Chapter 32
CHAPTER 32
IGNACIO
T here’s a very warm mouth currently wrapped around my cock.
That’s what I realize as I slowly rise from sleep. A deep groan escapes my lips as whoever this is sucks me down deeper, their tongue dragging down the underside of my shaft.
“Good morning, sleepy head,” Rachelle says in my ear as I fucking whimper.
Thank God they won’t hold that against me. Opening my eyes slowly, I find Rachelle is watching as Lili sucks my cock as if she’s studying and analyzing it all. Fuck, I’m going to embarrass myself.
“Fuck, this must be what they call a waking dream,” I say, eyes rolling back as Lili begins to play with my balls. I’m trying to keep from thrusting up and gagging her. I don’t want to scare Rachelle with how hard I’m riding the edge. “Lili, you’re going to kill me, baby.”
“I think that’s the point,” Rachelle murmurs, her eyes dragging up my body until she’s gazing at me. Her pupils are blown with arousal, her lips slightly parted as she pants.
“You look all bothered and needy, little sister,” I rasp, moaning as Lili drags up my cock with some teeth.
While Elijah is usually the one who prefers pain, I love the threat of it.
“I love watching you come undone,” Rachelle admits.
“I want to make you come,” I tell her. “Fuck, Lili, please, baby. I’m five seconds away from choking you with my dick.”
“Do it,” Lili says, the crown on my cock slipping from her lips to bob against them. It’s like he’s trying to remind her of what she was doing and make her continue. This girl will finish when she’s good and ready, though, and not a second sooner. “I want to feel what it’s like when you lose control.”
“Are you sure?” I ask. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“How would you do that?” Rachelle asks, eyes wide.
She’s no longer a virgin against her will, and still so fucking innocent.
“I want to grab her hair and face fuck her with my cock,” I say, watching to see if I scare her. “It means I’ll be in control, and my dick will hit the back of her throat.”
“Fuck yes,” Lili groans. “Baby, will you get me the toy I keep here? I want to fuck myself with it.”
Nodding, Rachelle turns to open her bedside table to find it. The sheet slides down to show her cute pajamas, her ass round and perky.
“I think my brain just short circuited,” I mutter as she hands it to Lili. “This doesn’t freak you out?”
“It’s not something I think I could do,” Rachelle says. “At least, not right now. I want to watch Lili do it though. I’m just?—”
“Is your pussy dripping watching us, baby?” Lili purrs.
While I’d be scared to ask her something like that quite yet, they’re in a different place together.
“Ye-yes,” Rachelle whispers, shivering.
“I really want to have you ride my face while you watch Lili suck my dick,” I say softly. “Would that be okay?”
Fuck, that was really forward.
Biting her lip, she thinks.
“Watching me, seeing his hand in my hair as he fucks my face may keep you with us so it won’t be a trigger,” Lili suggests.
“You can both squeeze my hand if it gets too much. I’ll immediately let go,” I promise. The last part is more for Lili since her mouth will be full.
I don’t want her to think biting my dick off is an option.
“Okay,” Rachelle says, getting onto her knees to pull off her bottoms. Breathing deeply, I would swear I can smell her arousal. Lili smirks as she wiggles out of her pajama pants and panties, tossing them to the side.
Thank fuck it’s Saturday, and we don’t need to get out of bed anytime soon. I’d happily live here forever.
“Get on my face,” I practically beg, reaching for Rachelle to assist her.
I love that she doesn’t hesitate, or say she’s not comfortable riding my face. Instead, she lets me help her straddle me, my hand on her hip to pull her down on my mouth. Fuck, all I can do is smell how good she is, her scent surrounding me as I suck on her sweet pussy.
“Ah,” Rachelle gasps, her hips beginning to slowly rock.
Yes, make me eat up every drop, baby girl.
“Grind on his tongue, baby. A big, strong guy like Nacio can take it,” Lili teases her.
Blindly, I reach out for Lili as she licks the tip of my cock. My hips buck now that she’s told me not to behave.
