Chapter Nine
Layla
Once Kellan stepped around the curtain, all my bravado over the situation left the building.
I was not handling this like a boss. My heart threatened to beat through my chest while a lump formed in my throat.
God, he was handsome. He was wearing jeans, and his Henley top accented his muscled arms and chest.
His expression was shocked when he took in the picture I made in a pre-op bed.
“Hi,” he whispered, seemingly at a loss for any other words.
“Hi.”
He walked over to the side of the bed and glanced around, taking in the hospital setup and the IV to which I was hooked up. “I guess we can rule out you being the next bachelorette, huh?”
A giggle bubbled up at his unexpected humor. “You could say that.”
“I don’t suppose you’re simply having a bone spur removed. Or maybe laser hair removal. I hear that’s all the rage?”
Only he could find a way to make me laugh at a time like this.
“No. Afraid not.” I needed to rip off the Band-Aid, so I went for it.
“I have stage IIB, triple negative, node positive breast cancer. In layman’s terms, that means it’s a cancer that’s treatable but aggressive.
So, they’re removing your favorite body parts and my best assets in about an hour in a double mastectomy.
In a week’s time, I’ll start chemo. Radiation will follow.
If all that goes smoothly, reconstructive surgery can be done, but that’s probably six to nine months away. ”
I waited while he absorbed my words. He moved closer, taking my hand in his. The texture of his rough, warm skin sent tingles through my body. “I take it this was the wake-up call you spoke about?”
It actually felt good to have the truth out there. “This was the one. Told you it would ruin the mood.”
He didn’t speak for a moment and then murmured, “You’re wrong, you know.”
My brow arched up. “I’m wrong about what?”
“My favorite body part. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but the truth?”
My mother’s voice cut through the moment. It was getting closer, but I overheard my brother telling her to give me another minute. Naturally, she was ignoring him.
“Tell me.”
He turned to see my parents coming in but leaned down to my ear to whisper, “I’m much more of an ass man. And you have the best one I’ve ever seen.”
My grin was the stupid, silly kind. So much so that my mother didn’t even irritate me with her intrusion.
“Who is this?”
Kellan squeezed my hand while giving my mother a dazzling smile. “Mrs. Olson, I doubt you remember me, but I went to college with Russ. I’m Kellan. Kellan McNeal. You had me over for dinner on a few occasions back then.”
My mother glanced between us, the wheels in her mind clearly turning frantically. “I—yes. Kellan. Nice to see you again. What is it you’re doing here exactly?”
“I’m here to see Layla, of course. Don’t mean to intrude on family time, but I wanted to ensure I got to see her before the surgery.”
I could tell she wanted to ask a million questions, but surprisingly, she held her tongue.
“Mom, Dad, Russ, can you give me a few minutes with Kellan, please?” I asked.
My mother opened her mouth to protest my request, but Russ, bless him, took her arm. “Come on, Mom, Dad. Let’s get some coffee and then we’ll come back.”
“But I need to be sure I see her right before she goes in.”
“I promise I won’t go into surgery before saying goodbye, okay?”
She sniffed. “Fine. But I want to speak with your surgeon. I have some questions.”
Of course she did. As much as I wanted to roll my eyes, I had to remember she was anxious and nervous because she loved me. “I’ll tell him.”
“Okay. We’ll be back. Again.”
As soon as they left, I let out a long breath of relief and my gaze met Kellan’s. “I appreciate you coming by, but—”
He cut me off. “No. This wasn’t just to come by and say, hey, sorry about the breast cancer. Take care now.”
“Then what is it?”
He gripped the back of his neck, seemingly struggling with his next words.
I decided to let him off the hook. “Never mind. I know this news took you off guard. You don’t need to answer that.”
He sighed. “I’m processing. It’ll sound screwed up if I say I’m glad you’re not leaving town for a year because it would imply I’m happy about you being in this hospital bed. Which I’m not.”
But this was a scenario neither of us would’ve preferred. By “processing,” I figured he was realizing that dating me wouldn’t work.
“At least with you staying in town, we have the chance to still see one another.”
I was already shaking my head. “No. You don’t understand.”
“Then tell me.”
“This thing between us was my last hurrah before the reality came crashing down.”
“That would imply the chemistry—the laughter and fun I had with you—wasn’t real.”
“It was, but they can’t last.”
“I realize you have a fight ahead of you, one I’m only starting to understand, but let me be part of it at least. Let me be on your side.”
“You can’t know what this will be like.” The level of commitment it would take. “To be fair, neither do I. After today, I might need some space. I need to process all this, too.”
He held my hand up to his face, kissing the inside of my wrist in an intimate gesture. “How about I’ll give you as much space as you need? Just don’t shut me out completely. We’ll email and text. Figure it out as we go.”
My head was telling me no while my heart was ready to throw a mutiny. Hope was becoming a terrible, four-letter word. But all he was asking for were emails and texts. I could do that.
“Are you okay with me staying while you’re in surgery? I’d like to see you when you wake up. Then I’ll give you your space.”
“You must be insane if you’re voluntarily spending the next three hours with my mother in the waiting room.”
“I did tell you, green is my favorite color. I’d like to see it in your eyes when you wake up.”
I sighed at the memory of yesterday. It already felt a lifetime away.
“And aside from wanting to assure you’re okay, I owe Russ. If I stay, then I can be here for him. Hopefully, you’re not too angry with him.”
