Chapter 29
Davian
The Candidate
I Wanted to Leave
SYML
Like a man possessed, I stared at the two scales on which Quill had weighed one of the shells against the paper crane.
I didn't dare disturb the balance between the two objects; wanted their traces to remain in my office when I had nothing left to hold on to once she decided to leave town.
I had collected the shells that decorated my shelves twenty years ago during a period of inner turmoil and loneliness at Virginia Beach, after Lily had left me with our daughter behind, as if these relics of time spat out by the sea could have filled a hole inside me that in truth had always been there.
The paper crane, a memento of a phase in my life when I had started folding my notes because I had found no beauty, no hope, no answers in my written lines.
Every single paper crane I had ever folded had catapulted me into the satisfying delusion that what I was creating had some use, some purpose after all.
At some point, I had burned them all. Only this one I had kept. It was my first.
Playing Mr. Ganz
Carlos Rafael Rivera
Someone burst into my office without even thinking to knock, and I knew it could only be one person.
“Anthony”
Monica followed him into my office, gesturing wildly and with frustration in her voice, while my best friend – dressed in one of his wrinkled brown shirts with a crooked dark green knit sweater over it – looked at me for help, which could only mean one thing: Monica was trying to talk him into an offensive for which he was not sufficiently armed.
“That girl is our only chance for change. And you don't want to use it?”
I pricked up my ears.
The only girl Monica talked about incessantly when she wasn't ranting about Arnold or the Ethics Committee was Quill.
The memories of that day at Monica's, when she had danced there in the rain, so full of life, haunted me in my dreams, and I would be lying if I said that the images of her pushing those damn blueberries between her lips didn't too.
I hastily pushed the more than inappropriate thought out of my mind.
“There are plenty of other opportunities,” Tony argued. “She won't be the last woman to study here.”
Had Quill dropped the bomb in front of Monica?
Clearing my throat, I turned completely away from the scales, which would never really be in balance.
“A pleasant afternoon to you, too.”
Now they were looking at me. Their mediator. The man who was supposed to either bring in weapon supplies or clean up battlefields.
“We have a problem.” Monica, wearing one of her gray pencil skirts and a white blouse, looked focused, her voice tense. “Someone has to make Quillon part of these debates, but Anthony refuses, for whatever reason.”
He looked at her reproachfully.
“Wait...” I squinted as I looked back and forth between the two of them. “What?”
“I told you.” Tony raised his hands gesturing. “You’ve gone crazy. If we do that, Arnold will see it as a personal attack. And let’s not even get started on Troy.”
With growing overwhelm, I tried to find words that wouldn’t reveal Quill. She definitely wouldn't participate in the debates because she would leave. But I had no right to tell Monica that.
“What exactly is holding you back from just choosing her and giving it a try?”
Monica literally pierced Tony with a stare that spoke volumes. She wasn't going to let up. And Anthony, unlike usual, seemed weak, avoiding her gaze.
“Is Joseph behind this? Does he want to force a specific candidate on you?”
I wished Joseph wanted his son to be his successor. Anthony would seize the opportunity and make him proud.
“No. But I've already chosen someone.”
Surprised, I raised my eyebrows.
“Quill is the better choice.”
Sure, she would be good if she wanted to be. But this wasn't the place for her. She didn't belong in this dusty basement of society. No shiny picket fence would ever satisfy her.
“Her academic performance so far...”
Monica interrupted him determinedly. “...will be ironed out. She'll manage. Just because she's not a prodigy like you doesn't mean she won't be an excellent lawyer.”
I swallowed.
Monica was right about everything. And yet she didn't know that Quill was a writer. That she already knew what she wanted and what she didn't want, and that she would struggle her whole life to get people to accept that decision and the lifestyle that came with it.
“She's going to leave,” I blurted out, and both of their heads turned toward me.
Tony's confused stare made me regret those words.
“What are you talking about?”
Monica narrowed her eyes slightly, studying me intently.
“I mean... I've heard that she doesn't even want to stay here.”
“Oh, she will,” Monica declared firmly. “I’d stake my reputation on it.”
“Monica, maybe...” Tony tried again.
“Say something, Davian.” She gestured toward my best friend, who looked at me for help. “Talk some sense into Anthony, or this place is going down the drain.”
She threw her hands in the air, passed him, and walked to the window.
“Oh, how I would have loved to have been there when she made Thadd?us’ Vatersohnchen cry.”
I could hardly suppress a smirk, and Tony also suppressed a grin, as if he had been there.
“If she were a bad debater, I would understand.” Shaking her head, she stepped closer to the window and stared into the distance. “But I sense potential.”
And once again, she was right.
“My decision is final.” Tony seized his chance to make his escape to the door, but not without turning around once more. “The student I’ve chosen already knows. And we all know that it’s probably best for ... for the girl if she doesn’t end up in that lion’s den.”
The two rarely argued, and most of the time I had to pull him out of Monica's eager clutches at the end. I expected her to keep pushing, but she seemed lost in thought.
“See you Monday.”
He left us alone.
Would she pressure me to talk to Tony? Would Quill talk to her today? After all, it was the last Friday in September.
“Joseph was so eager for you to choose someone who could beat Troy's candidate.” She turned to me, watching me intently, a gleam in her blue eyes. “Who did you choose?”
“He trusts me. And I still have to make my choice.”
I had three days left to find someone who was desperate enough to risk their spot at Maplecrest Law School. On Monday, we would present our candidates to all the assembled students and faculty members.
Monica's gaze was still fixed on me. As if she were planning an ambush.
Oh no...
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Davian.” She stepped toward me. “This is our chance.”
