Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
IGNACIO
I t was really hard to turn my back on Rachelle, but I couldn’t in good conscience refuse to go with my friends. They have always been there for me, and this is a Kings initiated game.
Elijah looks more relaxed even as he leans back on his elbows as he talks with us around the fire. Jared is using it to make dinner, the scents delicious as he cooks.
The rules of this camping trip are that we leave our phones in the parking lot with the car, so we can’t be tracked. The joke is on them, though, because on my seventeenth birthday, my father injected me with a tracker so he’d know where I am at all times. Even when I refuse to go home and stay with one of the guys, he knows where I am.
Dad never wants anyone to use me against him, which means he felt it necessary to take certain precautions. It doesn’t even bother me, since I know exactly how dangerous his profession is. I’ve been doing the dirty work, ensuring that anyone who fucks with us ends up dead.
Just like when I helped Rachelle and Lili kill the men who came after them. It enraged me, the things that they wanted to do to my stepsister. I shouldn’t feel anything for this girl but disgust, but I can’t. Therefore, my phone is on silent in my backpack, since it doesn’t matter if my father can track me through it or not. Lili will undoubtedly text me to yell at me once they’re safe.
The sun is disappearing as we knock back beers and talk, but all I can think about is how Jared tossed her into the creek with her hands tied up to her elbows. I’ll admit the knots were very pretty, making me want to have him tie me up one day before he fucks me. We’re all open to trying new things, and I think knot practice kept him from losing his shit while Elijah was gone.
My concern is that Rachelle may not be able to swim properly. I don’t even know if she knows how to.
“You good, Nacio?” Theo asks, picking up on my quiet mood.
“Fucking hungry,” I say, shrugging, just as my stomach chooses to growl.
The guys chuckle, and all is right between us again.
“Wonder how long Lili will be tied up for,” Jared says. “Rachelle doesn’t know the woods very well, so she’ll be walking for hours.”
“While naked,” I add, much to their amusement.
Only, I’m not all that amused by this, and I’m anxiously awaiting my text from a very angry Latina.
Come on, girls. Let’s go already.
* * *
RACHELLE
It’s so cold. The current is pulling me along, pushing my head under water, and dragging me along the bottom as I silently scream. It’s a deep enough creek that Theo and Jared were able to toss me in like yesterday’s garbage. It’s a struggle to get my arms to thrash, and my legs to kick my head above water so I can suck in air.
Regrettably, I swallow water instead about half the time that I bob up to the surface, an undercurrent pulls me back down. It’s easy to believe there are creatures intent on drowning me while I’m anxious and terrified, no matter what I might know in the light.
Logic lives where it’s dry and evil high school boys haven’t made a pact with the devil.
I need to get out of the water. My brain is screaming commands at me, which is well needed, but my limbs feel so heavy. After all the exertion earlier today, the terror, and attempting to fight the boys off as they wrote God knows what on my skin, it feels like a struggle to get my arms and legs to do what I need to.
Thoughts of Lili and not knowing if she’s safe help me kick like my life depends on it, since my arms are useless tied the way they are. The bank here isn't steep, the ground mushy and it tries to suck me down. Breathing hard, I crawl out, concentrating on making sure I am getting out on the side that Lili is on. I can’t imagine having to cross it or go around.
My eyes tear up as I collapse on the ground, naked outside of my panties and bra, too exhausted to move for a second. The guys didn’t know if I could swim, which I can't do very well at all. When I find Lili, I’m going to tell her that I want to start running with her several times a week. We have said this before, but it just never happened.
I need to get proactive about my physical endurance if I want to survive, which is a sobering thought. I also need to get into a pool to practice swimming. Dog paddling doesn’t help me when my arms are tied up.
My stomach rebels on me, and I force my forearms to hold my body up as I vomit up creek water. It hurts, I can’t get myself to stop, so all I can do is let my body purge the shit I’ve swallowed on my trip down the mountain by water.
Finally, my heart pounds so hard I can hear it in my ears as my body finishes vomiting. I’m glad there’s no one here to see how pathetic I appear. I’m a weak girl, all alone in the woods on a mission to get the fuck out of here. Pulling my knees underneath me, I shove my fists into the ground as I psych myself up to get moving.
