Chapter 1
ONE
Present Day
“This was a mistake.”
I stared at myself in the airport mirror, trying to calm my erratic nerves. My hands shook as I pushed my hair behind my shoulder, trying to fix a couple of curls that refused to cooperate. All morning, my stomach had wound itself in knots, imagining the worst-case scenarios. From the car not showing up to the plane going down in flames, it felt like my anxiety had taken control of every thought. But now that my feet were safely on the ground, all I could think about was what was waiting for me outside the airport.
When my brother's wedding invitation first arrived, I stared at it like it was a three-headed monster. For years, we’d been at odds, a result of Cole’s medically induced departure from the army and the years of alcoholism that followed. He’d fallen into a deep depression, and the only solace he found was at the bottom of a bottle. I’d tried for years to get him some help, to show him he could heal without masking the pain. But that had resulted in his hostility, words that still clung to me like scars. Five years ago, I’d had enough and entirely cut him out of my life, refusing to let him take me down with him.
I thought that was the end of our relationship, but then, almost a year ago, Cole started calling, trying to get back in contact with me. At first, I ignored his calls, waiting and listening to his voicemails, trying to ignore the cracking of the ice in my heart. When I finally took the risk and answered his call, the relief in his voice was palpable.
That was almost eight months ago, and now, Cole always attended our weekly calls. At first, I thought he’d stop, especially after we’d started to mend our rift a little. Cole was never good at facing his failures, preferring to hide behind his snark and sarcasm rather than express any vulnerabilities. But this new version of my brother not only admitted his flaws but also made up for them in spades. And I had to admit, as much as I wanted to keep my walls high, he was cracking them, little by little.
But flying across the country to attend his wedding? It felt monumental, like an unsteady step I wasn’t sure I was ready to take.
I shook my head, forcing myself away from those nagging thoughts. It was just a wedding, which was pretty much a fancy party. Parties were fun, right ? It had been a while since I attended one, but I remember having a good time. So what if I didn’t know most of the guests, and the groom was my newly-reacquainted brother, and the bride was practically a stranger? I’d go, show my support, and then head back home before anyone even noticed my presence.
“This is why most people drink,” my best friend, Hadley, called out from my phone screen. While mine was perched on the bathroom counter, hers was propped up on a coffee table back home, her feet wiggling as she painted her toes a shade of hot pink. She paused, thinking over her words. “But that probably wouldn’t help things between you and Cole.”
“You think?” I teased back, running my hands over my ratty t-shirt. I probably should have brought a change of clothes, but almost everything was meticulously folded into my carry-on, all arranged to ensure that the dress I’d brought for the wedding arrived in one piece. It was the fanciest dress I’d worn in, well, years. Hadley had convinced me to buy it, claiming to have evidence that dressing your best was the key to faking confidence. It sounded ridiculous to me, but I would take any help I could get.
I glanced at my cut-off shorts, unsure if I loved or hated how they clung to my thighs. Growing up, I’d always played sports, never having to worry about gaining weight because I was constantly rushing around to practices, scrimmages, and games. But now that that part of my life was over, it showed in my body. It had changed over the years, and although it didn’t seem like much to others, I could feel the shifts. As much as I tried to love every curve, there were so many days it was more challenging than others. I ran my hands along my skin, mumbling affirmations to myself. I had enough anxiety building up. The last thing I needed was my old friend self-doubt rearing her ugly head.
“Tor?” Hadley called out from the phone, clearly noting my zone-out.
“Yeah.” I swatted my hand toward the phone. “I’m sorry. I just wish I wasn’t doing this alone.”
“I thought your parents were there?”
“They flew up last week to spend time with Cole and his fiancée. They want to help as much as they can with the wedding.” I toyed with my nail beds. “But we’re kind of at odds about this trip, so I don’t know if they’re going to make my life any easier.”
“Then maybe you should find a guy to spend the night with.” She smirked through the screen. “Live a little now that you have some independence.”
“Hadley Rose, you are the worst influence in the world!”
“Part of the reason why you love me, babe.” She blew a kiss through the camera lens. “But I mean it, Tor. How long have you been single?”
I grimaced. “Eighteen months.”
“Victoria!”
“Don’t.” I hide my face in my hands. “It hasn’t been my priority, you know that. Plus, after everything with Cam…”
Hadley sighed, her face softening as she looked at me. “Listen, Tor, we all thought you and Cam were endgame. But you did what was best for both of you. You broke up with him because you wanted to find that soul-consuming type of love. And no offense, but you’ve been hiding out ever since.”
