Chapter 16
Kane had managed to sleep for most of the flight from Edinburgh to Uganda. Which was just as well since he’d had almost zero sleep the night before.
Now he was wide awake and not happy.
They were at the airport in Kampala waiting for the small plane that would take them the rest of the way home.
Or at least, as far as they could go by air.
He’d considered putting in a landing strip at their base but had decided against it.
It could draw attention to them. After all, an airstrip might be spotted on Google Earth.
So the last part of the trip was made by truck, which was still much quicker than on foot. That was how he had made the journey for the first few times he’d returned. In many ways, he missed those days.
There was some sort of delay and Jake and the colonel had gone to see if they could speed things up. They were all eager to get the journey over with.
Or so he kept telling himself.
Except he couldn’t shake the feeling that he shouldn’t be here.
That he shouldn’t have let Kaitlin out of his sight.
Whatever she thought—whatever anyone else thought—that woman was not safe let out alone.
She was reckless.
While she didn’t have a death wish, sometimes he had the impression that she didn’t care if she lived or died.
Kane had watched the car disappear down the curved drive that morning with a sense of unease.
He’d offered them the helicopter to go back to London, but Rose and Dave had driven from London and were happy to make the drive back.
And Kaitlin had said she would rather keep her feet on the ground, if she had the choice.
Snow had started to fall again as they left. He hoped they’d take it easy.
“Drive slowly,” he’d sent into Rose’s head. She didn’t reply.
The unease had increased since, growing more intense the farther he had gotten from her. Rose had called to say they were all safely ensconced in the hotel in London and that should have made him feel better.
Not a chance.
Now, sitting on a hard seat in a hot airport, he tried to get back some of the excitement he had experienced when Leila had told him the machine had come to life.
Apparently, the countdown had started flashing and then a door had materialized in the smooth silver metal of the machine’s surface.
He should have been there.
But the excitement was gone, washed away by a sense of wrongness. And the doubts were back, gnawing at his insides.
He blamed Kaitlin.
He jumped to his feet and paced the small private room they’d been given to wait in. How was she? He calculated the time in London. It would be the middle of the night over there.
Would she be sleeping?
Or would she be restless, excited by the idea of putting her life on the line tomorrow?
Or would she be missing him?
He relived the kiss. Again.
And felt his body respond at the memory. Not helping.
The door opened, and Christa appeared carrying two coffees. She kicked the door closed behind her and headed over to him, handing him one of the polystyrene cups.
“Here,” she said, “you look as though you need this.”
“Thanks.” He took a sip and then glanced up to find her studying him.
“You want to talk about it?” she asked.
“Talk about what?”
“Whatever is troubling you.” She blew on her coffee and took a sip. “Though I can guess.”
“Am I that transparent?” And she couldn’t even read his mind.
“Just a little. On this one subject, anyway. You’re feeling guilty.”
“No, I’m—” But he bit off the denial and gave her a narrow-eyed stare.
She lifted one eyebrow and smiled.
“I’m doing the right thing,” he snarled.
But was he? Truth was, he had no clue anymore what was right and wrong. He’d always been so sure.
He took a deep breath. Christa was still watching him expectantly.
He wasn’t used to sharing stuff. Certainly not personal stuff, and he had to fight the urge to turn and walk away.
Which was what he’d done in the past—he’d never allowed people to get close to him. And he’d never admitted he was lonely.
After all, what was the point? It was the way he’d thought he had to be. And it was way less complicated.
But he was part of something now—he had friends. Sort of. Even if most of those friends didn’t like him very much. And you didn’t walk away from friends just because they didn’t agree with you. He might not know much, but he knew that.
He took another deep breath. “I’ve waited for this moment my whole life. Why can’t she understand that?”
Christa didn’t ask who he was referring to. He reckoned by this point everyone knew his feelings for Kaitlin, and their responses alternated between being amused and feeling sorry for him. He was a figure of pity.
“She’s hurting,” Christa said.
“And she blames me.”
“Are you to blame?”
The question took him by surprise, and he wasn’t sure why. Christa always had a way of cutting through the bullshit to the things that mattered. “For some of it. Not all.”
“And have you told her you’re sorry for the bits that were your fault?” Christa frowned. “For that matter, are you sorry?”
It was his turn to frown. He’d thought so much of how he could have done things differently, but no one could change the past.
