Chapter 38
THIRTY-EIGHT
“I don’t think I’ve ever been this full.” I groaned as I leaned back against the counter, my stomach delightfully stuffed.
Marta smiled at me as she passed me another dish to dry, “You know where to come next time you need a home-cooked meal, Devyn. No more of this staying away, you hear me?”
I tucked my head, hating it had taken me so long to return home. While I’d split my time growing up between my family’s hotel and our penthouse on the Upper East Side, this house was what built me. It was filled with so many memories, ones I had tucked into a little box when Gray and I fell apart. But now that things were finally going well between us, I’d started rifling through them, letting the joyous moments of my childhood shine bright.
“So,” Marta said as she turned off the water and dried her hands. “How long do we have you here?”
“Oh…” I tucked my head, hating to admit I didn’t have a definitive answer. Ever since my conversation with Gray at my dad’s office, my head had been spinning. While I’d come back to this town with an end date in mind, I had no desire to head back to the city now. Maybe this was exactly where I was meant to be all along. My dad’s office had been sitting there all this time, waiting for someone to take over his practice. Why couldn’t it be me? There weren’t any legal practices in town, and most people had to drive almost an hour away to get quality advice. Even if it entailed more low-key cases than I was used to, I would be giving back to the community I loved.
Not to mention, I’d get to stay with the man I loved.
I glanced across the kitchen toward the living room, where Gray and his dad were talking. Seeing them together warmed my heart. While my own family life had never been ideal, Gray worshipped the ground his parents walked on, and they did the same for him. It was the kind of love I wanted for my future kids, the kind I wanted my family to be built upon.
The one I wanted with Gray.
That whisper of hope tucked in the back of my mind. I wasn’t ready to speak it aloud, too afraid that the moment I did, everything would come crashing down around me. We’d managed to move forward despite the pain of the past, but I was still nervous things wouldn’t always feel this way. Sure, Gray thought he liked the girl I used to be, but could he deal with the woman I’d become? Would he be able to handle me when I went back to work, often losing myself in cases and forgetting to focus on the rest of the world?
And then there was his father’s declining health. Even though Curt was in good spirits tonight, the gaps in his memory were hard to ignore, no matter how much everyone at the table tried. There was no slowing down time, no stopping the clock now that his mind had started deteriorating.
It was selfish of me to want so much of Gray’s time when he was needed here. I already knew he was living here before I came into town, needing to be close to help his mother. But now, he was only spending a couple hours a day with them, choosing to spend his nights at home with me. Would he eventually start to resent me for it? Was I impeding on his dwindling time with his dad?
God, I hated that I’d missed so much time with Curt over the years. He was practically my second father, taking on more of the role after my dad passed away. He taught me how to drive and threatened my first boyfriend to treat me right. Not to mention, he shaped Gray into the man I fell in love with.
Maybe there was some sort of hope, a clinical trial or something along those lines. Even though my mother and I weren’t close, she owed me a lifetime of favors. I was her liaison between her and Calla for months while they were estranged. The least she could do was make a call to some of her friends on various hospital boards.
“I always thought you two would find your way back to each other,” Marta said as she moved to my side. “Even when he was too young to realize it, my boy’s been in love with you. Glad he finally got the courage to tell you.”
“Oh—” I spluttered, turning away from her. “We haven’t— we’re not …”
Her words caused my heart to plummet to the depths of my stomach. I wanted to be honest about how I felt, but I hadn’t told Gray yet. Of course, I loved him. I’d loved him before I even knew what the word meant. I thought Gray loved me too—I was almost sure of it. But after a lifetime of never knowing where I stood, not having the explicit words gave me pause. I’d gotten ahead of myself before, and it all blew up in my face. Even though I understood Gray’s reasons for leaving, it didn’t take away from the bitter sting of his absence. When we fell apart five years ago, I was devastated, and it had taken me all this time to open my heart again.
And that was before I got to feel Gray moving inside me, before I knew his touch ignited every fiber of my being, before I got to hear him call me his wife or ever got to know what it was like to fall asleep in his arms.
Before I’d fallen deeply, irrevocably in love with him.
Marta took my hand, tugging me further into the kitchen so the guys couldn’t hear us. She studied my expression. “I know that look, Devyn.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, you do,” Marta insisted. “It’s that look you get when you’re scared, when those big emotions are threatening to pull you under, so you shove them into a box. It happened a lot when you were younger and you didn’t want people asking too many questions about home. Now, you’re doing it again, but it’s about my boy.” She squeezed my hands in comfort. “So talk to me. Even if Gray is my son, you know I have always loved you like a daughter. I’m here for you, just like I would be there for him.”
I exhaled slowly. “I know I do—love Gray, I mean. But I’m not good at this. I’m terrified I’m going to mess everything up, or he’s going to figure out I’m difficult and stubborn and not who he pictured being with.” Tears threatened to fill my eyes, but I shoved them back, determined to make it through. “I’m so scared, I can’t see straight, but the idea of walking away from him makes me nauseous. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
Marta smiled brightly at me. “Oh honey, you’re definitely in love.” She pulled me in for a tight hug. “It’s scary being vulnerable with someone, giving them that power over your heart. But I promise, if it’s the right person, it’s worth the risk. ”
“What if it ends?” I quietly asked. “I don’t think I’d survive it.”
“All love stories end,” Marta answered, giving me a sad smile. “Through mistakes, apathy, or time, every single one comes to an end. Look at Curt and me.” She sighed and looked over her shoulder to where her husband sat. “When I met Curt, I never imagined we’d be here, with me waking up each morning praying he recognizes me. But even knowing that, I would still choose him, every single time. Because no matter how this ends, the journey made it so worth it.”
Even though I wasn’t a hugger, I pulled Marta in, holding her close for a few minutes. Someone clearing their throat made us break apart, turning to find Gray standing in the doorway.
“Everything okay in here?”
“Yes,” Marta chuckled, swatting him with a kitchen towel. “Just catching up with my girl. How’s your father?”
“Good,” Gray answered. “Talking about playing cards. Are you cool if I have everyone over for a couple of hands?”
“Of course. The more the merrier.”
Gray’s steel eyes met mine, concern flickering in his irises for a second. But as I smiled up at him, it faded in the background. “What do you say, Ace? You up for a round?”
“You’re on.”