“Get up,” I whisper. “Come on.”
My body feels like it weighs a thousand pounds as I lift my leg to put my bare foot on the ground. These motherfuckers took my socks too! Pushing myself upright, the whole world moves as I push my toes down to help keep myself from falling down. I haven’t eaten since breakfast due to the guys chasing me through the woods for hours today, forcing me to hide and crawl toward my escape.
I was so stupid. I really thought they’d let Lili and I go. Blinking the thought away, I force myself to start walking back up in the direction I just flowed down from. If I can find some kind of significant marker, I’ll be able to hopefully begin walking across the woods to find Liliana.
It unfortunately will take longer than usual because I’m barefoot and tired. Glancing at my skin and the hateful words all over my body, I shudder. I can’t think about it or I won’t be able to keep moving.
“They’re just words,” I mumble to myself as I trudge along, following the creek. “They’ll wash off.”
I’ve survived much worse. I’m alive, I didn’t drown. None of the guys touched me sexually, either. I’m holding tightly to all of the things I can remind myself to be true, despite how bad things feel. I’m freezing, my teeth are chattering…
“But you’re alive,” I say aloud. Maybe if I say it enough times, I’ll believe this was worth it.
There’s just enough light for me to see the disturbed muddy area where they threw me into the creek. Unfortunately, my clothes aren’t here, even though my shirt and jacket were cut off of me. They must have taken them with them or thrown them into the woods. Cursing them under my breath, I turn and force myself to continue walking. If I keep going in as straight of a line as possible, I’ll come out onto the path where I was originally walking with Lili and the guys.
Forcing my steps to continue, I pray I won’t get lost as it gets darker and darker. Swallowing back a sob with a silent reprimand that it’s unhelpful, I keep moving.
Even when I step on sharp twigs which make me wince. Even though I know my feet have to be bleeding. I keep going. It feels as if I’ve been walking forever, but I know it’s because I’m exhausted, beaten down, and about to fall onto the ground.
Limping as I walk out onto the main path finally, I look around as I try to get my bearings.
“Lili?” I call out hesitantly. If I can hear her, I can find her. I know it.
A muffled scream has me limp-running up the path, dashing back into the woods to find her. I knew Jared and Ignacio wouldn’t have taken her far, I just didn’t know how far I was from her.
Gasping as I see her tied to a tree, I start by untying the bandana around her mouth, and helping her as she spits out what appears to be socks. Wincing, I continue untying her.
“There’s a knife in the backpack,” she rasps.
Looking around, I find the pack thrown several feet away. Retrieving it, I find the knife and open it to begin sawing away at the rope.
She doesn’t freak out about whatever word is written across my forehead, which makes me incredibly grateful she can’t see it in the darkness. The sun has completely gone down by now, the woods looming even larger above us now.
It feels as if it’s attempting to suck up all the oxygen around us, creeping even closer to make us disappear. My thoughts are finding a way to fuck with me, and I can’t wait to get out of here. Even if it simply means stepping out to walk along the path, because then I won’t be under the cover of the trees and cloying darkness.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to get back,” I whisper as I work. It feels like the damn trees are listening to me, and my throat really hurts.
“No, we aren’t doing that when the pendejos chased you. I heard what they said to you,” she practically seethes. “God, it’s freezing and you’re naked and soaking wet, Rachelle. I don’t want to hear another word of apology. I’m fine. Pissed off, but at them, not you. Now, what happened?”
Blowing out a breath, I explain what happened, my voice hoarse from screaming and sucking down creek water. I have no idea what’s in it, I’ll probably die from some kind of infection because I could barely see underneath the water.
“Once I got out, I started walking to find you,” I finish telling her as she cuts the rope from my arms, massaging the circulation back into them.
Needless to say, the pins and needles hurt as I hold back a whimper. We’re both miserable right now, there’s no reason to garner sympathy. Lili next pulls off her jacket for me to put on.
“Wear this,” she says. “I’ll be fine, but your teeth are chattering and you’re shaking, Rachelle. Here’s a bottle of water, and I have sandwiches in the backpack. We’re going to move slowly but steadily as we eat. I want to get the fuck out of here. I’m sorry to have ever thought the guys would be decent for one godforsaken day.”
