14. Ava
I wasn’t stupid. There was no way I’d get away from Cameron, not when he had his I’m determined to win face on. I wasn’t going to keep fighting with him in the hallway of the retirement community. And there was no way I was going to let Mrs. Shudabaker see me being carted out of there with my ass up and thrown over Cameron’s shoulder.
The entire town would be talking about it by lunchtime.
Besides, my Honda Civic, newer as it may be, was no match for outrunning Cameron’s truck. I might have speed on my side, but he wouldn’t hesitate to go four-wheeling through lawns if he thought he could catch me.
He might be a liar and a jerk, but I spent more time studying him than I did studying my school homework.
So, fine. I’d go to the creek. I’d listen, again, to what he had to say.
I’d listen for Grams.
And then I’d leave.
His season was starting. It wasn’t like he was going to be in town long. Or often.
I had to get through the day, and then I could go back to the life I was trying to start rebuilding.
I turned off the main road and pulled onto a dirt road. Dust from the dry roads flew up. Dirt and pebbles kicked up at my undercarriage, making the last half-mile drive sound like I was driving over a long roll of bubble wrap. Behind me, Cameron kept a close distance, but at least he hadn’t ridden my tail the entire way, and when I got to where the road ended, I pulled off to the side and parked. The creek was a walk from here, but only paths worn from hikers and rowdy teenagers could take us there.
Which was awesome. Because I’ve always wanted private time with Cam at the creek, and now there we were. Doing it while I had an ache in my chest the size of the Kelleys’ ranch caused by him. So much fun.
I rubbed that aching spot as I closed my door and kept my back to Cameron while I waited for him to meet up with me. He parked behind my car at an angle, no doubt trying to block me in and make it harder for me to turn around if I decided to get back in and flee.
“It’s a good thing I know you don’t carry,” he drawled, and if I turned and looked, there’d no doubt be a smirk on his face. “Pretty sure that look says you want to shoot me.”
“I wouldn’t shoot you,” I sniped right back. Now, shoot at him to scare him a little—that was a different story.
“Come on.” He reached the path first and waited. “Not gonna hurt you, Ava. Lead the way.”
Ha. I reached him and stomped right past him. “You already have.”
A heavy sigh fell from him along with his heavy footsteps that followed me. I shoved brush out of the way, kicked at rocks in hopes it’d scare any hidden snakes and make them flee.
There were a lot of things I was used to, what with growing up on a farm and running wild through the land. Snakes were never something that I grew accustomed to.
We were silent on the walk, but the tension was building. A growing, billowing storm cloud in the space between us. Cameron didn’t know the definition of patience, and I had no doubt the remaining thread he bothered to hold on to was close to snapping.
The creek came into view, and I stomped right to the edge of the water. I still hadn’t checked to see where Cameron was, but he was everywhere. At least, his family was. We’d entered Kelley land back at the dirt road, and across the creek from us, their cattle often roamed. They must have been moved to another area, because as far as I could see, there were rolling hills and the Rockies, far off in the distance.
Cameron came up to my side, breathed in deeply, and exhaled, and this time it wasn’t from tension or whatever was about to come next. It was the sound of a man who’d grown up on this land, treasured it with everything he had, and that stupid, small little part of me that didn’t currently hate him grew.
He was looking at me, his face angled. I could make out the fullness of his lips through his beard out of the sides of my sunglasses.
I turned away and headed to the closest, and largest, tree. The rope swing hung there, and the land around the base of the massive oak was smooth from hundreds of bare feet climbing to this spot over the years. Resting my back on it, I kept my gaze on the calm water and crossed my arms over my chest.
Thankfully, Cameron didn’t follow. Didn’t get in my face. He settled down on the grass and dirt, feet propped up in front of him with his knees bent. With one arm draped across one of his knees, he picked at the dirt next to him, found a stone, and skipped it into the water. Even from up here, he was a master, and the stone skipped at least seven times before sinking.
The skip of the stone on the water created multiple ripples, and my ire spiked. “I always hated that you could do that so well.”
“It’s probably the smallest thing about me you currently hate me for.”
Damn him. Damn him for going straight to my heart. There was no smirk on his face this time, only sadness.
The look of a man who regretted much.
I slipped out of my sandals and shivered as the cool sand beneath my feet cooled my toes. I’d thought about that night so many times over the years, and it wasn’t until recently I’d realized, or at least admitted to myself, my own fault in it.
“I never should have gone to your room that night,” I admitted.
Cameron swallowed and cleared his throat. “Why did you?” He grabbed another handful of dirt, let it slip through his fingers until he was left with another flat stone in his palm. “I mean, other than for what ended up happening.”
He flung the rock, and I flinched as it skittered across the water. Cold ice dripped down my spine as I so vividly remembered the fear from that night. The way Jimmy had grabbed me. The fact no one stopped him or noticed. I shook my head, shook away the memories of how terrified I’d been of what could have—would have—happened to me if Jimmy hadn’t tripped.
“Something happen that night to you?” Cameron asked, and he was no longer sad or full of regret, but worried. “You said when you were screaming at me yesterday that you chose to give that to me rather than wait for it to be taken.”
His jaw worked. I stared at the dirt beneath my feet until my eyes burned and blinked.
“You were with Jimmy. Saw you with him. Thought you were flirting with him.”
“I wasn’t.” It’d seem like that, but only because I’d already learned that with Jimmy, being friendly and laughing with him and pretending to like him went easier than being outright rude. That he didn’t handle well.
He climbed to his feet and slammed his hands to his hips. He was no longer staring at the water but at me. “You said yesterday you were scared that night. Who scared you? Jimmy?”
I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter.”
