Chapter 25
IVY
I sit down on Sawyer’s couch while I wait for the lasagna to finish baking and pull out my phone to check in with Zoe. Ever since Brooks showed up at her house, I’ve been checking in with her daily, not that she’d have it any other way. So far he hasn’t reappeared, and although he’s still trying to contact me, I’m doing my best to brush it off. There’s no way he felt strongly enough to chase me all the way to Aspen Ridge.
Me: How’s Seattle and the finance world?
She answers immediately.
Zo: Not the same without you. Ugh. Annoying AF honestly. People continue to surprise me with their stupidity.
Me: LOL Still nothing from Brooks right?
Zo: Nope. Haven’t seen him. He still texting you?
Me: Yeah. Was not expecting all this. It’ll fade.
Zo: You still planning on coming back here after all this?
Me: I don’t know anymore. I’m so confused.
Me: It’s too much for text but it's like I’ve been in this haze and being back here, especially being with him, the fog cleared. Does that even make sense?
Zo: It does babe. You gotta do what’s best for you. Am I gonna miss the hell out of you if you stay? Duh. But it’s not like we won’t visit. If he’s home to you, you gotta make that decision. I support you no matter what you do. But sell that fucking house so you can be done with your parents baggage. Yeah?
Me: I love you, hussy, you know that?
Zo: Yeah yeah. Call me when you get space to talk and not text. Ily
I swipe away the notifications from Brooks and power down my phone, really not wanting to work Sawyer up if he sees them.
The timer on the stove goes off so I walk back into my dream kitchen and pull out the lasagna to let it cool while I toss the salad together and drizzle it with my homemade house dressing.
“It really smells amazing, Iv. Thank you for cooking,” he says sweetly as he kisses my cheek from behind. “Anything I can do to help you?”
“Thank you for letting me use your kitchen, I’m nervous for you to try it, but excited at the same time. Grab the plates?”
“Whatever is mine is yours, baby. Make yourself at home.” He smacks my ass as he reaches for two plates and pulls out silverware. I plate the food and we sit together at the table to eat. It’s easy and comfortable.
“Ivy, holy shit. I mean, I assumed you could cook, but this. Wow.”
I watch as Sawyer takes another large mouth full of lasagna. I love watching people eat. There’s something so fulfilling and wholly satisfying about preparing a meal and watching others enjoy it.
“Thank you. I enjoyed making it.”
“How was going to the store? I wasn’t sure if you would go out or not.”
“Well, I’ll keep to myself just how long it took me to find the courage to get my ass out the door, but it wasn’t that bad. Granted, I wore a hat, kept my head down, and used the self-checkout option. I hustled, in and out.”
“So no public stoning then?”
“Sorry to report. I did not get stoned.”
“No shame-walk through the town square?”
I laugh at this one.
“They did not Cersei my ass, no.”
“Well,” he says with a mouth full of food, “there’s always tomorrow.”
“I suppose there is. Speaking of . . .”
He looks up from his plate and meets my eyes. I love how he always gives me his full, undivided attention. He’s always looked at me like I was the only thing in the room. It’s a heady feeling, and I’m not going to lie, I missed it.
“I got a lot of plans ironed out today. Someone is meeting me at my parents’ house tomorrow to do a full appraisal of everything in it. Once I have that information, we’ll have the estate sale. I also contacted the realtor and put the house up for sale. We agreed on a quick sale price so I can hopefully get it sold. Not sure how many people are looking to buy a fixer-upper in Aspen Ridge, Washington, but we’ll see.”
I watch as Sawyer swallows his last bite. His jaw working and Adam’s apple bobbing. He rests his fork down on his plate before meeting my eyes again.
“That’s great progress. You were busy today. I think the house has great bones and you won’t have trouble selling it. So many people are looking for fixer-uppers.”
I hoped he would say that. I really need the place to sell.