“It felt as if they were very determined to ruin it today,” I murmur, taking a sip of water after putting on the jacket.
Walking down the mountain takes longer than it took to walk up it, as we’re both dehydrated and weak. I’m freezing, and can’t stop shivering, despite the jacket.
“I’m going to fucking kill them,” Lili says, watching as I eat the sandwich she pushed into my hand ten minutes earlier.
I’m taking very small bites, hoping to keep it down, my steps that of a very drunk person. Memories of how the guys planned to drink beer and shoot the shit fill my mind, begging to fuel me with anger.
“Lili, I want to start running with you,” I say suddenly. “I almost drowned because I was so exhausted. I also… can’t really swim.”
The last words are said so softly, I’m unsure if she can hear me, until she starts to cry. Lili has been so strong, not even crying when I cut her loose.
“Rachelle, you could have died,” she sobs, shaking her head. Lili looks like she’s afraid to touch me, and I don’t blame her. I’m barely staying on my feet right now, my steps unsteady.
If I fall, there’s no way she’ll be able to get me out of here. It all feels so difficult.
“I swallowed a lot of water,” I admit. “I can cross off knowing what a Portland creek tastes like. It’s awful going down and coming back up.”
“Mr. Emil and my dad are going to lose their minds. Did they take your bracelet?” she asks.
It feels like an odd question after everything, but I run my finger over where it still lies against my skin.
“No,” I say. “It’s the one thing I still have.”
“You have me,” she says fiercely. “That’ll never change, you hear me?”
Tears threaten, spilling down my face as I nod, and I can taste salt along with my ham and cheese sandwich. I can only finish half before I put the rest in the sandwich bag, and Lili puts it away, her hand firmly in mine for the connection.
The parking lot is completely empty once we finally arrive, and I begin to worry that we won’t be able to get out the gate.
“Thank God the gate up there is motion censored,” she sighs, answering the question in my head.
Getting into the car, my head drops back onto the headrest, the overhead light on as Lili drops down beside me. The hiss between her lips and curses are the only sign that she is seeing the words written on my skin.
“I don’t even know what it says,” I say numbly, my eyes closed to keep myself from looking.
As her car door closes and she turns on the car, the overhead light shuts off to bathe us in the cool darkness.
“I’m going to have to take acetone to it,” she mutters, putting the car into reverse and gunning the engine as she pulls her seatbelt on. “Fuck, it’s everywhere too.”
“I don’t care if my skin is redder than a tomato by the end, I just need it off of me,” I rasp. My eyes feel swollen, the tears continuing to flow even though I’m barely aware of it.
I think I’m allowed some tears today. Glancing at the time, I see that it’s almost nine at night. The hours just slid along, making this day feel interminable. I should warn my stepfather about what happened.
Fishing my phone from the cupholder where I left it, I sit and gaze at it. This isn’t a call I really want to make. It feels as if there’s always something going on.
“He’s going to be pissed, but not at you,” Lili says gently. The car is at the gate as it opens slowly for us.
Time feels as if it’s moving funny, making me wonder if I’m in shock as I twitch so hard my teeth clench. Fuck me that hurt.
“We both need to get warm,” she says, blasting the warm air. “I don’t know if you should go to the hospital or not, baby.”
“I’d prefer not to,” I admit. The warm air is helping, but I’m still chattering. Fuck, this call is going to suck.
Biting the bullet, I hit the button to connect the call, listening to the rings, almost hoping Emil took my mother out so they won’t have to deal with my bullshit.
“ Rachelle,” my stepfather says as he answers. “ It’s getting late. Did you two decide to go out to eat after your hike? Please tell me you’re not still at the park.”
“I can’t do that,” I whisper, sniffing. “We’re on our way home.”
“ Are you crying? On your birthday?” Emil sounds horrified, as if that’s the worst thing that’s happened today. “ Put me on speaker, mija.”
“It’s not Lili’s fault,” I tell him, hitting the speaker button. “Your son tied her to a tree.”
“ He what?” I think I’ve actually managed to make him speechless.
