19. Amelia
"What? What will you do about it, Amelia? What power do you think you have here? You have fucking nothing. Less than nothing. It's time you accepted that, isn't it?"
He sounds amused. As though this is funny to him. As though my torment is bringing him joy. I hate him more and more as each moment passes.
Well, I don't give a fuck what he thinks he can do to me he isn't going near Elle.
He's so fucking sick and twisted for finding enjoyment in my pain. I don't trust him. I don't want Elle getting hurt. She's been through so much she doesn't deserve to be subjected to his games.
I'm struggling to control myself.
Struggling to keep the hatred that's burning inside me from tearing through me.
He chuckles. A deep rolling sound that vibrates through my body and sends me over the edge. Surging anger. Wild and uncontrolled.
Before I even know what I'm doing my hand is swinging towards him. I want to slap him so hard that his cheek stings for a week.
But he grabs my wrist midair and pain shoots through my arm as he spins me around and slams me hard against the wall.
The air is knocked out of my lungs, and I gasp for breath, but Stefano doesn't even give me a chance to recover before he grabs my jaw and presses his mouth over mine.
It catches me by surprise.
My heart begins to beat wildly in my chest.
My body starts responding in all the wrong ways as I fight against my own reaction.
His touch sends fire running through me. Sparks are flying and I hate how good this feels.
My skin lights beneath his hands and begs for more. I want to feel his naked skin against mine.
His body pressed against me floods me with memories that I try desperately to fight.
But I can't.
And when a soft moan of pleasure escapes my lips I practically die of embarrassment.
I want to scream.
I want to cry.
I want to slap him again for making me feel this way.
But I can barely move. He's too strong.
He's overbearing and pinning me down.
Finally, he leans away from me to look down on me - that smug look still etched into his expression - the sly half smile making me furious.
I turn my head away as my cheeks begin to burn.
He's still looking at me. I can't take this for another second.
"What?" I snap angrily.
"You will not defy me, Amelia. You will do exactly as I say when I say it. You will give me what I want. If you don't - " his jaw flexes and his eyes fill with a dark threat. "If you don't, I will make you suffer pain far worse than death. You will be begging for death to escape it.
He steps away from me and I shudder, suddenly free I feel so disgusted with myself for being turned on by him.
I want to run back to Elle's room, but I'm scared he will follow me there. I'd rather stand here and suffer whatever torment he has for me than lead him towards my daughter.
"When you aren't at work, you will be here."
"What do you mean?"
"You will not go out without my permission. As soon as you are finished with your shift at work, you will return to the house."
"You plan to keep me locked up here? Why? You can't do that. You can't treat me like a prisoner." I protest, feeling the weakness of my position. My heart is heavy and sinking by the second.
"Of course, I can." He says calmly. His confidence pisses me off. He knows I have no choice.
He brushes his hand over my cheek, and I turn my face away in anger.
With one last chuckle, he walks away from me and I swallow the tears away.
Taking a few deep breaths I force myself to calm down before I walk towards Elle's room. This is her first day here. She will be nervous in a new space and all I wanted to do was check in on her when I got home from work.
I never want to expose her to whatever is going on between Stefano and me. I want to protect her from that side of living here.
With one last soft sigh, I walk into her room with a smile on my face.
"Hi, baby," I say cheerfully, walking over to the side of her bed. She has the remote control in her hand and is busy lowering and raising the back of the bed.
"Hi, Mommy. How was work?"
"Work was long but good. How was your day? Was it kind of scary being moved into this new space? Were the doctors who helped you nice? I really wanted to be here with you, but there was an accident at the hospital, and I had to work even longer than I planned."
"That's ok. Everyone was really nice and the doctor who is going to check up on me while I'm here is super friendly."
"That's good, baby. I see you've got Elle."
She lifts the elephant up to show me. "I think she needs another wash." She laughs, then hugs the pink fur ball against her chest.
I pull a chair close to the side of her bed and sit down. "Do you want me to read you a story? Or do you want to watch cartoons on your iPad?"
Elena bites her lower lip and I feel my stomach knot.
"Mommy."
"Yes, baby?"
"Why did that man tell me he is my dad?"
"Stefano? Did he say he is your dad?" I ask, doing my best not to sound horrified because I don't want to freak her out. Matteo must have told him.
Why would he do that? We had an agreement. Fuck. There's no other way he could have known.
"Um, baby, just watch some cartoons for a bit now and we can talk about that another time, ok. That man will leave you alone from now on."
But if he's my dad…"
"Elle, please, will you just watch some cartoons now and we can talk about it later?"
I'm in no state to have a heart-to-heart with her. I'm fighting tears and panic at the same time. I'm exhausted after my shift at the hospital and I need a hot shower.
"I'm so tired right now, baby. I just need a shower and I promise you we can talk about it soon - just not now. Is that ok?"
Elle nods. "Ok, Mommy. That's ok." I can see she's disappointed, but there is nothing I can do about that now.
I'm so angry with Matteo for telling Stefano - and I'm so angry at Stefano for telling Elle without even talking to me about it first.
I sigh softly.
"I'll come and see you in a bit. I'll bring some dinner in."
Elle is already flicking through the cartoons on her iPad and I close my eyes for a second. I am so grateful for her calm nature, her gentle heart, and her patience.
I lean down and kiss her forehead.
"Ring the bell if you need anything. I'll hear it no matter where I am in the house."
