Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
C ould he see how bad her hands shook just being this close to him? God, she was such an idiot.
Why couldn’t she get it together around him? Each day, working side by side with him, felt like a dream.
It was stupid, really—how fast her heart beat when he brushed past her, how the scent of sawdust and whatever soap he used clung to her senses like a memory. Every step inside the house had her nerves buzzing, but she kept her face calm, and kept her voice light.
“This place is already looking amazing,” she said again when he showed her each room.
Nate gave her a grin over his shoulder, the kind that made her stomach flip.
“I got all the carpet out of the rooms already,” he said proudly, motioning toward the clean, raw hardwood floors that still needed to be sanded. “I still have to sand the bedrooms and then stain everything, but I’m not sure what color to use for the stain yet.”
She stepped further into the main bedroom. “The floors are beautiful plain if you want to just seal them or you could always do a light white wash or gray to tone down the brightness?” She tilted her head as she thought. “What color will you paint on the walls?”
He shrugged. “I haven’t gotten that far yet.”
“You could leave the floors raw until you know for sure,” she suggested.
“Not a bad idea. I’d have to cover them with paper to protect them during the drywall work and painting, then finish staining them once that’s all completed.”
She nodded in agreement.
He took her on a short tour—pointing out where he planned to knock down a small wall to open the kitchen up to the living space. Then he showed her on his computer the appliances that he’d ordered, including the farmhouse sink that she could just imagine on the island he planned on building.
“This place felt right. Like it was waiting for me,” he admitted as they stepped into the master bathroom.
Her eyes found his for a second too long. “It looks like you, too,” she joked.
He chuckled. “Worn in and needing a lot of work?”
“Rustic with good bones.”
He hesitated, then motioned toward the narrow hallway. “Come on, I’ll show you the rest.”
The other bedrooms were slightly smaller but cozy, and the main bedroom had wide windows overlooking the backyard.
“You could take out those windows and put some French doors that stepped out onto a large back deck,” she suggested after looking out the windows. “I bet you get a great sunset view from here.”
“I will after I clear out some underbrush growth out back. The doors aren’t a bad idea.” He stepped closer and knocked on the walls. “I might have to see if Parker or his brother can help with that bit. Opening a wall is a little out of my knowledge base.”
In the main bathroom, the outdated tile was chipped and broken in several places.
“Oh, I do love a good bathroom remodel.” She rubbed her hands together. “Are you going to film all this like your sister and my brother did?”
He laughed and shook his head. “No, this is for me.” He sighed and looked around. “Besides, I don’t have the following your brother does.”
“Right,” she felt a little deflated that she wouldn’t be able to watch the progress he made.
When they stepped out onto the badly damaged back deck, the sun had just begun its slow descent toward the water. The ocean breeze tugged at her hair and filled the air with salt and the faint scent of wild grass.
He leaned on the railing beside her, arms brushing against hers, and she gripped the edge of the wood so hard her knuckles went white.
If this was a dream, she didn’t want to wake up. He made her laugh without trying. He made her feel seen—even when she didn’t want to be. And the way he looked at her sometimes…
He was talking again, pointing to where he wanted to expand the deck and maybe add a pergola or a hot tub.
She nodded, barely hearing the words over the pounding in her ears.
“Faye?”
She blinked. He was looking at her now, that small crease in his brow that showed up when he was concerned, or curious.
“Are you okay,” he asked with a frown.
She forced a smile. “Yeah. Just kind of overwhelmed by how beautiful it is here.”
His expression softened, and his gaze dropped to her mouth for the briefest moment, causing hope to spike. “It’s just a start,” he said quietly.
Before her heart could jump in her chest or her mind could reject the idea, she leaned up on her toes and placed her lips on his.
What was she doing?
She should stop. Why couldn’t she stop herself from continuing the kiss?
It wasn’t until she felt his hands on her waist that she relaxed into his chest and enjoyed the way his mouth moved over hers.
He was kissing her back!
What did that mean?
Then his tongue dipped into her mouth and she stopped questioning, stopped thinking altogether.
He felt so good. His hard chest was against hers and his arms wrapped around her. He tasted like sex and desire. She couldn’t get enough of him.
“Faye,” he said, pulling back suddenly. Instantly, she missed the feel of him against her and swayed enough that he kept his hands on her waist to hold her steady. “I didn’t meant to…” He pulled back a whole step as he ran his hands through his hair.
Her heart rate had skyrocketed due to the kiss and now her heartbeat was causing her head to throb and her vision to blur.
Nate turned away from her and paced on the old deck a few steps away while she desperately tried to steady herself.
“Shit, are you okay?” His voice broke into her thoughts suddenly.
When she opened her eyes, she realized she was doubled over and holding onto the side of her head where her implant was.
“Does it hurt?” he asked when she straightened.
“Only sometimes,” she said, feeling embarrassed.
It was obvious to her now that he regretted kissing her. Heat flooded into her face as she grew more embarrassed than she’d ever been in her life.
She shook her head and avoided his eyes. “I better go.” She turned to leave, but he stopped her by gently taking her arm.
“I want nothing more than to carry you inside and finish what you started.” His voice was low. So deep that she had to strain to hear him. “Faye,” he said when she turned back toward him, her eyes glued to his mouth for fear that she’d miss his next words.
“I get it,” she broke in before he could say anything else.
“No, I don’t think you do.” He took her hand in his, stopping her once more from running away. Then, without saying anything more, he rested his forehead on hers. They stood there for a moment in silence as the moonlight and lights from the stars replaced the sunlight.
“I can be myself around you,” he said when he finally leaned back.
She narrowed her eyes slightly. “Is that bad?”
The edges of his lips curled up slightly. “No.” He sighed. “I wish it was. It scares me a little, but…” He shook his head.
