Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
From the moment the front door opened, I knew something was off with Devyn. By now, I was used to her mask and could tell when she locked it into place, but this was different. Devyn stood in the hallway, blocking my view of the rest of the house. She crossed her arms over her chest and fixed her face into a familiar scowl. However, her eyes were wild, almost like an animal caught in a trap.
Before I could ask what was wrong, Elsa rushed into the house. She immediately bounded toward Devyn, jumping up into her arms. I expected Devyn to freak out and yell at the dog to get down, but instead, I was met with the most melodious giggle, a sound I wanted to bottle and replay for the rest of my days. Devyn beamed down at Elsa, engulfing her in a tight hug. Despite the snow and mud being dragged all over her, Devyn kept petting her, even following her to the floor when Elsa laid on her back for belly scratches.
“You are way too cute,” Devyn said, her voice several octaves higher than usual. “It’s making me forgive you for all the fur you left over on the couch. Yes, it does.”
Elsa just nuzzled in closer, batting Devyn’s hand with her paw to get her to keep rubbing her belly. The sight melted me, but it also made me a little jealous. When was the last time Devyn touched me that freely? Jesus. I scrubbed my hand down my face. I was getting jealous of my fucking dog. I really needed to get it together.
But as soon as Devyn met my gaze, the walls slammed back into place, and all the warmth in her eyes melted away. She looked off to the other side of the room before speaking. “Gray…what are you doing here?”
I threw my thumb over my shoulder, pointing toward my truck outside. “We’re supposed to get nasty weather over the weekend. Thought you might need some supplies.”
Devyn stood, brushing off the pieces of snow Elsa had left behind. As she ran her hands along her shirt, I took the chance to study her. She wore a matching tan sweatsuit, her hair in a messy bun, more casual than I’d seen her in years. It was simple, a glimpse into her everyday life, but it made me hard as a fucking rock.
However, the next thought killed all my arousal, and made my stomach knot. This was what it would be like if I’d done things right, if I was coming home to her for real. It was almost a punishment, getting these brief glimpses of a life with Devyn. When we were younger, we’d never had this, not while we were both living under our parents’ roofs. But now that we were adults, I realized how much I’d missed, how much I wanted to know all of her, wanted to experience different pieces of our lives together.
“Oh…” Devyn sighed, a rosy color filling her cheeks. “You didn’t have to do that. I could have figured something out.”
“I know,” I shrugged, walking into the kitchen. From the looks of things, Devyn had barely used any of it. Not surprised. Even when my mom offered her cooking lessons years ago, Devyn refused. Opening the cabinet, I chuckled when I saw the rows of instant soup and other quick meals.
I held up the box of macaroni. “You know this isn’t a real meal, right?”
Devyn rolled her eyes and swiped the box from my hand. “It works. It’s quick, easy, and I don’t have to think much about it.”
A crude comment sat on the tip of my tongue, desperate to break out. But considering Devyn was still warming up to me, I wasn’t about to tempt her into kicking me out of my own house.
I shook my head, already forgetting this was my home. Something about Devyn fit here in a way I didn’t, at least not alone. The rooms were too cold, the mountain too quiet. But with her smile and her quiet admonishments of me to my dog, it felt more like home than it ever had before.
She dug into the bags, pulling out the vegetables and fresh fruit. She wrinkled her nose when the kale and spinach came out, and I already knew they were going to get hidden in the back of the fridge. I nodded toward her, unable to resist a little teasing. “I’ve got a good juicer under the counter if you want to use it.” I made a crush motion with my hands. “That kale blends down really nicely with the fruit.”
Devyn’s face blanched, and I took it to mean something hadn’t changed over the years. She shook it off, frowning as she looked down at the produce in her hands again. “I can’t believe you still drink that green stuff.”
“It’s good for you,” I said. “Gives you all the vitamins you need.”
“I’d rather live without them,” Devyn drawled. She turned back toward the counter, and her whole face lit up when she saw what was waiting for her at the bottom. Her wide brown eyes lit up as she pulled the container out of the bag. “You didn’t!”
Smug satisfaction washed over me as I watched her open the Lost Tavern container and gasp at the sight of the blue cheese burger and sweet potato fries waiting for her. She was practically dancing as she grabbed a fry. “This is the best surprise ever. So much better than the kale.”
“I think you mean thank you , Gray .”
“Thank you, Grayson .”
I smiled, leaning forward to tap her on the nose. “You’re welcome, Ace.”
That move must have felt too familiar, because Devyn backed away, clutching the container in her hand like I would take it from her. She walked around the counter, sitting on the other side of the island, still watching me warily—like she needed the piece of marble between us to feel safe.