“I have not!” I shook my head. “It’s not like I have a lot of time for dating. And honestly, I’ve been with one guy my entire life. We started dating in middle school. Trying to find someone in the real world? That’s freaking terrifying.”
“So don’t think about it that way. Think of it as a chance to try something new for a couple of days. Forget everything else in your life and focus on you for once,” Hadley answered. “Besides, a wedding is a perfect excuse to get out there. Flirt a little. Have some fun. Ask a guy to dance. And if it’s a bust, you’ll never have to see them again.”
“But–”
“No.” She held a finger up to silence me. “I have everything handled here. Your one job this week is to have fun. And if you even think about calling twenty times every day, I will block your number.”
“Don’t you dare.”
She arched a brow. “Don’t test me, Campbell. Now, get your sexy ass out there and have some fun for both of us.”
Dragging my suitcase behind me, I stepped out of the Albany airport, scanning the crowd for Cole. The airport was significantly smaller than Dallas-Fort Worth, but being somewhere new always put me on edge. I liked to know my surroundings- I wanted to feel prepared. Just as I was about to dig out my phone and dial Cole’s number, a loud honk sounded from an older Jeep parked at the end of the strip.
As my brother hopped out of the driver’s side, my breath whooshed out of me. It had been so long since we saw each other in person. When I thought about our last time together, pain and regret colored all of the memories. They were filled with words I’d longed to take back, and I’m sure Cole felt the same. He’d been a shell of his usual self, his eyes dark with anger and rage.
But the man standing in front of me now looked good—healthier than I’d seen in years. His broad and genuine smile lifted some of the heaviness from my chest.
Cole walked over to me in three long strides, scooping me up into his arms. Even though we were siblings, he’d gotten all my dad’s height, so my feet dangled above the ground when he tugged me up. As much as I’d been dreading this trip, having my brother here— safe and healthy —was more of a relief than I could put into words. He held me for a long moment before setting my feet back on the ground.
He took a step back and chuckled, “Shit, Tor. I can’t believe how grown up you look.”
That tends to happen when you’re cut out of someone’s life.
The thought rang out in my head before I could stop it, and I was glad it hadn’t escaped my lips. I was trying so hard to let go of my resentment toward Cole, to escape the bitterness that overcame me when I thought of the past few years—of all the times when I needed him, only for him to ignore my calls or scold me for interrupting yet another one of his benders.
But now that his life was more settled, he was making more of an effort. Even if he had found a home in town so far from our family, I was happy for him. He was making a life for himself. It just sucked that we were strangers in each other’s worlds.
Cole grabbed my bag, leading me toward the dark blue Jeep. He nodded to the missing roof. “I’ve got the soft top back here if the wind’s too much. Alex likes to keep it off all summer. Apparently, winter comes in fast, so she tries to soak up as much warmth as she can.”
Alex. His fiancée. The one who often popped up in our weekly chats, but I had yet to meet in person. I chewed on my lower lip. “Are you sure she’s cool with me coming up this early?”
Cole chuckled, “Are you kidding? She was bummed you didn’t fly up with Mom and Dad. She’s dying to meet you.”
That brought me a little relief, but I was still nervous. Besides my parents, everyone would be a stranger. What had Cole told them about me? Even though I knew I had reasons for cutting off contact with Cole, he would always be my brother. Did people hate me for placing boundaries between us? Did they judge me for being so harsh with him? Without both sides of the story, I could see me quickly becoming the villain—the bitter sister who refused to let go of past pain.
I shook my head, pushing the thoughts away as I clicked on my seat belt. Even if that was the case, I was only here for a week. I’d dealt with worse judgment than that. As I turned my mind to more positive thoughts, Cole switched on the engine, and a familiar song blasted through the speakers. I couldn’t help but smile. “Your terrible taste in music hasn’t changed.”
He chuffed. “Not even here a minute and already giving me shit.”
“You know you love it,” I said absentmindedly, searching through my purse for my sunglasses.
“I do.”
The somber tone in Cole’s voice made my gaze snap in his direction, searching his eyes for the source of his tone. As he looked at me, I could see the regret lurking beneath the surface. All the doubts I’d had about coming to New York started to melt away. It was hard living without him for so long. As much as I knew I did it for the right reasons, it felt like a piece of me snapped back into place when he hugged me tight.
Without a second thought, I reached out, taking his hand in mine. “I missed you, big brother.”
“Missed you more, trouble.”