5. Evie
Evie
The water was cold by the time I climbed out of the tub.
I’d dozed off a few times to the serene spa music in my ears as the jets in the deluxe jacuzzi tub massaged away the last remaining tightness in my muscles.
Today had been the shit show of all shit shows.
I wasn’t sure what to expect going into that deposition, but even with all the prep from Gabrielle, I wasn’t prepared for the rush of emotions when I described what happened to me.
It was like I was living it all over again.
Even the burn of his penis sliding into me without any lube, it was as raw as if it were happening all over again when I described the incident.
Just because Track Croft was dead didn’t mean this was over. There were still three other Croft men out there wreaking havoc on the women of the world. Sticking their dicks where they didn’t belong and thinking they could get away with it.
After I moisturized myself as thoroughly as I did last night, I put my pajamas back on, tied the robe around my waist, and threw my hair into a fishtail braid that curled over my shoulder.
An array of food was spread out all over the coffee table in the living room while Burke reclined on the couch, flicking through all the different television channels.
“There’s the mermaid,” he said. “I was beginning to think you sprouted gills or something.”
I sat down beside him and smiled. “Thank you.”
His thick, dark brows bunched. “For what?”
I went wide-eyed in surprise. “For what? For all of it. For accompanying me here. For holding my hand through the deposition. For saving me from those men today. For everything, Burke. I couldn’t have done it without you.”
Color filled his cheeks, and he glanced away. “You could have. You’re the strongest person I know.”
“I don’t feel strong.”
That prompted him to meet my eyes with his. I loved the blue-gray with copper flecks. It was so unique and beautiful, like him. “You’re so incredibly strong, Evie, you have no idea.”
I reached for his hand, lacing our fingers together. “You help me feel strong.”
My gaze fell to his full lips, and an ache so consuming filled me. I needed to know what this man’s mouth tasted like. To feel those lips against mine. I leaned in a little, so did he.
The world around us seemed to hit pause, and I’m sure Earth itself stopped turning.
Just an inch away now, his breath coming out in warm puffs against mine.
I closed my eyes and went in for that last half an inch, expecting him to do the same, but when I kissed air, I moved closer yet again.
Then closer, only to fall face first into his lap.
Scrambling to sit up, and angry, I glared at him. “What the hell was that?”
Panic stared back at me. Panic and guilt. “We can’t.”
“Wh-why? Are you married and never bothered to tell me?”
“No. I’m not married.”
“Gay?”
“No.”
“A eunuch?”
One corner of his mouth twitched. “No.”
“You just don’t find me attractive then? I’m not your type?” I stood up and started pacing in front of the enormous television, which was currently running ads for all the major attractions in downtown Seattle.
“I find you very attractive, Evie. And you are definitely my type.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
“I …” His face fell, and he stared at the floor. “You’re here to give a deposition about a rape. Your rape. This isn’t right. I want you to feel safe. To not feel at all like you did that night. I’d be taking advantage.”
While I appreciated the sentiment behind his words, I also found them to be as irritating as fuck.
“How long have you known me, Burke?”
He blinked in confusion. “Uh … a few days.”
“Right. A few days. And in that time, you’ve learned more about me than most people have ever learned about me. Which means, I feel safe with you.”
“And I don’t want to compromise that.”
Growling, I bunched my fists at my sides and kept pacing. “Why would you be compromising that? Are you some kind of sadist? A dangerous exhibitionist? What about you and me … being more than just friends, isn’t safe?”
“I just don’t want—”
“What about what I want? Have you ever thought that maybe I want to have sex? That I want to kiss a man whom I know won’t hurt me?
I haven’t had sex … not that what that monster did to me was sex, but I haven’t been with a man since that night.
And I want to be. That shouldn’t be the last memory I have of sex.
” I laughed in spite of it all. “I used to actually like sex. I used to be good at it. I used to be fun. I haven’t been on a date since it happened.
And I want to date. I want to be normal.
I want a family one day maybe. I can’t let this define me.
I won’t.” I stopped in my tracks, plunked my hands on my hips, and glared at him.
“But if all you see me as is a victim, sullied by another man, then you’re not the man I thought you were.
” I grabbed the chicken panini off the plate and the bowl of French fries and stormed off to my bedroom, making sure to slam the door.
I hadn’t even taken a bite out of my sandwich before there was a knock at my door. “You can only come in if you’re not going to be a blind asshole.”