“I liked kissing you,” she said as her eyes moved to his lips again.
“I liked you kissing me. Very much.”
“Why do I feel like there is a but coming?”
He nodded. “You work?—”
She stopped him, knowing he would use her working for him as an excuse. She had prepared for it.
“Your sister and my brother worked together,” she pointed out. “Lots of people work together and sleep together.”
He tilted his head, as if thinking for a moment. “Is that what you want?”
She shrugged as her eyes moved away from his. “One thing my health has taught me is to never hold back on what you want.” Her eyes moved back to his. “And right now, I want you.” She bit her lip, hoping he would say that he wanted her too. Instead, he glanced over her shoulder.
“I don’t want to want you,” he finally replied.
“What does that mean?” she asked after a heartbeat.
His eyes returned to hers. “I’m trying to be…” He glanced back at the house and motioned to it. “Different.”
She shook her head. Not understanding.
He threw up his hands and started pacing on the small deck again, avoiding boards that were broken or missing.
“Faye, you don’t know me. I mean, the person I was yesterday.” He rolled his eyes. “I’m not saying this right.” He fisted his hand and lightly tapped it on his thigh. “I’ve been with a lot of women.”
“Do you have an STD?” she asked, and he chuckled.
“No, and that’s not my point. I’m trying to turn over a new leaf in life. I’ve decided to stick around town, to officially take over the family business and make it my own. I’m buying out my family so that, one day, after I pay them off, the Brew-Ha-Ha will be all mine.”
“That’s great,” she said excitedly.
“It is.” He smiled. “I’ve purchased this place, and plan on making it a home. A real home.”
“So, what’s the problem then?”
He took a deep breath. “I don’t want just sex anymore.” She swayed back slightly, feeling the sting of his words. “I want more.”
Her heart was racing as fear crept into her body. The same fear that always came when someone wanted commitment from her, any type of commitment.
She’d seen what wanting “more” had done to her mother and her sister Ally. After what her father had done to her, her mother had never remarried. Or dated, for that matter.
Her older sister Ally was now a single parent fighting the system for full custody of her daughter since her ex-husband was a piece of shit.
Faye hadn’t liked her sister’s ex, Aaron, from the moment she’d met him.
The man was a controlling complainer and nothing more than a child who had married in hopes of never having to lift a finger for himself again.
The moment her niece, Charlotte, had been born, Aaron had taken to complaining about her sister’s figure and that all the attention was no longer on him.
Faye didn’t know if the relationship had ever gotten violent, but she had her suspicions. So did their mother. Which is why Ally and Charlotte were now living with her. Their mother watched her niece while Ally worked to pay off the lawyers as she battled Aaron for custody.
Faye had never really thought about long-term relationships before. Other than to think about how they scared her.
She didn’t know Nate well enough to dream about a happy-ever-after.
“I can see by the look in your eyes I’ve scared you.” He shook his head slightly. “I’ll walk you to your car.” He opened the back door and flipped on a light inside. While they’d been outside, the sun had disappeared.
“No, it’s just…” She stepped inside after him, her voice trailing off as she tried to find the right words. “Commitments are… complicated.”
She hugged her arms around her chest, suddenly cold despite the warmth still lingering in the room from the summer sun. The scent of wood, dust, and the faint tang of rain clung to the air, grounding her in the moment, even as her thoughts spun.
He stood by the door, the yellow porch light casting shadows across his jawline. His features were still, unreadable, but his eyes—they were open, waiting.
“I’ve never had a good example of what ‘more’ is supposed to look like,” she admitted slowly.
“I’ve heard from my older siblings all about how my dad destroyed my mom.
My sister’s been through hell trying to protect her daughter from a man who only cared about power and control.
I don’t know what it looks like to build something with someone and not lose yourself in the process. ”
Nate’s brows furrowed, his hand resting against the doorframe. “Faye…”
“I don’t mean to unload all this,” she said, laughing softly but without humor. “It’s just, the idea of more is beautiful in theory. But I’ve never trusted it. And I’m terrified of getting it wrong.”
Silence stretched between them for a beat, then two.
He crossed the small space to her slowly, giving her every chance to move back.
But she didn’t.
When he stopped in front of her, his hand came up and gently cupped the side of her face. His thumb brushed beneath her eye like he was memorizing her.
“I don’t want to scare you,” he said quietly. “And I don’t expect everything at once. Hell, I don’t even know what everything looks like for us yet. But I do know that when I’m around you, I’m different. I like who I am with you. I feel honest.”
Her heart twisted. The way he looked at her, it wasn’t filled with expectation or pressure. It was simply open. Real.
She leaned into his palm slightly. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Nate.”
“Neither do I.” His lips curved into a small, warm smile. “But maybe we don’t have to figure it all out tonight.”
She nodded slowly.
“I just needed you to know,” he added, lowering his hand. “This isn’t just a fling for me. You’re not a phase.”
Her throat felt tight. She managed a soft, “Okay.”
Then he surprised her by leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her lips. She leaned into his touch, dreaming, wishing it would go on much longer. But, just as quickly, he was gone.
“Want me to walk you out?”
“Yeah,” she said after a breath.
They stepped out the front door together into the cooling night air, the sky now dark and scattered with stars. He walked her to her car in silence, a companionable quiet that didn’t demand more than she could give.
As she climbed into her car and started the engine, he leaned on the doorframe for a moment.
“You know,” he said, voice lower now, almost a murmur, “for what it’s worth, I liked you kissing me. And if you ever do it again, I’m afraid I won’t have the power to stop you.”
The butterflies in her stomach took flight all over again.
She smiled, heart lighter. “Noted.”
As she drove off into the night, somehow the weight on her chest was a little lighter—and a flicker of something unfamiliar but welcome bloomed quietly in its place.
Hope.