Chapter Fifteen #2
“I’ve sent him away so that we may have some privacy,” Dr Tate said picking up on my intent.
“Thank you,” I said, the gratitude in my voice coming easily as I realized we were to be left alone; that no one stood in the way of putting my plan in motion now.
Moving obediently to the bed, I climbed in, my head dropping back against the familiar comfort of the pillows as I allowed myself to relax a little.
“You’re welcome.” He gave a small chuckle as he looked down at me, his fingers brushing the edge of the bed just millimeters from my own. “The presence of his intimidating stature would hardly make for a very successful therapy session, would it?”
“No,” I admitted, my lips turning up a fraction.
He gave me an encouraging smile and what I once believed to be kindness warmed his eyes. It was a harsh reminder of one of the many reasons I’d been so easily sucked in by him.
The pain of betrayal ripped through me anew and I averted my gaze so he couldn’t see the hurt in my expression.
I needn’t have worried as he chose that moment to walk away, his focus on the day chair that I kept in the corner of the room.
Testing its weight, he lifted the seat and brought it up alongside the bed.
“I know it’s not quite my office, but I’m sure we can make this arrangement just as comfortable,” he said, shrugging off his tweed jacket and hooking it over the chair back before heading back to the doorway to collect the briefcase I hadn’t even spotted.
He brought it to the nightstand and flicked it open, retrieving a bottle of pills and tapping out two.
“You can have one now and the other later,” he said looking to me. “I don’t want to risk you drifting off when you clearly have a lot to talk about.”
There was a gentle tap at the door and I started, my eyes darting from him to the noise and back again.
Please don’t be Tom returning.
Spying my panic, he placed a hand upon my own and I had to concentrate hard to leave it there, his touch making me bristle. “It’s okay, Abigail, it’s just Lily with some water.”
Lily! A sudden urge to call out for help, to be in the safety of her presence and be rescued from this situation, was almost my undoing.
But the long game stopped me. I also had to remember just how dangerous my stepfather could be, how these people he surrounded himself with could be, it wasn’t fair to embroil sweet, lovely, Lily in any of it.
I watched him move to the doorway and open it, his body blocking my view of the other side completely. They exchanged words in tones too hushed to overhear, and then he turned, a tray with a jug and two glasses now in his hold as the door closed discretely behind him.
“There, you see, nothing to worry about,” he said reassuringly, his familiar tone, soft and comforting before, now serving to twist the knife in deeper as he headed back to the bedside and placed the tray on the nightstand.
Pouring a glass of water, he picked up one of the pills he’d extracted earlier and offered them both to me. I eyed the small, round pill, a bubble of panic creeping up my throat — was it a sleeping tablet? It looked innocent enough, but then—
“Don’t worry, Abi, it’s only to help you get settled,” he assured me. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
What choice did I have?
Cause a scene and make him force it down me or play along and hope it gets me what I need.
Obediently, I raised myself onto my elbow and took them both, knocking back the tablet and chasing it down with the water, accepting that on some level it may actually help with what was to come.
“Thank you,” I said quietly, passing the water back to him and lying down again.
“Now, tell me,” he said, returning the glass to the nightstand and taking up his seat, one leg crossing over the other. “What has you so troubled?”
I stared at the ceiling a good while, partly to do my role-play justice and partly to work out how I was going to approach this. I decided honesty was the best way to begin, after all, plenty had been going on in my head of late and all of it stemmed from sex.
“I’ve been having these new ... feelings.” I hesitated, trying to relay my confusion. “They’ve been really unsettling.”
“Feelings?” he probed. “What kind of feelings?”
“I don’t know if I should say.”
“Come, Abi, I’ve known you for over ten years, has there ever been anything you’ve not been able to tell me?”
“No,” I said, trying to ignore the pain that came with that truthful admission.
“Well then, there’s your answer.”
I nodded and gave him a small smile. “You’re right, I know you are.”
He leaned back in his chair, his eyes telling me to go on.
“They’re of a sexual kind.” Heat crept into my cheeks unbidden and I went with it, it would only add to my performance, after all.
“Well, you’re of an age now where that’s completely natural, Abi.”
“This is different,” I stressed, “they are so intense and revolve around a woman.”
“A woman, you say?”
“And not just any woman, Doctor,” I pinned him with my shameful gaze, “it’s my father’s fiancée.”