I clear the plates and set them in the sink before pulling a couple of ramekins from the refrigerator and dusting the tops of the custard with a thin layer of sugar. I pull out my new kitchen torch to burn the tops until they’re a deep amber color and nice and bubbly.
“I hope you saved room for dessert.” I pick up the ramekins and two spoons and return to the table, placing one in front of Sawyer.
“You made these?”
I laugh at him. “I’m a trained chef, Sawyer, yes I made crème br?lée. It’s my favorite so I hope you like it.” I watch as he uses his spoon to dig in, breaking the crisp topping and pulling out some of the custard with it. I keep my hands in my lap and study him, watching for his reaction. He pulls the spoon from his mouth slowly, a smile creeping over his face.
“You like it?”
“Ivy. This is incredible. You’re really something, baby. I’m proud of you. It’s delicious.”
Pride fills my chest and I take a deep breath before digging into my own.
I could get used to this. Cooking meals for us, sharing space. This is what I imagined my life would be like. This is what happiness feels like.
I wake up with Sawyer’s warm body wrapped around me, his leg pushed between both of mine, and his arm curled around my waist. The sun is peeking through the windows, casting the room in an orange glow. Peace settles into my bones as I snuggle myself closer into his warm embrace.
“Someday I won’t need to sneak into your bedroom like a criminal,” Sawyer says as he slides into my bed behind me, pulling me close.
I grab his arm that’s now wrapped tightly around my body and hold him close to me. I take a deep breath of his scent, and peace and calm fill every one of my senses. My heart finding its natural rhythm in sync with his.
“Someday we’re going to have our own place and we’ll wake up just like this. I can’t wait to have you to myself.”
“You promise? Because I can’t live without this feeling, Sawyer.”
“I promise, butterfly. I’ll take care of you.”
“I love you, Sawyer.”
“I’ll love you forever, Ivy.”
I roll to my side, tossing my leg over his hip and resting my head on his thick bicep as I run my fingers aimlessly through the small patch of hair on his chest.
I wake him up slowly, arching my back and grinding on his already hard dick. He feels so good, his cock rubbing back and forth right where I need him, only thin pieces of fabric separating us. His hand comes around then, running up my thigh until it’s flat on my ass. He hikes me up a little higher and pulls me closer to him, the new position allowing him to hit my clit perfectly. I moan into his neck, moving my hips back and forth, chasing my orgasm that’s just out of reach.
“Sawyer, I need more.”
“I got you, baby. Shh.”
He moves his hand between us, pushing down the front of my panties until his fingers slide easily through my slick folds. He pushes a finger deep inside me and pumps twice before pulling out and up to my clit.
“Fuck. You’re drenched. I love how wet you get for me. I can’t wait to be inside you again. Feel you around me. So tight. So warm. You feel like home, baby.”
“Aah!” I moan. His sweet but filthy words speak right to my heart and pussy simultaneously.
He circles my swollen nub, his fingers moving easily with how wet I am, until my legs begin to shake, my orgasm building.
“You’re close, baby. Come for me. Let me feel you.”
My orgasm barrels through me, sending pleasure throughout my entire body. My legs shake, my toes curl, and my nails dig into Sawyer’s back, leaving crescent-shaped marks on his skin.
Sawyer continues to rut, his hips moving in frantic motions, rubbing against my body until he jerks against my core, saying my name on a deep moan as he fills his briefs once again with his spend. The sound of him coming makes me even wetter. And even after just finishing, I want more of him.
I want all of him.
“Careful, Ivy. I could get used to waking up like this.”
He’s not wrong. Especially because I can’t imagine not having this now that I’ve had it again.
Sawyer drops me off at my parents’ house with barely a minute to spare before the appraiser gets here. Not wanting to go in, I wait outside for him, taking a seat in one of the Adirondack chairs left on the front porch when Reid walks across the large lawns and gravel driveway.
“Did you get permission to be here?” I ask him. His gigantic form takes up almost the entirety of the opening to the porch.
