Chapter Nineteen
Evander
A son...I’d had a son !
I rode my Harley like the hounds of hell were on my tail. Like I was doing my best to escape a past trauma that I hadn’t even known existed, until now.
But I couldn’t escape it. Not while it snapped at my heels and bit deep into my soul, making me bleed internally.
The wounds might be invisible but I was dying inside.
My jaw tightened as I accelerated, pushing the motorcycle faster and harder. I took a corner at dangerous speed, spraying gravel as my back wheel slid beneath me. I regained balance and control, my heart rate steadying.
Fuck.
Gemma had been right. If something happened to me she had no one to release her from the handcuffs I’d put on her. I slowed as self-loathing filled me. She had good reason to worry. I’d let my emotions rule my head.
Not that it excused her in any way, shape or form. She’d betrayed me so deeply I wondered if I’d ever heal.
My breath caught. Had she even named our son?
Had she healed from the ordeal of losing her newborn?
I couldn’t imagine the pain she’d gone through. I only hoped she hadn’t been alone. I’d met her mother and she’d seemed normal, an everyday, attractive older woman struggling with everyday issues.
So different to the women in my mafia family who never had to worry about finances or paying bills, who never had commonplace struggles. Their problems centered more on the possibility of losing their husbands or other family members to mobster enemies.
Anger resurfaced, then flooded over. Gemma had still deceived me, had intended raising our son alone, without my input or knowledge of his existence. It was the lowest of low act. That it had been Gemma, the sweetest woman I’d known, who’d done the dirty on me hit me harder than I’d believed possible.
I kept riding, but stuck to the speed limit. I wasn’t intent on a destination, not until I saw the lookout sign ahead, I pulled in and rode over a rough dirt track then braked in front of a safety fence, which kept visitors away from the edge of a drop-off that showcased red maples, white oak, black birch and dogwood trees.
I killed the Harley’s engine, flicked down its jiffy stand to keep it upright, then stretched my back as I stood and checked out the beautiful vista spread out before me.
I bet Gemma would love to be here to paint this magical landscape.
I snorted raggedly, the scent of pine and something vaguely lemon then filling my nose. I pushed a hand through my wind-whipped hair, then clasped the safety fence in front of me and closed my eyes.
Was it Karma that I’d lost a son even before I’d decided I didn’t really want children? I’d done a lot of bad things in my life, I’d had to just to survive in the world I’d grown up in.
My mind drifted to the past, to a time my father had still been alive, still been don. Still been an asshole of the highest order. A man who hadn’t deserved a son, let alone four of them along with a daughter.
I walked barefooted out of the wing of the house I shared with my mom, into the dark shadows of the corridor that would take me to the stairs of the ground floor. My fingers ached from clenching them into the fists I’d made after hearing my mother sobbing yet again in her bedroom across the hallway from mine.
I hated my dad. He treated mom like shit, worse than shit. I hated even more that she was weak, too weak to stand up to him. Little wonder she used coke like it was her dearest friend.
Just because I was thirteen, it didn’t mean I was unaware when it came to drugs...and sex for that matter.
I’d snuck around enough parties to witness the drug use and orgies that happened afterward. I’d even partaken in some coke that had been lying around on a small mirror on a table. I’d loved the rush and decided if sex was half as good I wouldn’t say no to that either.
I only wished my brothers didn’t despise me so much because our dad had moved my mom into the house. That he’d done it just weeks after their mother had been sent away probably made them think my mom had replaced theirs. I huffed out a breath. It couldn’t have been farther from the truth. My mother would never replace my beautiful and caring stepmother.
If my brothers hated me for the presence of her in the house, I’d burned with envy wishing their mother was mine. Instead I had a coke-addicted, weak-minded mom who didn’t have a maternal cell in her body, and I shared a father whose power-crazed outlook saw him walk over anyone weaker, which was just about every one he knew.
Stepping past the corridor’s weakly-lit wall lamps that pushed back the worst of the shadows, I took the stairs that would take me to the ground floor and the kitchen of the house...just as familiar footsteps echoed from the steps below.
I heard them too late to avoid a confrontation, and my dad slowed as he saw me coming down. Even in the shadows I noticed his face tighten and his lips compress, his eyes flashing. “What are you doing up at this time of night, boy?”
I held his stare, though I secretly quivered in his presence. “I’m thirsty.”
