Chapter 78
Davian
The Mentor’s Mentor
Sweet
Cigarettes After Sex
Desperate about the chaos of emotions in my chest, I took a big gulp from the whiskey glass Anthony had filled for me and stared out the window of the professors’ lounge onto the campus, at the large poster on one of the bulletin boards with the bold lettering:
Who is behind the anonymous best-selling author from Maplecrest?
Students began digging deeper for information to uncover my identity, as if they had no more important problems, and unfortunately, Arnold seemed more interested in this than in the death of his own son.
Surprising? No. It was more surprising that I was in this room with him.
My colleagues were arguing in measured tones about something, but I couldn’t care less.
What wouldn’t I give to be with her right now.
Images of her naked body flashed through my mind. Of the way sunlight danced across her skin. Of how soft her hair felt, the memory of its scent triggering a throbbing longing inside me.
She was down there somewhere. And the urge to pull her into a side corridor on her way to her next lecture and refresh my memory of her scent, to bury my face in her neck and lose myself in her, was almost intoxicating.
“You wanted to give me a thousand reasons. Give me a thousand paper cranes instead.”
She was good at turning words into weapons and pressing them against my chest.
She wanted me to write, insisted on it so relentlessly as if it meant her survival and not mine.
Driven by those words, I had sat at my desk this morning, staring at my typewriter.
I wished nothing had crossed my mind, wished I had given up again and cursed her inwardly for tormenting me like this. But it hadn’t even taken a minute, and I’d been typing away until I had lost track of time and nearly missed my own first morning lecture.
It was as if that night with her had broken through my writer’s block, as if I didn’t care what I wrote, as if the primary concern was to write all these emotions out of me before they could overwhelm me and bring me to my knees.
I needed to write.
For now, I could still control it, could hold myself back. But I feared it wouldn’t last long, that I would gradually get carried away…
Quill.
All my thoughts vanished into thin air when I spotted her in one of her blue sweaters, walking across campus with Lara and Thomas, while she and my daughter listened as their friend seemed to be explaining something.
Quill smirked.
I smiled automatically, but couldn’t manage to keep that smile alive.
Lara had been back since yesterday, which meant I had to stay away from Quill at home. And I hated it with every fiber of my being.
Not even in my own house could I give that woman what she deserved…
It was right and yet so wrong.
I wanted her, didn’t want this to end so quickly, didn’t want it to end at all.
What if she had never enrolled here as a student?
What if she had never met my daughter? What if I had met her under different circumstances?
In that book café where she occasionally worked, standing between the shelves, a book in her hand.
What if I had somehow stumbled upon her book and read it, so captivated that I would have wanted her to sign it for me personally?
I often imagined it, but in the end, not even these far-fetched fantasies could erase the fact that she was Joseph’s daughter and Tony’s sister. Or the fact that we had met at exactly the right moment.
Two lives. Of course, our fate would demand a high price for both of us surviving that night. Nothing in this life came for free.
First Day in Court
Carlos Rafael Rivera
“The next gala will be held at the Richter estate. It’s going to be huge. Enormous, in fact. That’s why I advise you to complete the guest list with your own contacts.”
Arnold’s voice made everything inside me tense up. My skin felt as if it were about to peel off, having been exposed to someone’s toxic presence for too long.
“Wait, what?” Tony sounded confused. “You’re seriously planning to host another gala?” A glance to the side told me he was talking to his father. “After…”
Thadd?us cleared his throat audibly.
“It might help bring things back to normal.”
I snorted in disdain and took a second sip of that beastly swill.
“Nothing in this goddamn town has ever been normal!” I pressed out.
When I turned around, all eyes were on me.
“If you want a gala, Thadd?us, go ahead and host one. Everyone in this town knows what your father did during the war. And nobody cares the slightest bit that you’re locking him up in your estate, because nobody in this town cares about anything until it becomes a scandal.”
Thadd?us had gone pale, but I didn’t care. I had wanted to tell him that for a long time.
“Davian…”
“No, Anthony.” I emptied my glass and set it down on the table. “I’m not going to stay quiet and keep the goddamn peace. There’s never been any peace here, and you know that better than I do.”
Tony looked more and more like Thadd?us, who seemed to have grown rooted to the spot.
“This room is filled with people who have either thrown their lives away to live an American Dream that couldn’t be more delusional and that will keep them on a two-dimensional hamster wheel for the rest of their lives, or with people who belong behind bars.”
It just happened. My gaze fell on Arnold, and for the first time, I searched in vain for any respect for this man.
A cold shiver ran down my spine, but I wasn’t going to let that disgusting asshole know it. I wasn’t going to crumble under his glare like the rest of this room. Never again.
“Davian. That’s enough,” Joseph forced out, causing me to turn toward him.
“Oh, it’s been enough for a long time now, don’t you think?”
I strode toward him, stopped right in front of him, grateful that we were the same height.
“Let me guess. You know all his dirty little secrets.”
I pointed at Arnold, feeling the rage coursing through my veins like lava ready to destroy everything in its path.
“But does he know yours?”
That look was priceless.
He hadn’t seen that coming, me speaking to him like that, in front of everyone here.
I knew he had leverage over me. Things he could bring up right here and now and thereby ruin my life. But he also knew it was wiser not to point a gun at someone who had already drawn and cocked their own.
“What is the boy talking about, Joseph?”
Arnold’s voice was sharp with indignation, but I paid him no attention, searching Joseph’s frozen expression for signs of regret.
