21. Amelia
Sitting on the edge of the bed I can't bring myself to climb beneath the covers.
I am so embarrassed.
I'm furious with myself.
I can't believe I just had sex with him - the man I'm supposed to hate - the monster who kidnapped my daughter and me.
What's worse is that I enjoyed it.
At the thought my body begins to throb again, remembering his touch. The feel of his hand around my throat when he kissed me.
He's matured. He's more forceful. Sure of himself.
His hand around my throat - the way he choked me when he kissed me.
I bite my lip, trying to push away the images because my body is responding all over again. I can't believe I lost control like that.
Stefano walks into the room with nothing but a towel around his waist and I force myself not to look at his gorgeous body.
The body that pinned me to the shower wall only a moment ago and had me falling over the edge of intense pleasure. I bite my lip harder so that the pain can drag my thoughts away from him.
"Can I please sleep in a different room tonight?" I ask cautiously knowing he will be angry at the request. But how can I sleep next to him after that?
"Why?" He snaps angrily.
I can't explain to him how disgusted I am with myself. How horrified I am that I enjoyed that.
"I'm asking, please." My eyes are down, I won't dare look at him.
"No. You may not. Get into bed and go to sleep."
His tone is filled with anger. I shouldn't have said anything at all. I was stupid to ask.
I'm still sitting on the edge of the bed when from the corner of my eye I see him drop his towel and climb beneath the blankets naked.
He's doing it on purpose.
He's doing it because I pissed him off.
I wait a long time, fighting tears, before I crawl beneath the blankets myself.
With my face pressed against the pillow and my body right on the edge of the bed, the tears start falling freely.
I'm trying my best to hide the fact that I'm crying but it's nearly impossible.
I hear Stefano sighing heavily and feel him tossing and turning in annoyance.
My heart is breaking.
It's breaking because I never wanted to be back here.
I never wanted to put my daughter in this kind of danger, stuck in Stefano's dark underworld. I never intended to let him touch me.
I bury my face deeper into the pillow to muffle my tears.
I don't know when I managed to fall asleep, but I woke up around three in the morning, my mouth dry from too much champagne.
Quietly I get up to get a glass of water from the bathroom and notice that Stefano is not in bed with me. I must have pissed him off enough that he didn't want to sleep next to me.
I sigh, knowing that I've just made things so much harder for myself.
I'm such an idiot.
I climb back into bed, but I don't manage to get back to sleep properly. My head is swarming with thoughts and fears about what is going to happen now.
I try to focus on the fact that I am allowed to take Elle out somewhere tomorrow.
At least for her - something good came of this.
In the morning, after hours of drifting in and out of restless dreams, I drag myself out of bed. I get dressed and put on a brave face to go in and say hello to Elle.
My heart sinks when I see her.
She looks exhausted. Her eyes are shadowed, and I can see she's struggling today.
"Baby, are you feeling ok?" I ask, brushing my hand over her forehead.
"I'm ok." She says bravely.
"I have a surprise for you." I smile, but my heart is heavy for her.
"What's that?" She perks up a little.
"Today we can do anything you want to do. We can go anywhere or do anything."
She looks at me, tilting her head, thinking about what I've said.
I bite my lip then say. "Elle if you are uncomfortable today we can do it another day? Any day. You can rest now if you need to."
"No." She says quickly, with force. "I want to do something today."
"Elle, I don't know if it's a good idea for you to go out somewhere."
"I don't need to go out. I know what I want."
"OK - what do you want?" I ask skeptically. Her immune system is so low I'm suddenly terrified at the thought of taking her out into public.
"I want a picnic. With all my favorite food and all my teddy bears."
"A picnic?" I laugh.
"Yes, on a blanket in the sunshine. I saw the garden through the window. It's really big, Mom. We can have a picnic right here in the garden."
I grin, my heart feeling happy again. "Yes, that we can definitely do. Do you want to give me a list of all your favorite foods?"
"Ok. You have to give me like ten minutes. Then I'll have the list ready. And I want to wear my blue dress, the ballerina one. And my glitter boots."
"OK, baby. I'll get that out for you and come back in ten minutes to get that list."
With Elle's list in my hand, I reluctantly go looking for Stefano. He promised to organize this for her. I find him in his office, typing on his laptop.
"Stefano?" I ask nervously.
"Yes." He snaps.
"Elle has requested a picnic. She made a list of her favorite foods."
"In the garden here?"
"Yes."
"Leave the list on my desk. The picnic will be ready for you two at lunchtime."
I put the list on his desk and back out quickly.
He fills me with dread and reminds me of what I did last night.
I couldn't even look in the mirror this morning I feel so guilty about it still.
At lunch time the housekeeper comes through to Elle's room where I'm helping Elle into her favorite dress.
"Miss Amelia. Miss Elle - your picnic is ready in the garden."
"Yay." Elle squeals in delight, bolting away from me.
"Baby, don't run," I shout after her, picking up the armfuls of teddy bears she chose to join us.
I carry them out to the garden and find Elle already sitting on the blanket with her pink elephant next to her.
My jaw drops open at the scene before me.
Stefano went out of his way. He went above and beyond anything I could have expected.
Our picnic is set up half under the shade of a tree and half in the afternoon sunshine.
Elle's foods are spread out in colorful bowls over two blankets. The most random assortment of sweets, nuggets, chips, donuts, cakes, sushi, macaroni - a kid's dream. There is no chance she'll be able to finish all of it - but Stefano made sure that every item on her list is here.