“You’re thirsty?” He held out a decanter half-filled with amber-colored alcohol, most likely bourbon. “Then drink this.”
I gaped. “I want water.”
His eyes narrowed. “Are you a boy or a man?”
I pushed down anxiety. If I didn’t take his offering he’d take it out on me in some other, worse way. It was better I did what he asked now so I didn’t suffer later.
I took the crystal decanter without answering. Taking out its stopper, I lifted the decanter to my lips and chugged down the liquid that burned all the way from my throat to my stomach.
I drank every last drop before I handed the decanter back to him. I was already woozy when he took it back from me, one of his eyebrows cocked in amused satisfaction. “It looks like you’re a man, after all. Good thing you take after me and not your mother.”
My body was buzzing, the world tilting and twirling. Shit . If I wasn’t careful I’d fall down the stairs and break my neck.
“Speaking of whom,” my father continued, seemingly unaware of my growing intoxication as he drew me with him back up the stairs. “I’m going to have to do something about her. Put her in a treatment program or something. I can’t have her snorting half my coke supply while she pretends you need her. She’s becoming a liability.”
He shook his head, though his face was blurry now when I looked up and tried to focus. “She’s weak, insufferable really,” he continued. “I can’t tolerate that behavior inside of my house.”
I could barely concentrate on his words, they each blended into the other as we turned into the wing of the house I shared with my mother. Even worse, I was staggering now, the walls doing a slow spin around me that made me dizzy and more than a little ill.
“I-I think I’m going to be sick,” I said.
My dad snorted. “Go to the bathroom then, I’ll deal with your mother.” As he stepped away, he threw over his shoulder, “It’s only lucky you have me, boy, or you’d be stuck with a woman who cares more about her drugs than family.”
Beep. Beep. Beep.
The alarm woke me the next morning and I woke with bleary eyes and a sinking feeling inside. My mother wasn’t here anymore. Dad had thrown her out. I mightn’t remember much of our conversation, but I knew that much at least.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
I shook my head, brought back to the present with a start. It hadn’t been an alarm in my memories, it was my cellphone. I pulled it from my pocket and answered the caller. “Ethan.”
“Evander, where are you?”
I paused at the urgency in my don’s tone. Thanks to our dad’s ever-changing emotions I’d grown up learning to read between the lines. “I took my Harley for a spin. I’m presently at a lookout admiring the view.”
Ethan blew out a breath. “Thank fuck for that.”
My heart jerked like a yo-yo inside my chest. “Why is that?”
“I’ve just received fresh intel from one of our moles. The Accardis have somehow tracked you down. They’re heading to your cabin as we speak.”
My pulse pounded like a drum in my ears, my entire body shutting down as I processed the information. “You’ve got to be shitting me.”
“I’m afraid not, bro. As my underboss they’re gunning for you while you’re alone and exposed. You need to get back here where I can protect you...where we can protect each other.”
I swallowed convulsively, sweat beading on my brow. “You’re my don and my brother,” I said harshly even as I touched my holster and gun. “I’d do anything for you. I’d die for you if you asked. But I’ve found Gemma. She’s alone in my cabin. They’ll kill her if they get to her first.”
I waited for Ethan to deny me my one chance to save her, but he too knew what love felt like, knew what he’d do to protect that loved one. He paused for a second, as though disbelieving I’d actually found the one woman I’d always loved. “Go. Do what you’ve got to do,” he said quietly. “We’ll be there to back you up as soon as we can.”
“Thank you,” I said, disconnecting before I scrambled for my bike and started it with a roar that scared half-a-dozen tawny birds from a nearby tree.
I barely noticed. If I’d ridden fast away from the cabin it’d be nothing compared to the speed I’d be taking to get back...back to the woman I loved with everything I had.
I couldn’t let the Accardis get to her. I had to confess my true feelings for her. I had to tell her I loved her...that I forgave her. I had to tell her I wished I’d been there for her when she’d lost our son.
All I wanted now was to take care of her, to make sure she wasn’t taken from me yet again. Because if the Accardis got to her first, there would be no return for either of us. She’d be dead and I’d wither and die without her in my life.
I accelerated hard, rocks spitting out from my back tire and the trees either side quickly blurring. She was everything to me and I’d kill every enemy who stepped foot on my property to prove it.