3. The Nightmare and the Moon
The Nightmare and the Moon
MATEO
I had hoped that when she agreed to go out with me, when she’d looked at me with those curious eyes, that I wouldn’t have to face what I was running from.
There was a sense of relief when she said yes, when I saw that flicker of interest in her gaze.
But deep down, I knew I couldn’t keep the truth from her much longer.
The moment she came back to town, I could smell it.
I don’t know how else to explain it, but it was like I knew.
Her return hit me like a jolt, and I couldn’t ignore it.
I followed the scent, the pull of it, until I found her sitting alone at the school, so focused and unaware of everything around her.
Seeing her again, after all these years, made something inside me stir. I knew it was my chance to be close to her, to show her—little by little—that I had always thought about her. That’s why I learned to sign, after all. To make sure I could communicate with her, if the chance ever came.
I wanted to experience something normal with her, to have one moment where we could just be a man and a woman on a date—no secrets, no dark truths. I could feel it in my chest, that gnawing sense that time was running out. Eventually, I’d have to face what I was hiding.
It had been a few days since our date. The memory of her laughing, the way her eyes lit up when she signed to me—it was enough to make my chest tighten every time I thought about it.
She felt real. She felt like home. That’s the only way I could describe it.
In the space of a few hours, Sunanda had become someone I needed. Someone I couldn’t lose.
And I wasn’t sure how to handle that.
I could feel the weight of the moon drawing near, its pull was always strongest in the days leading up to the full moon—and tonight it felt like it was pressing against my chest, suffocating me.
I was trying to keep it together. I had been managing.
Barely. But there was a limit to how long I could hold myself in check.
I couldn’t go near her tonight. Not like this.
My phone buzzed on the table beside me, pulling me out of my thoughts. It was a text from her:
“Are you okay? I had a bad nightmare. I just… I need to talk.”
I stared at it, my fingers hovering over the screen.
She was reaching out to me. She trusted me.
But I couldn’t answer her now. I couldn’t let her see me like this, not when I could feel the shift happening in my bones, the growing hunger in my chest. I’d been trying to ignore it, trying to pretend like it wasn’t coming.
But the closer the moon got, the harder it was to keep the beast at bay.
I texted back, as briefly as possible:
“I’m sorry, I’m busy right now. I can’t talk. Maybe tomorrow?”
I didn’t know if that would be enough to ease her worry, but I couldn’t risk seeing her tonight. Not when the beast was clawing its way through my skin.
I tossed the phone aside and stood up, pacing the room, trying to calm the restless energy that was building inside of me. The pull of the moon was like a slow, inevitable tide, one that always came at the worst possible times.
But Sunanda needed me. She always had. She just didn’t know it yet. I couldn’t let her know what I was. She wouldn’t understand. Not like I had when I was younger, when I realized that the strange, insatiable pull I’d felt toward her was something I couldn’t escape.
I had known, even as a teenager, that we were bound together. That when she came back, it wouldn’t be a choice anymore. The wolf had been waiting for her.
And now that she was here, I couldn’t keep the truth from her much longer.
But she needed to stay safe. So I stayed away.
The night stretched on, and I didn’t know how to reconcile the man I wanted to be with the beast that lay underneath my skin. And she deserved someone who could love her fully, without hiding. Without secrets.
But as the minutes stretched on, the tightness in my chest grew unbearable, and I knew I’d been a fool to think I could stay away for long.
The air thickened, the walls of the room seemed to close in on me, and I could feel it—the shift.
It started as a prickling sensation under my skin, like something ancient and hungry was awakening.
The wolf inside me howled, a deafening sound in my mind, and I gritted my teeth against the oncoming pain.
In the suffocating darkness of my room, I felt the first claws push painfully against my flesh, stretching beneath my skin, tearing at my body as if it were too small for the thing trying to emerge.
My bones cracked, rearranging themselves in ways that made me want to scream, but I fought it, clenching my fists against the transformation.
It was too late. The beast was already there, crawling through my veins, and there was no stopping it now.
I didn’t know how to fix it. Didn’t know how to make her understand.
I knew only one thing—I couldn’t stay away from her.
But I also couldn’t let her be part of the chaos I was becoming.