“Not very patient, huh?” she asks. I can hear the low sound of a vibrator, and Rachelle moans. I bet Lili is getting herself situated first. Good girl.
My hand moves to fist the blankets, while Rachelle’s hands find my upper arm and hand to hold onto as she begins to grind down on my face.
“Mmmgawd,” I mumble, my tongue gathering her sweet cream before sucking hard on her clit.
“Nacio,” she whimpers. “Lili, fuck your pussy for me.”
My cock jerks hard at her words, and I hope I’ll get to watch them together some more. They’re so sexy when they play, Rachelle’s trust in Lili is sweet and heady.
I can hear the way Lili’s pussy sucks in the toy, making me groan at the sound. God, she’s so fucking wet. I have never really worried if a girl enjoyed sucking me off before, but I’m finding it so hot that Lili does.
Her lips wrap around the crown of my cock, slowly taking all of me. My fingers tangle in her hair, and my hips thrust up as I pull her down deeper. Rachelle moans as she watches, having the perfect seat for her show. Lili finds her rhythm quickly as I fuck her mouth, unafraid to gag and swallow around my dick.
Lili and Rachelle’s moans and whimpers as they get closer to coming make my balls draw up tightly and my back tingle. Doubling down, I struggle to split my focus between eat Rachelle’s pussy and not coming yet. She’s dripping down my chin, completely unembarrassed which means no one has made her feel ashamed by her arousal.
I fucking love every moment. I want her to be unhinged in her need to come, and her nails are digging into my skin as her hips rock in a tight circle, her body coiling as she gets even closer.
“Oh my god,” she mewls, her pussy gushing into my mouth.
“Fuck,” I groan, my voice muffled as I’m prepared to drown in her sweet cunt. Her thighs are squeezing my head tightly, her noises becoming more and more desperate.
I’m really glad Dad told me he was going out this morning with Julia. They’ll be back later today because they don’t want to be away too long with what happened yesterday. But for now, I get to take care of my stepsister.
Smirking against her body, I enjoy the irony of that statement before getting back to work. Lili is moaning around my cock, and I can hear her coming around her toy as her body shudders. Rachelle follows as I drag my teeth along her clit before flicking it with my tongue.
The sounds of them together are too much for me, my hips rising off the mattress as I shoot ropes of cum down Lili’s throat. She struggles to swallow, mewling slightly with discomfort as she does. Breathing hard, I collapse on the bed, releasing her so she can come off my still hard cock.
“Holy shit,” Lili gasps, her breath audible as she almost sobs. Worried, I lift Rachelle to sit lower on my body so I can rise up to check on her, bracing my upper body up with my forearms.
“Did I hurt you?” I ask, chuckling as I see my cum smeared across her lips and chin. “Looks like you missed a little.”
“I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that,” Lili says, her chest sawing. “You’re like a sex god. I’ve never come from sucking cock before.”
As she goes to wipe her mouth, Rachelle catches her hand.
“Come here and share,” she says softly.
I may just die if she does.
Realizing what our girl wants, Lili crawls over my body to her. At some point, she set aside the vibrator, and it's lost in the blankets. I swear, she allows my cock to move right over her bare pussy, making my teeth grit hard. I don’t expect to move to sex for a long while with either of them, but she’s a fucking tease.
The wicked smile and, “Ooops,” are a clear indication that Lili knows this.
Sitting on my stomach, her ass slides from how wet she is until my cock is nestled against it. This is the sweetest torture I’ve ever had. I’m going to be rock hard at all times around these two, I can already tell.
“You can always have a taste,” Lili murmurs, her hands cupping Rachelle’s face as she kisses her.
The trauma of seeing Rachelle crying and mauled in the restroom isn’t something any of us is over, but we can decide how we move forward. Her smooth head is beautiful, her cute ears even prettier now. Lili kisses our girl sweetly, while giving her both her soul as well as a taste of my cum as she swipes her tongue against my stepsister’s.
I can’t help myself and groan as I watch them, my eyes widening as Rachelle sucks on Lili’s tongue. When they finally break free of the kiss, they’re breathing hard, and so am I.
