Chapter 13
Chapter thirteen
Duncan
Petty Crimes
"Zig zag!" Delilah points enthusiastically as she demonstrates. "You alternate lefts and rights at each intersection."
"Start by going left." Granny says sagely like she has experience with this.
"Noted."
"I just want to say I think it’s very sweet of you to help Rhys Reid through his heartbreak." My mom pats the back of my hand. "You’re a good boy Duncan."
I should not react to the words but a ping of awareness sounds between my ears. It would be a dirty play to make him agree to a Naked Yes Day, but I’m tempted.
"Thank you Mom." I give her a smile. I hope Rhys appreciates it.
When he told me his plans for today were to write his sad songs I got itchy under my skin.
He has a job to do, sure, but as his newly crowned friend-with-benefits I have a job to do too.
Plenty of jobs with benefits but today he needs the friendship more.
"What about buying clothes for each other to wear? "
"Only if you do it from the thrift shop in the village." Delilah says.
"Done."
"Here ya go Duncaroo." Granny says as she brings a box labeled "Wigs" to the counter.
I open the cardboard flaps and reach in. Fake hair in various 70s and 80s styles are stacked together. I slap on a blond mullet and check myself out in the hall mirror. "I could rock this."
"I can totally see it flowing out the back of your helmet." Delilah tilts her head to the side and frames the image with her hands in a rectangle.
"And it getting all sweaty and disgusting." My mom shudders. "You’d have to shower in vodka to get the smell out of your hair."
"So I’ll wait until I retire to grow my hair long and bleach it."
"That’ll certainly be a look." My dad says as he slides a red pixie cut wig on. "Whatdya think Shona?"
"This is one way for me to experience what being with another man is like."
"Moaaahm." Delilah groans as I make a gagging noise.
"Oh stop it." She waves us off and walks up to my dad to give him a big kiss.
When they’re finished smootching, we all pause as we hear tires on the gravel outside.
"He’s here." Granny whispers.
"He’s still outside, he can’t hear us." I say as I reach into the box for another wig. "Don’t wait up!"
"It’s ten in the morning Duncan, how long do you expect this to go?" My dad asks.
I simply wag my eyebrows and head out the door.
"Good morning! Are you ready?" I call as I jump down the porch steps.
"Yes." Rhys says with a smile as he stands between his seat and the open door.
"Good boy." I wink as I open my door. I slide in and hand him a brunette wig with the ends curled under the chin. "Put this on."
"What is it?" He asks as he takes it.
"Your wig."
"Wig?"
"Yes, part of your disguise."
"Because I’m famous?" He asks as he adjusts it in the mirror.
"Partly, but we’re about to commit a petty crime and I don’t think you should be seen doing it."
"A petty crime? What the hell are we going to do, Duncan?"
"Just you wait!" I sing-song as I hand him a pair of sunglasses. "Put these on too."
"Sweet Jesus." He whispers but he slides them into place and pulls away.
***
"This is idiotic." Rhys whispers loudly to me as we walk through the sweetie shoppe in the village.
"Doesn’t matter. It’s Yes Day and I said we needed to shoplift some candy so here we are."
He presses his shoulder into mine and his woodsmoke scent mixes with the toffee smell lingering in the air. "Are you just going to reach in and grab a handful?"
"I thought we said sex today wasn’t happening today."
"Duncan."
"Rhys."
"I’m serious. What are you taking?"
I look around and find one of those baseball bat sized Toblerone bars. "That one."
"No way."
"Oh yeah." I rub my palms together. "Although," bringing my palm to my chin to analyze the candy bar, "I don’t think it’ll fit down my pants because my dick takes up so much room."
"Duncan!" Rhys whisper-shouts as I walk towards my prize. "Just grab these." He points to a bin with boiled sour apple sweets in it.
"You get those. They’ll go great with my caramel treat here."
"You boys need any help?" Rhys turns his head towards the shop keeper so fast his wig slides a little.
"Nope, we’re good. Just looking." I wave him off. "Someone here has been on a diet and he likes to look but not touch."
"Ah, a little sugar never hurt anyone." The man says.
"See honey?" I slide up and wrap an arm around Rhys’s waist. "And I’ve been saying your body is perfect just as it is. I like a little cushion." Rhys’s eyes narrow on me and I have to bite back my laugh. Little does he know he’s got one of the hottest bodies I’ve ever seen.
Muscles rolling under colorful, intricate ink, it’s like staring into a magic eye. "Treat yourself won’t you?" I tack on.
"We’ll see." He growls.
"Actually, do you happen to have any of those multipacks of licorice?" I ask the shop keeper. "I didn’t see any wheels out and those are my absolute favorite."
"Ah no, what you see is what we have. We’re in that lull between Easter candy and the summer season starting."
"Right right." I say as Rhys starts to sweat beside me. I turn to the shop keeper. "Actually, do you mind just giving us a minute?"
"Oh sure, of course." The old man smiles and heads behind the counter.
"Now." Keeping my arm around his waist, I spin him with me, making a wall between the counter and the treats we want. "Just talk to me, act normal."
"You’re insane."
"Yes."
"I can’t steal from that man. He’s so nice."
"It’s like a few dollars worth of candy." I reason as I start to pull the candy bar off the shelf.
"Exactly! We both make a lot of money, why wouldn’t we pay for it."
"Because this is a rush."
"This is nauseating."
"Just, get it over with." I squeeze him. "Grab something and let’s go."
"Fine." Rhys reaches forward and takes one, single, individually wrapped, caramel.
"Wow."
"Just, let’s go." He hisses.
I turn over my shoulder. "Thanks so much! We’ll be back soon."
"Have a good day boys." The man calls as the bell over the door rings.
We push out of the store and into a heavy drizzle. Rhys speed walks down the street with his piece of candy clutched in his hand. When we round the corner he pauses and presses his back into the brick wall of the thrift store.
"I can’t believe I just did that." He says panting.
"Your tattoos are deceiving." I admit as I watch this man get seriously stressed out about stealing candy.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you’re not like a dangerous bad boy."
"Disappointed?"
"Yes."
His eyes fly open. "What?"
"I can’t say the other word today." I shrug.
"You’re an idiot." He laughs as he shoves my shoulder. "But no,"
"Uh, uh, uh…that’s a penalty." I interrupt already thinking how I can use his slip-up to my advantage. "Everytime you say ‘no’ today you get two minutes of touching to be served at a later time."
"Urgh, fine. You are incorrect, I’m a law-abiding musician who happens to like a visual representation of happy memories."
"It works for you." I tap him on the chest with my gigantic candy bar. "Ready for the next adventure?"
With an eyeroll and the hint of a smile Rhys huffs. "Yes."