Chapter 24
Cold-hearted Elinor! —Sense and Sensibility
Elinor
“Why do I feel like a naughty boy called to the principal’s office?
” Edward asks as he steps into my office a couple hours after being held hostage in the treehouse.
Since then I’ve taken a hot bath, changed into dry clothes, and strategically placed buckets under leaks in the community kitchen.
I’ve also done a lot of thinking. As wonderful as it was kissing Edward up in the treehouse, now that I’ve come back to earth, I realize nothing about our situation has changed.
This is not the time to rush into a relationship, no matter how much I might want to.
That’s why I chose to meet Edward in my office.
In order to think rationally, I need my enormous oak desk between us.
However, I failed to consider the close quarters of this room.
I’m even more aware of him here than in the treehouse.
The whole room feels charged. Or maybe that’s because our kisses keep replaying in my mind.
“You’re not in trouble,” I say.
“But I have a hunch I’m not going to like what you’re going to say.” He sits down, resigned.
“We can’t date,” I blurt out.
“Why not? I like you—a lot—and if our time in the Tower is any indication, I’m pretty sure you like me, at least a little bit.”
“Of course I like you,” I stammer, blushing.
“That’s never been the problem. It’s . .
. everything else.” Edward doesn’t say anything, just patiently waits for me to continue, and I can feel myself losing focus.
“It’s just . . . you and I . . .” I shake my head, trying to find the right words.
“Don’t you see? I think we want different things from life. And I don’t know how to ignore that.”
I glance down at my hands. “I don’t want to waste my time pretending it doesn’t matter.
Not when it does.” My voice softens despite myself.
“You have every right to make the business decisions you’re making.
I can even see that they’re smart ones. But Norland Park—it’s not just a project to me.
It’s . . . home. And watching you change it .
. .” I trail off, then force myself to finish. “I don’t know how to reconcile that.”
He studies me. “What if I quit the Norland Park Project?’
My head snaps up. “I don’t think it’s reasonable for me to ask that of you.”
“So I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t?
” He stands up and walks over to my side of the desk, desperation on his face.
“Elinor, I’m not ready to give up on us.
We can make this work. We can find a middle ground.
I want to find a middle ground. We can find a way to revamp the park and preserve the parts we both love. ”
“Edward, I’m not going to have you upend your career over this . . . this . . .” I wave my hands in the air. “Whatever this is between us. Fine, we’re wildly attracted to each other. So what? It’ll pass.”
He pulls something out of his notebook and slaps it down on the desk. “Elinor! This is not just physical attraction, and you know it.”
As he lifts his hand, I see it’s one of my letters. He holds it up to me. “This”—he gestures back and forth between us— “is the first thing in my life I’ve felt like fighting for.”
His voice softens. “I’m a coward, Elinor, honestly. Did you know Caroline is the first woman I’ve ever broken up with? And it barely even counts as a breakup. I’m so conflict-averse I usually just wait to be dumped.”
“You’re kidding, right?” I can’t help but laugh.
He shrugs and puts my letter back in his notebook. “I once dated a woman six months after I knew the relationship was over.”
“I really hope you’re exaggerating.”
“I’m not. I have always gone with the flow. I don’t like hurting people’s feelings or having them mad at me. I loathe drama. I always play it safe. And the funny thing is when I finally worked up the nerve to break up with Caroline, she was going to dump me anyway.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes! We both knew that neither of us wanted to take it to the next level. And truthfully, I was still thinking about this gorgeous painter I met last fall.” Edward shakes his head, as if to clear it. “It probably sounds ridiculous, but I couldn’t get you out of my head, Elinor.”
I’m stunned. Edward is speaking with so much raw honesty, and I so desperately wish that our situation was different.
“If it weren’t for extenuating circumstances, I would definitely be into you,” I say.
“Let’s be real, I am into you—you know that.
I’m just being reasonable here. We are in no place to start a relationship. ”
“And I’m just begging you to be unreasonable for once in your life. Give me a chance!”
“You said it yourself. You like to go with the flow; you hate to upset people. No matter what you do with Norland Park, someone will be angry at you.”
“I know that, but I can’t just walk away from you. You’re important to me. The most important—”
“You can’t say that . . . I’m not . . .”
“Fine . . . I won’t if you don’t want me to, but it’s still true. You’re it for me, Elinor.”
“You can’t possibly know that so quickly.”
“Didn’t your dad fall in love with your mom at first sight?”
“He just said that—it made for a great story. But how could he really?”
“I wouldn’t have believed it until I met you on the trail last fall, but now I believe his story.
Maybe it wasn’t exactly love at first sight, but .
. . I knew you were someone I wanted to know better.
And every succeeding moment with you has confirmed my first impression.
When I’m with you, I feel . . .” he exhales softly, searching for the word, “exhilarated—like I can do anything, but at the same time, I feel rooted and safe. I find you endlessly fascinating, and I want to know everything about you—what you think, what you care about. And the thought of you not in my life . . .” He shakes his head.
“That’s not something I can just accept.
I’ve never felt this level of connection with anyone before. ”
Every word he says is sweet agony . . . because I feel the same. I don’t understand how it happened, how in a matter of weeks Edward Frechette has become my favorite person—just being near him is enough to make me happy. I don’t know if that’s love, but I know it’s something.
But I am not going to admit it to him. He can’t derail his career because of me.
“Okay, for the sake of argument,” I say, because if he keeps saying all these pretty things, I’ll cave.
“Let’s say we start dating, and to please me, you walk away from the Norland Project.
You’d get fired, and your mom would be furious.
And the project would still happen, and you’d always resent me. ”
“I wouldn’t. I swear.”
“You don’t know that. Let’s consider the alternative. Because your happiness matters to me, I give you my blessing to go ahead with the Norland project. You make a lot of money and get promoted. And then I lose my job. At first I might not care, but eventually, I might resent you.”
“Why do you have to be so damn reasonable?” He says sitting back in the chair.
“I don’t know,” I say in a soft, sad voice. “It drives my mom and sister crazy.”
“Here’s the thing, Elinor. Maybe you’re being too reasonable.
I don’t think anyone would ever describe me as a starry-eyed dreamer, but I think we can find a compromise.
You’re not the only one who loves this place.
I love it, and my grandpa did too. I think that’s why he left me the cottage.
We can build your treehouses and upgrade the facilities but still preserve the heart of this place. ”
I so desperately want to believe him, but I can’t.
I know numbers, and I know this business.
The investors Steele Properties is counting on would not be onboard with that plan.
“I would love that, Edward. I really would. I just don’t see how it’s possible.
You’re trying to build a relationship on a pipe dream. ”
At first, Edward doesn’t answer. The clock on the wall ticks through two painfully long minutes before he asks, “So what do we do now?”
“You should do whatever you want. Don’t feel guilty about kicking us out. I promise not to take it personally.”
“That’s it? We’re just giving up?”
“Don’t you see, Edward? We would hurt each other more in the end if we tried.”
“I don’t see it that way.” He swallows hard. “But . . . I guess you’ve made up your mind.” He stands, lingering for a moment like he wants to say something else. “I . . . I’ll let you get back to work.”
He walks to the door. “Goodbye, Elinor.”
“Goodbye, Edward.” I barely get the words out, willing my voice not to crack.
Edward shuts the door behind him, and my head falls to my desk, Grandma Nora’s portrait looking down at me with sympathy.