“You two are incredible,” I murmur.
Lili and Rachelle glance at me, amused.
“I think you owe me a taste too, handsome,” Lili murmurs.
I can still taste Rachelle on my lips, and she’s all over my face. Sitting up more, I shift Rachelle slightly so I can wrap my arm around her to hold her, my hand grabbing Lili roughly by the hair to pull her to me.
“Come take it,” I demand.
Her lips crash down on mine, much more aggressive than she is with Rachelle. I grab Lili’s ass and haul her up to straddle our girl’s waist, loving the way they both moan. Lili sucks on my tongue, searching for every drop of our girl’s sweetness, while Rachelle pulls Lili’s shirt up to suck on her tits.
These two constantly surprise me.
By the time we stop, Rachelle and Lili have come again, using each other to get themselves off, and I’m leaking precum again.
“Shower,” I gasp. “You’re going to kill me otherwise. I need to feed you both breakfast too.”
“It’s almost noon,” Rachelle says, amused.
“Fuck it, I need to get out of this bed then because I’m rock hard. Please, throw a guy a bone and have mercy on me,” I plead.
Their giggles make me weak as they get up, grabbing my hands to make sure I shower with them. While I wasn’t expecting this, I’ll absolutely take it. Washing each other’s bodies sounds like the perfect way to continue the day.
I’m sure we’ll lose plenty of time there, too.
* * *
RACHELLE
Mid-September
Gazing in the mirror as I get ready for the Darkest Nights concert, I’m surprised by the cute pixie hair that reflects back. It’s been a month and a half since Theo forcibly shaved my head. I haven’t seen any of them outside of Nacio since I’m doing virtual school now.
Unfortunately, Carlysle Prep did throw a fit about my refusing to return to school, but Emil told me there wasn’t much they could do. The school has a clause for virtual school, even if they’re not supplying the classwork.
Emil explained to Headmaster Cooper that all grades and work would be submitted as I complete it, which is above and beyond what I’ve been doing. He told me that my backpack and cell phone couldn’t be recovered, so he bought me a new one.
It doesn’t really matter since I’m either at home doing schoolwork or with Lili and Nacio at home. I’m honestly beginning to get stir crazy. This is the first time I’ve really left the house since the incident, and only because I haven’t felt comfortable leaving because of my lack of hair.
The Darkest Nights is my absolute favorite band. I’m not missing it due to my insecurity about my hair.
Blowing out a breath, I look down at my fishnet stockings with skulls on them, black leather skirt, and long sleeved mesh shirt over a tank top. I did my make up tastefully with maroon lips and a brown smokey eye. Pulling on my knee high flat boots, I decide I’m ready to go. I’m wearing the bracelet Lili gave me too, which is the only nod to jewelry I have. It’s not something I wear very often.
A knock at the door pulls me away from agonizing about what I look like. I’m just going to sing my heart out to their songs. Walking over to open the door, I find Nacio and his dropped jaw on the other side.
“Um,” he says, his eyes moving over me greedily. “One second, baby.”
Pulling out his phone, he texts someone quickly. Rolling my eyes, I brace my hands on the doorway, knowing he’s messaging Lili something. The three of us have become thick as thieves, and I love the progression of our relationship. Lili and I still haven’t had sex with him.
I’m nervous about the entire thing. What if I’m bad at it? What if I freak out?
Not being at school anymore has been really good for my mental health, and it’s easier for me to work through any issues I might have because I’m not seeing the ones who cause them. Theo, Jared, and Elijah aren’t good for me in any capacity.
“What are you texting Lili about?” I ask, exasperated even as I laugh.
“I’ll tell you after you pose and smile for me,” he murmurs, smirking as he takes a photo when I do.
I’ve been taking a lot more pictures with them. They’re just for us, since Lili and Nacio still have to go to school with the Kings. Apparently, they’re pretty pissed off that their play toy is no longer accessible. At least they’re not bothering Lili over it much.
It’s only a matter of time before they disturb my peace, though. October thirty-first is creeping closer with every day. I don’t know how far the guys will go to make their deadline to kill me.
