62. Chapter Sixty-Two
There are a lot of people in the cafeteria, a mix of hospital staff and visitors. I find Cole sitting at a table in the back corner. He’s doing something on his phone but puts it down when I reach him. I sit in the booth across from him and he slides the red tray toward me.
“It’s all probably cold now, but it’s something,” he says as I look over the chicken tenders and fries. “They don’t have much to choose from down here.”
“Thanks.”
It’s all I can say. I’m numb after talking to Chris. Numb after seeing him. After spilling my guts and allowing myself to let out all the pain I’ve been carrying around. I feel a little lighter after sharing my side of things with him, but I’m not sure that’s going to help me in the long run. Because it didn’t actually fix anything. Didn’t make anything better. Maybe it cleared my conscience a little. I apologized and said my piece, but I still don’t have Cole. Chris is still lying there in a coma and the last memories he has of me are terrible ones.
I pick at the food while trying to find a flight back home. Of course there’s nothing until tomorrow afternoon. I spoke to my manager before I left, letting him know I may need a few days off depending on how things go. He told me to send him an email this evening with what my plans are, just so he knows. If I can get home tomorrow, I should be good to go back to work on Tuesday. There’s no point in not working. Staying home is only going to give my brain more time to overthink shit, which is the last thing I want.
“I’m going back to Boston tomorrow afternoon. It’s the first flight they have.”
Cole nods. “You can stay at the house.”
I shake my head. “That’s the worst idea ever.”
“I swear I’ll leave you alone. You still have some stuff there you need to grab anyway.”
His gaze is on his phone, and I take a moment to watch him. Everything about his face tells me how tired he is. How stressed. I have to look away before I allow my empathy to get the best of me.
“Fine,” I relent, knowing he isn’t going to take no for an answer, and there is a lock on the door so I can keep him out. Not that I’m worried about it, but it may make me feel better.
Honestly, I don’t have the energy to fight with him or anyone. I’ve already made up my mind about Cole and me. It can’t happen. I’ve said it a hundred times before, but this time I mean it. I never meant it before. It was just what I said because I was supposed to. Because it was the right thing to do. Now that I’ve had time away from him, time to reflect on everything that happened, I know it’ll never work for us. All it’s going to do is hurt. It hurts enough now; I can’t make it worse. Not sure I’d be able to handle that.
“My car is in the parking garage. I can drive us back, and I’ll drop you at the airport before I come back to see Chris tomorrow.”
“Thanks.”
I eat half the food and text Mila to let her know I’m in town but leaving tomorrow. We make plans to hang out later. I should stay with her, but again, I’m too mentally exhausted to even make plans like that.
“Could you drop me off at Mila’s when we leave here?”
“Yeah, sure,” he says, but I hear the hesitation in his voice.
I expect him to question me about staying with him, but he doesn’t. He isn’t pushing it, and that’s good.
Of course it has me feeling bad though, because I know Cole is lonely. He’s going through a lot and just wants someone else in the house with him. Though I’m pretty sure if he’s lonely, he wouldn’t have any trouble finding companionship. Hell, he probably already has.
On the way to Mila’s, I text Westley and let him know what’s going on. Just the basic stuff, but enough that he won’t worry. Since I won’t be at work tomorrow and he seemed concerned about Cole, I want to make sure he knows where I am and that I’m okay. I appreciate him worrying about me.
When we get to Mila’s, I get out without a word and go to the trunk to get my bag. Cole gets out. “You can leave it with me,” he says.
There it is. The reassurance he needs that I’m going to his house tonight and not staying here. I should take my bag and let him know I’ll need it in case I change my mind. But I don’t, because this is Cole and the look on his face is devastating.
“Just need my charger.” It’s a lie. I was going to take my entire bag and hope I accidentally fell asleep, but I won’t do that to him. I unzip the front pouch, pull out my phone charger, and close the trunk.
“Call me if you need anything,” he calls out when I walk off.
I raise a hand in acknowledgment, but don’t look back
He’s trying. For what, I don’t know. To make up for the fact that he’s part of the reason Chris hates me? Same way I feel the need to make up for the fact that I’m part of the reason Chris hates him. Or maybe he is just desperate to not be alone. Don’t know. Don’t have the energy to ask. It also doesn’t matter. I’m going back to Boston tomorrow, and then he’ll be alone again.
When I get inside, I’m grateful to find Mark is not here. It’s not that I don’t want to see him, but he’s high energy and I don’t want to deal with that tonight. I need someone calm. Someone like Mila. Being with her doesn’t take anything from me. We can sit in silence, and it’s never an issue. Mark always has to be doing something. Always talking. It’s just a lot.
Mila and I order food, then get comfortable on the couch and watch a movie. I end up falling asleep. It’s dark when I wake up, and it’s to Mila nudging me.
“Sorry, but your phone is blowing up with messages from Cole.”
I jolt up, grabbing my phone.
Did Chris wake up?
According to the messages, no. At least, it doesn’t say anything about it.
“Is everything okay?” Mila asks with a frown.
The TV is still on. It’s the only light in the room. The second Twilight movie is on. We’d sat down to watch the first, so I guess I slept for a couple hours. This time change always messes me up.
“Yeah, he’s just panicking over me needing a ride.”
“A ride?”
I scrub a hand down my face. “I told him I would stay there tonight so I can grab the rest of my stuff.”
“Oh,” she says, as if she wasn’t expecting me to say that.
“It’s not like that. Not at all. I honestly don’t want to stay there, but I feel bad. And I should grab my stuff.”
She nods, bringing her attention back to the TV. “If you change your mind, you can stay here.”
I get up and stretch. “Thanks. I’m going to head there now. I’ll take the car and leave it with him too. Maybe he can sell it or something.”
She gets up to get the key for me. I hug her tightly, and thank her a million times before I let her go.
“Even if it’s late, and you need to come back, just come here, okay? Knock on my window. It’ll wake me.”
I pat her on the head, and she laughs. “I will.”
“Will you come back for the holidays?” she asks.
I shrug. “Maybe? If not, we’ll make plans. Maybe we can go on vacation somewhere else?”
She smiles. “That’s actually a good idea.”
I make sure I have all my stuff, give her one last hug, then head to Cole’s.