“There’s that sass.”
I roll my eyes at him. This is the first time I’ve seen him since that evening at Sawyer’s house. I wasn’t sure how it would go, and the awkwardness flowing between us right now leaves something to be desired.
“I just want you to know that I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to cause you any pain, but Sawyer is my best friend, the brother I never had. I should have told you, but I didn’t want to spook you.”
I get it, and if the tables were turned and it was Zoe, I would have done the exact same thing.
“Honestly, you did me a favor.”
His eyes shoot up from the ground to meet mine.
“I did?”
“Yeah, I mean, don’t get too excited, it sucked. But it forced me to work through a lot of personal shit.”
“And you and Sawyer?”
“You haven’t talked?”
“Not much. He’s been a little, uh, preoccupied.”
With me. I really haven’t had the time to pause and think how me coming back has uprooted Sawyer’s life. I’m glad he’s back at work and at least divvying up his focus. The last few days we’ve been in an emotional bubble, hashing everything out and getting reacquainted with each other, in more ways than one.
“Ahh. We had a lot to talk about. He’s the same, you know? It’s like no time was spent apart and all it took was seeing each other again to erase anything that happened over the last ten years. I wasn’t expecting that.”
“Because he waited for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I only met him in college, you had been gone over a year at that point, so I didn’t know him before. But he’s never had a relationship, Ivy.”
I feel like I’ve been smacked across the face. It’s obvious his feelings for me never changed, but to never have had a relationship?
“He had to have slept around, though.”
“I’m not going there, but we’re all human, so don’t be too naive.”
Fair answer. “Still, what was his plan? To live a life of solitude because he couldn’t let me go?”
“Look, when your parents passed away, things got rough for him. He expected you to at least come back for their funeral, and when you didn’t show up for the service, he slept in his car with a view of their plots at the cemetery so he wouldn’t miss you if you came back.”
I drop my head to look at the floor, emotion filling my body, and tears burning behind my eyes. I couldn’t bring myself to return to my parents’ funeral. I couldn’t bear seeing them laid to rest by myself, in a place that I had long abandoned, at least in the physical sense. My mother begged me never to return, and I knew she wouldn’t want me to come back for that. If I hadn’t fled Seattle because of Brooks’ incessant stalking and my life falling apart, I don’t know if I ever would have found the courage to come back at all.
“When you didn’t, he got piss drunk, and then really fucking angry. My dad was staying at the hotel in town. Sawyer walked there and lost his shit, demanding that he tell him where you were. Luckily my dad called me instead of the police. Dallas and I had to force him back home and calm him down. But the crash after? Ivy, he was broken. I don’t know if a man has ever loved a woman the way he loves you. I’m not telling you this to make you feel bad, sweetheart. I’m telling you so that you hopefully understand and stop questioning it.”
A light blue Honda Accord pulls up and parks in front of us, signaling the end of our conversation. I meet with the man I’m hiring to handle the estate sale and I allow him privacy as he goes through and marks everything in the house while Reid’s words play on repeat in my head. How could Sawyer have meant everything he ever said to me all those years ago? He truly never stopped loving me. My mom’s words, once a loud scream in my head, have faded to nothing more than faint whispers that no longer matter.
I love him.
I’ve always loved him.
I couldn’t ever hurt him like that again.
Tonight I plan to show him that.
I return to Sawyer’s house around five-thirty and brew myself a cup of tea before curling up on his couch to wait for him to get home. Anxiety has been plaguing me all afternoon. I want to be with Sawyer, but I’m still terrified of how I’ll be accepted back into town. We haven’t even spoken about his parents yet and I’ve convinced myself that they will have no interest in supporting Sawyer being with me after everything I put him through. When I left Aspen Ridge I didn’t just lose Sawyer, but his entire family, my friends, and the town that I was raised in. His mom, though, holds such a special place in my heart. I hated comparing our moms, but the difference was night and day. While my mom’s depression kept her from completing basic functions, Sawyer’s mom thrived. While my parents showed me exactly what I didn’t want, Sawyer’s showed me everything I did. I loved them all, but her especially. When Sawyer brought me home for the first time, she was the most accepting, most loving woman. I’d really love to be able to keep those memories of her without gambling with the fact that they very well could be tainted once she sees me again.
