60. Chapter Sixty
Airports suck.
Just being around planes makes me nervous, knowing I have to get inside one. My anxiety is through the roof. And because I’m too nice for my own good, I make sure it’s okay with Cole before I call Mila about Chris. He said it was fine and thanked me for asking.
All the light that man once had is gone. It breaks my heart seeing him like this. But then I remember how he broke mine and didn’t care.
I don’t want to blame him fully for this, because we both made the decision. Blaming him for it all is easier than accepting I fucked up—again. And at the end of the day, Cole did break my heart because he didn’t pick me.
But we’re both to blame, I guess. We were both more concerned about someone else’s happiness than our own.
If only things could be different. If only we could be together without it being a problem. If only Chris could accept us.
“Are you hungry?” Cole asks, getting up from his seat. I’ve been pacing for a while, wondering what exactly I’m going to say to Mila.
“I could eat.”
“I’ll be right back.”
I watch as he walks away, getting lost in the crowd of people coming and going. Business men carrying briefcases, talking on cells. Random others tugging wheeled suitcases behind them. Mothers carrying babies. Teenagers goofing around. I glance out the large windows toward the planes and get lightheaded. I quickly turn the other way and pull out my phone. This fear of flying is insane. It never used to be a problem, and now I can’t even look at planes? Pathetic.
I scroll to Mila’s name and press the call button. She answers on the second ring.
“Hey, Bryson!” she says cheerily.
“Hey, Mila.”
“What’s wrong?” she asks, the happiness draining from her voice.
“I have some not-so-good news. Are you sitting?”
“What’s going on?”
I run a hand down my face and start walking. I need something to do, because standing in one spot is driving me nuts. But I avoid the windows so I don’t freak out. I don’t go far though, because I don’t want to leave my suitcase. Cole flew here with nothing but the clothes on his back. He stopped to get new clothes before coming to the airport, since we didn’t have time to wash what he was wearing.
“Chris was in an accident. He’s in a coma.”
“What?” she breathes out. I squeeze my eyes shut, picturing the horrified look on her face. I hate that I’m not there to hug her while I tell her this. I’d considered waiting but didn’t want to in case things with him got worse.
“Cole showed up at my apartment last night, kind of freaking out. Apparently Chris has been in the coma for two, well now three, I guess, days, and—”
“Three days?” she blurts.
“I know. I was pissed and told him as much. He’s a mess. Said him and Tabitha were just trying to get through it.”
“Three days?” she repeats, her voice quiet. “He’s been in a coma for three days, Bryson?”
“Yeah.”
“Was the accident from…” I know what she’s going to ask even though she doesn’t. She can’t. Maybe afraid to speak the truth. Maybe afraid to judge if it wasn’t because of that.
“Yeah,” I say softly. “He was drinking.”
“Do they think he’ll wake up?”
Mila is a nurse. She works in the delivery unit, delivering babies, but she’s still a nurse and has a decent amount of medical knowledge.
“Cole said the doctors have no idea, but each day that passes, the chance is less likely. I’m at the airport now. I need to see him.”
“I’d like to see him too.”
“I’m sure that will be fine. Whenever you want. I’ll let Cole know.”
She sniffles. “This is so bad, Bryson. I just…” A sob leaves her, and I bow my head.
“I know, Mila. Everything about this is so fucked up. I mean, what if he—” I snap my mouth shut, unable to finish my words. I don’t want to think about what will happen if Chris never wakes up. We had a huge fight. He was not in a good place. He can’t die thinking no one in this world cared about him. He just can’t.
“We shouldn’t think like that, Bry. Let me know when you’re here, okay? I’d like to see you.”
“I want to see you too.”
She wishes me a safe flight and we end the call.
I sit down in the seat by my bag and try not to curl into a ball and cry myself to sleep.
My best friend could die. I may never speak to him again. The last time we did talk, it was so hateful. So full of anger. He felt nothing but betrayal from me.
How do you deal with something like that? I need to get to him. Talk to him. Tell him how sorry I am and that I love him. That I didn’t do this to hurt him or betray him. It just happened.
Because I’m in love with his father and was too weak to say no to him. He made me feel too good to turn away.
“Hey.” Cole’s voice is soft. I squint my eyes open to find him standing in front of me, holding out a brown bag with a burger joint logo on it. I don’t recognize it, but the bottom is soaked in grease, so that’s a good sign. Greasy food is always good when you feel like shit.
I take the bag and soda he offers. He sits beside me as I open the bag. There’s one burger and one container of fries.
“You didn’t get anything for yourself?”
“Not hungry.” He closes his eyes, resting his head back.
“You need to eat something.”
“Don’t want to.”
I sigh. “Here.” I pull a fry out and offer it to him. He opens his eyes and when he sees the fry, he smirks.
“One fry? How generous.”
I roll my eyes. “I’ll give you more, but you can start with one.”
Instead of taking it with his fingers like I thought he would, he leans forward and uses his mouth. I grit my teeth and look away. I pull the burger out and hand him the bag.
“Don’t eat all of them.”
He huffs a laugh and eats a few fries. The burger is so good, and honestly, I could devour this entire thing. But I only eat half, because Cole really does need to eat. When I offer it to him, he looks at it and frowns.
“Take it. Don’t make me shove it down your throat.” He smiles and opens his mouth to say something. “Don’t speak. Just take the food.”
He closes his mouth, smiles to himself, and takes the burger. I grab the bag from his lap and eat fries while he works on the burger. He finishes it quickly. I knew he was hungry and just being stubborn. The man can eat. I hate knowing he hasn’t been taking care of himself, but I understand why he hasn’t. And it isn’t my responsibility to make sure he does.
Our flight was delayed about an hour because of bad weather, which had my anxiety spiking. Logically, I know the airline wouldn’t have us fly if it were unsafe, but the thought of us getting hit with a tornado while in the air doesn’t bode well with me. Dramatic, I know, but hey, that’s my brain.
I’m more nervous than usual, and it only gets worse when our ride is bumpy as hell only an hour in.
“Did you take anything?” Cole asks. I shake my head, squeezing my eyes shut. “Maybe you should consider that for the future.”
Yeah, maybe I should. But honestly, I’m a little embarrassed about it. I tried drinking before my last flight into Boston, but it did nothing. So I just suck it up and deal with it.
The seatbelt light comes on, and I know that’s not good. It means we’ve got more turbulence coming.
And boy, do we.
The plane hits a pocket so big, the plane drops. People yelp and cry, items fall. I think I pee my pants a little.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I mutter to myself.
Cole grabs my hand, linking our fingers. I squeeze tight. Hell, I’d have squeezed his hand if he were a stranger.
“It’s okay,” Cole says soothingly. “It isn’t dangerous to us.”
I hear his words, but they mean nothing. I think he sees it isn’t working, because he lets go of my hand and puts his arm around my shoulder, tugging me to him. The arm rest digging into my side is the least of my concerns as I bury my face in his chest and breathe in his calming scent.
The plane rocks again. I grasp onto his shirt, focusing on breathing. On him. On how warm he is, how calm his heartbeat is.
How the hell is it so… normal?
God, how embarrassing is this?
Cole rubs my arm, whispering calming words to me. His voice is soothing. His touch is calming. His smell is… without a doubt the most relaxing of all. Not enough to get me to forget, but enough that I don’t want to cry anymore.
I stay like this for who knows how long. Cole holds me, does what he can to make me feel better. So much so that I fall asleep, holding onto him for dear life.