Chapter 3
THREE
The taste of bitter coffee hit my tongue as I stared out at the woods behind my cabin. No other living creature stared back at me, and for a moment, it felt like I was truly alone. Even though I was sitting on the back porch, only a handful of feet away from other people visiting Saint Stephen’s Lake, it felt like I was the only person in the world.
For so long, my life was all about the hustle: making connections, taking on even the most minor role, and doing anything I could think of to break into the acting world. And while I loved it, it was also draining. How long had it been since I was able to just…be?
Since I moved here a month ago, this has been my routine. Without anything filling up my calendar, I’d make a cup of coffee and just sit on the back porch of my cabin. It was a far cry from the beach back at my house in California and the complete opposite of my penthouse in New York, but this was now my favorite view in the world. All I needed was the same Adirondack chair and the sounds of nature filling my ears.
As I relaxed in my seat, enjoying the quiet calls of birds in the nearby trees, a sudden pounding on my door shattered the illusion. It was tempting to ignore it, to pretend I’d gone out for the day, but when I heard the voice on the other side, I knew that wasn’t a choice.
“Dude, open the fucking door. I know you’re in there.”
I rolled my eyes as I stood, tapping the screen of my phone on the side table. Shit. So much for wasting away the morning. It was way past morning, and I was still in my sweats, my hair all messed up from sleep. I stopped to run water over my face before heading to the door, interrupting another round of pounding knocks when I pulled it open.
“Jesus, Cole. What the hell’s your issue?”
But my best friend didn’t even flinch, too busy staring at my face. I could only imagine the sight he saw, from the scraggly beard I’d been rocking for far too long to the dark circles lining my eyes after another restless night of sleep. He didn’t say anything as he barged inside, gripping the back of one of the chairs at the breakfast nook.
My cabin wasn’t much, but it had everything I needed. It was pretty much a studio apartment with a king-sized bed and a small kitchenette, so even two people made it feel crowded. But it was all I needed.
A part of me felt guilty for squatting in one of Cole and Alex’s largest cabins, but they’d insisted when I showed up at their doorstep, desperate for a place to stay. And as much as I hated relying on them, they didn’t even hesitate to open their doors. I tried to pay them, to give them a date for when I’d check-out, but they wouldn’t hear of it.
“It’s the least I can do,” Cole said at the time.
But that happy, settled man was nowhere to be found this afternoon. Even though I’d been staying here for over a month, Cole had never shown up like this, with a frantic look on his face. Shit, did something happen between him and Alex? They constantly bantered, but it was usually more playful than anything else.
Deciding to wait him out, I stood on the opposite wall of the kitchenette, crossing my arms over my chest. Cole gripped the wooden chair in his hands, his knuckles blanching. After several silent minutes, he finally relented, dragging his hand over his face. “Tori’s here.”
“Oh, shit, that’s today?” I cursed under my breath for forgetting, knowing this had been making Cole anxious for weeks. Even though his wedding was in a handful of days, those plans never stressed him out. He never even wavered in his desire to get married, often saying it was about damn time. But seeing his little sister again after so many years apart? That was tearing him inside out.
I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and offered one to Cole. He shook his head. Taking a sip, I sat down across from him. “Take it the reunion didn’t go well?”
“It was fine,” Cole answered gruffly. “Too fine. It was like talking to a damn stranger. And she’s so fucking grown up, Adam. I almost didn’t recognize her at the airport.”
I paused, trying to remember the last time I saw Victoria Campbell. Maybe six years ago? It had to be right after we held that disastrous intervention for Cole—the one that led him to my doorstep in California, trying to get away from his demons and triggers. As far as I knew, she cut him off right after that, refusing to deal with his self-destruction any longer. But between my career and trying to help Cole get sober, Victoria rarely crossed my mind.
Even growing up, I never paid her much attention. She was a lot younger than us, barely a toddler when Cole’s family moved into my town. And while I’d always kept an eye out for her, we never really talked much. After all, what did a teenage boy have in common with a kid six years younger than them?
But seeing Cole now, a guilt gnawed in my chest. I should have tried harder and kept in contact with her. Maybe then, there wouldn’t be this massive divide between her and Cole. While logically, I knew it wasn’t my job to solve all my friend’s problems, I’d been his guardian for so long that it was hard to let go now.
Shifting to face Cole fully, I crossed my arms over my chest. “It’s the first day. Maybe she was jet-lagged.”
“Maybe.”
He shook his head, glancing back down at his hands. For months, he’d been trying to get Victoria to visit. After those attempts all failed, he shifted gears, trying instead to go to her, but Victoria always had some excuse, some reason they couldn’t meet. Even when he’d flown down to Texas to take Alex to spend time with his parents, Victoria bailed, citing some school-related emergency.
“I know things are going to take time,” Cole sighed. “But fuck, I hate this. There’s so much distance between us.”
“Okay, remember when you first started calling again?” He nodded. “Those first couple of calls were awkward as hell. But you pushed forward and made sure that Tori knew you weren’t going anywhere. Look how far you’ve come already.” I leaned forward on my elbows. “It’ll get there, Cole. You’ve got her here for a week. That’s already a win.”
Cole nodded, finally releasing the tight breath he’d been holding. “Shit.” He let out a dry laugh. “You’re right, man. I think seeing her after all this time threw me off kilter. I can’t stop thinking about how much I’ve missed being in her life. I don’t want to do anything to fuck it up again.”
“Then don’t. ”
“Easy for you to say.”
I tried to keep my jaw from tensing, but it was useless. I knew what Cole was implying: that everything came easily to me, that I took life in stride, never worrying about much. And while I was known for bringing my passion to my sets— outside of work, everyone else saw me as the balanced, happy-go-lucky guy.