“Ugh, just as I thought. She told me I can’t tie you to my bed and refuse to let you go,” Nacio says, pulling me out of my thoughts. At my bewildered look, he smirks. “You’re so beautiful, I’m rethinking this concert.”
Sticking out my tongue, I laugh when he wraps his arms around me and kisses me, careful not to mess up my lipstick.
“Have fun tonight,” he murmurs against my lips. “Are you going to practice driving?”
“That’s what Mom suggested,” I tell him. “I need to get some more nighttime driving in.”
Lili and Nacio helped me study for the exam to get my learners permit, and then the mechanics of it. Emil or Mom drove with me around the block, and we slowly expanded farther out as I got more comfortable. It’s the only time I’ve left the house outside of my runs.
It’s helped keep me from climbing the walls.
“Good,” he says. “You have everything you need?”
Turning, I grab my black crossbody purse for my lipstick and phone. It’s tiny, only big enough for those two things.
“Now I do,” I confirm, taking his hand as we walk. It’s clear we’re dating, especially after the conversation we all had after Nacio shaved the rest of my head.
“What did Lili say about my outfit?” I ask. I didn’t have a chance to send her a photo before he knocked to show her, so I want to know.
“She said that you look gorgeous, and that she doesn’t think you need to be kidnapped by me to keep you safe,” he says, his lip pushed out in a fake pout.
“Poor baby didn’t get his way,” I tease him.
“No, but she said she’d be over after the concert to remind you of who you belong to,” he says, shrugging.
“Even though it’s a Tuesday night?” I ask, surprised.
“It’s not the first time,” he reminds me.
My stomach flip flops at his words, and I almost miss the last step, much to his amusement.
“Careful there,” he teases me.
Mom is waiting next to Emil, chatting as they wait for me.
“There you are,” she says. “You look gorgeous, we should definitely run away before Nacio decides to buy a scalped ticket to come with us.”
Emil snickers as his son perks up.
“Shit, was that an option?” he asks.
“No,” Mom says, making me smile as she opens the front door. “See you later, Nacio.”
“Be safe,” he sighs.
“Yes, but most of all, have fun,” Emil says.
I have to say, practicing my driving in my new SUV is wild. Mom unlocks the doors as we walk toward it, tossing me the key fob. There’s a briskness to the air, reminding me fall will be here soon, but it’s not too bad yet. I haven’t experienced winter in Portland.
If the guys have their way, I won’t at all.
Pushing away the dark thought, I force myself to smile as I open the driver side door. They won’t ruin tonight. I’ve been looking forward to it for months, and I plan to enjoy it. Getting in, I take a calming breath and shut the door.
“Here we go!” I squeal, pushing down on the brake with my foot and pressing the ignition button.
“Seatbelt, hot stuff,” Mom teases me, and I nod as I make sure to pull it on.
The drive to the venue isn’t awful, even though I have to grit my teeth as I drive into the parking garage.
“Mom, I have to park?” I hiss. “I don’t know if I can do this!”
“You’re fine, we’re going to go up to one of the upper floors with this tank,” Mom says calmly. “It’s easier when you have an extra space or two so it doesn’t feel as if you’re going to hit someone. Deep breaths, you’re doing so good. If you really can’t do it, I’ll park, okay?”
Swallowing hard, I concentrate on the tight turns as I drive into the higher levels.
“Why is that car so close to me?” I mumble. “This feels like a design flaw.”
“It really does,” Mom agrees, though I can hear the amusement in her voice. “I’m taking you out to lunch this week so we can practice parking together. For now, this is probably one of the most stressful places to learn. Way to jump into the deep end, honey.”
“Awesome,” I mutter. “God, why is the ceiling getting closer to me!”
“It’s the garage. It’s not going to crush us,” she says. Every space has been full, but the spots look so small, I doubt I would be able to park the SUV in any of them.
Toward the sixth floor, I begin to see more open spaces, and I look out for a cluster of spots together so I can attempt this.
