I think maybe if you held me, that might be okay. Can you do that?”
As if I’d ever be able to say no to her.
I scoop her into my arms, sitting her on my hip, and she clings to my neck as I glide onto the ice.
“Don’t go too fast,” she whispers, and when I do a little spin, she giggles. “This is kinda fun.”
Carter skates up beside us, Ireland in his arms, her outfit complete with her tiny helmet, Daddy
jersey, and the teensiest skates I’ve ever seen while she chomps on a silicone hockey skate teether. “Hey, Lil. Wanna go for a spin with me? I’m way faster than Adam.”
She shakes her head, hugging me tighter. “I want to stay with him. You talk too much.”
“Wow,” Carter mutters as I bark a laugh. “A dagger right through the heart. I don’t talk too much, Ireland, baby, do I?”
“You absolutely do,” Olivia answers as she joins us, holding Rosie’s hand.
“Look at you,” I murmur, pulling Rosie into my free side. “Managed to ditch Garrett, huh?”
“ And
Olivia said it didn’t feel like I was crushing the bones in her hand anymore!”
Olivia laughs. “You’re a much better student than Cara. It took me weeks to teach her.”
“I wasn’t motivated enough,” Cara says, skating in a wobbly circle around us. “Emmett was already obsessed with me. I showed him how I won the award for most tacos eaten in five minutes in university, and he dropped to his knees and begged me to marry him.”
Cara, Olivia, and Carter skate away, and Rosie smiles at Lily.
“Hi, Lily. Adam’s told me so much about you. I’m Rosie.”
Her cheeks flame, and her legs grip my waist tighter as she mumbles, “I like your pink hair.”
“Thank you. It was my mom’s favorite color.”
“Is your mama in heaven?”
Rosie’s eyes flicker. “She is.”
“Mine too.”
She hesitates, then tentatively reaches forward, squeezing her arm. “You must miss her very much.”
“I miss her butterfly kisses the most,” Lily whispers. She taps her nose. “She gave me them right here whenever I was sad or scared.”
A small smile hooks the corner of Rosie’s mouth. “My mom used to give me those too.”
Lily’s face lights. “Really? So you know how to give ’em?”
“I do.”
“Maybe if you give me one, then I won’t be scared to skate.” She looks between us, excitement bubbling, then dying just as fast as she shrinks into herself. “Unless you don’t want to. You don’t have to. Maybe I should sit on the bench.”
Rosie steps forward on two wobbly feet, taking Lily’s face in her hands. My heart thumps a heavy, unsteady beat as I watch her press featherlight kisses along the bridge of Lily’s crinkling nose, watch that little girl’s smile burst like sunshine.
“I think I could try skating now. I feel kinda brave right now.”
When I set her on her feet, she slips a hand each into mine and Rosie’s, and Rosie’s eyes come to mine.
The way they dance says it all: she’s in love, which is pretty much exactly what I figured would happen when these two met.
After all, it’s been the same for me since that first time Lily slid over on the couch, asked me to read to her.
“I tried taking steps at first too,” Rosie says as Lily clomps between us. “But Olivia told me to try to keep my feet on the ice and wiggle my bum and hips a little bit.”
“Like this?” Lily shimmies her hips, looking up at Rosie as we slowly glide forward.
“Just like that.”
“I’m doing it,” she whispers. “I’m really doing it! Look at me!”
“You’re doing so great, Lily-bug.” I smile at Rosie. “You both are.”
“ Dada