Chapter 14
XANDER
I woke to blessed relief.
I was sweaty, sticky, and my muscles ached, but the raging lust and the abdominal spasms were done.
My heat was over. The lube and slick-covered toys on the dresser and the ache in my hole were an uncomfortable reminder of what I’d had to do to survive my heat without an alpha, but I felt a sense of accomplishment. I’d done it.
I’d had one or two heats before, fortunately they didn’t come often for me although I’d achieved majority, but this one had been spectacularly difficult.
I didn’t know enough about shifter physiology to understand why, but I guessed it might have had something to do with the proximity of so many alphas, or even, perhaps, my recent mating.
Omega physiology was a bitch. There had been so many times during the previous nights, when I had nearly given in and begged the alpha - who I knew was sitting at my door (how could I not?
I mean, he just stank of pheromones) - to come inside and fuck my brains out.
I had been desperate, frantic for relief and my omega body knew where I could best find it.
Instead, I’d stuffed myself with the biggest dildo I had in my bedside drawer and fucked myself on it ruthlessly until I’d come multiple times and collapsed in an exhausted heap between heat waves.
It had been hell, and my body was paying for it now…
the sore, aching hole and an uneasy unsettled feeling deep in my gut.
The heat was over, but I felt empty and deeply unsatisfied inside.
But yes, I’d done it. I’d managed my first heat as a mated omega without the help of my mate.
As ill as I felt, my spirits soared. It meant I was free, unbeholden to any alpha.
The last link had fallen into place: I really could manage by myself…
I could leave the pack any time I chose, just as soon as I was ready and had everything organized.
I ignored the uncharacteristic twinge in my heart as I thought about leaving the handsome Darius behind.
I didn’t have feelings for the alpha. He was only using me, and I sure as hell wasn’t going to stay here long enough to develop feelings and have my heart torn to pieces as I watched him play the field right in front of me.
Hell, he hadn’t even waited a week from our mating to flaunt one of his other conquests in full view of the pack!
I thought about how I’d felt when I’d seen him rubbing shoulders with the beautiful omega in his office.
Zendius had been quick to hurry me away, but it was clear from his words that it hadn’t been a surprise to him.
It had been a surprise to me, however. Despite Zendius’ warnings, I’d foolishly allowed a kernel of hope to sprout as we’d walked around the pack compound together, seeing the man through different eyes as he showed me the things he’d instituted for his pack.
Or perhaps I’d been looking through rose-colored glasses, thinking maybe Darius and I could be something.
The man was altogether too charming. And I’d fallen for it.
I reminded myself of all the reasons he could have any omega he wanted – looks, position, charm - and wondered why I’d even imagined for half a second that he might want me.
Refusing to think any more about my stupid hopes, I pushed those thoughts to the back of my mind, threw back the covers and struggled to my feet. There was something soothing about the coolness of the hardwood floor on the soles of my feet.
Ouch! I winced as my first step sent a shaft of pain lancing through me from ass up to the middle of my back. I limped gingerly to the bathroom, thighs sticking to each other as the semi-dry slick caught on itself. Ugh!
Once in the bathroom, I turned the shower on to full, barely waiting for the room to turn all steamy before sliding under the hot water.
A sigh of relief eased out of me as streams of hot water sluiced over me, running through my hair and down my face, and lower down, washing away all traces of my recent hell.
When I got out of the shower, although still moving carefully, I felt like a new man. I was ready to get on with things. I’d been thinking while I was cleaning up, and I’d decided my next move. It was time to visit the pack mage.
******
I paused outside the door. Interestingly, the runes still said ‘Piss off’ so they hadn’t just been there for the benefit of the Pack Alpha. Maybe this mage just didn’t like company. I’d heard stories about how reclusive and secretive mages were but I'd never met one until now.
I raised my hand to knock but before my knuckles brushed the wood, a voice said, “Come in”.
He sounded a bit resentful, a bit resigned, as if the interruption were tedious.
It was a little off-putting, but I drew a deep breath and stepped boldly towards the door.
On a whim, I didn’t even raise my hand and sure enough, the door swung open without me touching it.
Time stood still.
Everything was exactly as it had been on my last visit. The dust motes meandering in the faint shaft of light from the window high on the wall, the neatly made bed, the hooded figure sitting at the desk against the wall. The silence. The brooding darkness.
“H-hey,” I said, suddenly not so brave.
For a beat he didn’t reply. The silence stretched and grew awkward.
“Alpha Mate.” The golden eyes glowed from under the cowl with an intensity that contrasted with how still he was. It was as if all his energy was diverted and directed onto me – into me – through those eyes, and I shuddered.
I shook myself, brushing away the nonsensical thought. It was probably just some magic trick.
“I’m the Alpha Mate, so you have to help me, right?” I demanded, covering my quaking with a touch of aggression.
The golden orbs continued to observe me. I couldn’t see his face, but a sense of amusement seemed to lace the air. It was unsettling. I wanted to be taken seriously.
“Possibly.” Despite the intensity of the eyes, the tone was flat, disinterested.