“There we go,” Mom says. “Six spots all together. Slow down, and I’ll tell you when to cut the wheel.”
I’ve been driving at a crawl anyway, so it’s not difficult to continue at this pace.
“Start to turn the wheel,” she says. “This is your spot.”
Concentrating on turning and not hitting the concrete wall ahead of me once I’m in the spot leaves little room for any other worry.
“There! You did it,” Mom says. “I can straighten you out if you need it. Put the car in park first.”
It’s an easy and silly thing to forget, because my brain is already happy to be done with this. Pushing the park button down, I sigh in relief when I feel it shift. Checking my surroundings, I open the door and look down at the lines. I’m a little over.
“Well, I couldn’t be perfect the first time,” I sigh, taking off my seatbelt and getting out. Mom comes around to take my spot, quickly righting the car.
“You’ll get the hang of it,” she says, hopping out after and locking the car.
Walking together to the elevator and then to the venue, it’s easy to get caught up in the energy. Portland is excited about this band, and so am I.
The opening band is fucking amazing, and I dance in the crowd with my mom. She has some serious moves. It’s when The Darkest Nights comes on stage that I’m hit with a wave of emotion.
Holy shit. Their songs have gotten me through a lot of fucked up things. Sometimes, I would put on a pair of headphones and blast their music to drown out the voices. It didn’t always work, but the days it did were glorious.
“Thank you, Mom,” I say, feeling the tears start to fall as I hug her.
She doesn’t say anything, and just hugs me back as we listen. Mom surprises me by singing along with them, simply shrugging as we sway from side to side. All the times I didn’t think she saw me, I think maybe she did and didn’t know how to reach me.
Taking a shuddering breath to center myself and curb the tears, I sing with her until the tears dry. Lenny has purple hair, and is wearing leather pants and a black corset. She looks amazing as she sings, her bandmates clearly enjoying the way she looks as they play and sing with her.
It makes me wonder about those dynamics, who she’s with, and how it all works. Right now, I’m never jealous of my time with Lili and Nacio. I’m pretty sure she’s coming over to wait for me, and will be hanging out with Nacio to watch a movie. Anything that happens during that time doesn’t bother me either.
It’s no different than Lili and I making out together when we’re alone.
Shaking my head at the odd direction of my thoughts, I watch as some of those questions are answered as the crowd goes wild as Roark kisses Lenny soundly. We all begin to lose it completely, screaming when Turner pulls her from him and dips her to kiss her hard.
The guitarist and drummer are gorgeous men, both very different from the other. The interviews never discuss who she’s with, and I think that’s for the best. It’s better to enjoy the small glimpses of their lives that they allow us to see.
Just because they’re famous, doesn’t mean we own them.
“Thank you, Portland,” Lenny yells into her microphone with a grin, running off the stage with her bandmates.
“That was amazing!” I exclaim, grinning.
“Hey, would you two like to meet the band?” a man asks, holding up VIP passes. “They can’t be bought, we give them at each concert to a very small group of people. I couldn’t help but notice how much the band seemed to affect you.”
Eyes wide, I glance at my mom, unsure if she wants to leave right away or not.
“That would be great,” Mom says smiling.
The man gives us his last two passes, ushering us to where there’s a group of us. He walks us backstage to a room where he tells us his name is Neil, and that the band members will be in soon.
I’m standing in a group with other teens, and I chat with them while my mom talks with their parents until the band strides in excitedly. Lenny comes over to our group immediately, asking us our names.
It’s incredible to be talking to her, seeing how genuine she is as well. One of the parents explains how it’s their daughter’s first concert, and Lenny squeals as she asks what they thought. She tries to make sure she chats with all of us, while my brain goes blank.
What do you say to someone you idolize?
“Can I just tell you how much I love you,” I say instead, wide eyed.
“Yes, and then you can tell me something important about you that I need to know. I live with two men and I need girl time before they come find me,” she jokes.
I can’t imagine what that would be like, but I had no one for so long, I expect it’s pretty isolating, especially with the fame.
