Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Dinner had been a trying affair with her father’s obvious matchmaking efforts making her want to plead illness and flee. To Blade’s credit, he had not gloated or played into her father’s innuendo, and that had bothered her more. What was he up to?
Now Harriet had escaped to the library, while her brothers and Blade had made their way to the billiard room once again.
Ariane had retired early, tired after her long journey, but Harriet couldn’t sleep.
She should go to bed and rest. It would be a long tiring night tomorrow, having to smile and take all the knowing looks from their guests.
They knew why Blade was here. Her father had not been discreet, it would appear.
Everyone would expect an announcement tomorrow night.
She rubbed her temples and tried to fight off the pounding headache about to set in.
She pushed her slippers off with her toes and laid down on the settee.
Every time she closed her eyes, all she saw was the image of Blade’s naked chest as he’d stood with water sluicing over every defined muscle in the hot pool.
Was it only a day ago? Now, her body seemed to be aflame each time she saw him, knowing what lay beneath the clothes.
She wondered if he dreamed of her naked and in his arms?
She hated that she longed to be naked and, in his arms, even if she was second best and merely met requirements on a list.
As if he’d sensed her thoughts, she looked up and Blade was standing in the doorway.
His face was shadowed but she could feel the heat in his gaze.
She swung her legs off the settee and sat up.
She wanted to say don’t come near, but her throat closed as he sauntered towards where she sat near the fire, as if he owned the night.
“We need to talk.”
She didn’t want to talk. Not here in the firelight where the shadows caressed his face and made her want to do the same.
“I’m not sure we have anything to discuss.”
An audible sigh filled the air as he took the large wingback chair across from her. “I have some explaining to do and an apology to make.”
That caught her attention.
He carried on. “You want to know about Lady Jane.”
“I’m sure I am not in the least bit interested in your—affairs.”
“If you expect honesty, then you must be honest with me too.” Her face flushed with color.
“Lady Jane meant nothing to me. I was in her company a great deal because Prinny gave me a task I was honor bound to fulfil. I cannot reveal what that task was, but it was to do with Princess Charlotte and Lady Jane is her lady-in-waiting.”
She watched his eyes and saw no flicker of deceit. “So, you were not enamored of her, desiring a match.”
“Good lord, no. If I had not been following Prinny’s orders I would have courted you this season.”
“Since you are speaking of honesty, why did you wish to court me?” His mouth opened, but nothing came out.
She continued. “Do you want to know what I think?” She didn’t wait for his answer.
“I think you find me attractive, interesting even, and we are friends. We have known each other most of our lives and Trello is your best friend.”
He nodded. “All true.”
“I think I’m the easy choice.”
He looked like he was about to choke. “Easy? I hardly think I’m so lazy I’d take the easiest option to find a wife.
” He moved to sit beside her before she could react.
Taking her hand, he whispered, “You forgot one important component of why I want you as my wife. I desire you,” and he lifted her ungloved hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, making shivers cascade over her skin. “And you are not immune to me either.”
She could not deny his words, but she still pulled her hand free. “And do you believe desire is the correct basis for a marriage?”
This time he ran his finger gently over her cheek. “It’s the perfect place to start.”
“But where would a marriage based on desire end up? From what I have seen, men burn with desire and then over time, like a starved fire, the flame dies out.”
He tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear and she wished he’d stop touching her; it confused and excited her, and there was too much at stake here.
“You’d have our children and the house, or houses, to maintain, and I’d have my responsibilities. We would get along famously.”
So, he agreed with her that the desire would fade. “Would that mean you’d take mistresses to find new desires?”
“No. I just believe that if we stoke the fire regularly, the flames, though they might not burn as ferocious, will fan the embers and glow bright. A warm, comfortable life.”
She sucked in a breath. That all sounded fine except…
, what if he found a woman he could love?
And how would it feel to marry a man you loved with all your heart, but that love was never returned?
Both of them would be trapped in this ‘comfortable’ life.
