Chapter 6
Emmy’s growling stomach woke her, and she stretched, feeling the pleasant ache of yesterday’s workout in her muscles. She could do a little more every day, and that meant she was getting her strength back.
Spence’s side of the bed was empty but still warm, and she heard him talking to Zander in the sitting area.
She changed into joggers and a different T-shirt, brushed her teeth and hair, and padded out to find Spencer accepting a large tray from someone at the door.
“Good morning, Emerald,” Zander said, standing to pull out a chair for her. “When I heard you up, I took the liberty of ordering enough food for a small army.”
Spence organized all the dishes on the small table, and Zander pulled a chair out for Emmy, who eyed the spread as Spence lifted lids to reveal scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage links, a dish that smelled like lamb chops, venison medallions, roasted root vegetables, fresh bread with butter, slices of cantaloupe, and a bowl of mixed berries.
“You weren’t kidding about the army thing,” she said, reaching for the coffee pot.
Zander settled back into his chair, his gaze assessing. “You need to put weight back on. So, question for the biology expert — what foods will help you gain weight the fastest? And more importantly, what does your dragon physiology process best?”
Emmy considered while she doctored her coffee. “Honey, because simple carbs, but for protein, lamb. My body seems to metabolize it most efficiently, and I suppose it makes sense when you consider that dragons ate a lot of sheep in the old stories.”
“Makes sense,” Spence said. “Wolves are the same with deer and rabbit. Our bodies are designed for it. I can eat other things, but venison settles better, and rabbit tastes better than anything else on the planet.”
“Interesting.” Emmy speared two lamb chops and added eggs. “What was your favorite food as a human, before you were turned?”
Grief flickered across Spence’s face, like an old injury he couldn’t shake. His scent told Emmy she’d brought up painful baggage, and she immediately regretted asking.
“Foster kids don’t really get to have favorite foods. You ate what was put in front of you and were grateful for it.”
The casual way he said it made Emmy’s chest hurt, but before she could respond, Zander reached across the table and squeezed Spence’s hand.
“What came before brought you to this place,” Zander said quietly.
Spence’s expression softened immediately, and he turned his hand to lace their fingers together. “Yes. It did.” He took a deep breath, blew it out slowly, and his scent evened out — went from painful memories to contentment and peace.
There was so much history there, so much healing that had already happened between them.
Emmy had been around Kirsten all her life, since she’s close friends with Emmy’s parents, and she knew Kirsten had been therapist to a whole lot of the supernatural world at some point, so she asked Spence, “Did you used to see Kirsten?”
Spence choked on his juice, coughing hard enough that Emmy half-rose to help. He waved her off, eyes watering.
“No,” he managed, voice rough. “God, no. I was so jealous of her at first, there’s no way I could’ve trusted her for anything.”
Emmy settled back into her chair, confused. “Jealous?”
Spence looked at Zander, who nodded, and Spence told Emmy, “Kirsten and Zander were together for a while.”
Crap. She knew that. It’d been before she was hatched, but she’d heard the gossip. Of course Spence hadn’t gone to her.
He took another drink. Blew out a breath. “When I first became … when Zander first…”
“When I inherited you from your former Master,” Zander supplied quietly.
“Yes. At first, I was so pissed at Abbott and Gavin. I was traumatized, years of it, both as a human then as slave, and a werewolf. But Abbott treated me differently. He insisted I learn to make decisions, and gave me a job helping others. Eventually, I fell for him. Hard. But he wouldn’t return the …
he was just the Master, even though he wouldn’t really act like it.
He treated me more of an equal than a slave, and then he gave me a book of vampire law, and pointed out a few sections about how slaves can acquire freedom.
He couldn’t tell me those things, but he could help me figure it out. ”
He shook his head. “I’m telling this in the wrong order. First, I guess you need to know why she broke up with him, and how she broke Abbott’s heart.”
Emmy’s head snapped to Zander, to see his expression, but he was very still, his face completely neutral.
“Kirsten ended our relationship because I tried to control her. For the first time in centuries, I was dating someone I couldn’t control, couldn’t just alter memories or thoughts, and make them agree with me.
It limited my way of dealing with conflict, so I went behind her back and… ”
He sighed. “I fucked up, destroyed trust, and she broke up with me. For the first time in … more than centuries, possibly a millennium, I couldn’t change the mind of the person I loved.”