My hands fisted as I tried to hide my irritation at the abrupt shift. One step forward, thirty steps back. When I was around Devyn, it was too easy to fall into old habits, like we could gloss over the lost years between us and the hurt I’d caused. I could forget she was my estranged wife and just remember what it felt like when she was my best friend in the world.
But it would never be that simple. We weren’t those same kids. She didn’t know this version of me, and I barely knew her. We were practically strangers, and if I wanted that to change, I had to bide my time and prove to Devyn I wasn’t the same scared kid who let her walk away.
All my thoughts died when Devyn took a bite of her burger, letting out a moan so sexual, it made my dick stand at attention. Jesus. I was never going to survive this if she kept making those noises. Calm down , I internally shouted, needing my body to understand the mission here. Earn back her trust .
As if my dick had a mind of its own, it shouted back— and then can we fuck her?
The mental image of Devyn sprawled underneath me, making those same noises because of my mouth, because of my cock, made me uncomfortably hard, needing to shift to lessen the tension in my jeans. Thank fuck I’d changed out of my sweatpants before coming over here.
Devyn sighed, put the burger down, and wiped her hands on a napkin. “You know when you’ve missed something for a long time, and then you go back and try it, and it’s not nearly as good as you remember?” She pointed down at her burger. “It’s the exact opposite here. I am kicking myself for refusing to have one for so long.”
“You didn’t have to stay away because of me,” I said, leaning forward on the counter to steal a fry.
“Yes, I did,” Devyn said, averting her eyes. She shook her head. “But seriously, Gray. Thank you for this.” She eyed the front door. “If you have to go…”
“Nah,” I chuckled, reaching into the bag to grab the last container. I pulled out my grilled salmon and vegetables, and Devyn’s nose crinkled. I chuckled at her expression. “Even though I’m not in the league anymore, some habits die hard. I’ve been on the same diet for a decade.” I shrugged. “It’s worked so far.”
“And you’re eating it here?” Devyn asked, staring at me like she was trying to solve a puzzle.
“Yup,” I answered, shoving a piece of asparagus into my mouth, mostly trying to keep myself from saying anything else. Like many things with Devyn, it was different. Keeping quiet had never been one of my problems. My dad always taught me to think before I spoke and to weigh out the value of my words before casting them on someone else. I took that to heart, keeping my mouth shut until I knew what I wanted to say.
And then, there was Devyn.
The moment those brown eyes hit me, I wanted to spill everything, to talk to her until my throat ran dry. I wanted to give her my every thought, wanted her opinion about every choice in my life. After going years without her, I’d grown numb to the constant pain in my chest, but now that she was in front of me, it was a sharp ache, like someone had my heart in a vise grip.
“Okay, what is this?” Devyn snapped after several minutes of silence between us. I almost chuckled, loving that she was the one to break the tension between us.
“Friends have dinner.” I lifted my fork, motioning between our containers. “This is us, having dinner.”
“Since when are we friends, much less friends who share a meal?” she said. “If this is some attempt to get me in your bed, you’ve already failed.” She pointed down to her almost-demolished burger. “Because this might be amazing, but nothing is that amazing.”
“One.” I smirked. “Technically, you’re already in my bed.”
“Your guest bed.”
For now.
“And two,” I added. “That’s not what I’m here for. I want to spend time with you, Devyn. Get to know this new version of you.” I chuckled, pushing away from the counter to grab a glass of water. “Shit, haven’t you ever just enjoyed a meal with someone with no ulterior motive?”
I realized my mistake as soon as I looked over my shoulder and saw the cold indifference in Devyn’s expression. I shook my head, stepping over to her. I placed my hand on top of hers. “I’m sorry, Devy. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
“It’s fine,” she said, a little too quickly to be true. As I continued to stare at her, she sighed in defeat. “It’s one of those things you don’t realize until it’s too late. Over the past few years, all I’ve done is work. It’s taken over every part of my life. Expensive meals, high-end restaurants? I can’t remember a single bite, all because I focused too much on the clients and making myself look good.” She shook her head, shrugging her shoulders. “All of that noise to say, no. I haven’t done this in a while.” She exhaled, forcing her eyes up to meet mine. “But this is nice…being here with you, no ulterior motives.”
With that simple sentiment, my heart almost burst from my chest, feeling stronger than it had in years. It felt like the best kind of victory, one hard-fought and hard-earned, like my first World Series tournament, when we only won because of the seventh game. Maybe it was ridiculous, but this moment with Devyn felt more monumental because I was unsure it would ever come.
She shook her head, pulling her hand out from under mine to resume eating. “Okay, Grayson, now that we’ve established what this is, tell me.” She arched her brow. “What do you want to talk about?”
I smirked, lowering to my elbows so I could watch her better. “How about what you’ve been up to over the past five years?”
She stared at me. “That’s a long story. How much do you want to know?”
“Everything.”