“I should have known how fucked up you are. But that first…”
“I’d say we all calm down.” Tony pulled me back, patting me on the shoulder. “Things have been tough for all of us lately, haven’t they, Davian?”
He turned me around and led me back around the table, and I didn’t miss his expression, which could only mean What in the world?
I tore myself away from him with more or less control and clenched my jaw.
Since when did I care so little whether the false peace here remained intact? If I didn’t uphold it, then who would? There was no other middleman. Without me.
“Get out!” Arnold snapped coldly. “Everyone!”
Thadd?us broke out of his stupor and hurriedly gathered his things.
I didn’t hesitate either and grabbed my winter coat.
“Davian.” Joseph and I froze simultaneously in our movements, and we both looked at Arnold. “You stay.”
My gaze automatically shifted away from Arnold. Toward my mentor.
Joseph was all I could see. A man who, with a blank stare, was trying to tell me things. Things I understood.
He was begging for mercy. For loyalty.
He didn’t deserve either.
Eventually, he too left the room and closed the door, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he were eavesdropping out there.
Confession Tapes
Paul Leonard-Morgan
“Is there something you want to tell me?” I muttered, forcing myself to look at Arnold, between whom and me – fortunately for him – stood a huge table. “If not, my time is limited.”
His gaze was that of a cold-blooded killer.
If we were at his house, would he hesitate to shoot? I was sure he was carrying a gun.
Fuck, Troy, why didn’t you just get out of here, you bastard.
“Your tone is disrespectful.”
He rose from his chair, shaky as always, marked by age.
How could life be so merciful to him?
If the devil existed, his real name was Fate.
“But since I know you usually show a great deal of respect, I’ll overlook it.”
That arrogance…
My hands clenched into fists.
He was the reason I wanted Quill to drop out. If he found out what she had done, what information she was carrying around, he would…
My jaw threatened to pop out of place.
I didn’t even want to think about it…
Her father hadn’t been able to crush her to this day. But this man, with whom all the misery of this cursed place had begun, would bury us all if he wasn’t stopped soon.
He was still staring into his whiskey glass.
Did he regret anything? Had he ever had any scruples?
His head snapped up and he fixed his cold glare on me.
“What happened between you and Joseph?”
“Nothing worth mentioning.”
His eyebrows shot up.
“Then explain to me how, after all these years with nothing coming between you, something suddenly managed to drive you apart.”
Oh, certainly not.
“He can tell you that himself. I won’t stop him.”
I thought I saw a flicker of discontent in Arnold’s eyes. Something that usually only his son had had to endure.
All these years I had wondered why he had hated Troy so much. Now I knew. And I wished I didn’t.
“I always thought his loyalty was to me. But right now, I doubt it.”
He walked over to the window, lit one of his cigars – which were resting there in the open case – and took a puff.
“Loyalty cannot grow where fear reigns.”
He snorted morosely, turned his head toward me, with an amused look that dripped with indifference and contempt.
“Fear.” His smile vanished instantly. “Why would he fear me?” His eyes drilled into mine. “Do you fear me, Davian?” It was hard not to look away, because something in his stare was trying to extract knowledge from me. “Did Joseph tell you any scary stories?”
“No. He didn’t.”
I broke eye contact and looked down at the mahogany table with the half-empty glasses.
Why he hadn’t would remain a mystery to me forever. Just like the fact that he had protected Troy.
Joseph lived in his own false reality, probably saw himself as a good person, and couldn’t bear to watch the chaos all his poor decisions left in their wake.
He was losing himself to his alcohol addiction and would end up dragging his only true son into it too if I didn’t manage to open Tony’s eyes soon.
“You know, Joseph never doubted you.” Unfortunately, that wasn’t a lie. “I, on the other hand…”
I looked up, hardly surprised that Arnold finally said aloud what I had seen in his eyes all these years.
“He said you were German, like us.”
Suppressing a snort, I watched Arnold use the ashtray.
How was Joseph supposed to know that?
“You may be German, but you’re weak, boy.” He took a deep puff, exhaled the smoke, before continuing. “I saw it on the first day, when Joseph took you under his wing. Sharp, hardworking, ambitious…” He laughed quietly. “And yet fragile.”
My insides clenched.
This man didn’t know me.
“You’re probably wondering how I know that.
” He took another puff. “My brother was like you.” He exhaled the smoke.
“He was quiet, thought he had to have a clever opinion on everything, watched everyone and kept his thoughts to himself, only to lecture people behind closed doors. And yet he knew when it was better to remain silent.” He nodded, clearly reveling in memories of a person I wanted nothing to do with.
“He would have been a good leader.” His next sigh was heavy.
“But he preferred to paint rather than serve the war and his fatherland, and ultimately ended up hanging himself in the garden because he’d rather paint than fight. ”
I stared at him motionless.
This man didn’t know me!
And yet his words gnawed at my last shred of sanity.
He turned to me.
“Good thing you don’t paint.”
Again he laughed amusedly, and I slowly began to wonder if it was the tobacco and how Joseph had put up with it all those years.
“The man whose orders you followed blindly painted.” I slung my briefcase over my shoulder and gripped the coat in my hands tighter. “Before he eventually shot himself.”
Arnold froze, but I couldn’t care less.
I didn’t hesitate, turned to leave, and left this bitter old murderer – whose days would hopefully soon be numbered – alone with himself and his demons.
His legacy in this world would end with Joseph. But certainly not with me.
Because my time at Maplecrest was over.
My ink flows toward you. Unstoppable.
Addicted to merging with yours.
– Leaking Batteries Diary