The door opened and a sheepish man with a sling stepped in. “What about a man who was a blind asshole, but is trying not to be?”
I rolled my eyes and popped a fry into my mouth. “What do you want?”
“To apologize.” He made his way into the bedroom toward where I sat against the headboard of my bed. He perched on the edge near my knees. “You’re right. I was looking at you like a victim, and that wasn’t fair.”
I glared at him. “Today was hard.”
“Which was part of my reason for—”
“It was hard because you had to see me like that. Crumbling, weak. I knew you already saw me as a victim, and today I was even more of one. All I want more than anything is some peace. For people to stop looking at me like a broken woman. Like a victim.” I dropped my gaze to my lap.
“I know that’s all you see me as. Especially after today. ”
“No,” he shook his head fervently, then reached for my hand. “Evie, that’s not what I thought at all. What you did today took so much strength and courage. I’ve never been in such awe.”
“You still see me as a victim, though.”
Nodding, he frowned. “Maybe I did … but I don’t anymore. You’re so much more than what Track did to you. It doesn’t define you, and I apologize that I got caught up trying to ‘keep you safe’.”
Stroking my thumb over the back of his big hand, I met his eyes as emotion hung heavy and sharp in the back of my throat. “I don’t want what he did to hang over me anymore. It’s giving him power all over again.”
He nodded. “I agree. He took your power from you once.”
“Never again,” I whispered.
“Never again.” He leaned forward. “Can we try this again?”
“I better not wind up face-first in your lap again, otherwise, I don’t care if there are more than enough beds in this suite, you’re sleeping in the laundry room.”
“That’s more of a second date kind of thing.
” Then he tugged me close until our lips touched.
I was hesitant at first, maybe even timid.
But Burke was so patient and kind. When I was ready, I opened my mouth a little wider; so did he.
Our tongues slowly slipped inside, tangling gently.
His hand remained in mine, but quickly I knew I wanted more.
I broke the kiss, staring into his starry eyes. “Maybe … you on your back?”
“You’re sure?” he asked with concern as his eyes roamed my face.
Nodding, I began to untie my robe. “I am. I need this. I … I need you, Burke. Please.”
Slowly, he bobbed his head. Then we were quick.
I peeled out of my clothes, down to nothing, since he’d already seen it all, anyway. Then I helped him out of his jeans. He rolled over onto his back, and I helped him sit up, propping him against the headboard. “Condom?” he asked, as I sat up on my knees and was about to swing my leg over his lap.
“Oh! Uh …” I glanced around the bed, as if they were scattered across the duvet like rose petals or something. “I don’t have any.”
“In my wallet,” he said, nodding at his jeans on the floor.
Desperate and frantic, I scrambled to grab his jeans and find the condom. I lifted it into the air in triumph, which made him chuckle.
His gaze was hooded, his pupils dilated as I handed him the condom and watched him roll it over his erection. And what an impressive erection it was. Thick, long and with sexy veins running around it like a roadmap to Pleasure Town.
Once the condom was secured, he reached for me. I swung my leg over his lap, straddling him.
“You’re sure?” he asked again, his free hand resting on my hip.
Leaning in, my breasts brushing his chest—which was still covered by his shirt—I pressed my lips to his, then across his stubbly cheek, over his jaw and down my neck. “Touch me,” I murmured next to his ear. “Please.”
The hand on my hip trailed delicately across my abdomen, sending goosebumps in its wake. I trembled in need as he dipped two fingers down between the trimmed dusting of hair between my legs, into my soaked and throbbing center. God, how I needed this. How I wanted this.
He sucked in a sharp breath as he worked circled around my clit, and I began to slowly tilt my hips back and forth. Bringing my mouth back to his, I plunged my tongue inside, then nibbled on his bottom lip, sucked his tongue and showed him just how ready I was.
Reaching down between us with one hand, I found his fingers, dripping with my need, and together, we rubbed my clit until I was just a breath away from coming.
But I wanted more. I wanted to feel Burke inside of me.
That space had been violated by a terrible man, a man not of my choosing.
He wasn’t invited to share my body, and I needed to take back the power and willingly invite someone of my choosing.
With his fingers still on my clit, I wrapped my hand around his cock and angled it at my center, lifting up higher on my knees.
“You’re sure?” he asked for the third time.