“I see,” he said, propping one arm up by its elbow as he rested his head into his hand, his fingers pressing across his lips in a thoughtful gesture. “Well, have you had such feelings like this before? Toward a woman I mean?”
“No.” I swallowed hard as I tried to portray my growing arousal at thoughts of Emma, I recalled her stepping from that car the first time I saw her, her stunning legs bare and outstretched, her body encased in that skimpy white number.
“It’s just her! Ever since I met her, she’s all I think about, my body just burns with this crazy excited need and I can’t control it.
I know it’s wrong, but I just don’t care. ”
“Uh-huh.”
He was enthralled with what I was saying, I could hear it in his simple acknowledgement and I was more than happy to continue, feeling a sense of dizzying freedom at being able to voice these truths, to get them off my chest at last. “When she is with me, my mind and body go into overdrive, every bit of me aching to reach for her...”
“You say you want to reach for her?” he remarked with interest. “Could this simply be the girl in you wanting to reach out to a mother figure? Perhaps you are confusing maternal desires with those of a more basic need?”
I almost laughed. “There is nothing motherly about the way I see her, I assure you, Doctor. I truly want to strip her naked and do all sorts of things to her.”
He cleared his throat. “Really, Abi—”
“I know, it’s simply awful, isn’t it? But I just can’t help it!” I said, the tempo and ferocity of my words increasing with the thrill of my thoughts. “It’s made worse by the fact that I have seen her in action.”
“Action?” he queried, his eyebrows raised.
“Yes,” I nodded eagerly. “With both men and women! And it drives me crazy!”
“You have?” he said in surprise.
“Yes.” I could feel the heat spread in my core as I allowed my mind to wander over the memory of the past few days and what I had really seen of her.
“You’ve seen her with others?” he probed, a definite edge to his voice now.
“I didn’t mean to, it was an accident,” I said earnestly, my gaze locking with his and seeing what I hoped to be the heat of arousal reflected there. Not so unaffected now are we, Doctor? Unless the heat stemmed more from embarrassment...
“An accident?”
“Yes, I stumbled upon Daddy and his friends the other night, they were having some kind of orgy” — my eyes widened over the word and I clenched my hands together over my lower belly — “I just couldn’t help it, I had to watch .
.. all of it! I saw them having sex, her and this other woman and another man .
.. I just can’t get it out of my mind. My body burns with a need so strong, I want to. ..”
He coughed gently.
“I’m sorry, Dr Tate, I shouldn’t even be saying these things,” I said, dropping my gaze to my hands to show I was suitably mortified.
“No, no, child, it’s fine. It is important that you talk through these feelings.”
“But I want to do things to myself constantly, while I think about her and these strangers,” I said, parting my hands to trail my fingers across my lower belly, the move subtle but my intent clear and obvious to his watchful eye.
“I imagine they are on me, doing things to me, again and again. I know it’s wrong but I just can’t help it. ”
In the periphery of my vision, I could see him shift in his seat, his head rolling against the collar of his shirt, indicating his growing discomfort.
I just needed to work out whether mounting arousal was to blame or if he was sincerely embarrassed by my tale.
I hadn’t really considered the possibility that he wouldn’t be as sordid as the rest of them. ..
“Well,” — he cleared his throat again — “this sounds perfectly normal, Abi, seeing her in such a sexual situation would explain why you now have such feelings toward her.”
“But that’s just part of the problem. I had these feelings before I even suspected this side of her ... and now I’ve seen them ... well, I just can’t get enough! The real crux of the matter is that no amount of making myself come can help me get past it.”
My eyes shot to his, eager to catch his reaction. And I wasn’t disappointed. His eyes flashed darkly, his hand dropping to his upper thigh — a discrete attempt to conceal his crotch, I hoped!
“How many times a week would you say you’re enjoying yourself in this way?” he asked, his eyes flicking frequently to my fingers as I continued to caress my lower belly.
“A week?” I laughed softly. “It’s at least twice a day, Doctor. Like I said, it’s not normal, it’s consuming me.”
“I see,” he said thickly.
“What am I to do?” I whispered in desperation.
“Have you considered working through this with a partner?”
“Like who, Dr Tate? I don’t want a relationship with another woman. I can’t very well go to her and I’m not sure a man would be able to do anything with me when she is all I think about.”