Shit. Quill had to talk to her. As soon as possible.
“No.” I looked at her apologetically. “No, that's not possible.”
She raised both eyebrows, because I rarely said No to her, just as I did with Joseph, except that, when it came to her, it wasn't out of fear of the consequences.
“Give me one good reason. If it's her grades, I'll work with her on that.”
There was none I could give her without revealing Quill.
I had no other choice but to bring Quill into this. It had to be done anyway. I hoped she wouldn't be upset with me for this.
“We should ask her.”
The corners of Monica's mouth turned up, far too hopefully.
Well done, Davian.
The Green Pills
Carlos Rafael Rivera
Ten minutes later, there was a cautious knock on the office door, and a few seconds later, the young woman I didn't know how to say goodbye to properly walked in.
I wanted to hug her, wish her all the best, and not let her go for an hour.
I looked at her apologetically, and I could literally see the question marks popping up above her head until she spotted Monica.
With my lips pressed together, I prayed that Monica would let her go, but the enthusiasm with which she approached Quill spoke volumes.
Quill has to go through this. This is her mess.
And yet I didn't want to let her go through it alone.
I had also been young and inexperienced, even if I had never acted as wildly and recklessly as she dared to.
And I regretted it. On the quietest nights.
On days when I looked at the calendar and saw how quickly days, weeks, years flew by.
When I couldn't tell Lara anything about my youth because I hadn't experienced anything worth telling.
“You're probably wondering why we want to talk to you.”
“If it's about continuing my studies...”
“I’ve already taken care of submitting all the funding applications for you.” Monica beamed at her, while I froze into a pillar of salt. “There should be nothing standing in the way of you studying here without having to rely on your parents financially.”
Quill looked just as frozen as I felt.
Pity overwhelmed me.
“Well, about that...”
“We can talk about the details later.”
She briefly stroked Quill's shoulder before looking between the two of us.
“The reason I asked you to come here is much more important.”
My gaze must have spoken volumes, because Quill remained glued to it.
“Would you be willing to participate in the debates and set an example for other women who are afraid to study at Maplecrest?”
I almost ran my hand over my face, but instead I bit my lower lip.
Quill's eyes fixed on me.
“You want me to participate in the debates.” She looked back at Monica as if she had lost her mind. “Me?”
That was too much for me. I could literally feel the pressure she was under.
What if she wanted to tell Monica in private? What if I was getting in the way? Was that why she was hesitating?
“You don't have to, and we would understand. Monica is just a little eager, but please don't feel pressured into anything.”
“Davian,” Monica looked at me seriously. “Don't talk her out of it.”
She turned back to Quill.
“Anyway. We know it's a risky venture, with your spot at university at stake. But if something goes wrong and you lose, you don't have to worry about your funding. I'm ready to support you at any university of your choice. I have contacts at Harvard and…”
“Monica, I…”
Monica shook her head hastily.
“I know exactly what you are about to say. But I am a woman of my word, and I have been considering this for weeks without doubting your potential for even a second.”
Quill closed her mouth, her eyes glassy, and I immediately had to fight back tears myself.
“We need you.”
I wanted to tell Quill that it was all true. That she was enough. That she had always been enough.
Monica had just spoken the truth, and it hit me like a knife in the back.
I needed her here.
But no fate would grant me that selfish wish. And that was a good thing.
“Us?” She sounded suspicious. “Who would even voluntarily nominate me as their candidate?”
“Davian.”
Our eyes met again.
“And believe me, with him, you have a good chance of winning these debates.”
Was her desperate look a sign for me to intervene? Should I tell Monica that she was going too far? That she was overwhelming Quill?
“If I lose, then...”
Quill paused. Her mind seemed to be working. Something apologetic appeared on her face. But she had nothing to apologize to me for.
“You don't have to worry about anything. There will be no consequences for the professors.”
She looked away, avoiding my gaze.
Another sign? Should I leave her be? Would she tell Monica in a second?
“And if you want me to explain the process again...”
“I'll do it.”
Grand Jury
Atli ?rvarsson
I blinked.
Monica's eyes widened.
“What?”
I must have misheard her.
Quill turned her head toward me.
“I'll do it.”
There was a gleam in her eyes. An iron determination that I had last seen in her eyes when she had entered the lecture hall with Monica at the beginning of the semester.
She wanted to stay.
My heart leapt and something fierce stirred inside me, so I couldn't suppress the automatic smile, but my face contorted the next moment because what she was doing wasn't right. She didn't have a high school diploma and was here illegally. There was no way she could continue her studies...
“But...” I started, but Monica was quicker.
“Excellent!” She pulled Quill into her arms, and Quill just looked at me because she knew exactly what she had just done. “Excellent, Quillon!”
Monica stepped back and beamed at her proudly.
“We're going to make you a debating champion!”
Euphorically, she turned to me, and I forced myself to smile, which felt so incredibly wrong, before she looked back and forth between me and Quill.
“When we're done here, everyone in the legal world will know your name.” She waved it off. “But that's a problem for later.”
She came over to me and pulled me into her arms as well.
“Congratulations, Davian. I just saved your and Joseph's future jobs.”
My smile disappeared completely and I just stared at Quill, incapable of anything else.
She looked away, down at the floor, and tore the skin off her other thumb with her thumbnail until blood ran over the tip of her thumb and she smeared it with her index finger.
What had she done?
If she stayed here, she wouldn't just wither away like I had. Someone would find out who she really was. And whoever was behind Quillon Veritas. That young woman was about to ruin her life.
You bring me balance,
yet you leave chaos within me,
like nothing else in this existence ever could.
– Leaking Batteries Diary