Sawyer arrives home and struts down the hallway, his button-up shirt rolled up at the sleeves, exposing his veiny forearms, with a tall box in hand. He reaches me and sets it down on the coffee table.
“What’s this?” I ask as he drops a kiss to my forehead.
“A gift. Open it.”
My face scrunches up in curiosity, doing my best to hide my excitement. I don’t remember the last time someone gave me a gift, unless I count the vibrator Zoe gave me on my birthday last year.
I slowly open the white box and fold the tissue paper out revealing a pair of bright red Hunter rain boots. I smile so big my cheeks hurt. I look up at Sawyer as he smiles down at me.
“Time for you to tap back into your roots, city girl.”
“They’re beautiful, Sawyer. Thank you.”
“Get ready, we got plans tonight.”
“We do? Where are we going?”
“Bonfire at Grace Beach.”
My heart sinks to my stomach and I reach for my hands, twisting my fingers between them.
Sawyer sits down next to me, prying my hands apart and holding them in his.
“Baby, you said you trust me. Now breathe.”
I take a deep inhale and hold it, never taking my eyes off of his.
“Good girl. Now, you’re going to grab one of my hoodies, because that’s what I want to see you in. Pull on your new boots, and we’re going to go to your favorite place in the world. Yes, the town will be there. But you will be safe, and if it becomes too much, we leave. No questions asked. It’s going to be fine.”
“Are you prepared for it to not be fine, though, Sawyer? Honestly?”
I watch as he cocks his head to the side and looks at me incredulously.
“Cut the shit, Ivy. We’re moving forward, so let’s move forward. I said it was going to be fine, you say you trust me, so do it.”
My head jerks back at his tone. Sawyer is never harsh with me. I stare at him with my mouth open for a moment before a deep laugh bubbles up and out of me. Now it’s his turn to stare with his mouth hanging open, his eyes widening in surprise over my outburst.
“Care to share what’s so fucking funny, Iv?”
I laugh harder.
“Cut the shit, Ivy,” I say in my best impression of him before laughing harder. I pull my hands from him and wrap them around my stomach as my head falls back in a laugh. It takes all of two seconds for Sawyer to join me in laughing, which makes me laugh harder. He grabs my wrist before hauling me forward into his lap where his hands begin to torturously tickle around my stomach. I push at his hands before tumbling to the floor, bringing him with me. We land on the hardwood with a thud, his hand cushioning my head from bouncing off the ground.
Our laughs settle as he lays on top of me and pushes my hair from my face.
“Fuck, I missed you so goddamn much.”
“You sure about that?”
“Shut up, Ivy,” he says right before he kisses me. It’s short and sweet and absolutely perfect.
I finish getting ready, trying to smooth out my tangled hair and attempt to make myself a little less frazzled before heading out the door with Sawyer. I guess this is my chance to see if staying in Aspen Ridge is an option, even if I’m starting to accept that I don’t know how I’d ever walk away from him again.
Sawyer jumps out of the truck before rounding the hood to get my door and hauling me out of it.
Once I’m on my feet, he crowds my space, caging me in between him and the open door. He lifts his hand to rest a palm on my cheek before combing his fingers through my hair.
“I’ve got you, baby.”
I close my eyes and breathe, my chest rising and falling, rubbing my nipples against his hard chest. He fists his hand in my hair and angles my head to the side before claiming my lips in a deep, bruising kiss. I can’t help the moan that escapes as he kisses me ruthlessly. His free hand grips my hips tightly, fingers moving under my sweatshirt and dancing around the exposed skin.
