Chapter 3
IVY
E ver been jolted awake by a blender crushing frozen fruit ten feet from where you’re sleeping? 0/10. Do not recommend. After a fitful night of sleep on Zoe’s couch rethinking every decision I’ve ever made, I’m woken up with a jolt by my best friend making a smoothie at the ass crack of dawn.
“Zo! What the hell?”
“Sorry!” she screams over the noise.
I clutch a pillow over my head and wait for her to silence the jet engine crashing through the kitchen.
“Okay, Okay! I’m sorry, Iv. I’m done!”
“You’re good. But Jesus, what are you blending that needs that much power?”
“Uhm. A lot of stuff. You probably don’t want to know what I put in these things. Better to just drink it up and know it’ll make your body happy, especially after drowning ourselves in tequila last night.”
She fills a smoothie bowl, places sliced bananas on top, and sprinkles it with some seeds. My best friend, a walking contradiction. Has no problem drowning herself in alcohol, but god forbid she misses her morning garden smoothie.
She calls it balance.
I call it insanity.
“It’s green, Zo. And surprisingly thick. I’ll stick to coffee. You have at it.”
“Soooo. What are your plans for the day?” she asks.
“Well, I need to face the rat bastard at some point. Gotta pack up all my clothes and things from the apartment. It should be quick, it’s not like I have a lot of personal items anyway. Just my clothes, toiletries, and a few essentials. Everything else is his, Zo.”
Groaning, I drop my head into my hands and take a few deep breaths, refusing to cry. I know better than to tangle my life up with someone so tightly. When I was eighteen, my mom drilled it in to me to never be so consumed with a man that I lost myself to him. She made me promise to never give up myself so wholly that I would be reduced to nothing in the wake of his inevitable betrayal.
So to sit here now, knowing that I know better? It’s crushing. I failed myself and my mom and I’ll be damned if it ever happens again. I have to stay strong. It’s my only option.
I met Brooks a year ago when I applied to be a chef at his family’s restaurant. He came on strong and I was swept up in the whirlwind of his pomp and circumstance. He was ridiculously handsome, with styled blond hair and an athletic build. But what I was drawn to the most? He was into me without suffocating me. He chased me just enough that I knew I was wanted, but not so much that I felt I needed to run away. In hindsight, I see that his lack of giving a damn about my whereabouts most likely means that he’s been sticking his dick in a lot more than the bikini barista I caught him with. The coffee sours in my stomach at the thought. Thank the gods above I always made that weasel wrap it up.
“You’ve got this, babe. Remember how strong you are. Don’t take any shit.”
“Love you bad, my ZoZo.”
I shower and get dressed in some clothes I borrowed from Zoe’s closet; a cute cream sweater that hangs off of one shoulder, and a pair of high-waisted leggings. I pull on my booties from last night and glance at myself in the mirror, trying to manifest the bravado I need to face the day. I’ve got this.
Brooks’ apartment building sits in one of the premier areas of Seattle. It has views of the city and water and screams luxury with its sleek modern design and furnishings. It also screams Mommy and Daddy’s money. I use my keycard to access the elevator and my skin starts to itch as it slowly rises upward to his floor. Wringing my hands in front of me, I take a deep steadying breath, doing my best to calm the panic clawing its way up my chest before opening the apartment door as quietly as I can. As much as I need to face Brooks and collect my personal things, I really don’t need any more visions of him rutting sloppily into another random partner.
“Ivy? Is that you?”
Is he for real right now? Who else could it be, dumbass?
I walk into the open living room as Brooks leaves the bedroom in a pair of dress pants, barefoot, electric razor in hand. God forbid he’s anything but perfectly clean-shaven. Bile rises up in my throat at the thought of his smooth skin on mine. What did I ever see in him?
Maybe it’s the September Virgo in me, but when I’m done with someone, especially if they do me wrong, I am completely done.
Queen of Detachment.
Goddess of Dissociation.
Empress of Indifference.
All emotions are gone and I feel nothing at all. My withdrawal game is so strong it’s like he never existed at all.
“I knew you’d come back to me, darling.”
Darling? I hold back a dry heave. He starts to approach, and I put a hand out to stop him from coming any closer.
“Nope. Fuck nope, Brooks. I’m here to get my things. That’s it.”
“You can’t be serious, Ivy. Don’t be a bitch about this. We’re going to work through it.”
“Don’t be a bitch about what exactly? The fact that I walked in on you fucking someone else? How long have you been sticking it in other people? You know what? Never mind. I don’t want to know.”
But his face confirms everything I already assumed. I thought I had decent people-reading skills, but damn if I didn’t miss some red flags on this one.
“Just let me get my things, Brooks, and I’ll be out of your way.”
I move farther into the apartment and collect two duffel bags from the storage closet before heading into the master bedroom, my boots clicking hard on the wood floors. Brooks watches me the entire time, making my skin crawl. His eyes wander all over my body and a smirk spreads across his smug face.
I rip open the drawers of our shared dresser and shove my panties and bras into the bag, making sure to grab my vibrator that’s hidden under it all, before moving into the walk-in closet to collect the rest of my clothes. I pull everything off the hangers, not particularly caring how I’m packing, just making sure I get it all so there’s no need to ever step foot here again.
I return to the bedroom where Brooks is sitting on the edge of the king-sized bed with his hands pressed in front of him. Ignoring him, I scoot into the bathroom when I hear his steps follow. A shiver runs down my spine as he walks up behind me and places a hand at my hip and his other on my exposed shoulder. I shrug him off, but with him behind me, I’m squashed against the bathroom counter. He pushes his hard dick into my ass, forcing the marble edge of the counter to dig into my hips. My heart rate starts to pick up as fear and panic start to take over. I close my eyes for a split second and take a deep breath to hold on to the control.
