53. Chapter Fifty-Three
After lunch and another orgasm, we take a nap. Well, I take a nap. When I wake up, Cole isn’t with me, and I assume he didn’t sleep since naps aren’t his thing. Falling asleep with him has become one of my favorite things. I sleep so well lying next to him, buried beneath the blankets with him, enveloped by his warmth and scent.
I lie in his bed, turning over to hug his pillow. No matter how many nights I stay in here, it always smells like him. I swear I could stay here forever and be happy. Don’t remember the last time I spent a night in my room, and it’s okay with me.
A lot of my clothes have moved in here at this point, but a lot of the time I end up wearing his. The lounge clothes anyway. Anything I need for work has to be mine because his don’t fit me right. He’s too big.
The clock says it’s almost four. My body is sore, including my dick. Especially my dick. There is no way he’s making me come again. My poor dick may actually fall off. He’s made his point, broke my record with six orgasms—that’s enough. I can’t handle anymore.
With hesitation, I get out of bed, throw on some sweatpants that I’m not sure are mine, and head downstairs. Cole is in the kitchen making dinner.
I lean in the doorway and watch him. There’s an ache in my chest, but nothing that’s uncomfortable. It’s warm and welcome. I think I’m in love with this man.
Nothing about this realization is shocking to me.
A part of me has always loved him. For everything he’s done for me. But now? How can I not be in love with Cole Harper? He’s perfect beyond words. His beauty is much deeper than his looks. It goes right to his soul, and I feel it. I feel the best parts of him. He makes me feel good about myself. Even when I’m not with him, I’m better.
He makes me okay. Comfortable. Happy. I find things in him I can’t get anywhere else. Like peace.
I walk into the kitchen with a smile on my face and lean against the counter. He smiles over at me.
“How was your nap?”
“Would have been better if I woke up with you.”
“Need more of my dick already, baby?”
I groan, stepping away from him. “I think I’m good for a week.”
He chuckles and moves to the sink to wash the few dishes in there.
“Well, that’s not going to happen.”
“Cole, I cannot come anymore today,” I say sternly.
He gives me a devious smile and goes back to washing the dishes.
“I can’t,” I say adamantly. “You’re going to kill me.”
“You will not die.”
“I will.”
“Make sure you haunt me then. Because I’ll miss you.”
He smiles so brightly his eyes crinkle in the corners. My heart does a flip.
I love this man.
I really, really do.
After dinner, a movie, and a surprise chocolate cake that was the best I’ve ever had, we head upstairs to Cole’s room. The moment I’m inside, he’s got his arms around my waist, his dick hard and grinding against my ass.
“Cole, no.” I groan.
“Yes.” He kisses my neck, trailing up to my ear, nipping at the lobe. “I can’t get enough of you.”
“There is no way I can come again. My dick hurts,” I whine.
“Your dick will be fine. I’ll take care of it.”
He pushes me onto the bed, and I fall forward. His fingers hook into the waistband of my sweats, and he tugs them down. “How about I just fuck your ass? Haven’t done that today.”
I wiggle my ass, looking at him over my shoulder.
“Now that I can handle.”
He grins and moves to the end table to get the lube, tossing it onto the bed before getting himself undressed. The lube is cool against my skin, and he works two fingers inside of me. Even though I didn’t think it could, my dick gets hard.
“Fuck, baby, you’re so tight,” he growls as he slides inside. My fingers dig into the sheets, and I hold on as he fucks me. Cole’s come three times today already. But I can’t get enough of it, so I get where he’s coming from. The man is insatiable. He makes me insatiable too.
He eases his way into me, groaning once he’s all the way in.
“You feel so goddamn good,” he says, taking just a second to breathe. Then he’s fucking me like his life depends on it.
“I’m going to come in this tight ass, Bryson.” He grips my hips harder, pounding into me, and then he does. I feel every throb of his dick and his hot release. And it’s only when he pulls out, and cum drips down my balls, that I realize he didn’t use a condom.
