Chapter 33 Audrey #2
Rhett clears his throat, and I dramatically shake my head. “Don’t even worry about it. The thing is, you’re not entirely wrong about the people in that building…” I take another sip of wine, desperately needing a refill. “I actually moved out of there recently.”
“Oh!” Renee gestures her fork between Rhett and I. “Are you two moving in together?”
Again, I vigorously shook my head.
“Oh no! No. I moved in with my best friend. I’m still downtown.”
“Okay, well this has been a lovely family dinner, huh?” Rhett jabs through tight lips to his mom and sister. Though I could already tell this wasn’t the type of family to hold grudges.
It was a dynamic I only saw in other families, or TV shows, really. I never got this close of a look at it. I felt like a fly on the wall in a place I desperately wanted to belong but wouldn’t even know how to begin.
“I don’t care how you met, or where you lived, or where you’re from. I’m just really happy you two met when you did.” His mom’s eyes were full of kindness, her gaze putting me at ease.
“Thank you, Renee.”
Those were words I knew would never come out of my own mother’s mouth to Rhett. She would absolutely care where he was from, would faint at the idea of eating a potluck style dinner, and would never make him feel welcome.
The girls got up to play, and Desi helped her mom take the dishes inside. As I stood, Rhett turned towards me, wrapping his arms around me, my back pressed into his chest.
“I owe you,” he whispers into my ear, kissing my temple, and I close my eyes, squeezing back the tears.
Thinking about how he welcomed me into this.
This beautiful family, who made meals out of love, who cared about each other’s happiness, and at the smallest hint of uncomfortableness accidentally directed towards me, he felt like he owes me.
I kept my body facing away from him, so he couldn’t see the hurt weighing in my eyes. I could never repay him with the same kindness. All I had to offer was myself and even that came with no promises.
Rhett was right. There was nothing to worry about.
His family welcomed me with open arms. His nieces acted like they already knew me, taking me by the hand to show me their hiding spot in the yard.
The dogs circled me, bringing me sticks like we were best friends.
Renee made me feel like I was a prized guest, and Rhett kept asking me if I needed anything, refilling my drink when it was low, like his sole job this evening was to make sure I was okay.
At the end of the night, I unclasp the gold chain from around my neck and place it on the dresser. As I do, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and gently touch my collarbone.
It was so easy to be here. It was frighteningly easy.
I never knew anything to be this easy. Being with Jackson wasn’t easy, being my parent’s daughter wasn’t easy.
Showing up and doing a job that paid me but didn’t bring me joy wasn’t easy.
I was taught life wasn’t supposed to be easy.
I was supposed to challenge myself. Push for more, strive for perfection, work for my relationships; like they were businesses, not acts of the heart.
But being here, wearing an oversized shirt of Rhett’s, hair up in a messy bun, messy dog at my feet, heart full of honest conversation, family surrounding me…even if it wasn’t my family, that felt easy.
Tears clouded my eyes as I pulled onto the highway early the next morning on my way to work. It was becoming increasingly hard to live this life where I was two different people who didn’t know how to exist in the same world.
Jolting me from the thought, my phone rings and I pick it up, assuming its Ed’s assistant calling me at 8 a.m. on a Monday morning. But I should’ve looked at the name.
“Good morning, Audrey.”
“Hey, Dad...” I replied cautiously, glancing in my rearview mirror as if he might pop up behind me.
“Are you on the way to the office?”
“Yes, I am driving in this morning.” I omit the part about leaving from my secret boyfriend’s house.
“I’m calling to congratulate you on the promotion,” he states, my mouth falling open as I rack my brain. I am certain I didn’t tell him about the promotion. Outside of work, only Penny knew...I was careful about it.
“I talked to Ed yesterday,” he adds and my mouth shuts, my fingers digging into the steering wheel.
Can anything just belong to me?
“I was going to tell you and Mom myself later this week, but I guess he beat me to it,” I lied. I wasn’t planning on telling them until it actually happened, not needing their opinion on everything, but that little bubble of hope burst.
“Ed figured we knew. Most people would call their parents to let them know good news like that.” It wouldn’t be polite to point out we aren’t most people.
He clears his throat uncomfortably. “Either way, your mother and I are proud of you. You should’ve gotten this promotion a year ago, but that’s neither here nor there. It’s done and that’s what’s important.”
My tires skid as I hit my brakes, swerving around the car in front of me. Did I just black out or did Samuel Elson say he was proud of me? That my mother and him were proud of me? I must still be sleeping. If not, this would be the third time in my life I’ve heard that from his mouth.
“Oh…thank you,” I stutter.
“It’s way overdue that you return to New York. It suits you better. You’re an Elson after all,” he laughs but I can’t find the humor in his sentiments.
“You’re not still upset I won’t be marrying a Tippins?” I bite my tongue as soon as the words come out, wishing I could suck them back in.
“No, I’m not mad. Sometimes space is necessary.
” He pauses, and I hear a knock at a door, assuming he is in his office.
I don’t think space is the right phrase because I don’t ever plan to see or talk to Jackson again.
But my father didn’t see it that way. He never burnt bridges, even with people he highly disrespected, because his philosophy was that you never know when you need to use someone in the future. I didn’t agree. Burn the damn bridge.
“We are excited for this future of yours, Audrey, let me make that clear.”
In translation he is saying: We are happy you’ll be back in proximity, back in our control, back where you belong with us, with people like us.
His obsession with Jackson disappeared so quickly it felt like whiplash, but then again, I didn’t try to understand the emotional workings of my father.
If they did continue their business together, he hasn’t indicated it, and I didn’t want to open that discussion up.
“Okay, I have to run,” he added quickly, barely giving me a chance to reply before he hung up.
I drive the rest of the way in utterly confused silence.
They are proud of me for the person I’m not sure I am anymore. Or ever truly was.