7. Amelia
Over the next few days, I am lost in my head a little. I feel conflicted.
Stefano is the most loving, gentle, and beautiful man I have ever met. But on the other side, I now know that all of the stories about him are true. Everything my father warned me about is for a reason. He is that dark; he is that dangerous man that people are so scared of.
This morning Stefano left for a business trip, and I won't be able to see him for a few days.
It feels like a part of me is missing when he's gone, but at the same time today, I am grateful for the space so that I can think more clearly.
I am so, utterly and madly in love with him.
But I also need to work and focus on getting ready to start at Saint Aquinas soon.
I will marry him and spend my life with him, but I won't give up on my dreams while I do that. He understands that and supports me which is another thing that I love about him.
At the deli, I hear the oven ping to let me know that the fresh batch of rolls is ready to come out.
I dust my hands over my apron and grab the oven gloves. A smile splashes across my face because I love this part - the moment you pull the oven open, and the full scent of freshly baked blueberry croissants steams into the air.
But when I pull the oven open, and that fresh scent hits me I feel a wave of nausea.
I quickly pull them out and set them aside to cool.
Another wave of nausea hits me, and my manager throws me a curious glance.
"Lia, what's wrong? You look really pale."
"I feel a bit sick," I say pressing my hand against my stomach.
"Like a tummy bug"
"Hmm." I swallow hard as the nausea tightens the back of my throat.
"Ok, we can't have you in here if you're getting a tummy bug, sweetie. Pack up and go home. Get some rest. Let me know when you're feeling better."
"I'm sorry," I say, pulling my apron off.
"Don't be sorry sweetie; just go home and take care of yourself."
Outside in the fresh air, away from all the different scents of baked goods, I slowly start to feel a little better. I must have eaten something that upset my stomach. Maybe food poisoning, or maybe even a bug.
I decide to stop at the pharmacy on the way home to get something for nausea.
While I am walking there a sudden harsh truth slaps me in the face.
I haven't had my period yet.
And I'm about three weeks late.
I can't believe I didn't even realize this.
I start walking faster, filled with anxiety. Now I am suddenly going to the pharmacy for an entirely different reason.
I go straight to the shelves filled with different brands of pregnancy tests.
I don't know what the difference is between each one, so I just grab three of them and go to the counter to pay.
I can't make eye contact with the lady behind the counter because I know I look like I just saw a ghost. I am so anxious it's pushing the nausea to new levels. All I want to do is get home and take the test.
Once I've paid, I hurry outside and wave down a taxi.
All the way home I am thinking. Non-stop thinking.
At first, I was terrified, but then I was excited. If I am pregnant that means Stefano and I are going to have our own little family. I will be having a baby with the man I love.
But by the time I am upstairs in my own bathroom and unwrapping the tests the excited feeling has been replaced by fear.
I can't stop the reality of who he is, and the life he lives, from weighing down on me.
I pee on each stick and then snap the lids back in place and put them all on my bathroom countertop. While I wait, I pace nervously.
Could I really raise my baby in that environment?
Would I want my baby to be at permanent risk, always fearful that someone might come after us as revenge for something Stefano has done?
The time is up. I have my back to the tests. I need to turn around and look at them, but tears are stinging in my eyes.
My heart is beating heavy and fast.
I force my feet to move. I turn towards the sink and stare down at the three tests.
They all say the same thing.
I am definitely pregnant.
There is absolutely no chance of mistaking it when two of them have two very, unmistakably solid lines and one actually says the word pregnant.
Suddenly I can't breathe.
My lungs seem to lock up and I clutch at my throat, sinking to the bathroom floor as tears fill my eyes.
What am I going to do?
Can I still go to college?
What about my job?
What about my engagement to the man I am in love with?
I want to call Stefano because he is the one who I feel safest with, but then I realize, I have no idea where he is or what he is doing on this business trip - or any business trip he goes on.
He was so casual about telling his security guy to break that man's knees and his arms; it was so cruel and so casual. Like it was the most normal thing in the world for him to suggest.
And all of those stories about him - how he has tortured entire families to get what he wants or torn down homes and taken parents away from children.
Do I really want my baby to grow up knowing that that is who their father is?
Suddenly I feel more alone than I have ever felt in my life.
I don't know what to do.
There is a knock at my bedroom door.
"Lia, are you in there? Dinner is ready."
My mom's voice drifts through the door.
"Mom," I call out through choked tears.
"Lia?" I hear the door opening and her footsteps as she walks to the bathroom. She sticks her head through the bathroom door. "Sweetie?" As soon as she sees my face she drops to the floor next to me and gathers me up in her arms.
"Lia, what's going on? What's wrong, honey?" Her voice is rich with worry.
I point to the counter where the pregnancy tests are lined up.
She glances in that direction and a heavy sad sigh escapes her lips.
"Oh, honey. Ok, ok, it's not the end of the world, sweetheart."