“Did you—” I look over my shoulder and find him staring down at me with fear in his eyes like I’ve never seen before. “Cole?” I get to my feet, moving toward him.
He shakes his head, his eyes flicking to mine. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ve never done that before. I’m clean, I swear.”
I give him a smile, moving closer to him, but he steps back further. “It’s okay. Not like I can get pregnant.”
I try to make a joke out of it, but he sits on the end of the bed, looking lost. I watch him for a moment, then head into the bathroom to clean up because it’s hard trying to have a serious conversation with cum dripping out of your ass. When I come back, he’s still sitting there. I sit beside him.
“What’s going on?” I ask softly.
His gaze stays on the floor, but I’m grateful when he speaks. “I’ve never done that before. Not since Tabitha, anyway.”
“Why does it bother you so much? Are you worried I’ll give you an STD because—”
“No,” he says sternly, shaking his head. “No, that isn’t my concern at all.”
“Okay good. Because other than you, I’ve only been with two people.”
He nods, runs a hand down his face, then blows out a harsh breath.
“I’m worried because I didn’t even think about.”
“I’m not following…”
“I didn’t stop. Didn’t think about it. I just wanted to fuck you; so I did. You make me so… insanely crazy. Like an addiction I can’t kick. I think of you all the time. Want to be near you all the time. Want to see you smile. Make you happy. You’re in my head all the damn time, Bryson.”
He gets up and paces, spearing his hands through his hair.
My stomach plummets.
“Why is that a bad thing, Cole?” The words barely come out. And when he doesn’t answer, I’m not sure I said them at all. But then he stops and stares at me. I don’t like the look on his face. He’s terrified. Concerned. Which is scaring the hell out of me.
“I don’t want it to be a bad thing. This is a good thing. It could be a beautiful thing. A forever thing.”
A forever thing…
“But?”
Because I know there’s a but.
There’s always a fucking but.
His shoulders sag, and he gives me the look that tells me I already know the answer.
“Are you breaking up with me on my birthday?” I ask.
His head falls back on his shoulders. “No, baby,” he says, and I feel like I can breathe again. But just barely. “I’m not breaking up with you. I’m just—” He shakes his head and gives me his attention again. “I don’t know.”
“There has to be a way we can make this work, right?” I say desperately. “Everything about us works. It’s all so perfect. It can’t be all for nothing. Right?”
The smallest smile creeps across his lips. He flicks the light off and pulls the blankets down, gesturing for me to get in. Once I go, he crawls in after me and tugs me to his side, running his hand up and down my back.
“If there is, I’m certain we will figure it out.”
“I love who I am when I’m with you, Cole. I don’t want to be without you.”
I whisper my truth to him. The truth that is going to absolutely kill me if he can’t accept it.
“Me too,” he answers. “But I can’t help but be both happy and sad. Because everything about this is so messed up. I feel so shitty.”
“So do I.”
“Yet you make it all go away.”
“So do you.”
It falls silent for a long time. We lie there together, cuddling.
My life has been so different since coming back here. Hell, my life has been different since Cole came into my life at all. I can’t imagine where I’d be if I never met him or Chris. I’d be miserable. Hating my life. And I was still there just a short time ago, but Cole has given me a reason to not hate life. Not only because of him, but because he’s helped me to see that I’m not as terrible a person as my father has made me out to be. That I can do good things, and I’m not a complete failure.
But we knew from the beginning this couldn’t work. Maybe we weren’t trying hard enough? Or maybe it’s inevitable, no matter what we do.
“How did we get here?” I ask. “How did we let this happen?”
“Sometimes things just happen and there’s nothing you can do about it,” he answers softly.
He kisses my forehead, and as we lay there together, my worries slowly fade away. Lying with him, touching him, him touching me… it makes all the bad stuff go away. Cole does what he always does for me, without even trying. He makes my worries go away. He makes me calm.
But then the bedroom door opens, and all the secrets we just shared in the dark are now in the light for all to see.