Chapter 15
CHAPTER 15
RACHELLE
T heo doesn’t make any sense to me. He reminds me of a serial killer in a lot of ways with the cold blue eyes sitting behind his glasses, his thick hair making him look extra intense due to how it lays over his forehead. There’s no mistaking him for a cute bookworm after the way he stared intently at my pussy while fisting his cock.
He’s more like someone who killed the neighbor cats and used a magnifying glass to set ants on fire as a child. Of all of the Kings, I think he’s the one who terrifies me the most.
Shaking my head, I walk to the Newspaper Club meeting room, where Liliana is reading in the new members who are joining late. Apparently, it’s difficult to get into this club, and I was able to skip the waitlist because my girlfriend is the editor. Smirking, I listen to her talk from the hallway, killing time until my photographs are dry and I can retrieve them.
It’s not a crime to develop extra photos of Jared Denton on a promise I made to Calvin, right?
I’m trying to stay busy, because the intrusive thoughts are still present in my mind. Barrett and I discussed if medication may be necessary, but he thinks it’s situational due to intense stress. So, we’re going to play it by ear, and I’m going to find things that bring me joy.
Doing nice things for people is one of those.
Blowing out a breath, I pull my backpack off to text Liliana that I’m going to go up to the tower. Now that classes are over, I can have my phone with me again. I don’t have many people I’d be texting either way, so this isn’t a big deal for me.
Me:
I need to kill some time. I’ll be at the tower if you’re done before my photos are dry.
Glancing into the window, I watch as Lili glances at the screen and smiles before continuing to speak. Content that she knows where I’ll be, I sling my backpack over my shoulders and begin walking.
I’m not dumb, I know everyone is worried after my freak out yesterday. Everything felt like I was trudging through deep sludge. It was exhausting, and everything felt too difficult to deal with. The memories of my mom giving me a hug when I ended my appointment will live with me forever.
I don’t want to be like this. I can’t do things I used to when I needed to quiet my mind, so I need to choose joy. How do you do that when you’ve been less than a person for so long, simply drifting through life?
I gave up everything when my dad died, all interests, because everything was so expensive. It’s difficult to imagine what makes me happy, outside of being under a wide open sky. Since Emil hasn’t found the people who tried to mow us down with their car and shoot at us, the tower is the best option.
Trudging up the stairs has me huffing once I get to the top, making me roll my eyes. I really need to do something to get into better shape. Grabbing my phone, I shoot off another text to Lili.
Me:
After the stairs attempted to take me out because my lungs are seizing, I’ve decided to take you up on torturing me.
Lili:
Let’s take baby steps. We’ll start with a jog tomorrow before we move into an all out run.
Smirking, I nod, putting my phone away before letting my bag drop to the floor. Walking toward the open window, I gaze out at the sky. It’s a really pretty day, and I remind myself that just because it’s different, it doesn’t mean it’s bad. I've had to tell myself this about a lot in the last few months.
It’s hard to believe I’ve been in Portland for three months, here we are.
“Why are you alone?” Ignacio asks gruffly, joining me at the window. The Kings are all ninjas, I’m convinced. I didn’t hear a single footstep.
“Taking a time out,” I murmur. “Theo interrupted me while I was developing film, so I’m here to just be.”
“He’s a little intense, huh?” he teases me.
“Ignacio, intense is an understatement,” I complain, though I’m sure it could have been worse.
At least he kept his hands to himself. Turning, I try to pull myself up to sit in the large window space, huffing when I have to jump to get up. Ignacio sighs, showing me his hands as he wraps them around my waist and lifts me effortlessly.
“Don’t fall out the damn window,” he mutters. “Weren’t you in the dark room for like an hour?”
“Are you keeping tabs on me?” I ask before rolling my eyes. “Of course you are.”
Crossing my legs underneath me, I turn my body so I can lean against the cool stone. This way I can talk to Ignacio and still look out at the world. I guess I can handle him being here as long as I have this.
“You answered your own question,” he says, leaning on the wall facing away from me. “So what did you do for an hour?”
Not bothering to deny how long I was in the dark room, I shrug. “I had some photos I wanted to develop, and I wanted to make sure I got the exposure right. Theo asked a million questions, so I just started explaining each step as I did it so he’d shut up,” I explain.