Well, if they got the time machine working, they could.
Maybe “wouldn’t” was a better word. He wouldn’t have done things differently because at the time, he’d felt like he had no choice.
That didn’t mean that with hindsight, he wasn’t sorry for some of the things he had done.
Actions that had hurt people he now cared about. He gave a slow nod.
“And have you told Kaitlin that?”
He shook his head. “No.”
“Well, maybe it’s time.” She patted his arm. “A simple apology can go a long way in changing a person’s feelings.”
Suddenly he was swamped by a need to do just that. He reached for his phone then stopped. It was the middle of the night, and she’d be sleeping.
“Maybe it’s something you need to do face to face,” Christa said gently. “That way she’ll know you mean it.”
Of course, she was right, but at the same time, he was filled with a sense of urgency; a need to tell her right now. She might still hate him, but at least she would know he was sorry.
“But I’m guessing there’s more,” she said.
He cast her a look and she smiled again. “I might not be telepathic, but I’ve always been good at reading people. And you are not reacting like a man who is doing what he wants to do. You certainly don’t seem excited about going home.”
“Of course, I’m excited.” At least he had been…
until that kiss. “I’ve been building up to this as long as I remember.
The mission is our purpose in life—the reason we exist.” Or was it?
Once again, the doubts were clamoring in his mind.
He pushed them down. “Now it’s finally happening.
” That eyebrow was raised again, and he snarled, “I’m totally excited. ”
“Hmph.”
At her obvious expression of disbelief, he closed his eyes for a moment, trying to calm his swirling thoughts, and reconcile his conflicting loyalties.
Leila and Brandon. His new friends.
Whatever happened, he couldn’t please everyone, and he suspected there was going to be a huge clash. For the first time in his life, he had no clue what was right and what was wrong. He just knew what he wanted—Kaitlin. He took a deep breath and concentrated on the kiss.
“I kissed her.”
“I presume you mean Kaitlin. What did she do?”
“Well, I’m still alive.” He shrugged. “She kissed me back and then she left and went to London, where she’s going to put her life in danger. Just to spite me.” But he knew that was a lie even as he said the words.
“Not just to spite you. Though I’m guessing that’s an added bonus.
I didn’t know Kaitlin before, but Jake talks about her a lot, and she wasn’t always this reckless and impulsive.
She was the strongest of them all, she held them together as a group.
But she changed when her brother died. Lost faith in humanity.
But she still has a strong urge to do good. She needs to save the world.”
He knew that. Maybe part of the problem was that he’d always expected to be the one to save the world.
That was his mission. He almost smiled at that thought.
“I’m scared. I don’t know what I’ll do if she’s hurt or.
..” He took a deep breath. “And I feel guilty. I was trying to convince myself I’d done the right thing, the only thing, by coming back here. ”
“And did you succeed?”
“No,” he growled, and some of his tension relaxed as he admitted the truth.
“I should have gone with her to London. The time machine will wait.” Saying those words almost felt sacrilegious.
And he hoped they were true. But as he uttered them, his shoulders slumped and the last of the tension oozed from him.
“I put the mission first again. I was supposed to go with her, keep her safe. Instead, here I am. I’m not very good at admitting I’m wrong,” he said.
She patted his arm. “And yet, you did it. You can teach an old dog new tricks after all.”
He flashed her a smile at that. “Except I’m still halfway around the world from her.”
“Jake says the plane we came on is heading back to the UK in twenty minutes. And you can be on it, if that’s what you want.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Jake said that?”
“He was worried about you.”
“So why didn’t he tell me himself?”
“He asked me to. He says I’m good at persuading people to do the right thing.”
“You’re very good. Thank you. I believe I have a plane to catch.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing the right thing. I also think that deep down—okay, very deep down—Kaitlin cares about you.”
Hope fluttered inside him. He wasn’t so sure, but maybe Jake had seen something in Kaitlin’s head that he had shared with his wife. But he couldn’t quite bring himself to ask. “You’ll keep me updated about what’s going on?”
“Every step of the way.”
“Thank you.” He leaned toward her and kissed her on the forehead. “Jake’s a lucky man.”
“I know. I tell him that all the time.”
He turned and headed for the door, just as Jake entered. “You’re going?”
He nodded.
“Good. Keep her safe.”
“I’ll do my best. But it’s not going to be easy.”
“Nothing that’s worth it ever is.”