Chapter 33 #2
Zander’s jaw clenched, and for the first time since she’d known him — child or adult — he looked genuinely uncomfortable.
“I assured your mother I would look after you, and that did not include bringing you to my bed. I was supposed to protect you, mentor you, continue to be your uncle.” The word came out bitter.
“I was not supposed to look at you and feel…” He shook his head. “Lust.”
“You’ve been avoiding me because you’re—” Emmy couldn’t even finish the sentence, her mind reeling.
“Because I’m millennia old and you were barely an adult when you arrived — clearly unable to make good decisions,” he said flatly. “Because Sophia was calling me weekly for updates. Because my oldest true friend trusts me, and I value his friendship more than I can say.
“I was betraying that trust just by thinking about you the way I was. Am.” His eyes stayed focused on hers, ice-blue and raw. “So yes, I took great pains to keep from being in the same room with you while I … wanted things I had no right to want.”
Emmy stared at him, heart hammering. “You gave me room to become my own person.”
He just stared at her, so she kept going, working it through as she talked.
“The truth is, I probably did need a few months to get settled in. I’d mostly learned what I needed to learn before I arrived.
I knew I needed to actually get my degree this time, so I can get the kind of job I want.
” She shrugged. “It’s kind of a pisser to admit, but avoiding me at first was probably the right call.
I needed to prove I could make decisions, first. I get that. ”
She looked into his eyes and considered what else needed to be said. “I’m not a child, and you’re not betraying my father by seeing me as an adult capable of making my own choices.”
“You don’t understand—”
“When I was little,” Emmy interrupted, “I adored you because you were safe and kind. And you were just … around, right? Uncle Abbott. But that was a child’s adoration.
THIS—” she gestured between them “—this is adult attraction. I want you as a partner, not a protector. As an equal, not a father figure. It’s completely different, and you know it. ”
Zander was quiet for a long moment, his thumb tracing circles on the back of her hand. When he finally spoke, his voice was rough. “Your father is one of the few people on the planet capable of killing me, and he’s going to do his damnedest to do so.”
“My father doesn’t get a vote in who I sleep with. It annoys him beyond reason, but you’d think he’d be used to it by now.” Emmy’s mouth curved into a slight smile. “Though I appreciate that you’re more afraid of him than of me.”
That startled a laugh out of him, brief but genuine.
“I truly fear less than a dozen people on the planet.” He tilted his head.
“Serious talk, Emerald. Spence has known from the beginning that I wanted a man and woman in my life, and that I’ve been looking for someone to join us.
A third.” He paused, watching her face. “Dominant or submissive doesn’t matter.
The most important point will be that we form a healthy poly group, so all three people are valued and treasured, all the way around. ”
Her heart kicked against her ribs and her brain stuttered to a halt. “You … what?”
“I need someone in my life to hurt,” Zander continued, his gaze never leaving hers.
“Someone who eroticizes pain the way Spence does.” He took a breath.
“Which means I don’t need that from anyone else.
It opens up the field wider. I can have a partner who’s my equal, not my submissive, because my needs for dominance are already met. ”
Emmy’s mouth had gone dry. “You’re saying…”
“I’m not sure exactly what I’m saying. You’re Aaron’s daughter, and that’s supposed to make you off limits, but…
” He looked away a second and then back to her.
“You’re a brilliant, strong, magnificent woman who fascinates me.
I avoided you because one doesn’t fuck their best friend’s daughter, and I couldn’t deny my attraction to you. ”
Emmy’s heart was hammering now, hope and fear tangling in her chest. “I’ve wanted you to see me for so long.
To acknowledge me as more than just the cute little girl who used to call you Uncle Abbott.
I adored you then, and I’d looked forward to getting to know you as Zander since the rumors said you didn’t have…
” She shrugged and grinned. “That you lost the stick you had up your ass, but then I got here, and it seemed bigger than ever.”
He chuckled. “I’m not promising anything except that I’m done avoiding you. Beyond that? We’ll just have to see.”
He’d been honest and forthcoming, so she should be, too. “I’ve always needed two kinds of people,” Emmy admitted. “Those who won’t submit to me, and those who will. Chase and Felix gave me that in Anchorage.”
“Spence is crazy about you. I long ago made him a promise that I wouldn’t choose a third who…
” He stopped, started again. “I couldn’t tell him what the dynamic would be — another Top to boss him around, a sadist to hurt him, or another submissive — but I assured him that if she wasn’t madly in love with him as well as me, she wouldn’t be right for us. ”
Emmy leaned into him, letting herself feel the solid reality of his cool strength beside her. “You weren’t wrong about my dad, but it’s possible my mother might be more of a threat than him.”
“Oh, I don’t imagine either of your parents will be happy with me, but this isn’t the Middle Ages, and you don’t legally belong to them.
” He sighed. “At least, you don’t in this realm.
Here, you are your own person, and you get to choose who you want in your life.
I was expecting a hellion we’d have to bring under control, but you showed up, fit in, and followed the rules.
Not even complaints from your security detail.
I’ve been pleasantly surprised by your ability to make good decisions. ”
She shrugged. “Everything was different here. When I was living in sorority houses or dorms, I had to go in search of sex and fun. I mean, it wasn’t far, but I still had to figure out who I wanted to fuck and then convince them, which usually wasn’t hard, but still.
But in the coterie house, I got plenty of sex on a schedule, and I wasn’t spending as much time on campus.
My friends are the other shifters in the flock. ”
She took a breath and blurted, “I want you.” The words came out before Emmy could stop them, raw and honest. “The truth is that I want both you and Spence, and I don’t know how that’s supposed to work, but I want to try.”
“We’ll figure it out together.” Zander’s thumb traced her lower lip, a gesture so intimate Emmy’s breath caught. “All three of us. When you’re well, when you’re strong, we’ll talk about what this could look like.”
“And Spence? He really wants this?”
“He’s been half in love with you since you arrived. He’s just been waiting for me to pull my head out of my ass.” Zander’s smile was self-deprecating. “Which, apparently, required you nearly dying.”
“Crisis makes people brave,” Emmy said, echoing Spence’s words from earlier.
“It does.” Zander’s hand slid from her face to the back of her neck, a possessive touch that made Emmy shiver. “Rest now, little dragon. We have time to figure this out. Time to see if it works.”
“And if it doesn’t?” Emmy asked, even though the question terrified her.
“Then we’ll figure that out, too.” Zander pulled her against his chest, his arm around her shoulders, and Emmy let herself melt into him.
On screen, Spike was causing chaos at parent-teacher night, but Emmy wasn’t watching anymore. She was focused on the steady coolness of Zander’s body against hers, the way his fingers traced idle patterns on her shoulder, the feeling of being held by someone who finally saw her.
“Zander?” she murmured, already drifting toward sleep.
“Yes?”
“Thank you. For telling me. For … for seeing me.”
His lips brushed the top of her head. “Thank you for not being angry at me for my behavior. Ignoring you wasn’t nice, and I’m sorry for it.”
Emmy’s eyes were closing, exhaustion and emotion pulling her under, but she loved the feel of his arms around her.
And when she woke hours later, Zander was still there beside her, tablet in hand, keeping watch while she slept.