Chapter 33 Jake
THIRTY-THREE
JAKE
“Dammit!” The hammer flew out of my hand and I danced around, waving my hand like some greenhorn on his first day on the job.
“Jake! Are you all right?” Cal rushed over to my side and grabbed my hand to look at my thumb.
“I’m fine. I bruised my pride more than my thumb.”
“Just the same, you should get that on ice,” Cal said.
“Yeah, yeah.” I’d been like this for days now. Ever since Julia drove away from the ranch, I’d been spending my nights tossing and turning—consuming more alcohol than I was willing to admit in the hopes I’d drop into a dreamless sleep. It didn’t really work.
Instead, I kept replaying our argument over and over in my head while I did my best to exhaust myself.
Nothing was working.
When Cal had messaged asking for some help getting the arena fencing up for his rodeo ring, I’d jumped on the opportunity to get away from the ranch.
Everywhere I looked on the property there was a reminder of Julia, which also served to point out all the mistakes I’d made—starting with the horse feed, and then it continued from there. I was failing at the one thing I’d been brought up to do.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” I looked at my thumb. The nailbed was already showing a bruise and I figured I’d lose the nail.
“So, about that argument you had with Julia…” Cal said.
I glared at him wondering what part of “I didn’t want to talk about it” he didn’t understand.
Cal held his hands up. “Look, I’m just saying, it won’t hurt to talk it out. Maybe get some perspective.”
“So, are you a therapist in addition to being an ex-rodeo competitor?” My question came out in a snarl and I immediately knew I’d gone too far.
“Sorry—really, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.
I’m just not up for talking about it right now.
Maybe later. Let’s finish up with this fencing and I’ll get out of your hair and go lick my wounds and ice my thumb. ”
“Fair enough, but I’m around if you want to talk. I know you usually talk to Brian, but I’m here too,” Cal said handing me the hammer back.
I nodded in reply and we went back to work getting those horizontal bars in place.
“What was it like hitting the road with no permanent residence?” I asked.
Cal chuckled. “You thinking of pulling up stakes?”
“No. Yes. I don’t know.” All I knew was that I was deeply unhappy, and immersing myself in work wasn’t enough of a distraction.
“Well, I liked it in the beginning. I felt like I was on an exciting adventure. But there’s only so many uncomfortable beds a person can try to sleep in, and only so many overly greasy diner meals a person can eat before you start to yearn for something more permanent,” Cal said.
He tapped the bar and I hammered it into the u-shaped clamp on the vertical post.
“And you’re good with putting down roots here in Poplar Springs?” I asked.
“If you’d asked me that question a year ago, I would’ve said no.
But now? I am. Amy is here and this is where she wants to raise Henry.
I’ve got siblings and a bio-mom here that I didn’t know about a year ago.
Hell, six months ago.” Cal grabbed another bar and slotted it into the far clamp.
“I’m building something here that I’d never allowed myself to dream about. A legacy of sorts.”
I was nodding my head as he talked. “Exactly. That’s what I’m doing with the ranch. As a steward of the land, it’s my job to—”
“Whoa, hold up there, Jake. Steward? So, you see yourself as some sort of guardian or custodian for the ranch and not the owner?”
“I’m both. It’s my job to protect the ranch and everything on it for the generations to come,” I said. “It was how my father raised me.” It was how he raised all of us. Luke left to go to school and play football out in California, but then he came back to take over the stewardship.
“But what about now?” Cal asked and I shook my head, unsure what he was talking about.
“What do you mean?”
He held his hands up pointing as he spoke.
“You’ve talked about your dad and Luke and what the ranch meant to them years ago.
And you’ve talked about how you want to secure the land for future generations, right?
” I nodded. “So, what about the present? If you ask me, living your life worried about what someone from your past or your future might think is no way to live.”
I wanted to shout at him, but I managed to keep my voice even. “You’re new at setting down roots,” I finally said. “I have responsibilities that you wouldn’t understand.”
Cal’s mouth tightened but he didn’t yell like Brian or Luke would’ve.
Instead, he nodded. “If that’s what you think, I’m not going to argue with you, but if you ask me, you aren’t giving yourself enough credit for what you’ve accomplished.
Instead you’re constantly worried about what others might think. ”
I didn’t have an answer for that. I knew it wasn’t true, or at least, I didn’t think it was. We finished up the last of the ring barely speaking. I had several partial retorts floating around in my head but by the time I figured out what I wanted to say, it was lunchtime and we were finished.
“Thanks for the help. We’ve got some stew inside, if you’d like to stay for lunch. Henry’s got a short day today and the bus should be dropping him off soon enough. I’m sure he’d like to see you.”
I set the tools back on the cart. While some of Amy’s stew sounded like a great idea for lunch, I didn’t think I could stomach it.
I was saved from making my excuses when my phone pinged with a text.
Every time it happened, I’d reach for my phone, hoping it was a message from Julia.
Even something work-related with the livestock would be a balm to how I was feeling.
But it was Davis letting me know he would pick up the order waiting for me at Martin’s on his way in tomorrow.
I needed the distraction, so I tapped out a message letting him know I’d get it on my way back to the ranch, then gave Cal my excuses.
“Appreciate the offer, but my order’s in at the supply store.
I’m going to grab it on my way home and get it to the hands, so they can keep working. Give Amy and Henry my regards.”
I got out of there as quick as I could. I knew I was in a surly mood.
It’d already been pointed out numerous times already and I didn’t want to risk another altercation with Cal.
The last one had us both spending the night in a jail cell.
Not that I thought my half-brother would call the cops on me.
When I arrived at the supply store, I drove around to the loading dock to get my order loaded.
Unfortunately, half of my order was missing and wouldn’t be coming in until the end of the week.
I grabbed what was there and was almost home when I heard what sounded like a gunshot before the truck started listing to one side.
A blown tire. I barely made it home and when I got out to survey the damage, I kicked the side of my truck in frustration. The tire was completely shredded and driving it that last little bit after it blew had bent the rim.
“Dammit!” I shouted and kicked the truck door again, leaving a half boot print in the indentation. I was pretty sure the rim on the spare was the same size and I was not looking forward to finding out I was wrong.
“Jake? Everything okay?”
I whirled around, prepared to yell at whoever was asking me if I was okay now, but it was my mom.
Shaking my head, I gave her a partial answer. “I tried to make it home on a flat when I should’ve stopped to change the tire. Now the rim’s messed up. It’ll be fine, it’s just one more task to add to my list of things to do.”
“I have AAA if you want to call someone out to do it for you,” she suggested but I was already shaking my head.
“They’ll only call Shane out and he’ll give me no end of grief if he finds out I couldn’t be bothered to change my own damn tire.
I got it. If it turns out to be too much, I’ll ask Davis to help.
” It wouldn’t be the first time someone around here blew out a tire.
“It’ll be fine.” Shane owned a local fuel station and mechanic shop and also had the towing contract for law enforcement and the different services, including AAA.
I realized she had a loaded tote bag that was filled to the brim. “Where are you headed? Book club?”
“Something like that,” was my mom’s reply. It wasn’t like her to be so cagey with her answers, but I just didn’t have the energy to follow up on it.
“Okay, well, I’ll see you later.” I was already attempting to reorganize my growing to-do list in my head and decided I needed to start with the damn tire. I couldn’t afford to be down a vehicle right now.
“Well, if it’s not one thing, it’s another,” I muttered digging the jack out of my truck. I quietly cursed wondering when I was finally going to get a break. Something had to give soon before I lost my damn mind.