“Did it work?” Ignacio asks.
“Kind of, except I had to continually make sure I didn’t fuck things up,” I mutter. “The important part is that I didn’t let him see that he was irritating me.”
“You’re a lot alike,” he says, snorting at my incredulous look. “No, really. Stubborn as hell, will do the opposite thing people want you to do just to prove you can.”
“Meh,” I say. “That doesn’t mean much. I was born rebellious. I just stifled it for a while.”
“Why?” Ignacio asks, making me shake my head.
“You must have made your father insane as a kid,” I tell him. “Always so many questions. I didn’t want to make things difficult for my mom after my dad died. So instead, I went to school, put up with shitty teachers, and did my work.”
Shuddering, I remember how I froze when Colton came into my room, pinned me down, and raped me. It’s a miracle that I’m even able to enjoy praise after the things he said to me while pressing a pillow on my face…
“Rachelle, hey,” Ignacio says, snapping his fingers in my face. Reflexively, I grab one and twist it, bearing my teeth at him. I fucking hate when he snaps at me. “Ow! Basta, por favor. Your eyes glazed over and you fucking left me!”
Dropping his finger, I drop my head back gently against the stone wall, my heart pounding. “I’m sorry,” I pant. “I thought of something and got pulled away for a bit.”
“Will you tell me what it was?” he asks, but I’m already shaking my head.
I feel too exposed, and a part of me doesn’t believe Ignacio won’t use my secrets against me.
“We read the notes on Colton’s confession and Julia’s statement about the rape,” Ignacio says softly, his eyes on my face. “I know most of what happened that night.”
“The police refused to record my report anywhere,” I say. “The trial was sealed as well, though I don’t think that means anything to Theo. Digging into things you know nothing about just makes you look like the numb nuts that you are when you use the information incorrectly.”
“Numb nut. Really?” he mutters. “Jesus, Rachelle. That’s a new one. I’m not going to use it. I promised I wouldn’t, remember?”
“Upon literal pain of death,” I grumble. “Yeah, I do. I was just thinking about how I became a people pleaser. The good girl.”
Ignacio watches the way I wrap my arms and shudder, glowering at me.
“All I’ve seen is the brat,” he says honestly. “You didn’t once back down when I had you pinned against me. No, listen to me. I was hard as fuck because I enjoy the fight, but that doesn’t have to be done in an environment like that. Ever since Jared pulled you by the hair on the field, you haven’t backed down, not once.”
“She’s not a brat for me,” Lili says, stepping into the tower.
My lips twitch as I glance over at her, my chest easing as I see her. My body relaxes as I take in how pretty she is, the way the wind plays with her hair.
“I don’t need to be,” I tell her.
“ Dios Santo ,” Ignacio sighs. Emil said that last night for some reason, and I looked it up. Apparently, Ignacio isn’t a fan of my words. “You two are going to give me a cavity. Do you ever fight?”
“I mean, kind of,” I admit. “We tend to talk about things before it gets that far.”
“Ya know, like adults,” Lili teases him. We are so far from being those it’s not funny.
“Uh-huh, that’s cute,” my stepbrother sighs. “Have you managed to go on a first date yet, or are you both too busy for that?”
“That’s intrusive,” I mutter. “There you go again with the twenty questions.”
“Just making sure your girlfriend is treating you well,” he snarks.
“Why, because you want to steal her away?” Lili asks, moving over to me until her hand finds mine. “I share just fine.”
I’ve never seen anyone choke on spit before. Not laughing is difficult as I watch, and Lili leans against my side, clearly amused.
“You’re not serious,” Ignacio gasps, coughing.
“Maybe a little serious,” Lili says with a shrug. “It’s too bad you’re still on the wrong side.”
I told her everything that happened yesterday on the way to school, and she almost crashed her car a couple of times. Lili had to park a block away from the school in order to be able to hear the rest.
“I can’t talk about that,” Ignacio says, swallowing thickly. “I don’t have a choice. Her name has already been submitted to the Council and we can’t take it back.”
Emil made Ignacio explain what he could to me, since most of the kids know all of this from growing up in the school. Knowledge is power, which I’m seeing from Theo’s need to pick and pull at the threads until he can see the full picture. The Kings are a long standing society that ensures wealth, power, and choices beyond their wildest dreams.