He met Emmy’s gaze. “She was right to leave me. I’d forgotten what it meant to have a true relationship.”
The weight of his confession hung in the air.
“I’d been doing it for so long with so many people,” Zander continued, his voice quiet, “that I didn’t even realize it was wrong anymore.
There were no arguments, no conflict, because I controlled everything.
I could make sure everyone around me wanted what I wanted, so I did. It was easier that way. Cleaner.”
“But not real,” Emmy said softly.
“No. Not real.” Zander looked at Spence and back to her. “Kirsten made me understand how a true relationship should work. Made me see what I’d been doing.”
“So then I came along,” Spence said, “and he wanted me romantically, but because fate can be a bitch, I legally belonged to him as his slave, and he had to hold the leash to my wolf, since I couldn’t, at that time.
The leash was wrapped around my willpower, the very thing he wanted to be all mine, and he was forced to hold onto the tether my former Master had wrapped around it. ”
“I couldn’t touch him romantically,” Zander said. “Not while he was legally bound to obey me. It would’ve been the same thing I’d done to other romantic partners, making them love me and agree with me, and then convincing myself it was real.”
Emmy set her fork down, her full attention on them both. “So what did you do?”
“Found a way to free him.” Zander’s thumb rubbed small circles on Spence’s hand. “It took time and some grey-area legal maneuvering. But I released him from his bonds before I ever drank from him the first time as a romantic partner.”
“You freed him first,” Emmy repeated, understanding dawning. “So he could choose.”
“So the relationship would be real,” Zander said. “So I could be absolutely certain he wanted me because he wanted me, not because he was obligated or manipulated into it.”
Spence’s eyes were bright with emotion. “I chose him the moment he gave me the choice. Haven’t regretted it once.”
“So then, why were you so jealous of Kirsten?”
“She hurt him. He’d loved her, and he’d been so devastated when she broke up with him, he’d changed his entire lifestyle in some ways. I had this idea that, if she’d take him back, he’d go back to her in a heartbeat.”
“But you and Kirsten are friends now. Right?”
“Yes, but it took a while for me to trust that Zander had learned his lessons from her and moved on — that he’d chosen me.”
He tilted his head. “I didn’t understand for a long time what he’d seen in me, but eventually, I figured it out.
Or, I guess he explained it better, but …
he saw strength of character in me, the fact I held onto my kindness and ethics despite being broken and retrained, despite everything that’d been done to me. ”
“He held onto his humanity even after being turned into a monster that they kept feral,” Zander said, his voice flat but his eyes full of affection.
Spence took a deep breath and settled a little.
“Our first sexual experiences can create sexual preferences. I’m always going to submit in order to enjoy sex.
I’ll always need pain mixed in with the pleasure.
There’s nothing to be done about that, but Zander didn’t let that define the rest of my life. ”
Emmy looked between them, seeing the depth of trust and love that had been built on that foundation. She looked at Zander. “But you’re still … Spence submits to you. You feed from him. You give him orders.”
“Orders he can refuse,” Zander said firmly.
“And has refused, when something crossed his moral boundaries. He guides my flock, manages my household, and makes decisions that affect hundreds of people. He’s not weak.
He’s not controlled. He chooses to submit to me in bed, and to stand by my side in life.
He’s my partner, my assistant, and my love.
I accept the submission he offers with the respect it deserves. ”
Emmy’s throat tightened. This was what a healthy power dynamic looked like. Not control for control’s sake, but trust. Choice. A dominant who valued his submissive’s autonomy even as he accepted the gift of submission.
“Is that why you haven’t tried to get past my shields?” she asked Zander. “Why you haven’t used vampire powers on me?”
“Yes.” Zander’s blue eyes held hers. “I want you to choose me, Emerald. To choose us. Not because I made you agreeable or pliable or convenient, but because you want to join with us. I want the real you — stubborn, brilliant, fierce, and absolutely untamed.”
“I’m choosing,” she said, her voice steady. “For the record. I’m choosing both of you.”
Zander reached across the table to cover her hand with his.
“Good,” Zander said simply. “Now eat your lamb chops. You need your strength.”
Emmy picked up her fork and dug into breakfast, but her mind was spinning with everything she’d just learned.