“They invited themselves to our hike, were a nuisance the entire time, and then chased me through the woods. Um, can you make sure Mom isn’t waiting for me when I get home?” I ask, my voice cracking as I gasp in a breath. “I’m soaking wet from being thrown into the creek. I can’t swim very well. Mom knows that.”
“ Where is my son?” Emil growls. “ You know what? Let me look.”
Glancing at Lili, I shrug, wondering how he’s able to figure it out.
“ He’s still at the park, probably going to wait out my anger by camping with his fucking friends,” my stepfather snarls.
“Mr. Emil?” Lili interjects softly.
“ How are you, Lili?” he asks, forcing some of the anger out of his voice. “ Do either of you require medical services?”
“Rachelle may,” she says. “She says she swallowed a lot of water when they threw her into the creek.”
“ Fucking idiots ,” Emil rages. “ They could have killed her.”
“They tied my arms up,” I add before biting my lip. I may have just made things worse. “I’m really tired, and I can’t stop shivering. They took my clothes, Emil. Today hasn’t been great.”
“ That’s an understatement, mija,” he says. “ Your mom is upstairs right now. I can’t promise you she won’t want to get involved. What’s the worst part of all of this? I know there has to be something.”
“There’s a lot,” I admit, struggling to keep my chattering teeth from being heard. “I don’t know if it was the fact that they made me believe they’d hurt Lili if I didn’t run, or the lies telling me we’d both be safe if I outsmarted them, or the words all over my skin in permanent marker.”
“It’s everywhere,” Lili whispers. “She won’t say it, but she can barely walk and she’s shivering so hard. I hate that I don’t have a blanket in my car.”
“ What is your ETA ,” Emil barks out. “ I have a man on my payroll who is also a paramedic. I’m going to have him gather supplies and come over. We really need this shit to stop happening. The Kings contract states their bet must die by senior year. I’m about to ship you somewhere they’ll never find you.”
Do I want that? If I was smart, I’d tell him yes. I also don’t want to fuck with my mom’s newfound happiness. She’ll want to come with me. Now that she’s woken up, figured out how checked out she was as a parent, I have a feeling she’s not going to want to be away from me.
“If I leave, don’t they win?” I ask, my voice breaking.
He’s silent for so long, Lili is pulling onto my street before he answers.
“ I can’t answer that for sure. According to the King’s Society, they’d say the boys have failed if you leave,” he says, sighing. “ It also means they’d search the earth for you to find you to complete their task.”
“I’d rather stay,” I whisper, seeing the brightly lit house that I call home as Lili drives through the open gates.
The front door opens as we approach, and Emil stands in the doorway as I get out. He has a large comforter in his hands, moving to wrap it around me as he leaves the door wide open. His face is frozen in an angry scowl, his gaze not missing a single thing.
Even if my body is covered, there’s a word on my forehead, my cheek, and across my throat as well. I just don’t know what they are. While I could have easily looked while in the car, I’m really scared to see how bad it is.
“What will get the ink off her skin, Lili?” he asks as she joins us.
“Rubbing alcohol or acetone,” she says with a wince. “I’m going to need a lot of it and cotton balls to soak them in. They held her down to write all over her skin.”
“And then they threw me into the creek,” I sigh.
Emil notices the full body shudder I have, closing the car door behind me as Lili locks the doors.
“We need to get inside,” he says, ushering me in. “Your mom is aware you were on your way home. She?—”
“Rachelle?” Mom asks, stepping outside. “What?—”
“The boys,” Emil growls. “This is getting out of control.”
“Your face,” she whispers, eyes wide. We’re standing underneath the lantern lights by the door, which means she can see everything. “Was Ignacio part of this?”
“He wrote whatever is on my forehead,” I whisper. The tears had slowed, but seeing her face, and how horrified she looks, makes me want to cry again.
Swallowing hard, she nods. “Emil,” she says, “I am not responsible for whatever I do when I next see him.”
“You can have whatever you’d like to do it with,” he says as if he’d offer her the world, and not the chance to fuck up his son.
“Shower first to get warm, and then we’ll deal with everything else,” Mom says resolutely, ushering me inside. “Lili, cover all the mirrors in the bathroom, please.”
“Mom,” I sigh. This feels like overkill. I can see what’s on my skin if I force myself to look, but I don’t have the guts to yet.