Once a name has been chosen, there’s no way to choose another. They’re stuck, and based on what’s riding on this, the guys aren’t willing to lose this bet. That’s all I know, unfortunately, but Emil is so angry at his son. If I didn’t stare at the idea of ending everything so often, I would be more scared than I am.
I’ve lost everything so often, it’s harder to terrify me unless it’s something that throws me into the past. That’s where the worst demons live. The Kings pale in comparison to those.
Lili squeezes my hand, making me sigh as I look between them. It’s clear I’ve missed some of the conversation, but she simply continues on now that she has my attention.
“Your choice is clearly not us,” she says. “I’m not going anywhere, Nacio. Stop looking at my girl like a kicked puppy.”
“I’m not,” he says. “You never answered my question.”
“The party was a date, but it didn’t go very well,” Lili says, lips twisting. “We should have a do-over.”
“What’s your idea of a do-over?” I ask, interested.
“The weather is nicer now, we could do a movie night out in the tent, eat popcorn, and sleep outside,” she murmurs.
“Lili’s got game,” Ignacio says. “Damn, girl.”
Preening, she winks at him. “She deserves the world. Clearly, I’m the only one willing to give it to her.”
Watching them bicker and joke around is fun, and I shift in my seat as I listen.
“Alright, target hit, but I got the parameters of the bet amended,” he says. “They’re going to keep their hands off you in regards to any sexual touch. Everything else is on the table.”
“My hero?” I ask, blinking at him. “I’m fairly certain Theo is a serial killer, so there’s not much that’s not on the table with a comment like that.”
“No, I’m the serial killer,” Ignacio says, leaning toward me. “The four of us aren’t lily white innocents, and we’ve all killed before, but I have the highest kill count.”
“How nice for you,” Lili says. “A good little mafia man, modeled in your father’s footsteps. Except, he’s a much better man than you.”
Freezing, Ignacio glances at her, and she flinches.
“Back into your corners,” I tell them. “Leave the bloodshed for when he really deserves it, Lili.”
“Yeah, that may have been a low blow. How are your balls?” Lili asks.
“Apparently numb according to your girlfriend,” Ignacio replies.
I can’t help but laugh at Lili’s confused look. “I didn’t exactly say that,” I admonish. “I need to get my photos from the dark room, though, before someone steals them.”
“It’s almost five in the afternoon, I doubt many people are using the dark room today,” Ignacio says as I get up.
Smoothing down my skirt, I nod as we begin to walk toward the stairs.
“Will you take me to drop these off before you take me home?” I ask.
“Yes,” Lili says, following me down the stairs.
“I’m surprised Dad hasn’t bought you a car yet,” Ignacio says.
“I can’t drive, so it would be a waste,” I explain. “He offered, but I told him not to bother.”
“Did you tell him why you didn’t want a car?” Ignacio drawls.
“Ah, no, why?” I ask, concentrating on the descent. These steps seem to get more narrow as they curve here.
“He would have offered to teach you or hired someone to do it,” he says. “Rachelle, you drive me fucking crazy. Why didn’t you tell him?”
“It didn’t seem important,” I say honestly. “Most schools have a driving class, but?—”
“Carlysle Prep doesn’t,” Lili finishes. “It’s a skill that not everyone learns honestly. A good quarter of the high school have drivers because that’s how they’ve always gotten to school. If you want to learn, you have to speak up. I think one of my dad’s men has a beat up truck you can practice on.”
“I wouldn’t want to learn how to drive in a nice car,” I agree with a shudder. “I could be a terrible beginner driver.”
“No one is good at it the first time,” Ignacio says with a chuckle as we arrive at the bottom of the tower.
My lips twitch because he could be talking about anything, and Lili grabs my hand as she walks next to me. If she looks at me I will lose it.
“Mmhmm,” I say, sounding odd.
He’s actually being nice, I don’t need this conversation turning into anything else. Thankfully, I manage to take a breath, swallowing the inappropriate laughter about Ignacio possibly not being good during sex. “Driving is something I should learn, I guess. It just isn’t high on my list of priorities.”
