Chapter 21
Solo woke to the bright city lights filtering through the hotel curtains, her body pleasantly exhausted. Every muscle ached in that good way, the kind that came from hours of reconnecting with the woman she loved most in the world.
Janie was sprawled across her chest, with one of her legs over Solo’s hips pinning her down, and her face was pressed into Solo’s shoulder.
Her breathing was deep and even, peaceful, like she didn’t have the weight of…
everything on her mind. Solo’s arm had gone slightly numb under Janie’s weight, but she didn’t want to move.
The moment was too precious, too fragile, like any shift might shatter it and bring down the beauty of the previous hours.
She studied Janie’s face in the artificial yellows, pinks, and blues of the cityscape’s illuminations, smiled at the way her eyelashes cast shadows on her cheeks, the small crease between her brows that appeared even in sleep, the soft parting of her lips.
Beautiful. She was so goddamn beautiful it made Solo’s chest ache.
She hoped she’d made Janie grasp how much Solo worshipped her when they’d made love.
And Jesus, it was definitely that. There’d been such desperate intensity, followed by slow, exploratory tenderness, and maybe her favorite of all, the sleepy, almost dreamlike final bout that had left them both trembling and overwhelmed.
Solo thought about her therapy sessions and knew she wouldn’t have been here now without Rae’s patient intervention.
She doubted she could’ve even begun to understand Janie’s depression, but she was still plagued by the feeling that it was so unfair.
Janie was such a wonderful human being, such a gentle soul.
She didn’t deserve what had happened—what was still happening—to her, and it made Solo want to hurt someone.
If only she could find the source, the reason.
But there was none. Although she could direct some of her rage toward Janie’s mother, for sure.
Her stomach turned at the reminder that the custody threat still loomed large, and they still had hard work ahead of them.
But last night had been a turning point, like they’d finally found their way back to the foundation of what they were, not just as parents but as lovers.
It was as if they’d rediscovered the two people who had chosen each other once and would continue to do so every day.
And Solo was willing to fight anyone and everyone to keep her little family safe now that it was back together again.
She bit her lip. They were back together again, weren’t they? This had sealed it, surely… Doubt gnawed at her gut, adding to the tension Janie’s mom had set in motion.
Janie stirred slightly, her hand flexing against Solo’s ribs, and Solo pressed a kiss to the top of her head.
They had to leave this bubble and return to reality, to the triplets, to the garage, and to the legal battle with Janie’s mother.
But for just a few moments longer, Solo wanted to hold onto this peace and the hope that they were going to be okay.
Janie made that cute little sound she always made when she wasn’t quite awake but not fully asleep either, and she burrowed closer. Not wanting to think about getting up and going home just yet, Solo tightened her arm around her wife’s waist.
My wife. She tested out the words in her head. They’d never stopped being married, of course, but it had been too long since Solo had really fulfilled the truth of that word. Janie was her wife, her partner, and the woman she wanted beside her through everything.
The sky outside continued to shimmer with the spotlights dotting Lake Shore Drive, shifting colors and fading high in the clouds that were keeping the stars at bay.
Solo thought about their daughters and the morning routine that would start in just a few short hours.
Tia would be the first to wake, climbing out of her crib and padding to Solo’s bedroom to announce that it was morning even though the sun was barely up.
Chloe would follow soon after, never wanting to be left out.
And Luna would be the last, needing to be coaxed awake with promises of pancakes or cartoons.
Solo’s chest tightened with longing. She missed them.
Even after one night away, she missed the weight of their small bodies, the chaos of their demands, the way they smelled like baby shampoo and sweet popcorn.
But she’d enjoyed every single second of her date with Janie, and she was sure they’d reclaimed the part of their relationship that had been buried under the weight of parenthood.
Janie shifted again, and her eyes fluttered open. For a moment, she looked disoriented, then she focused on Solo’s face and smiled, her gaze soft, sleepy, and full of contentment.
“Hi,” Janie murmured, her voice rough with sleep.
“Hi.” Solo brushed a strand of hair away from Janie’s face. “How are you feeling?”
