Chapter 6
JASON
The next morning, Jason slept later than usual. After he’d dropped Mauve at her house, he’d driven home under a clear sky, stars winking at him as if they were fully on to him. You love the girl, they seemed to say.
Don’t you think I know that?
He’d brushed his teeth and crawled into bed, thinking sleep would not come to his addled mind, but it had. He’d slept a good twelve hours. Which he never did. Too much to do to sleep late, he often told himself. Apparently, everything, and he meant everything, was different in Vermont.
He lay there staring up at the ceiling but not seeing the eggshell white of the paint or the antique fixture Reese had hung.
It was Mauve’s face he saw. The way her slender neck looked when she threw back her head to laugh.
Her sad eyes when she’d said, He’s a man just like you, only he lives in Sugarville Grove.
She might think that, but it wasn’t true.
If he was truly the man she wanted and needed, he would not be himself.
He would be the kind of man who would put aside his ambition and grab hold of the woman he loved and never look back.
Never question his life choices. He would just know. Love is the only thing that mattered.
But it wasn’t true. Not for him anyway. He wanted to be the best at his craft.
He wanted a career full of good, meaty roles, for which he would be lauded and well-compensated.
He wanted to be a star. Which meant one thing, loud and clear.
He was not the man who could give Mauve the stability and support she so clearly yearned for.
Despite knowing this, he couldn’t stop himself from falling head first into love. Regardless of what was right, he loved her.
He climbed out of bed and showered, looking forward to chasing the scent of coffee coming from downstairs.
He could hear Reese and Roan moving around in the kitchen, their voices, low and an occasional laugh.
What would it be like to wake up to the person you loved most in the world and have that be enough? He doubted he would ever know.
Downstairs, he found Reese and Roan still in the kitchen, sitting at the table with their laptops open, cups of coffee next to them. A half-eaten coffee cake was on the counter, butter and cinnamon competing with the nutty smell of fresh coffee.
“Morning,” he said, heading for the coffee machine.
They answered him in chorus. “Good morning.” Two voices mingled into perfect harmony.
He poured a mug of coffee and cut himself a piece of coffee cake, then settled at the table.
“You two working from home?” Jason asked.
As owners of small businesses that required their presence to teach classes or coach clients, they worked odd hours and, from what he could tell, they did a lot of their administrative work at home at the kitchen table.
That way, they had a lot of time to take the boys where they needed to go or to attend school functions.
Since he’d been staying with them, he’d noticed what a great team they were, both as parents and partners.
He was ashamed to admit to himself that it made him envious.
“Just for an hour or so,” Reese said. “I’ve got a class at eleven.”
“Personal training client for me at the same time,” Roan said.
Reese took a sip of her coffee and made a face. “Does this taste weird to you?”
Jason drank from his own cup, then shook his head. “Tastes great to me.”
“Me too,” Roan said.
“I must just be off a little this morning,” Reese said.
“You okay, honey?” Roan asked, brow wrinkling in concern.
Reese waved him off. “I’m fine. Just girl troubles, I’m sure.” She turned to Jason. “So tell us—how’s it going with your thirty days of Christmas with my best friend?”
Jason had shared with Roan and Reese his plan to give Mauve as much Christmas fun as was possible to fit into a month.
“It’s been good, I guess,” Jason said.
“You guess?” Roan crossed his arms over his chest, watching him closely. Too closely. He and his twin could communicate without words. They knew each other almost as well as they knew themselves.
“Yeah, what does that mean?” Reese asked.
He placed both hands on the surface of the table. “I took her to La Danza last night. We had a wonderful meal, but things felt different.” How much should he share with them? They were close with Mauve. Would they tell her what he said?
“Between us,” Reese said as if she’d read his mind. “Whatever you say stays here.”
“Yeah, okay. I have a little problem.” Jason hesitated, unsure how to say it that wouldn’t make him sound like a total fool.
“Go on,” Reese said.
“I think I’m in love with her. When we spent time together in California, I thought it would just be some fun times, but it was more than that.
I just … think she’s special. Beautiful, obviously.
Smart and compassionate. Really good at her job.
There’s just something about her that does it for me.
I’ve never felt this way before. She’s all I could ask for. ”
“Then what’s the problem?” Reese asked, her voice even, as if she didn’t want to spook him into silence.