“You’re the pack mage, you have to!” I insisted.
I drew myself up to my tallest (which to be honest, wasn’t very tall) and planted my legs apart defiantly.
Whether it lasted or not, whether it was reluctantly – it was – I was the Alpha Mate and theoretically second in authority only to the Alpha, so he had to obey me. Didn’t he?
A low chuckle filled the dark spaces, reverberating around the room. Suddenly the mage flung his hood back, revealing a youth of similar age to myself.
“You do have spirit, don’t you?” he observed, calmly, one side of his face quirking slightly, like he was struggling to control his mirth.
“Shut the fuck up,” I snapped. “I need your help with something. Now are you gonna help or what?”
The bright eyes blinked insolently a couple of times, and the expression on his face smoothed into something perfectly bland. At least he wasn’t laughing at me now, but the youthful character had withdrawn and he was once again the serious mage.
“Why are you so sad?”
I flinched. WTF?
“What? I’m not sad, I’m ANGRY,” I snarled. If my eyes had been fireworks, the sparks would have been singeing his skin right now.
Xeres hand waved away my protest. There was just the slightest arching of his brows, and his eyes seem to watch me even more intently, if that were possible.
“Yes, I can see that,” he murmured, “but tell me why you’re sad.”
“I’m not…,” I hesitated. I felt the tightening of my brow.
For a long moment there was just the sound of our breathing, mine loud and raspy, his soft and delicate.
Maybe… maybe there was more to me than I chose to show.
It had been so long since anyone cared how I felt about anything, I’d mostly chosen not to feel anything.
“I… I don’t want to be here,” I admitted finally. “I had no choice in coming here. I want your help to get out of here.”
Was I imagining it, or did the shine in his eyes dull a little? Regardless, his face remained impassive. I felt his gaze flickering over me, as if assessing me. A long, resigned sigh curled around the tiny room.
“Did you confirm your mating?”
“Wha-a-t? He bit me.”
“Of course. But has the mating been confirmed?”
“Um… I didn’t bite him back, if that’s what you mean.” Strangely, I felt a little guilty admitting this to Xeres, as though I were somehow betraying the Alpha by sharing intimate details. I shouldn’t have cared.
But Xeres just waved away my answer as if it were nothing. “That doesn’t count. The omega bite is unnecessary, as you know.”
“I don’t know what you mean then. How else is it confirmed… is there paperwork?” I fumbled, feeling foolish.
The strangest noise filled the little room, a mixture of sneeze and cough. Then I realized – it was the sound of a snort cut off midway.
He sighed. “Have you lain together - mated - since the first time?”
A bird could have flown into my mouth right then, as my gaping jaw registered my shock.
How could he ask for such intimate details without any shade of embarrassment (that I could discern, anyway, since the room was quite dark)?
I mean, this was his Alpha he was talking about.
My mouth was still hanging open, when he spoke again.
“You know you have to do that before the next full moon for your union to become permanent?” The mage cocked his head at me, the golden orbs now only half-moons as he watched me. “After that, there’s no reversing it.”
I hadn’t known. This was a detail that hadn’t made it into any of the books I’d read.
“Are you sure… but the mating scar…?” I fingered the silvery lumps at the base of my neck.
It was so dark, the slight rustle of cloth was the only indication of his shoulders rising and falling.
“It will fade,” he said. “And disappear by the full moon, if you don’t mate again beforehand. The mating process will be terminated and there’ll be nothing to show it ever happened.”
“Perfect!” the word popped out automatically, even as a weird squeezing sensation made itself felt in the middle of my chest. I didn’t know what was causing that . “And that’s all I have to do… wait ’til the full moon?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Why have I never heard of this before?”
“It’s rare. The knowledge isn’t needed, I suppose. I don’t know. Shifters are… strange. Why would you form a union with someone and then break it?” His final words were barely audible, as if he’d forgotten I was there.
Then, turning back to his books, his tone ice-cold, he said, “So now you’ve got what you came for, you can leave.”
I felt the dismissal sweep over me like a snowy blizzard.
I shivered. Then, I felt belligerent. I drew myself up, a hot retort forming in my throat.
I didn’t like being dismissed like that.
But just as easily as my temper rose, it drained away.
There was no point. He was right. I’d gotten what I came for…
and it was unwise to annoy a mage just to soothe my irritable temper.
I'd already pushed my luck with the way I'd spoken to him earlier.
I took the few steps required to reach the door and then a sudden thought struck me. I froze with my hand up, in my preoccupation forgetting the door would open without any help from me. It didn’t need me, just like the pack didn’t need me.
“Why are you helping me?” It seemed like a huge betrayal of his Pack Alpha. He should have been urging me to stay, not handing me the knowledge I needed to leave. The answer, when it came, felt like a kick in the guts.
“Darius is a good man, a good Alpha… he deserves the same, and someone who values him,” Xeres said simply, then turned back to the tome laid open on the wooden desk, by this simple action indicating our conversation was over.
I hurried from the room and didn’t look back.