“The fuck it doesn’t. Did he hurt you? Swear to God, I’ll kill him.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I snapped again, and this time there was anger in my tone. Because okay, yeah, I’d been hurt and scared. “The reasons why I went to you that night aren’t the problem, even though I’ve felt like shit for taking advantage of you like that. I shouldn’t have done that, and that’s on me. But the reason we’re here, right now, is because you snuck out and slept on the front freaking porch and told your brother, told me, you didn’t remember a thing about that night. I’m not the one who lied. I’m not the one who got in your face for years after. Why? Tell me that, at least. Tell me why you made the effort to come to me, get in my face, force me to remember, and be an absolute jerk to me, knowing you’d lied to my face.”
His tongue darted out, licked his lips to wet them, and so help me God, a tiny pulse of interest beat in my lower stomach. Stupid hormones. They’d only ever gone wild for Cameron like they’d been pre-wired for him.
Lydia’s idea came to mind. Her stupid, idiotic idea I didn’t believe last night for a second.
“You wanted me to admit it, didn’t you? That’s why you tried to make me mad. You wanted me to scream the truth to you, tell you what we did so you wouldn’t have to admit you knew.”
Had I not been propped up by the tree, I would have stumbled back, probably right into the water, for the look he gave me.
A wince and a jerk of his head. “And because I figured, if I couldn’t have you, if I couldn’t love you, I’d take your anger any day over your silence.”
The absolute nerve of this idiot. “I don’t know what to say to that.”
He stepped toward me. Too close. So close I could see the gold flecks in the center of his blue eyes, a deep wrinkle that snaked across his forehead as he frowned at me. “Did Jimmy hurt you that night?”
“It doesn’t?—”
“Did he hurt you?” Another step closer.
I had to get out of there. If he came any closer, he’d be close enough to reach for, close enough to inhale the mint and spice of his cologne. Close enough to…
I scrambled. God. He muddled my senses when he was that close.
He reached out, and his warm, firm grip was wrapped around my wrists. My arms erupted in goose bumps from the contact, and an electrical pulse shot straight to my core.
I jerked my arm, but he held firm. “Let me go.”
“I can’t,” he said, and he sounded tortured. “I can’t let you run from me or walk away from me again.”
“It hasn’t been me doing the running.”
“I know, but I swear to you right now, Ava. I swear to you, if you give me a chance, I’ll earn back your trust and I’ll make it so you’re never hurt by me again.”
“I can’t.” I tugged on my arm, and he loosened his hold, but he didn’t let go. Instead, he ran his hand up my arm to my elbow, back down to the palm of his hand, and brushed the back of my fingers with his.
“Look at you,” he murmured, and he was watching his own movements. “The way your body responds to me, even now.”
I yanked my arm back and brushed my other hand over it to eliminate all the goose bumps and raised hairs. “It’s a reaction, nothing more.”
“It’s chemistry,” Cameron said. “And we have it in a way I’ve never felt before, never since you.”
My throat went dry, and swallowing was a chore. “Stop this,” I rasped, and since he’d grabbed me before I could dart around the tree, I was up against it, bark scraping through my shirt. “Please, Cameron, stop this.”
“I’ll do anything you want. Anything but leave you.” His hand settled on the tree, and he leaned in. He blocked my view of the water, the sky, the sun. But it didn’t matter. When Cameron was close to me, he was my sun. The thing I orbited around, the thing everything came back to. “I’m sorry, Ava. I’m so sorry for hurting you. For lying to you and for not being the guy you needed to be when we were younger.”
Honesty speared me with an intensity that stole my breath. I could get lost in those eyes, the sincerity in his tone, and still, I shook my head.
This wasn’t smart. None of it was. Even if I could forgive him…
“I live here now,” I told him.
“And I’ll be here as much as possible during the season. Every off day I have, I’m here. You can spend time with me in the city. We can make this work, Ava.”
“I don’t know how to forgive you for what you’ve done.”
“You do it by taking a step, just one small step, to let me start proving it’ll never happen again.”
His other hand settled on my hip. I jumped from his touch and hated the way my hips rolled toward him.
This was stupid. So stupid. Yesterday he tore out my heart, and today my body didn’t give a single shit.
Stupid, traitorous hormones.
He didn’t move his hand. Didn’t brush against my skin, and he didn’t move closer. But he peered down at me, a mountain of confidence and stillness.
My pulse raced, and my skin burned from his touch. “I’m scared I won’t be enough. Or you’ll leave if you get traded. I don’t want that life, Cameron.”
“I ever get traded, I’ll quit. Never letting you walk away, never letting you go again.”
“I can’t ask you to do that.”
“You didn’t. It’s already decided.”
Shit. He said all the right things. All the things that could give me hope. They couldn’t be true. Football had always been his life. His dream. His ultimate goal since before he could walk was what his family always said.
My head fell, and I stared at my toes, the dirt. Cameron’s feet were so close to mine. God, what I wouldn’t give to be able to blink and simply forget the pain he caused me.
“I don’t know,” I finally said. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Then do dinner with me. Tonight.”
“No way.” I shook my head. There was no way I was going out to dinner with Cameron. Someone would see us at Millie’s or in Shamrock, the next town over, and the gossip would be everywhere.
“Not in town,” he said so quickly, like he knew exactly how to read my mind. “Your place. I’ll bring food. We can cook it together.”
I should say no. It was simple. Two little letters, and it wasn’t only a word but a complete sentence.
But he was so close. His hand was still on me, and now his breath was brushing along my cheek. I closed my eyes, there was no way I could lift my chin and look at him. Hell, with the way my panties were growing wet, I’d probably throw him to the ground and have my way with him.
A shiver racked through my body. It was probably that thought that made the no stuck in my throat.
And instead, I nodded.
“Okay.”
Stupid, stupid me.