"Okie dokie." She says, cheerfully, clicking on the cartoon with a pink elephant, which to no surprise - is her favorite.
"Do you want me to take Elle now and wash her?"
"No, she's watching cartoons with me." She replies, gripping Elle tighter.
"Alright, tomorrow then." I laugh.
I walk out of her room, towards mine, wondering how I am going to have that conversation with her. I never planned to tell her that Stefano was her father. Now I have no choice. I had to explain to her, somehow, why she never met him before and why we were suddenly living with him.
Fatigue sinks deeper into my body.
In the bathroom, I strip my scrubs off and step under a hot shower.
The water streams over me, soothing my muscles and easing some of the tension from my shoulders.
I shower for much longer than I had intended to because it just feels so good.
Climbing out I slip on a pair of jeans and a hoodie. My go-to outfit, especially seeing as I am apparently not allowed to leave the house. I don't see any reason to dress up for that asshole.
I wander through to the kitchen hoping to find some leftovers and on the way there I bump into Matteo.
Just the person I want to confront, but do I have the energy for it now?
"Amelia, good to see you again," Matteo smirks, always charming, always fake.
"You said you wouldn't tell him." I snap angrily.
"Tell who what?"
I lower my voice to a harsh whisper. "You promised not to tell Stefano that Elle is his daughter."
"I didn't." He shrugs.
"You did." I protest.
"I didn't, Amelia. I swear it. Why would I promise and then tell him anyway?"
"But then how did he know?" I ask, frustrated and confused.
"How the hell must I know? Maybe you should ask him."
I shake my head. I don't even want to talk to him.
"Did you see the doctor? Did you have the tests done?"
"He told me that he will contact you as soon as the results come in."
"If he contacts you first will you let me know?"
"I gave him permission to contact you directly with my results, and my sister's."
"Thank you, Matteo. I appreciate that."
He snorts. "Don't forget our deal, Amelia."
Of course. It's only about the deal to him. Does he even care that he might be saving Elle's life? It doesn't seem to be something that's even crossed his mind.
I shake my head in agitation.
"Yes. Our deal. I won't forget about it." Then I push past him towards the kitchen.
I keep making the mistake of thinking that he or his brother has a heart.
There was a reason I ran away when I found out I was pregnant. The reputation Stefano has is not for nothing. He has done horrible things to earn his name and status in the mafia world.
I can't go mistaking him or his brother for caring people.
I sigh heavily as I pull a mug from the cabinet, flicking the coffee machine on.
There are no leftovers. I have to wait for dinner. Glancing at my watch I see it's five now so hopefully the chef will start cooking soon. If they don't I'll make something easy for Elle and myself.
I want to go and sit with her, snuggle on the bed, and watch cartoons together. But I'm so scared she'll ask me about her father again.
I shut my eyes tightly, leaning against the kitchen counter.
I want to cry every time I think about it.
She deserves to know the truth, but she's so young, and she's already going through so much with her illness.
I have to find the gentlest way to tell her as little as possible, but enough to ease her curiosity.
I don't want her to start being interested in Stefano. She lives in the same house as him now and I'm at work most days. They will have plenty of time alone. It terrifies me - the idea of him being alone with her.
The idea that he could take her from me at any moment.
The coffee machine beeps, and I jump caught off guard.
I flick the second switch to make a cappuccino and hot liquid steams from the spout.
I watch it slowly fill my mug, then frothed milk.
I throw one sugar into the cup and stir it as my thoughts churn.
When I do finally find the courage to go and see Elle again, carrying a plate of food for her, she is fast asleep with the iPad still playing cartoons. I feel guilt wash over me. It's her first day here and I avoided her.
That's not fair of me at all.
I can't do that to her.
Tomorrow, I need to tell her something. Anything.
I gently take the iPad from her hands and switch it off.
I lower the bed to a sleeping position and pull her blankets up over her shoulders.
Kissing her cheek softly I whisper. "I love you, little Elle."
Then I switch off her bedside light and leave her food next to her in case she wakes up and wants it. She can always call me to heat it up for her.
She loves cold chicken nuggets anyway - despite my protests.
I quietly walk out of her room, pulling her door half-closed behind me. Then I head over to my own room, exhausted and ready for bed.
I've just changed into my sweatpants and t-shirt when Stefano walks in.
I'm getting comfortable on the sofa and I do my best to ignore him.
"You're sleeping in the bed tonight." He demands, staring directly at me.
"I'm happy on the sofa," I reply instantly.
"I wasn't asking, Amelia. Do I need to remind you of what I said earlier? You will do as you are told or suffer the regret of defying me." His voice is low and full of threat.
I close my eyes for a second, knowing full well that I have no choice.
"Now." He snarls.
I stand up and walk over to the bed.
He climbs in on his side and gets comfortable. I wait, filled with dread, conflicted, fighting against myself.
Then finally I lift the covers and climb beneath them.
But I wiggle myself right to the edge, as far away from him as I could possibly be.
He doesn't say anything about it.
He doesn't reach out and touch me, even though I am terrified he will.
When I steal a glance over my shoulder, I see his eyes are closed.
I breathe a sigh of relief and rest my head back on the pillow.
The bed is so much more comfortable than the sofa, but I don't trust him.
And I don't trust myself.
I know how my body responded when he kissed me, and I'm scared of what I'll let him do to me.
I don't want that.
Despite how amazing he feels against me.