A man with vine tattoos down his arm wraps his arm around Lenny, the guitarist smiling at us. She leans against Turner with a happy smile, while they both give me their full attention.
“Why are guys so dumb?” I ask, word vomit continuing to flow as I give Jared as an example. Ugh, the Kings and their stupid fucking bet that is threatening to ruin my life is leaking into my perfect night.
I fucking hate them. Well, outside of Ignacio. I really like him.
“I can also answer that from a guy’s perspective if you’ll have me,” Turner says, his pale blue eyes intent.
“You don’t want to answer teenager questions though, do you?” Mom asks, chewing on her lip.
She’s right, he’s a man in his mid-thirties. It’s silly for me to be asking them questions like this.
“I most certainly do. Lennon can tell you that I have opinions on all sorts of things, some she actually agrees with,” he says, leaning forward to kiss Lenny’s shoulder.
They’re really cute together, completely connected as they even breathe in sync. Wow. Twisting to face him, Lenny gazes at him as he arches his eyebrow in amusement. Returning to face me, she nods.
“He’s right. Turner enjoys breaking apart the things that guys do and making it make sense. This boy, Jared, that you’re asking about, is giving you mixed signals. He’s telling you he’s interested, while flirting with other girls. If he wants you, he’ll be completely invested in you. How do you feel when he flirts with other people?” she asks me.
“Shitty. I feel like I’m not as pretty as those girls. They do things that I’m not comfortable doing, and it makes me wonder if I should be,” I explain.
Marci of all people fucking Jared against the wall looms in my mind. He’s even said I’m prettier. With my trauma, I’m not someone who could fill any of his needs, and now it doesn’t even matter. Ugh, why am I like this?!
“You are beautiful, Rachelle. You have these eyes that sparkle when you talk, and any boy who is flirting with other girls doesn’t deserve you,” Lenny says.
Turner frowns in turns as he thinks. “Is this boy pressuring you for more than you’re willing to give?”
He really does. Before they decided to keep their hands off me sexually in an effort to keep me from losing my mind literally, all of them were all over me. Slowly, Jared becomes my way to talk about Elijah, Theo, and Nacio in general terms without naming them.
In my head, every word still rings true, even if Jared has spent the most time terrorizing me.
“I went to a party and he’d hug me, telling me how pretty I look. Sometimes he’d dance with me and his hands would roam a little, but not enough that I felt like I needed to move them. Then, later in the night he’d be all over another girl or girls, and would take them upstairs to have sex with them. I know that’s what they’re doing, because I went to an upstairs bathroom once and they didn’t make it to the room. He just watched me while he fucked her against the wall,” I explain softly.
My mom looks horrified, because I didn’t tell her this. There’s a lot I haven’t told her.
“He’s unfortunately manipulating you. He wants to push you into doing something that you’re not ready for, something that you’ll regret. He’s hurting you, and this asshole doesn’t deserve your light. Now, you have to decide what you want to do,” Turner says with a shrug.
“You’re right. Fuck him,” I spit out. “Why are guys dicks?” I groan.
“We have one so we figure we need to act like one,” Roark says, joining the conversation.
Lenny moves on and we chat with Turner and Roark until the meet and greet is over, and mom and I leave the stadium to walk to the parking garage.
“Why do I feel as if that wasn’t just about Jared?” Mom asks.
“Because you’re my mom and smart,” I sigh as she wraps her arm around me.
Smirking, she decides to drive us home, which I’m glad for. I’m afraid I’m not going to have the focus to concentrate on getting us home safely. With such an incredible night, I don’t want to fuck it up with an accident.
“Thank you, Mom, for this,” I tell her again as we walk into the house.
“It’s my pleasure,” she says. “They’re amazing people too.”
Agreeing, I say goodnight and walk upstairs with a yawn. My door is slightly ajar while Ignacio’s is open, making me decide that Lili and he must be inside of my room. He always says that my bed is more comfortable and bigger than his.
Pushing it open, I smile as I see that they’re already snuggled in bed together.
“Hey you two,” I say, stepping inside, happy to see them.
Lili grins happily, sitting up, already in her pajamas.