She drew in a deep breath before saying, “That is not enough for me. I want love. I want to marry a man who loves me, and I him.”
She felt his absence by her side immediately as he stood and paced. “You said you wanted honesty,” she explained.
He nodded. “Well love, like desire, fades and usually takes any semblance of friendship with it.”
He sounded as if he spoke from experience. “I guess that means you don’t love me.”
He swung round to look at her. “And you don’t love me… Oh, God. You do.” He looked horrified as he sunk into the nearby chair.
“Why do you think I’ve turned down so many offers?”
“I need a drink. I never assumed…” He stood and walked straight to the sideboard and poured himself a large brandy and drank it in one gulp. He hung his head and heavy silence blanketed the room.
This time she sighed as she stood to take her leave. “I know father is expecting an announcement at the ball, but I won’t be allowing it. When you can profess your love for me, then I will agree to marry you. Your love would make a splendid Christmas present.”
“What if I can never declare that love you want?”
Interesting. He didn’t say what if ‘I could never love you’. He merely said declare it.
“Then I hope for your sake that one day you are brave enough to find that special woman and realize love is not something to fear. I hope you open your shuttered heart to her. I don’t know who hurt you, but they were obviously not worthy of your love.
Next time don’t give your heart to someone who will trample it into the dust.”
With that, she moved and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before walking out of the room.
A tear tracked down her face as she realized she would not win her Prince Charming.
Her Christmas wish would not be granted.
He did not love her. If he did, he would chase after her, begging her to reconsider, but he was letting her go with no complaint.
Blade poured another brandy and noted his hands shook.
Harriet was right. Long ago, he’d had his heart ripped to shreds.
He’d been young and cocksure of himself.
He was a wealthy duke, good looking and very popular.
He thought he could have any woman he wanted.
Like every young buck that season, he’d wanted the belle of the Ton, Lady Abigail.
He courted her, showered her with gifts, and to his surprise he fell head over heels in love with her. He was ready at only two and twenty to make her his duchess. Then he’d overheard a conversation.
“You’ve certainly sharpened Blade’s blade.” A gaggle of giggles filled the air. “He’s panting after you like a well-trained puppy. I never thought I’d see the day. He’ll propose to you, I’m sure, and I’ll lose our wager.”
“I told you I could have my pick of gentlemen and there was no way I’d waste my time on anyone other than a duke. Her Grace has a lovely sound to it.” Abigail’s voice sounded full of pride and Blade’s smile faded. He knew he shouldn’t be listening, but he could not move away.
One quiet voice spoke up. “Not only a duke, he’s wealthy and oh, so handsome. Laying back and thinking of England will not be a chore if rumors are to be believed.”
More giggling.
“I will do my duty, but I’m hoping he’ll take many mistresses. I will definitely make it clear I’m not a fan of his attentions.”
“You don’t find him irresistible?” The quiet voice asked. His pride recovered at her obvious shock.
“No. I do not find him attractive at all. All dark and brooding. Now Lord Henswick is dashing. I think I’ll take him as my lover once I’m married.”
His pride fled and anger rose in its place.
The disdain in her voice when she spoke of him, and the knowledge she planned to take lovers when he would have offered her the world, saw his heart shrivel in his chest.
He turned and walked away and never spoke to Lady Abigail again. She would never be his duchess. He learned his lesson well. From that day on, he’d locked his heart securely away, realizing that women wanted the title, not the man.
How ironic that the one woman who wanted the man, not his title, had just refused his offer because he would not love her. He admired her courage and had to admit she was not interested in becoming just a duchess. He should marry her for that alone, but Harriet deserved more.
He deserved more, too.
A smile formed on his lips. It would be so easy to love her. The pain in his chest lessened as the chains shackling his heart loosened.
He let love flood his body and knew what he needed to do if he wanted to make this a Christmas to remember.
He had to convince the lady who would be his, and his alone, that his heart could love and that she filled it. Not an easy task given the bumbling fool start he’d made to showing her she was all he wanted.