Fuck, this fire between us. It always burns so fast. He breaks the kiss before I’m ready, and I know why. The lust-filled look in his eyes, his hard length pressing against my abdomen, I know that if we don’t stop now the chances are high that he’ll be fucking me right here against the side of his truck for the whole town to see.
He leans his forehead against mine, our breaths mingling as we work to compose ourselves.
“Fuck, Ivy. I want you so bad.”
“I know. Me too.”
He breaks away from me before grabbing my hand and pulling me toward the beach. His touch keeps me grounded and I welcome it.
The sun has nearly set as we walk up to the beach. At the end of every summer, usually in early to mid-September, the town has a massive bonfire right here, signaling the start of fall. Everyone used to come out for it, there’s music, food tents, drinks, and everyone has a good time. A massive fire burns in the center of the beach, and people are everywhere, standing or sitting on logs or lawn chairs that they brought from home. I used to love coming to this event. It’s where Sawyer and I lost our virginity to each other in the back of that very truck, parked off in the distance, away from everyone else.
“Let’s find my siblings, yeah? We’ll start small.”
“That is not starting small, Sawyer. They’re Chernobyl and I’m the nuclear reactor.”
He grabs my face, forcing me to meet his eyes. “Were you always this difficult? I don’t remember you having such a mouth on you.”
I smile up at him.
“Baby, you said you trusted me, now fucking trust me. Let’s go find my family.”
“Fine. But remember that you brought me here, I’m not responsible if they all flip out on me. Well, I am, but you get what I’m saying,” I ramble.
“Ivy. It’ll be fine. Do you need me to say it ten more times? I can do it now and get it out of the way,” he says as he practically drags me to the spot where some of his siblings are standing.
We approach the group and their conversation immediately halts. Talk about fucking awkward. Fuck my life.
“Hey, fuckers,” Sawyer says, breaking the silence.
“Hey, shithead. Ivy. It’s good to see you, you look good.” Dallas pulls me into an unexpected hug. I hug him back, one-handed, Sawyer refusing to let go of his hold on me as he makes a deep rumbling growl. Suddenly, I’m yanked out of Dallas’ embrace and tucked tightly under Sawyer’s arm.
“Thanks,” I say sheepishly, a little shocked. “It’s good to see you, Dallas.”
You’d never guess that he and Sawyer are twins. They couldn’t be more different from one another. Dallas has aged much like Sawyer has. He’s wearing a henley with the buttons undone, exposing his neck and a thin gold chain. His right arm is covered in a half sleeve of tattoos. His facial hair is trimmed close, slightly shorter than how Sawyer keeps his.
I look to Liam, who has probably changed the most. He’s the largest out of all of them, and that’s saying something since Sawyer and Dallas are both six feet tall. He’s bigger in both height and width, and really grew into a gorgeous man. They all clearly work out, each of them so physically fit that it’s painful to be around so much masculine beauty at the same time.
What were the Hayes drinking when they procreated?
“Hi, Liam.”
“Hey you. You doing okay?”
Taken aback by his question, I look up at Sawyer before meeting Liam’s face again.
“I’m getting there. Thanks for asking. How are you? I saw Hannah the other day. Her little girl is so cute.”
“She’s somethin’ huh? Everyone’s pretty obsessed with her.”
“I can see why. Her sweet smile is infectious. I can’t wait to be a Mama someday.” The words escaped me before I had a chance to filter myself. Sawyer nuzzles into my hair before making a deep, rumbling sound that only I can hear.
Fuck. Did that turn him on?
I lift my shoulder to push his head away a bit, reminding him that we’re in public. He stands to his full height, but not before giving my neck a little bite.
I stay nestled into Sawyer’s side as I catch up with two of his brothers. The conversation is easy and some of the tension I was holding is released. Sawyer rubs my arm, providing me with comfort that he knows I need. I breathe in the crisp, salty air and it’s so difficult to not feel at home.