Chapter 13 #2
But Solo couldn’t shake it off. She couldn’t shake off the fear, the desperation, the darkness. During a break for an injury on the other team, RB pulled Solo to the sideline to grab some water from Van. She still looked uncertain but less like she might bolt at any moment.
“Solo, this is Van,” RB said. “Van, this is Solo. She’s our artist-in-residence.”
Van’s handshake was firm but brief. “Nice to meet you.”
“You play?” Solo asked, grateful for the distraction from her own spiraling thoughts.
“Nah, not since high school,” Van said, her gaze darting from court to court, still assessing. “RB said it’s pretty casual here.”
“It’s very casual,” Solo said. “Half of us have no idea what we’re doing, and the other half pretends they do.”
Van laughed lightly. “Which half are you?”
“Depends on the day.” Solo took a swig of water. “Today I’m firmly in the ‘no idea’ category.”
“She’s being modest,” RB said. “Solo’s actually good. She’s just,” her eyes met Solo’s, “distracted.”
Van nodded like she got it, which maybe she did. Whatever had hollowed out her eyes, whatever had her couch-surfing and scanning for exits, Van probably understood distraction better than most.
“You should bring your gear next week,” Solo said.
“Great idea,” RB said. “You can rotate with Woody’s girlfriend.”
Solo raised her eyebrow. “Woody doesn’t do girlfriends. What are you talking about?”
“Maybe I don’t, but I’ll happily do her,” Woody said from behind them.
She motioned beyond them toward the entrance, and Solo turned to see a muscular woman making her way across the gym.
She was wearing workout gear that showed off arms covered in intricate ink of florals mixed with geometric patterns.
It was beautifully done and reminded her of the rose on Janie’s shoulder.
“That’s Tate,” Woody said. “She works as a personal trainer at the gym down the street. We met last week when I was checking out their weight room.”
“And you invited her to volleyball,” Shay said as Rosie handed her a water bottle. “Smooth.”
“Shut up. We need a regular sixth.” Woody smiled and continued to watch Tate’s approach with undisguised interest.
“Hey,” Tate called out and waved. When she reached their group, she gave Woody a playful shoulder bump that made her grin widen. “Sorry I’m late. I had a client who wanted to squeeze in an extra session.”
“No problem.” Woody gestured to the gang. “This is everyone. Everyone, this is Tate.”
They introduced themselves, and Solo studied the way Woody and Tate interacted. Their casual touches, easy banter, and the way they were in each other’s space. There was definitely something there. Great. Another couple forming while her own marriage crumbled.
Solo kicked herself for the thought. She wanted Woody to be happy. She wanted all her people to be happy, even when she couldn’t be farther from that state herself.
“Okay.” Woody clapped her hands together. “Tate’s on our team, and we’re going to destroy these guys.”
The game resumed, and Solo forced herself to focus.
The ball came her way. This time she was ready and executed a clean bump with a perfect arc, delivered right to Woody’s waiting hands. She set it to Tate, who spiked it with impressive force.
“Yes,” RB shouted and ran around the court, high-fiving them all.
Solo grinned for the first time in what could’ve been weeks. Maybe Gabe had been right. Maybe she did need to get out of her own head.
The game continued, growing more competitive and more chaotic in equal measure.
Tate was really good, and her addition to their team shifted the dynamic.
Woody was showing off, obviously, doing dramatic dives for balls that didn’t require them and talking more trash than usual.
She and Tate found an easy rhythm, backing each other up for every play.
That pang rumbled through her again, not quite envy or longing, but something sharp and uncomfortable.
They played for another forty-five minutes, trading wins and losses, with Woody’s trash talk flowing freely. Solo just tried to be present and tried not to think about Janie sitting alone, God knows where, worrying about her mother’s threats.
When they finally called it quits, everyone was soaked with sweat and laughing as they collapsed on the bleachers for more water and some well-deserved rest.
“That was fun,” Tate said, sitting close enough to Woody that their shoulders touched. “You guys do this every week?”
“Every week,” Woody said. “You should come back. We need a regular sixth.”
“Yeah?” Tate bit her bottom lip and glanced down. “I’d like that.”
Solo looked away and stared at her water as she emptied the bottle. She wanted to be happy for them, but the sharp ache in her heart was all-consuming.
Gabe dropped down on the bleacher next to Solo, breathing hard. “You want to talk about it?”
“About what?”
“About whatever had you playing like your head was somewhere else for the first twenty minutes.”
Solo sighed. Of course Gabe had noticed. Gabe always noticed. “You know how Janie came to see me today when you were on tow duty?” She waited until Gabe nodded. “Her mother is taking legal action to get custody of the girls.”
Gabe went very still beside her. “What?”
“Yeah.” Solo rubbed her face. “She thinks I’m an unfit parent. And she wants control of the trust fund Janie’s grandmother left her. Janie was pretty shaken up about it.”
“Shit.” Gabe squeezed Solo’s shoulder. “What do you need?”
This was why she loved Gabe. She was always ready to act, to fix, to help.
It’s what had made her such a good leader in the Army, and it’s what made her such a good friend now.
“I don’t know yet. Janie said she knew a good family lawyer.
We’re supposed to meet up this weekend to figure out next steps. ”
“You and Janie? Together.”
Solo nodded. “Yeah.”
“That’s good, right?” Gabe nudged her. “You two working on something side by side.”
Solo looked at her, saw the hope and encouragement in her eyes.
“I don’t know. Maybe. I just... What if everything’s already gone, you know?
Am I holding onto someone who doesn’t want to be held anymore?
How am I supposed to survive if Angela wins and takes my girls?
” She coughed and put her head between her knees, not wanting to break down in the middle of the gym, in front of everyone.
“You can’t think like that, buddy,” Gabe said, putting her hand on Solo’s back. “Janie needs you now more than ever. She needs you to show up, even when it’s hard, and prove you’re the woman she can count on. You can’t give up.”
“I’m not giving up.” Solo sighed deeply and straightened up. “I’m just tired. And…” She swallowed. Could she say the word out loud? Admit her vulnerability and fear? “I’m scared. I don’t know if showing up will be enough.”
“It’s a start though.” Gabe squeezed her shoulder again. “And right now, a start is all you need.”
Solo wanted to believe that. She really did.
But as she looked around at her people, at Woody and Tate laughing together, Shay and Rosie wrapped up in each other, and RB patiently talking with Van, Solo couldn’t shake the feeling that everyone else was moving forward while she was stuck, treading water and trying not to drown.
But at least I’m still treading. I’m still here, still trying, still showing up.
Maybe Gabe was right. Maybe that was enough.
She just had to hope it wasn’t too little too late.