Chapter 10 #2
“I suggest we go downstairs and have lunch,” Janie said.
She had to eat, that’s what Maria kept telling her, so she might as well do two things she wasn’t interested in at the same time.
She grabbed her blazer and purse and led the way to the elevator, ignoring the furtive glances of her colleagues.
Oh, the humiliation of having her mother strut into her office.
What stories would be fabricated at the water cooler at lunch, or at the bar tonight?
“This isn’t a social call, Janie. We’ll have to be quick.”
“Understood.” Janie didn’t think she could recall a single social call from her mother in her life. She tapped the ground floor button repeatedly, wanting the elevator doors to close before any brave or stupid souls tried to join them and grab a few seconds with the legendary Angela Evans.
“This is a self-indulgent crisis that could have been avoided,” her mother said when the elevator finally began its descent.
Janie fiddled with the buttons on her jacket then stopped herself.
She shouldn’t retreat into youthful coping mechanisms. She was an adult now, and she didn’t have to take this from anyone, even her own mother.
Still, the familiar tension of her mere presence wrapped around Janie like a suffocating shroud. “It’s hardly self-indulgent, Mother.”
“No? What else should we call it? A strategic withdrawal from a marriage you weren’t prepared for? A panicked retreat from motherhood, which you also clearly weren’t ready for?” Her mother’s eyes narrowed. “The children are my main reason for being here.”
Janie couldn’t respond. Her throat tightened, and an icy-cold chill rippled over her skin.
Her mother was more right than she could’ve expected to be.
And of course her mother was most concerned about her grandchildren.
No doubt she didn’t want her vision of a do-over parenting challenge derailed.
Janie had joked with Hannah that her mother was probably planning on molding her very own set of Supreme Court judges.
She’d been surprised her mother hadn’t been more insistent about her involvement up to now, but she was likely just waiting for the triplets to start stringing more syllables together before she pounced.
When they’d been seated in the cold, faceless restaurant, Janie swallowed hard and prepared herself. “The children are fine. They’re with Hannah and her father, and they’re safe.”
“I think our ideas of what is and is not safe might very well differ,” her mother said. “You know how I feel about Hannah’s bohemian lifestyle.”
Despite the situation, Janie smiled internally, remembering Hannah’s laughter when she’d first heard her mother-in-law refer to it that way.
Her butch presentation, blue-collar father, and her decade in the Army didn’t scream bohemian, but anyone who wasn’t obsessed with material possessions, superior social status, and multiple zeroes in the bank was exactly that, as far as Janie’s mother was concerned.
“Hannah’s lifestyle is none of your business. ”
“It is where my grandchildren are involved.” Her mother pushed away the menus placed on their table, making it clear she wouldn’t be eating.
“She’s ex-Army with very little in the way of career prospects.
She wouldn’t be doing anything if it hadn’t been for you funding that ridiculous garage with her band of equally talentless yahoos. ”
Janie scoffed at her mother’s characterization and ordered a sparkling water. She would’ve ordered wine, but she didn’t need to give her mother extra fuel for her condemnation.
Her mother glared at her and then up at their bemused server. “An espresso then, if we must.”
Janie suppressed her amusement when she recalled Hannah commenting that her mother-in-law might be a vampire, since no one ever saw her eat or drink. “Do you really not understand why I chose to settle my family here, nearly a thousand miles away from you?”
“What are you saying, Janie?” Her mother glanced around the restaurant, the way she surveyed a room when she was disinterested in or no longer had use for the person she was actually with.
“Your suffocating judgment,” Janie said. “The lack of humanity. My family doesn’t need that. I don’t need that.”
Her mother returned her attention to Janie, impatience clear in her expression. “Humanity is overrated, dear,” she said with a dismissive flick of her hand. “I’m not here to discuss your perceived failings in me as a human being. We need to discuss custody.”
“Custody?” Janie’s stomach dropped. “Why on earth would you think we need to do that?”
“Hannah isn’t fit to be a single parent, Janie.
” Her mother wrinkled her nose slightly.
“I’m not sure she should be a parent at all.
And how do you think she’s going to support three young children right now, let alone earn the funds to send them to college?
Unless you’ve already put your inheritance in a trust for them—if there’s any left.
Grandmother Evans gave you that money for your security, not to fund your wife’s pet projects. ”
Ah, there it was. If there was anything Janie could rely on when talking to her mother, it would be this.
As if their relationship wasn’t difficult enough, the money from Janie’s grandmother was like a splinter in a festering wound and a constant bone of contention.
Janie’s maternal grandmother, whom Janie adored, had long been the only person in her life who seemed to value her unconditionally rather than for her achievements, academic or otherwise.
“Grandma Susan’s instructions were clear: enjoy life and prioritize family, which was something you didn’t do.
” Janie ignored the internal voice that scoffed at her statement.
Not doing that herself was how she’d ended up in this predicament.
“She disapproved of your cold ambition, and she knew how disconnected you were from me as a result. She wanted me to have the means to be present, and to be a better mother than I had a role model for.”
Her mother’s facade cracked momentarily, long enough to reveal a flash of pure, cold rage in her eyes before they returned to their usual dispassion. “That’s a malicious and hurtful distortion, Janie. She was a senile old woman playing favorites.”
“That wasn’t something that you could prove in court though, was it?”
Her mother arched her eyebrows. “I don’t understand where all this resentment is coming from, Janie.