“I’ll make sure it moves up on that list,” Lili says with a secret smile. She knows exactly where my mind was earlier.
Arriving at the dark room, I open the door and see my photos are exactly where I left them. Stepping inside, I check them to ensure they’re perfect, smiling excitedly when I see that the images are sharp.
“You made duplicates,” Lili observes, standing next to me. “They’re different though. He looks like he’s exploding out of the water.”
“I enlarged it a little so it would look like that,” I explain.
“Where are you going with those?” Ignacio asks, gazing at me in confusion.
“At the meet, I met someone named Calvin,” I say. “He asked if he could get color copies.”
“Calvin is Jared’s butler. He goes to every meet,” Ignacio adds.
I’m sure I’m missing some context because his gaze is guarded, but I just want to drop these off.
“So I’m taking you to Jared’s house?” Lili confirms.
“Ah, yes. I just want to drop these off and go,” I confirm.
“I’m following you,” Ignacio grunts as I walk back out into the hallway toward the parking lot. “Jared’s probably at practice, though.”
“Still?” Lili asks, brows drawing down.
“Yeah, that’s always my reaction too,” he grunts.
Ignacio is true to his word as he follows us in his car to Jared’s house, and I sigh as I gaze out the window.
“This is a dumb idea,” I murmur. “I’m not even doing this for Jared, but because Calvin asked me.”
“I remember him vaguely when I used to come over when I was younger. It was only once or twice, but Calvin was always nice enough,” Lili remembers.
Driving up to the gate, Lili pushes down the window and hits the button. She doesn’t have a chance to say anything before the doors begin to open, and I twist around in my seat to see that Ignacio is still following us. Maybe Calvin sees his car?
Fingers twisting in my lap, I continue to worry that this was a dumb idea. I’ve been trying so hard to find things that make me happy, maybe I focused on the wrong thing.
“Do you want me to go to the door with you?” Lili asks once she pulls up the driveway.
“No, I’ll be quick,” I breathe as I release my seatbelt, picking up the photos and opening the door.
Hauling myself out of the car, I walk quickly up the stairs and knock on the door, chewing on my bottom lip.
Please don’t let Jared be here. Please…
Not seeing a car in the driveway doesn’t mean much since there’s a garage.
The door swings open to show Jared in a towel, his skin still wet as he looks at me in disbelief.
“What are you doing here?” he asks. “You seriously don’t get enough of my attention at school, you have to follow me home? My dick may taste like chlorine, but an attention seeker like you may enjoy that.”
“Please keep your dick away from me,” I breathe. “I’m just here to see Calvin.”
“I’m right here, Miss Rachelle,” he says, surprising me with the formal name. Jared moves to the side as the older man steps into view. “Jared, I believe you need to remember how to speak to people who come all this way to fulfill a promise to an old man. Are these photos for me?”
“They are,” I admit, handing them to him.
A wide smile pierces his lips as he looks through the two best photos I decided to use. I was really critical about the images, and I still don’t think I’ve done them justice.
“Miss Rachelle,” he breathes. “These are incredible.”
Jared moves to gaze down at the photos in Calvin’s hands, not saying anything for a long time, while I take a step back to head back to the car. I don’t care what he thinks about them, I didn’t bring these for his opinion.
“Is that really what I look like when I swim?” Jared asks. “Calvin is right. They’re decent.”
Calvin grunts in displeasure, and my lips curve into a smile that I actually mean.
“I have to get going. I wanted to make sure I brought them to you,” I tell Calvin. “It felt important.”
“You’ve made my day, Miss Rachelle,” he says.
Turning away, I can feel the weight of their gaze the entire walk to the car. One feels as if he’s measuring me up and trying to decide what he thinks, while Calvin is merely making sure I get into the car safely. It’s only a few steps, but the sentiment is sweet nonetheless.
Sliding into the car, I take a breath as I close the door, glancing at Lili.
“Let’s never do this again,” I murmur.
“You’re a really good person,” she says with a smile, tears in her eyes. “Jared has been nothing but a dick to you, and you still spent all of that time creating art to bring to the man who basically raised him.”
Nodding, I rub Lili’s arm as she puts the car in the drive. I guess things that bring me joy and ones that are confusing can exist together.