Layla
Chapter Twenty-Four
Sitting for chemo was less nerve wracking the second time around; however, having my mom here was leaving me on edge.
But I went into the morning determined to see things from her perspective.
Her daughter was battling cancer. She wanted to be a part of the fight.
What mother wouldn’t? I hoped the thought would give me more patience.
Russ helped in mitigating. Meanwhile, Kellan’s text messages to check on me were nicely distracting.
But by the time the five hours were over, I was beyond exhausted, both mentally and physically.
Once I returned to my apartment, all I wanted was to crawl into bed.
But my mother had other ideas for our day of chemo-bonding. “Why don’t you sit on the couch, and we’ll watch some movies?”
“No, thanks. I need to lie down.”
“What can I fix you to eat?”
The thought of food made me ill. “Nothing right now. Thank you. If you don’t mind waking me once Patty arrives, I’d appreciate it.”
“Why do you need her to come by today when we’re here?”
She almost sounded jealous. “She has to draw my blood and take my temperature.”
“Okay.” She glanced around the room. “I’ll clean while you’re sleeping.”
Ugh. “Sure. Or you don’t have to stay. Patty will be by, and she has a key. Then Kellan is coming tonight.”
“Of course we’re going to stay.”
Right. Of course. I gave my brother a small smile and a wave as if to say, I’m out.
I was on the edge of welcomed sleep when the sound of the vacuum started.
Seriously? I waited a minute, hoping Russell would put an end to the horrific noise.
But when it didn’t cease, I had no choice but to get out of bed.
Nausea hit me. Along with a good dose of irritation.
Why? Why now did she have to vacuum a perfectly clean apartment?
Opening the door, I spotted her straightaway, but I couldn’t see Russell. He must’ve stepped out. Deciding it was useless to try to shout over the noise while her back was to me, I simply reached down and pulled the plug out of the wall.
She whipped around. “Great. You’re awake. Do you want something to eat or drink?”
She was clueless about the noise. “No, thank you. But I’d love the vacuum to stop. Please.” My head was pounding, and my bones were already aching.
“I wanted to get these carpets cleaned real quick.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose, praying for patience. “I know. And I appreciate it, but I’m trying to sleep.”
“When do you think you’ll wake up? I can finish then.”
This. This was why it was hard to have loved ones take care of you. I didn’t have a timeframe. I simply wanted to rest when I needed it, eat when I felt like it, and be free of worry about anyone else’s feelings but my own.
“I’m not sure. The first day of chemo takes a lot out of me.”
“I wouldn’t know since you didn’t let me go with you the last time.”
That was it. I snapped. “And now I know why. You don’t listen, Mom. The words come out of my mouth to tell you what I want, what I absolutely need more than anything, but you don’t listen.”
Her tears were instant. “Excuse me for trying to help when it’s clear you don’t appreciate it.”
We both watched Russ come through the front door. He was carrying food bags. “Hey. Sorry, didn’t think you’d be up, sis. I got some burgers. You want one?”
“No, thank you. I’m not hungry. I woke up to the sound of the vacuum.”
He processed the situation quickly and gave me an apologetic look. “Why don’t you go back to bed? We’ll keep it down.”
“Thank you.” Then because I didn’t wish to leave things completely shitty with my mother, I went over and hugged her. “I appreciate you being with me today, Mom. But I need to rest. Please.”
She nodded, seeming to take the truce for what it was.
I was in bed most of the day. The only exception was when Patty came by to take my vitals and insist I eat some crackers and drink some water.
I could tell my mother was having a tough time sitting around without entertaining me or vacuuming my carpet, but thankfully, she didn’t say anything more.
Around eight o’clock, she came in to say goodbye and to tell me Kellan was there.
I murmured my goodbyes and went back to sleep.
The sensation of my stomach growling, woke me. Glancing at the clock, I could see it was after ten o’clock at night.
When I puttered out to the living room, I saw Kellan sitting on the couch. The TV was at a low volume, and he was staring at a text message on his phone.
“Hi,” I greeted, my throat froggy and mouth sore. I took a seat next to him, laying my head on his shoulder. There was something extremely comforting about having him here with me. If ever I questioned his investment, all I had to do was look at all the things he did for me, big and small.
He put his arm around me. “Hi. How was today?”
“I’ve had better. I wish we could’ve stayed in Portland in our hotel room, shutting out the world.”
He squeezed me gently. “Me too. Your mother informed me before she left that only half the apartment got vacuumed. She wanted me to finish once you woke up.”
I burst out laughing. “You’d think I live in a pigsty. I cleaned last week. Anyhow, she was fine most of the day, and I’m sure she was only attempting to keep busy. I made her cry by snapping at her when she was making too much noise. Not my proudest moment.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourself. If someone was trying to vacuum while I felt like crap, I’d snap, too. But I am selfish enough to wish it had been me with you today instead of her.”
“Sure, it’s real selfish of you to wish you could’ve taken me to chemo.”
He chuckled. “Let’s just say I’m glad I’m here now.”
“It’s the most relaxed I’ve felt all day.” I didn’t have to hide my moods from him. Instead, I could simply be me and believe he was still happy to be here.
“How you feeling?”
“Shitty. It’s weird to have something make your teeth hurt.”
“Any mouth sores?”
“Some, but not too bad. I have the same metallic taste. And my body hurts. But to change the subject from me complaining about the same old thing, what was in the text message you were staring at?” He’d put his phone in his pocket when I took a seat.
“It’s Brandon’s phone number.”
Holy crap. “Really?”
“Yeah. I asked my sister for it. I don’t know if I’ll call it or text him, but I’m contemplating it. I didn’t like how I reacted to him talking to you. Or what I said. I owe him an apology.”
“Don’t do it for me.” Although I was supportive of him leaving things in the past, he needed to do this for himself.
“It’s not just for you. It’s so I can make peace with a past that no longer has a place in the present.”
“God, you really are striving for perfection. You make me incredibly happy, Kellan.” It was simple when I thought about it.
He rubbed my back softly. “I never thought I’d be this happy, either. Well, minus the cancer, the chemo, and you feeling like shit right now.”
My giggle bubbled up. “Yeah, minus those things. I can’t wait for this to be over.”
“I wish I could speed up the time for you. Or better yet, ease this pain even the slightest bit for you.”
“You already do.” My stomach chose the moment to growl again.
“Let’s get you something to eat.”