"But it is, Mom."
"Don't be silly. You can still go to Saint Aquinas. You can still get your degree. Your father and I will help you every step of the way."
I shake my head. My mother has always been supportive - but this - this is different. This is bigger. This is dangerous.
"Mom, it's…"
She pulls away from me and looks at me with narrowed worried eyes.
"Amelia, what is it?" She demands, the worry getting thicker in her tone.
"The father." I take a deep breath and swallow back more tears.
She remains silent, waiting, tense.
"The father is Stefano Amalfi."
Her jaw drops open as the initial shock fills her eyes with horror and fear. She quickly pushes it away for my sake. She bites down hard on her lip, and I can see her fighting for control of her thoughts.
"Amalfi." She whispers.
"I'm so sorry, Mom." The tears are streaming down my cheeks again.
Her eyes flare with anger.
"Amelia did he…"
"No. No. No, Mom. Nothing like that. No." I shake my head vigorously. "I fell in love with him. We've been seeing each other for a few months. He asked me to marry him. I said, yes."
I am drowning in guilt for lying to my family.
My mother takes me in her arms again and pulls me to my feet.
"Honey, I know it's difficult, but we need to talk to your dad."
"But... "
"He will know what to do."
"Mom - "
"No matter what happens, your father and I love you so much and all we want is for you and the baby to be safe."
Safe.
That word sticks in my head.
I do want my baby to be safe.
I nod. "Ok. Let's go talk to Dad."
My stomach is tossing and turning with nerves when we walk down to the dining room.
When my father looks up to see the expression on my mother's face, then mine, he immediately excuses the chef and housekeeper from the dining room.
"What is going on?" he says cautiously.
"We need to talk to you, my love." My mother says gently.
My father's eyes narrow for a moment then he nods. His expression changes to one of gentle reception, patience, and care. But I can see his jaw muscles flexing with tension.
"Go ahead, honey." My mother encourages me.
I sit down at the table opposite my dad.
"Dad." I take a deep breath. My mother nods again for encouragement. "Dad, I've been dating Stefano Amalfi for the past few months."
He opens his mouth to speak, and my mother holds up her hand. He holds back his words, but his eyes give away his anger and his fear.
I take another breath, swallowing hard.
"Dad, I'm pregnant."
The words seem to hit him like a bolt of lightning. He jolts in his chair and places his hand over his heart. His jaw muscles feather and feather again.
I stay quiet. Waiting. Letting him process the news.
Finally, after what feels like an eternity he asks. "What do you want to do?"
"I want my baby to be safe."
"Then you can't be with him. There is no way for you or your baby to be safe if you are with Stefano Amalfi."
"I know." Tears fall silently down my face.
He stares right at me, into my soul, as intense a stare as I have ever felt.
"It's going to be ok, Lia. We are going to make sure you are safe, ok."
I nod.
"I have to make a few phone calls. You two go ahead and start dinner."
My father leaves the room, and my mother sits next to me. The chef returns and starts dishing up the food and I stare at it feeling as though I will never be able to eat again.
"Come on, honey. You need to eat, for you and your little one."
Later that night I am sitting in my bedroom, trying to process everything.
My parents both come in and sit on the end of my bed.
My dad looks sad.
"Lia, you need to pack. Tomorrow evening you are going to leave. I have arranged for you to go and stay with a family I know very well. You will be in hiding. I trust them and know that they will take care of you and your baby. This is the only way to make sure he can't reach you. If you stay here, he will never stop trying."
"Tomorrow night," I murmur. "Will I be able to see you and Mom?"
"No honey. It won't be safe."
I bite back tears. Then nod. I don't have a choice. It's not for me; it's for my baby.
My parents sit with me for a while, explaining everything that will happen. I am holding my engagement ring in my hand, spinning it between my fingers, wondering how everything changed so quickly and what my future is going to look like.
I hardly sleep at all that night, knowing it is the last night I will be here, in my room, with my parents. Knowing it is the last night of living this life and that from tomorrow everything is going to change.
My heart is breaking.
My soul is shattered.
I can't stop holding the engagement ring.
I love Stefano. I know I do. I wanted to be with him forever. But I have to do what is right. Finally, around five in the morning, I can't take it anymore. I get up, and shower, feeling the pangs of morning sickness. I get ready slowly, methodically, as though I am on autopilot.
Then I take one of my father's cars and drive to Stefano's mansion. I know he isn't there. But this is my way of saying goodbye.
The guards let me in without hesitation because they knew we were engaged.
I make my way through the hallways, past the bedrooms, to his office.
I slip the gorgeous engagement ring off my finger and place it on his desk, right in front of his chair.
Pain surges through me in uncontrollable waves. I can't even explain to him how much this is hurting me. I can't tell him how sorry I am.
I gather every bit of strength I have and force myself to walk away.
I have to.
For my baby.