“I’d forgotten why I would be by now. Do you mean what you said?” I didn’t want him to be disappointed if he didn’t hear from me for a while. I might need some time without him to deal with the aftermath of my mastectomy.
“That I’m an ass man? Absolutely. I probably should’ve been honest, but you were adamant about the girls getting all of the attention.”
Although he was joking, I could tell it was a cover for the concern I saw reflected on his face and in his furrowed brow.
“I meant about being okay with only texts or emails after I’m released.
I may need some time.” I’d never been the girl who could fake it.
If I was in a lousy mood, I typically caused collateral damage.
“Yes. I’m very serious.”
When the nurse came in, I knew time was running short.
It seemed to dawn on Kellan as well. “I suppose I should get your family.”
The nurse with the kind face said, “I’ll send them back. You two get your last minute together.”
He didn’t hesitate, going in for the kiss the moment she turned her back.
“I haven’t eaten or drunk anything. My breath—”
“I don’t care,” he whispered before taking my lips in a kiss so unbelievably sweet, it made my heart ache. His tongue invaded my mouth, making my toes curl and desire bloom. Good Lord, the man knew how to kiss. He pulled away regretfully as we heard voices approach.
“Rain check for a better one next time.”
“Any better, and we’d be kicked out for pre-surgical indecency.”
He chuckled before stealing one last kiss, this one on my forehead. He was still holding my hand when my family came back in.
Although she looked curious, my mother managed not to ask questions. I wondered if Russ had told her not to. Either way, I was grateful.
But she started getting emotional when the surgeon came in. As was typical for her, she immediately hijacked his attention. “I keep telling her it’s not good to recover without her family helping.”
Dr. Gupta, my surgeon, gave her a reassuring smile. “You must be Layla’s mother. I’m Dr. Gupta, your daughter’s surgeon.”
She extended her hand to shake his. “Sorry, it was rude not to introduce myself. I’m Marie. This is Layla’s father, Henry, and her brother, Russ, and Kellan is here, too. I’m very worried about her after-care. I’m retired from forty years in the field of marketing—”
This. This is what my mom did. Turned the conversation toward herself. Luckily, Dr. Gupta was a patient man, waiting until she finished.
“—and I have the time to take care of her.”
“Mrs. Olson, I can assure you the after-care assistant Layla has chosen is highly trained. In fact, we find most patients prefer to have a nurse help them with the post-op care.”
There was a definite fruit basket in Dr. Gupta’s future. Without any fuss, he’d effectively shut down my mother’s complaint she wouldn’t be the one to help me once I was discharged.
“Please call me Marie. I feel helpless, that’s all.” Her watery eyes hit mine, and I had to bite my lip. Although my mother could drive me nuts, I knew without a doubt she loved me. Plus, she wasn’t the only one feeling helpless.
“I’ll rely on your text messages,” I offered, trying to compromise between my desire for solitude and her desire to s-mother me.
“And visits. I’ll be visiting. You can’t tell me I can’t visit my only daughter.”
“Right. So, Dr. Gupta. Are we all set?”
“Yes. Surgery should be a little over two hours. Then we’ll wake you up gently in post-op and inform your family they can come in to see you. After that, you’ll be moved up to a room for the few nights.”
“You’re still having to take both breasts, but saving the nipples, correct?” My mother’s inquiry caused everyone to sigh and Kellan to squeeze my hand, as if to say, “I get it now.”
“Yes. I’ve spoken about the procedure at length with your daughter. Any questions, Layla?”
I appreciated that he directed the query to me. Luckily, I’d already discussed everything in our pre-surgical visit. “No questions.”
“But I have plenty. The way this surgery is performed can have a drastic effect on what a plastic surgeon can or can’t do,” my mother piped up. Of course, she would be most worried about how things would “look” after surgery.
I was glad when my father addressed her. “Layla gave us all the information, both online and in those print-outs. Dr. Gupta needs to go get ready for the surgery.”
She set her lips in a line which made it obvious she wasn’t happy about it. But she stowed the rest of her comments. “Fine.”
I think everyone let out a breath of relief. But as soon as Dr. Gupta said his next words, the nerves hit me. Next time I woke up, my breasts would be gone forever. “Say your goodbyes. I’ll take good care of Layla, and you’ll see her in recovery.”
Kellan moved out of the way so my mother and father could lean in and give me hugs first. Both murmured words of love. Next was Russ, who despite trying to keep it together, was already wiping his tears.
“Sorry, sis. I know I promised.” We’d both sworn not to cry. Clearly, we both sucked at keeping that promise, as I was wiping away my own tears.
“It’s okay. Also, you’re forgiven for the other thing, too.”
He glanced toward Kellan and smiled. “As if this face is one you could stay mad at.”
I chuckled, squeezing his hand, thankful for the humor to break up the tears. “So true.”
“Why would she be mad at you?” my mother asked.
Russ rolled his eyes. Both of us knew she’d be dogging him with the question the entire time they were waiting.
Last but not least, Kellan came around. His face was uncharacteristically somber as he leaned down with words for my ears alone.
“I’ll see you when you wake up. Then I’ll take my cues from you. ”
“’Kay.”
He landed a quick kiss, aware we had an entire audience this time around.
It would be that kiss on my mind when I went under fifteen minutes later.