While it was a role I’d always strived for, lately, that guy was almost non-existent. It was getting harder to project that image, to keep my emotions hidden behind a smirk. To be honest, I was over being the guy with the joke, the one who let everything slide so easily off his back. But after a lifetime of playing this part, it was harder to shake than I thought. My go-to response was to pretend everything was fine, that life was golden, and I was the same person I’d always been, no matter how much it was eating away at me.
I cleared my throat and forced a smile over my face. “Tell me what you need, Cole. I’ll help however I can.”
“Tori’s staying in the cabin next door.” Cole fidgeted with his fingers. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but can you keep an eye on her? Let me know if she’s okay?”
“You think something’s going on with her?”
“I don’t know. It’s just a feeling.” He glanced up at me, hurt and confusion marring his expression. “But I think Tori’s holding something back. I want her to have someone she can check in with, someone she can go to if she’s not comfortable talking to me. I want her to have good memories of this place.”
You didn’t have to know Cole well to read between the lines. He was desperate for this trip to go well. In his mind, it needed to if he wanted to be a part of Victoria’s life again, and despite his best intentions, it wasn’t like he had time to spare. He and Alex had been running around non-stop lately, obsessing over every detail of their property. Managing this place was a full-time job, even with a crew. Considering that they’d been working primarily alone, it was a wonder that they were still standing.
It wasn’t a surprise that Cole wanted Victoria to feel comfortable staying here, knowing she might stay for longer stretches if this trip went well. As much as he loved his life here, she was the missing piece, the one thing he still beat himself up about.
Maybe, with enough time, they could get back the bond they once had.
Cole had put in the time and effort with his sobriety, digging up from rock bottom with blood, sweat, and tears. It had taken years to get to this point, but I was still so fucking proud of him. If earning Victoria’s trust was the last piece he needed to move on with his life, then there was no way I’d let him do this alone.
“Of course, man. Whatever you need.”
After Cole left to tend to some plumbing issue in Cabin Four, I ambled around the cabin for a little bit, debating what to do with my day. The only other visitor I had was my agent, Theo’s, new assistant. Eloise showed up on my doorstep, like she did at the same time every week, bearing a stack of new scripts to look over. Theo was tenacious, I’d give him that, even more so since he’d broken away from his firm and started his own agency. He’d rented out office space downtown, and as far as I knew, he was keeping the firm small. Theo personally tended to every client, and the only other employee was Eloise, who he’d snaked from his old agency .
Eloise was always kind enough, but I worried about her in that office with him. Not that Theo was a bad guy, especially now that he was very happily married, but I’d seen firsthand how his temper could be, and Eloise seemed like the kind of person who would break under the slightest pressure.
She stood in the doorway, fidgeting with her fingers and shifting on her feet, looking everywhere else but at me. As I sighed, dropping the pile on top of the ones she left last week, she spoke. “Umm, what should I tell Theo?”
“To get a different fucking hobby.”
Eloise grimaced, and I knew those words would never come out of her mouth. I sighed. “Tell him the same thing as last week. I’m not ready. I need more time.”
She nodded, muttering a quick goodbye before scurrying out the door.
As the screen door clattered closed behind her, I shook my head, squeezing my eyes closed. The scripts tortured me, staring at me as if they knew how much I wanted to read them. And while I might have told the world I needed a break, the truth was much more complicated.
I’d loved acting from the first time I stepped onto a stage. In the second grade, we’d performed some ridiculous winter production all about the miracle of Christmas. Even though I was just one of the reindeer, something happened when I stepped out into the bright lights. It was as if I found where I belonged, where I always wanted to be.
My parents thought it was a phase, that I would eventually settle into more realistic goals, but that wasn’t me. The day before my high school graduation, my parents sat me down and offered me a deal. They’d support my dream of moving to LA, but they wanted a time frame. Two years; that was all they were willing to give me. After that, if I wasn’t able to support myself, I’d come home and settle into the life they wanted for me.
Little did they know, that was never going to happen.
I’d worked my ass off from the moment I’d crossed the California state line. As I worked all day and night at dead-end jobs, every spare minute was going to auditions and casting calls. As luck would have it, I happened to get a guest spot on an up-and-coming TV show. It didn’t last beyond the first season, but it was enough to get me some attention and led me to Theo. He took me under his wing and showed me what it would take to get the roles I wanted. While I may not have agreed with all his choices, I had no doubt in my mind I couldn’t have gotten to this level without him.
I thumbed through the stack of scripts, waiting until the highlighter marks caught my eye. Tucked close to the bottom was one script I’d read through dozens of times, making notes as I went. Most in the pile weren’t winners, but this one called to me from the moment it arrived. Scanning through the pages, I realized it was the kind of project I had dreamed of: a gritty, dark drama with a morally gray main character. It was a far departure from what I’d done so far, and I could almost imagine slipping into the role.
But just as I started to think about calling Theo, my hand tensed, moments from the past almost knocking me off my feet. Memories of white envelopes and emails with the same subject line, all filled with harrowing words and pictures, snapped of my daily life—pictures that no one should have had access to, images of me at my most vulnerable. My eyes slammed closed, sucked back into those dark months all too easily.
I sighed, trying to push that fear out of my veins. Over six months later, I still had no answers, barely beginning to pull myself out of that cycle of fear and distrust.
I erased the message to Theo and tucked my phone back in my pocket. No, I wasn’t ready to jump back into that life, not yet. I was just starting to walk around town without looking over my shoulder.
Maybe one day, I’d be Adam Rice, the movie star, again. But until I could look at myself in the mirror without flinching, that was little more than a dream.