Around the blanket is a gorgeous array of ceramic mushroom fairy houses and little fairy dolls. In each house, there is a little light flickering, but you have to lean close to see it.
He's turned this entire section of the garden into a fairy wonderland - just for Elle.
I bite back the tears that are glittering in my eyes.
Elle is smiling so broadly. I haven't seen her smile like that in months.
I find a spot on the blanket and sit down next to her. She is dishing up food for her teddy bears and looks up at me with bright eyes. "Here you go." She says cheerfully handing me a bright yellow plate.
We sit and laugh and talk for about half an hour before I notice that Elle hasn't been eating much.
"Baby, why aren't you eating?"
"I'm waiting for Stefano." She shrugs.
"Stefano isn't coming today."
"Why not?"
"He's busy," I say cautiously.
"That's not true. He's sitting at the desk right by that window." She points towards his office.
"He's working, baby."
"I want him here."
I sigh, not wanting anything to spoil her day. "Alright, I'll invite him, but sweetie don't be upset if he says no, ok?"
I walk inside, worried that he will say no, and realizing that Elle will be really upset if he does. As much as I don't want him there because of how tense things are between us - today is about Elle, not me.
I knock on his office door and step inside.
"Elle has asked that you join us for the picnic. I told her you were busy but - "
"I'd love to." He stands up immediately and my heart sinks. "On one condition."
"Oh," I mumble. "What condition?"
Stefano stands towering over me. "You have to kiss me."
My heart drops to the pit of my stomach. Really? That's his condition.
He is looking down at me, waiting.
I can see he's not going to let this go.
I will just have to get it over with as quickly as I can.
With a heavy sigh, I close my eyes, wrap my hand around his neck, and stand on my tiptoes, pressing my lips against his.
As soon as my mouth touches his he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls my body against his. My reaction is instant. Heat spreads throughout me, focused between my legs, my body is practically pulsing with electricity.
I'm right back to where I was last night. Not in control.
Wanting him.
Willing to let him do anything he wants to me.
He moves me against his desk, his cock pressing against me.
I want him.
His hands trail down my back and grab my ass, lifting me onto the desk as he pushes my legs open and steps between them, forcing them wider with his hips.
I gasp against his mouth, completely out of control.
He kisses me harder, more passionately, his fingers knotted in my hair.
But then I realize - Elle is waiting.
"Stop," I demand and he leans back, grinning. "Elle is waiting for us. Today is her day."
He chuckles and lets me go, stepping away. My cheeks are flushed bright red. I can feel how hot my skin is. I slide off the desk and pull my top down, running my hands over my clothes to try and pull myself together.
"Well, let's go then." He says gesturing towards the door. I nod, biting my lower lip.
He follows me back into the garden and when Elle spots us both coming towards her, she jumps up and shouts happily.
He sits down on the blanket and immediately she hands him a plate, bright orange.
"Do you want a marshmallow?"
"I'd love a marshmallow. A pink one. I don't like the white ones."
"Um, I think they taste the same."
"No way. The pink ones taste pink and the white ones taste white." Stefano grins and Elle shoots him a cheeky look.
She places two pink marshmallows on his plate.
"What else do you want?" She asks, scanning the array of foods.
"If this is all your favorite food then I need to try everything, don't I?"
"Really?" She looks excited.
"Of course."
I watch the two of them. They are chatting and joking, and Stefano is being so gentle with her. I hate the fact that I'm enjoying seeing them together. Elle's face is lit up with joy. She's loving her day out in the garden, but more than that - she is loving her time with Stefano. It's almost as though she's forgotten I'm here.
She has asked me so many times in the past few years where her father was and why he didn't want to be her dad. Each time I tried to explain to her as simply as I could that it wasn't him who didn't want to be around her, it was something I had to do to keep her safe. I know she never really understood. She's too young.
And now, well her father is right in front of her and doting on her, spending time with her, making her smile.
I sigh softly to myself, nibbling on a chicken nugget.
I can't help but wonder - would he have been a good father? Did I make a mistake keeping her away from him?
He's being so sweet to her. I see nothing of his darker side, nothing of his cruel streak.
But that's the issue, isn't it?
He hides his true nature so well.
He will never stop being who he is. Not for love, not for me, not even for his daughter.
To love someone like Stefano means accepting everything about him. Accepting him for who he is - not who you want him to be.
After two hours out on the lawn, enjoying the sunshine, Elle lets out a massive yawn.
Her eyes are heavy, and her smile is drifting.
"Ok, munchkin. It's time to get you back into bed." I say, pushing myself to my feet so that I can pick her up and carry her inside.
But before I have a chance to do that Stefano scoops her into his arms.
"I'll get her to bed." He says gently.
I follow them through to her room where he places her beneath the covers and tucks her in. "I'll bring you a plate of leftovers." He grins. "I'll put it here next to your bed so that when you wake up you can have snacks."
"I only want pink marshmallows though." She says seriously.
"Of course, you know they taste better."
Elle grins, nodding as she closes her eyes.
She's so exhausted that she falls asleep almost instantly.
I step close to the side of her bed, ignoring the fact that my body is pressed against Stefano's.
"Thank you so much for today," I whisper to him. "She really needed that."
"So did I." He replies quietly, then turns away and leaves me standing there, wondering what he meant.