“No,” she growls. “You don’t need to see the bullshit they wrote on your face.”
“It’s all over her skin, but the worst is on her face,” Lili confirms as they hustle me upstairs.
Emil stays downstairs, I guess waiting for his employee that’s a paramedic.
“Then, the mirrors still need to be covered,” Mom mutters.
Lili runs ahead because I have a mirror in my room as well, and I’m suddenly left alone with my mom.
“You can’t swim,” she says softly. “I mean, not very well anyway. How did you get out of the creek? It’s a miracle you didn’t drown.”
“I just kept kicking and fighting,” I say honestly. “It’s not even like I had the use of my arms since they were tied up to my elbows.”
“Those boys aren’t welcome in this house,” she decides. “If I could, I would kick Ignacio out too. This is going too far.”
“It’s been too much since the first day I started school,” I admit, walking into my room to find all of the mirrors covered with sheets.
In the bathroom, there’s everything from a pillowcase over the medicine cabinet mirror, to a giant sheet over the main mirror.
“Take it one moment at a time,” Mom instructs. “Do you want Emil to call Barrett?”
Thinking, I shake my head. I’m in too much shock to spiral right now. I can’t believe I’m alive, which means I’m not suicidal either. I’m simply a blank canvas, crying because it’s my body’s response to this dumpster fire of a day.
My eyes feel raw, my skin disgusting from dried mud and sweat. A shower to get warm and clean up is the best thing I can imagine.
“Not right now,” I say as Mom turns on the water.
“Do you need anything else? Want Lili or I to stay with you?” she asks.
“I just need to wrap my mind around today,” I respond. “A part of me has been so busy surviving, I’m not sure how to feel.”
“So you need space?” Lili asks to make sure as I let the blanket drop and strip off my undergarments.
My mom’s eyes trail over the words that she can see, while I firmly refuse to look still. I’ll do that in a few minutes, from the shower, while I’m alone to process things.
“Yes, please,” I tell her, disappearing into the shower. The warm water feels like a million needles in my chilled skin, forcing me to swallow back a hiss.
“We’ll be in your room,” Mom says, walking out with Lili.
Reaching for the shampoo, I see the word “ Selfish ” across my inner arm. This is easier to discard, because I don’t feel that I am. I have moments of selfishness like anyone else, times where I need to look inward in order to be able to keep from exploding into a million pieces.
However, I do not think I’m selfish. Whoever wrote that doesn’t know me at all. That’s the rub, the infernal nature of hating someone on sight. There are times where you don’t know them well enough to make the deeper cuts.
Taking my time to wash my hair twice, and then leave the conditioner in, I begin to tackle the dried mud from my skin with body wash and my shower loofah. Slowly, more words begin to appear as the dirt and grime wash away.
Most are bullshit words designed to make me feel bad about my body, which I refuse to do. While every teenage girl has their hang ups, I have Lili who tells me how beautiful I am. She will never let those words grab hold of my mind, not now or ever.
The words fat cow, bitch, or flabby are inconveniences that live on my skin for now. They’ll all come off eventually. It’s the word “weak” across my hip where I used to cut that brings tears to my eyes though, the breath leaving me as I sag against the cool tile wall. Though these boys don’t know me well, the secrets they know from my files at the psychiatric hospital are enough for them to make up their own narrative.
So many awful moments where I was simply trying to make sense of my life scar my hip, and this is how I’ll always remember them. The Kings can’t make me feel differently about how I experienced trauma, I’ve already repeatedly pulled myself through the wringer.
“Fuck them,” I whisper, continuing to scrub at my skin until all the mud is gone.
“Rachelle?” Mom calls through the door.
“This mud is not being cooperative,” I call back. “I think it’s as good as it’s going to get now. I’ll be right out after I finish washing the conditioner out.”
As I tackle rinsing my hair, I promise myself to take care of its length as well. I’m so tired of having it yanked on. I want to stop being a victim, something I can see is written across my chest.
Fuck the Kings and the lies. Victims only remain so if they refuse to get back up. This girl has a lot to say about their choice of lies to scrawl across my skin.
Turning off the water, I open the door to grab a towel, promising myself that no matter what, I’ll always continue to get back up.