She’d probably learned that skill when she’d become a mother to two teenage boys.
His own mother used to say her twins only talked to her when they were in the car on their way somewhere.
What he wouldn’t give for another one of those car rides.
“The problem is me,” Jason said. “Mauve is an old-fashioned girl. She wants to get married and have a family. And I’m not that guy.”
“Why not?” Reese asked.
“Um, well, I mean, I’m an actor, for one.”
“Actors have wives,” Roan said.
“Yes, but they don’t live in places like Sugarville Grove,” Jason said.
“My life’s in California. Or wherever the next film set is.
A woman like Mauve isn’t the type to just follow a man around the world, while ignoring her own desires.
Not to mention the statistics on lasting marriages in Hollywood.
And it’s not like I learned how to be a husband and father.
I have no idea how to do any of it. Or if I even could.
I mean, I could be like our dad. Someone who leaves when things get rough. ”
“That’s not how it works,” Roan said. “When you become a father, your instincts kick in, even if you didn’t have one of your own.”
“Yeah, look at us,” Reese said. “Raising teenage boys. We don’t know what we’re doing half the time, but we figure it out.”
“I don’t even know if I’m right for her,” Jason said. “She should have the greatest man on earth. And I’m not that.”
“There’s no such thing as the greatest man on earth,” Roan said.
“We’re all just doing the best we can. Making mistakes.
Correcting mistakes. Asking forgiveness.
Giving forgiveness. Being there when the other person needs them, on good days and bad.
You know how to do that. You’ve been there for me whenever I’ve needed you. ”
“Even if you’re right, Mauve doesn’t want a nomad life.
She wants to be here, with you two and this community and her career that means so much to her.
There’s just no way we’re compatible.” He shook his head.
“Yet, I can’t seem to imagine a life without her.
” He grimaced, tugging on his ear. “But here’s the thing—I can’t imagine one with her either.
So I’m stuck, two parts of me warring for control.
The ambitious artist who can’t give up on the work I love and the guy from Sugarville Grove who wants to buy a farmhouse and marry the girl of his dreams and string up Christmas lights instead of having them aimed at me. ”
“Marriage is about compromise,” Reese said. “If you two love each other, you can make it work.”
“But how?” Jason asked, voice cracking. “She doesn’t want to spend half her time with me, wherever I am, and half here alone. That’s not the way to build a life together. And trust me, I know how this makes me sound.”
“How is that?” Reese asked, her voice soft.
“Like a man so obsessed with his work that he’s willing to give up the girl of his dreams to chase another role,” Jason said.
“Believe it or not, I understand,” Reese said. “All I ever wanted was to dance professionally. I couldn’t imagine there would ever be a time when I didn’t want that. But we evolve. The people we meet along the way change us.”
“But I don’t want to change. That’s the whole problem. This role in Prague is next-level stuff. It could change everything for me. I can’t give it up.”
“It’s not like she’s asking you to,” Reese said.
Roan nodded. “Maybe give her the opportunity to tell you what she wants. What she’s willing to give up to be with you.”
He thought about that for a moment. “We promised each other that this was just supposed to be fun. Nothing serious.”
“That’s an almost guaranteed way to fall madly in love,” Reese said.
“They say the heart has a mind of its own.” She was quiet for a moment.
“Mauve hasn’t been the same since she got back from that trip.
She’s either smiling into her phone or looking a little sad. I’ve been worried, but now I’m not.”
“Why?” Jason asked, surprised.
“Because you two are going to figure it out,” Reese said. “You’re two of my favorite people in the world, and I want you to be happy. Just trust yourself a little.”
“And love yourself a little more,” Roan said. “I know, it sounds cliché, but it’s true. You’re too hard on yourself. Always have been. Give yourself a little grace, okay?”
“I’ll try.”
Jason then told them about Ollie and their plan to help him learn “Frosty the Snowman” in sign language.
“What a wonderful thing to do,” Reese said.
“I figure it’s a way to give back,” Jason said. “And in honor of my speech therapist.”
“He had the biggest crush on her,” Roan said. “Linda.”
“She changed my life. I’m hoping to give a little of that back to Ollie.”
“See, right there,” Reese said. “You’re a good person. And you’ll make a great family man.”