I worked as hard as I did in order to provide a perfect life for—” She took a sharp inhalation of breath through her nose and flicked her hair over her shoulder, something she only did when she was deeply uncomfortable.
“I don’t have to justify my choices. Especially to someone who has completely abdicated their parental responsibilities and left her young children with a woman who’s barely grown up herself.
I hope you emptied the liquor cabinet when you deserted your girls.
We all know Hannah likes to lose herself in the bottle.
What do you think she’ll be doing now that she’s the sole caregiver for your children? ”
Janie couldn’t deflect that barb. Hannah’s drinking had been a source of concern for her occasionally too. But she’d seemed to have gotten a handle on it since Janie had the babies.
Her mother’s eyebrow arched even higher, and she gave a smug smile. “As I said, Hannah isn’t fit to be a mother, and clearly, you agree.”
“No, I didn’t say that.”
“Your silence said more than your words ever could.” Her mother’s smile grew wider. “And how was buying your wife a boat showing your girls a better role model?”
“Because it makes her happy,” Janie said, hearing how weak it sounded. “And the girls love going out on the water.”
Her mother laughed. “They aren’t even two years old. The only things they love are food and sleep.”
Janie clenched her jaw. She didn’t even want to be here, let alone be having an argument about child development, which her mother still clearly knew nothing about.
“I’m not having this conversation with you.
” She looked beyond her mother as their server approached the table with their drinks, looking wary.
He placed them on the table and retreated quickly.
“I decide how I spend that money and how I live my life.”
“And that’s working so well for you, isn’t it?
” Her mother gestured toward Janie. “You’ve fled the house you bought with that money, and you’ve abandoned your children to a stunted teenager.
This is exactly why we need to establish a legal framework.
It doesn’t look like you’re willing to return to the children, so I’ll file for temporary custody immediately. ”
Janie’s backbone disintegrated into sand, and she sank further into her chair. She’d been stupid to underestimate the depths her mother would sink to. She was no longer satisfied with controlling Janie. She wanted to take the triplets away to “raise” them herself?
“You think you’re a better parent than Hannah?” Janie whispered. For all her faults, Hannah loved their children more than anything, more than she loved Janie even, or so it had seemed. “Or is this about getting your hands on the rest of Grandma’s estate?”
“Children are expensive, dear,” her mother said, her voice hard and professional as if she were providing a closing statement to the court.
“But no, this is about the fact that I’m stable and can provide the structure those children need.
Hannah is immature. With everything that’s going on, with her father being her first choice for childcare, it’s clear to anyone that she lacks the necessary qualities to be a good parent.
I have the resources and the focus to raise them right.
I can’t, in all good conscience, allow the girls to be raised by a parent who’s abandoned them and another who is drowning in the responsibility. ”
“I haven’t…” Janie wanted to refute her mother’s assertion, shout out that she hadn’t abandoned her children, and that her marriage wasn’t over.
But she couldn’t conjure the conviction to give the statements voice, mainly because her mother might be right.
“I don’t need you to handle my life, Mother.
I’m dealing with something you couldn’t begin to understand because you’ve never risked your heart, never loved anything enough to feel this kind of fear.
” Damn it, why had she given that information?
“And Hannah is looking after the children while I do that. It was unfortunate that our nanny chose to leave the same week I had to go, but Hannah’s father is their grandfather, and he’s ecstatic to have the chance to spend more time with them while Hannah interviews for a suitable replacement.
” Of course, she had no idea what Tom really thought about upending his idyllic Floridian life to care for his three grandchildren, but from what Hannah had told her in multiple texts, he was doing okay.
Nor did she know how the nanny search was going because they were supposed to talk about that last night, but that evening hadn’t gone according to plan.
“Don’t try to exploit my personal crisis in your petty war over Grandma Susan’s inheritance. ”
Her mother stared at her. “You’re being stubborn.” She pushed her espresso away, untouched, and stood. “Call me when you understand the reality of your situation,” she said and walked away.
Janie closed her eyes, not wanting to succumb to the tears desperate to fall.
The visit had been a brutal affirmation of her own guilt, confirming every dark thought Janie had about herself.
She was failing, incapable of protecting her children or her marriage, just like her mother said.
Had she been right, that Janie wasn’t ready for either of those things?
Had two of the greatest days in her life been her two greatest mistakes?
That couldn’t be her main focus right now.
Her mother hadn’t been interested in the girls, not really, so Janie hadn’t considered she might try for custody of them.
She couldn’t allow her absence to be leveraged into an attack on Hannah.
Her mother wanted to prove they were unfit parents, and she was counting on Janie being too fragile to fight her.
But Hannah was fighting for their marriage and their children, and she was going to therapy alone.
Her anger last night had been warranted, even though Janie had been too vulnerable to face it, to hear and feel it.
Janie’s own pain and guilt had overwhelmed her, making it impossible to allow space to let Hannah’s pain in.
But now, they had a common enemy.
Janie pulled her phone from her purse, a vortex of emotions raging within, but the fear of losing her children to her mother was stronger than shame.
We need to meet. My mother came to the office.
She considered whether or not to mention the custody issue and decided against it; she didn’t want Hannah to panic and call her, especially when she had to go back to the office.
She saved the message, figuring she’d send it later when she had time to talk.
Right now, she had to get back to the new client work piled on her desk and try to forget the clusterfuck in her personal life.