“How was it?” she asks.
“Incredible!” I say. “Mom and I even got chosen for VIP passes, and I got to meet the band. Seriously, the best night ever.”
Closing the door behind me, I take off my bag to drop it on the nightstand. Ignacio’s gaze moves over me, getting up to kiss me. His low slung joggers invite me to slide my fingers slightly inside of them, and I’m surprised by my boldness as his lips remind me of how much he’s missed me.
“He’s been asking why you weren’t home yet for the past hour,” Lili says with a giggle. “I even offered to give him a blowjob if it would get his mind off it.”
“I told her I wanted to wait,” he murmurs. “I’m glad you had fun, but I want to take you to your next concert with Lili. This way, I get to experience it with you both.”
As possessive as he is, he’s also really cute.
“I guess I should change,” I murmur. “I’ve kind of been thinking about something that may be weird."
I haven’t been able to get back into reading dirty, smutty books since what happened at Elijah’s birthday. It's been months, and every time I try, I get angry with myself that I’m not different than I am.
So, instead, I’ve started reading psychology journals. They’re really interesting, and help me work through things. The issue now is to decide how I want to use what I learn.
“I doubt we’ll think it’s weird," Nacio says as he watches me walk to my closet to begin pulling off my boots. “What are you thinking?”
My skirt and stockings are pulled off next, and I notice as his eyes begin to hood. Maybe if he’s turned on already, he’ll be less likely to overthink this.
“So I’ve been reading about exposure therapy, where you slowly expose yourself to the things that you may fear or have had trauma with,” I explain, taking my top off.
I went without a bra tonight since my tank top had a really good built-in bra.
“Holy mother of God,” Ignacio prays as my breasts bounce out.
“Easy there, Nacio. You may get struck down by them,” Lili says with a grin. “Keep going, baby.”
Tossing my clothing into the hamper, I choose a long sleeved shirt to sleep in, pulling it over my head. I know you can see the imprint of my nipples, because Ignacio’s tongue almost falls out of his mouth like one of those cartoons.
“It helped me to watch Lili give you a blowjob,” I say, walking slowly back toward them. “It’s something I’ve always been kind of curious about.”
“Mmmhmm,” Nacio murmurs, looking confused. “You can use my body however you need, Rachelle. I want you to feel comfortable with me, or anything you may want to eventually try.”
Good, because this is a big ask.
“I want to watch you have sex with Lili,” I whisper. “Is that too out there?”
“I don’t think so,” she says slowly. “Ignacio?”
“Is this so you can see what it’s supposed to be like?” he asks, swallowing thickly. “I know you watched Jared and Marci, but that was fucking. That’s not how things would happen with Lili and I or you and me, nena .”
“I know,” I say, nodding quickly. I’m so nervous my fingers are twisting together as I worry, and he erases the space between us by dragging me to him.
“I’m in,” he murmurs, dropping his head to brush my lips.
Lili comes closer, her head already moving up and down. “You know I’m in,” she says, kissing me.
Ignacio and Lili look at each other for a moment, sharing words without sound.
“I’ll be right back,” he says softly.
“I’m clean, and on birth control,” she says.
That reminds me that I need to see the gynecologist soon. I never needed to before. I push away the unpleasant reminder of the rape kit performed at the hospital, as well the crying jag I had when I got my period a few weeks later. I’ve never been so happy to see the blood stain on the tissue paper when I wiped that day.
Colton raping me was like the gift that kept fucking giving.
Forcing myself back to the present, I watch the way Nacio almost trips over his feet.
“I had a STI screening a couple of months ago, and haven’t been with anyone,” he says. “Should I not go get a condom?”
“No, unless Rachelle wants us to,” Lili says. “Neither of us have any kind of sexually transmitted disease we can give you, and I take my birth control every day. It’s up to you.”
I know that I want to make sure everything is in place so that when I take this step, I don’t need a condom between Ignacio and I either.
“No, I don’t need him to wear one,” I whisper, watching as he locks the door.
“Okay, then,” he rasps.
Oh my God, this is happening!