12. Ashlyn
12
ASHLYN
T he morning sun filtered through the curtains, casting a warm glow across the room as I lay there, lost in thought. The events of last night played over in my mind like a reel of film, each moment etched into my memory with crystal clarity. It had been the best date I had ever been on, hands down.
As I lay there, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of contentment wash over me. Being with Stephanie felt . . . right, in a way that I hadn’t experienced before. There was a comfort in her presence, a familiarity that made me feel at ease in a way that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
But along with that comfort came a sense of unease, a nagging voice in the back of my mind warning me of the dangers that lay ahead. I knew that getting involved with Stephanie could complicate things, not just for me but for her as well. We came from different worlds, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that our paths were destined to diverge. And despite the risks, I found myself drawn to her in a way that I couldn’t ignore. There was something about Stephanie that called to me, something I couldn’t resist. It wasn’t just her beauty or her intelligence, though both were undeniable. It was something deeper, something intangible that spoke to my soul on a level that I couldn’t fully comprehend.
As much as I wanted to explore those feelings, to see where they might lead, I needed to proceed with caution. I couldn’t afford to let my emotions run wild, not when there was so much at stake. And so, as I lay there in the quiet of the morning, I vowed to tread carefully. To guard my heart against the inevitable storm that lay ahead.
My thoughts drifted from Stephanie to Phantom, and I couldn’t help but feel a surge of pride at the progress we had made together. In the short time since I had taken on the role of his trainer, he had grown by leaps and bounds, responding to my guidance and commands with a level of trust and obedience that I hadn’t anticipated. But along with that progress came a new set of challenges, because Phantom’s newfound confidence and skill demanded more from me as his trainer. No longer content with simple exercises and routines, I knew the next step was preparing him for competitions.
While part of me relished the thought of taking the horse to races, showcasing his talent to the world, another part of me hesitated, aware of the potential dangers. The world of horse racing was fraught with risks, both physical and emotional, and I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was leading Phantom into uncharted territory. That plus the threat that lingered over me from the past.
But I also remembered that when I had looked into his eyes, I had seen the fire of determination burning bright. A hunger for success that mirrored my own. In that moment, I knew that I couldn’t hold him back. I had to trust in his abilities, and in my own as his trainer. I continued to think about the path ahead for Phantom and me.
However, nagging thought soon crept in, casting a shadow over my newfound optimism. The looming decision about the severance package I had received from my former employer. It was a tempting offer that promised financial security in exchange for my silence. The terms of the agreement were clear: I was to accept a substantial sum of money and agree never to speak of my time at Brooks Creek, nor to seek employment within the state of Kentucky. This would eliminate any trace of my past and would allow me to start anew.
But as I considered the implications of such an arrangement, unease settled in the pit of my stomach. What if I was found out anyway? What if someone were to uncover the truth of my past, unearthing the secrets I had buried deep within? The consequences could be catastrophic, not only for me, but for Phantom and Stephanie as well. If my past with Monica were to come to light, it could jeopardize everything we had worked so hard to build together, casting a shadow of doubt and suspicion over our fledgling relationship.
If I accepted the agreement, I could start over again with a clean slate. Still, I hesitated.
Something within me rebelled against the idea of sacrificing my freedom for the sake of financial gain and allowing myself to be bound by the chains of secrecy and deceit.
The problem was that if Phantom ever qualified for the biggest race of all- the Kentucky Derby, which I knew was a possibility, I wouldn’t be able to take him there because I would have signed papers to keep me out of the state. And Phantom was the kind of horse who could go far. Phantom was going to be a champion and he would need me there beside him.
That was my gut feeling about him, anyway. You could never be too sure. Phantom could hate the spotlight, or he could be distracted by the crowds. Or maybe it would all be too much for him.
Eventually, I made the decision to accept the terms of the agreement and to embrace the risk and uncertainty that lay ahead. For better or for worse, it was my ticket to redemption, my chance to prove myself. And I needed to talk to Stephanie.
As I watched her approach, warmth washed over me, banishing the doubts and worries that had plagued my mind. In that moment, all thoughts of Phantom and the agreement faded into the background, replaced by the simple joy of being in Stephanie’s presence.
Her smile was like sunshine on a cloudy day, bright and infectious, lighting up the space between us with its radiant warmth. As she drew nearer, I couldn’t help but marvel at the grace and poise with
which she moved, a testament to the strength and resilience that lay within her.
I greeted Stephanie with a smile of my own, my heart swelling with affection as I offered her the breakfast I had gone to such lengths to acquire. It had involved an hour round-trip into town, to the bakery. A small gesture, but one that felt significant in its simplicity. A tangible expression of my desire to make her happy.
It was easy to feel the electricity between us. We talked and laughed, sharing stories and dreams with a newfound ease and intimacy. This felt both exhilarating and terrifying. But there was also an undercurrent of longing that pulsed beneath the surface, a silent yearning that begged to be acknowledged. I found myself drawn to Stephanie in ways I couldn’t fully comprehend, my heart racing with a mixture of excitement and apprehension in her presence.
I felt alive in a way I hadn’t in years, my senses heightened and emotions laid bare. She had a way of seeing straight through me, of stripping away the layers of pretense and self-doubt, to reveal the true essence of who I was. We sat there together, basking in the glow of each other’s company, and I knew with a certainty that defied logic that Stephanie was something special. Sitting across from her, I couldn’t help but feel a rush of excitement as she prepared to share her past with me. Her eyes held a hint of vulnerability, yet I sensed a quiet determination within her that drew me in.
“So, you want to know about my time in the army?” Stephanie began, her voice soft, but filled with a sense of purpose.
I nodded eagerly, leaning in closer to catch every word she spoke. “Absolutely. I’m all ears.”