“Sore in the best possible way.” Janie smiled then wrinkled her nose and dipped her gaze slightly. “Hopeful.”
“Yeah. Me too.” Solo glanced at the clock on the nightstand.
It was way past midnight, and its neon digits declared an end to their fairytale night.
“I should probably head home before my clothes turn to rags,” she said and sighed deeply.
“The girls usually wake up around six thirty, and I don’t want to confuse them about where I am. ”
Janie bit her lip and nodded slowly. “Of course. I’ll drop you off.”
Solo looked into Janie’s eyes, trying to decipher the emotions that had flittered across them. “Come with me,” she said, venturing into shaky territory.
“Really?”
“Yes. Come home with me.” Solo’s conviction increased with each syllable.
“I don’t mean to stay. I know we’ll have to take things slow and build up to you moving back in.
Unless you do want to stay. Then you can.
Obviously.” She waved her hand, trying to stop herself waffling.
“But come for breakfast and be there when the girls wake up. Let’s start our day together, and maybe we can create some new Sunday traditions.
” When Janie’s eyes filled with tears, Solo hoped to God they were the good kind.
“You want me there?”
“Of course I do. And so do the girls.” Solo cupped Janie’s face. “But only if you’re ready. I’m not pressuring you. If you need more—”
“No.” Janie shook her head emphatically. “No, I want to. I want to be there. I want to start our day together.”
“Yeah?” Relief flooded through Solo, so intense it made her dizzy.
“Yeah.”
They got dressed quickly, both fumbling with clothes and buttons in their haste.
Solo kept stealing glances at Janie, at the way her dress hung slightly askew, at the marks on her neck and collarbone Solo had made in the throes of passion, at the way her hair was gloriously messed up from their night together.
“What?” Janie asked, catching Solo staring.
“You look thoroughly…loved,” she said and grinned. “It’s a good look on you.”
Janie flushed pink. “You’re ridiculous.”
“You love it.”
“I really do.”
They checked out of the hotel, receiving only a slightly raised eyebrow from the young person behind the desk, and Janie drove them home through the somewhat quiet streets of early morning Chicago.
In between watching Janie’s profile and the concentration in her expression, Solo looked out over the lake and toward the horizon that was so distant, it made the water seem like an ocean.
The beautiful sight got her thinking how much she loved that they were raising their kids in a place where they got all the benefits of a city as well as this.
When they pulled up to the house, Janie grasped Solo’s thigh and squeezed a little too hard.
She placed her hand over Janie’s and eased it up slightly. “Are you okay?”
“I’m nervous. I don’t know why. This is my house. And yet…”
“But this is different.” Solo lifted Janie’s hand to her lips and kissed her knuckles. “You’re coming home for real.”
Janie didn’t respond. She just nodded repeatedly, as if she couldn’t stop.
Solo stroked Janie’s hand. “We don’t have to make a big deal about it. We can just...let it be.”
Janie let out a long breath. “Okay,” she said and got out of the car.
Solo took her hand, and they crept up the path and into the house as quietly as possible, mindful of the rest of the sleeping household.
The door of her dad’s bedroom was closed, and the triplets’ room was silent.
They’d timed it perfectly, arriving about an hour before the girls would start waking up.
Solo held onto Janie’s hand, a little scared that if she let go, Janie might run down the stairs and out of the house again.
She gestured to their bedroom. “You’re sure? ”
“I’m sure.”
In their bedroom, they stripped off their clothes, changed into PJs and climbed into bed. When Solo pulled Janie close, she tucked herself against Solo’s side with a sigh that seemed to come from a deep, hidden place.
“I missed this bed,” Janie whispered.
“I missed you in this bed.”
They lay there in the quiet dimness, and that unsteady, off-beat rhythm of her heart, the one she’d become aware of since Janie had first moved out of their marital bed, settled. This was how it was supposed to be: Janie in her arms, in their bed, their home. Together.
“Thank you,” Janie said softly.
“For what?”
“For not pressuring me.” Janie moved her hand from Solo’s stomach to her chest.
Solo kissed the top of Janie’s head. “From now on, I’m always going to do whatever you need.”