“Don’t fucking touch me, Brooks. Give me some space to pack.”
“You love it and you know it. Don’t make this difficult. We’re going to work through this and move on. You’re fucking mine . We work because we give each other space. But you know who you belong to at the end of the day. I may fuck other people from time to time, but you’re who I want to be with. We can have makeup sex and everything can go back to how it was before. Don’t pretend like you don’t love when I fuck you.”
Whipping around to face this arrogant asshole, I give his chest a push to put some space between us. Call it courage, fear, or stupidity, I can’t take any more of this.
“Do I love it, though? Do I? Aaaah. Ohhh, Brooks! Yes! Yes! Aah,” I moan, and I watch as his face transforms from blissful, cocky arrogance to pure anger. “Sound familiar, dickwad? You never got me off. And I mean never . Not once. I waited for you to go into the bathroom and made myself come.
Every.
Single.
Time.
And the bikini barista you were shagging? She was faking it too. She looked bored, you dumbass. As far as the other shit you spewed? I’m not even going to dignify it with a response. Now get out of my way so I can pack the rest of my things and leave you in Mommy and Daddy’s apartment to do whatever the fuck it is you want to do.”
I toss everything in my bag and rush out of the bathroom.
“You stupid bitch! You’re not leaving me!” he yells.
“Yep, you’ve said that already. Fuck off, Brooks.”
“You think you can just leave me, Ivy? Where ya going to go, huh? Zoe’s couch? You think you can do better than me? No one’s going to love you. You’re a closed-off fucking ice queen. Why do you think I was fucking other people? You’re just something pretty to keep and have on my arm. You fit a fucking check box. That’s all. You aren’t fucking leaving me, Ivy.”
He managed to hit a nerve after all. A deep one. I’ll be damned if I end up like my fucking mother.
While I’m frozen in place, he takes the opportunity to approach, grabbing my face and kissing me hard. He holds me firmly between his hands and forces his tongue past my lips and into my mouth. The smell and taste of old coffee mixed with the smooth skin of his mouth pulls the dry heave I was holding back up my throat, and a nasty-sounding gag comes from deep within me. He jerks his face back in fear of being puked on, and I use that free moment to drop my bag and grab both of his shoulders. I bring my knee up between his legs as hard as I can, relishing in the feel of his balls being crushed between his body and my knee. I’ve always wanted to do that, and as the pain contorts his face, he yells.
“Damnit! Ivy, you bitch!” He releases me and immediately drops to the floor, clutching his crotch.
I shake my hands at my sides, quickly stepping away from him.
“This isn’t over, Ivy!” he yells through his agony, his face crimson, eyebrows knitted together in pain. While I want to forget him entirely, I hope I remember the look on his face for eternity.
I grab my bags and hustle out of the apartment, letting the door slam behind me. Once I get to my jeep, I throw everything in and settle into my seat.
“Goddamn it to fucking hell!” I scream. “This will not break me. You will not break, Ivy. You can handle anything,” I repeat to myself.
I pull out my phone to text Zoe and update her while my body comes down from the shitstorm that just went down.
Me: I’m omw back. It’s over.
Zoe: How’d it go?
Me: Nightmare. He came on to me, forced a kiss on me and got my knee to his ball sack.
Me: Dropped like a sack of potatoes and let out a cry like a tiny child. It was glorious.
Zoe: Holy shit you’re a goddess. I wish I could have seen it.
Me: I’m glad it’s over. We’ll talk later.
I take a few moments to steady my breathing and recenter myself. I’ve never seen him behave like that. He was aggressive, pushy, and demanding. Was I blind? I throw my busted-up jeep into drive, hightailing it out of the parking garage, and drive back to Zoe’s. My phone goes off a few times, but I wait until I get into her house before digging it back out of my purse.
Plopping down on Zoe’s couch, I pull a pillow into my chest, hugging it.
I have a missed text from Zoe telling me she loves me, six from Brooks, and one from Brooks’ mother. I open up his texts first to see what angry garbage he’s decided to throw my way.
Brooks: This isn’t over Ivy. You’re mine and you can’t leave me. I won’t let you.
Brooks: Everything I’ve done has been to make sure you’re mine. How do you think you ended up moving in with me so quickly?
My stomach cartwheeled at that one. Did he have something to do with us getting evicted? There’s no way.
Brooks: You can have tonight but then I expect you home. You have no one and nowhere to go. You need me. See what happens when you mess with me Ivy.
The rest is more of the same and gives me a terrifying glimpse into the life I could have had with him if I hadn’t caught him cheating. How did I miss so much? I open his mom’s text next and my heart sinks into my stomach. While I didn’t expect to keep my job, I didn’t imagine it would end this way.
Tina: Ivy, we are disappointed to hear that you and Brooks are no longer together but given the circumstances, we understand why he ended things and support his decision. Due to your indiscretions, we have deemed you untrustworthy and no longer a good fit for our restaurant. Your employment with us is terminated effective immediately.
Well, isn’t that just fucking lovely. Psycho ex-boyfriend, homeless, and unemployed. I clasp my hands together so tightly my nails leave half-moon imprints and I struggle to catch my breath. I close my eyes and inhale deeply, filling my lungs and holding it.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five.
I release and count to five again before repeating the process until I feel my heart rate slow and the pain in my chest subside.
Fuck.
This will not break me.
Will it?