Stephanie’s smile was warm as she began to recount her journey. “Well, it feels like a lifetime ago now, but it all started right after college. I wanted to make a difference, you know?”
Listening intently, I nodded, captivated by her story. “I can definitely understand that,” I said. “What made you decide to become an army doctor?”
Stephanie’s gaze drifted as she spoke. “It was a combination of things, really. I wanted to serve my country and being a doctor seemed like the best way to do that. Plus, I’ve always had a passion for medicine.”
As Stephanie shared her experiences, I found myself drawn deeper into her world. I realized I was hanging on to her every word. “That makes sense,” I said encouragingly. “It must have been quite the journey.”
Stephanie’s smile softened, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions. “It was. There were moments of both triumph and hardship, but overall, my path shaped me into the person I am today.”
Admiring Stephanie’s strength, I reached out, lightly touching her hand. “I am impressed by your strength, Stephanie. It takes a special kind of person to serve in the army.”
A blush spread across Stephanie’s cheeks at the compliment, gratitude evident in her eyes.
“Thank you, Ashlyn. That means a lot, coming from you.”
Returning her smile, I felt a warmth spread through me, the connection between us growing stronger with each passing moment. “Of course. I genuinely mean it. You’re incredibly brave and resilient.”
Stephanie’s joy was palpable as she met my gaze. “That’s really sweet of you to say. It hasn’t always been easy, but I wouldn’t change a thing.” We shared a moment of comfortable silence, and I couldn’t help but feel grateful for the opportunity to get to know Stephanie on a deeper level.
“So, what was your proudest experience during your time in the army?” I asked, unable to contain my curiosity.
Stephanie’s eyes lit up as she recalled her past adventures. “Oh, there are so many to choose from. But I those that stick in my mind are the lives I saved under difficult circumstances. Performing surgery in the field. Being the difference between life and death.”
I couldn’t imagine it. A war zone. Injured soldiers. Stephanie rushing in. “Wow, that sounds intense. I can’t even imagine. But, you have that about you. That calmness under pressure. I can imagine you were pretty good at saving lives.”
Stephanie’s warm smile filled the room but she was holding something back, I could see it in her eyes. “It was definitely a unique experience. But it also taught me a lot about myself and what I’m capable of.”
“Why did you leave the army,” I asked and a shadow crossed her face, and she seemed to retreat into herself. Her eyes clouded over with a hint of sadness. “I . . . I’m not ready to talk about that yet,” Stephanie replied, her voice barely above a whisper.
I could sense the walls she had erected around her past, a barrier she wasn’t yet ready to dismantle. Respectful of her boundaries, I nodded understandingly. “That’s okay, Stephanie. You don’t have to tell me if you’re not comfortable.”
A mixture of relief and gratitude flickered across Stephanie’s features as she met my gaze. “Thank you, Ashlyn. It’s just . . . it’s still a bit raw, you know?”
I reached out, gently squeezing her hand in a silent gesture of support. “I understand. Take all the time you need. I’m here whenever you’re ready to talk.”
Stephanie’s smile returned, albeit a bit subdued. “Thank you for being so understanding.”
There was silence for just a moment.
“How about relationships,” I asked, desperate to change the subject for her.
She snapped back to normal and laughed, “Well, I’ve never done very well on that front. There was a woman once, Deborah, my professor at university. We were very different. She was a lot older. It phased out when I joined the army. And, to be honest, it was for the best. She was a demanding bitch. And as much as that turned me on, it wasn’t really healthy.”
I tried to imagine her with an older professor and I could kind of see it.
“And, then there were women in the army. Mostly insignificant. You know, it was Don’t Ask, Don’t tell. So, really I never pursued anything serious until Sophia.”
“Sophia?” I questioned.
She sighed, deeply.
“Sophia was the one I thought I would marry and live happily ever after with. I loved her desperately. We were so close. We shared such a bond and we went through some terrible things together during our army careers. Only, it turned out Sophia had a husband and had been lying to me all along. The future I had envisioned for us was all a lie- she already had that planned out with her husband. And I was just…” she gazed off into the distance, she was a million miles away. “I was just something. I don’t know. A distraction on the long lonely nights in the desert perhaps. A friend when she needed one…” Stephanie looked so desperately sad.
I felt a gnawing sensation at the pit of my stomach knowing I was hiding things from her too. Maybe not a husband, but nevertheless a sordid past.
“Anyway, what about your past relationships?” she turned back to me.
Here was where I should have come clean. But, I didn’t.
“Oh, you know. Nothing too significant. I guess the horses were always my priority.”
Spineless idiot.
“Did you always want to become a horse trainer?” she asked.
“You know, I didn’t always plan on becoming a horse trainer,” I began, my voice tinged with a hint of nostalgia. “It all started when I was a kid. My older brothers used to tease me, saying that girls couldn’t control a horse like they could. We grew up surrounded by horses, you see.”
Stephanie’s eyes widened with curiosity, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips. “Really? And what did you do?”
I chuckled, the memories flooding back. “I was stubborn, I guess. I didn’t like being told that I couldn’t do something, just because I was a girl. So I begged my parents to let me learn.”
Stephanie’s smile grew wider, a genuine warmth emanating from her. “And did you prove your brothers wrong?”
I nodded, pride swelling within me. “Oh, absolutely. Not only did I prove them wrong, but I also fell in love with riding. There’s something about being on horseback, feeling the wind in your
hair and the power beneath you. It’s like nothing else in the world.”
Stephanie listened intently, her gaze never leaving mine. “I feel the same,” she remarked, her voice soft with admiration.
“And now, here I am, following my passion and doing what I love every day.” As we continued to talk, I felt a sense of connection growing between us, strengthened by our shared experiences and mutual understanding. In that moment, I knew that opening up to Stephanie had been the right choice, a good way to deepen our bond.