Chapter Thirty-Four
Lauren
A spotlight catches my attention.
I sit up and squint, watching the white light grow. I strain to reach across to Timur and manage to elbow him in the side, pulling him out of the trance-like state he was in.
A figure steps up into the shipping container, others following. Aslanov is the first person I see, his face coming into view from the flashlight he has in his hand. Every cell in my body tenses, my eyes scanning his other men, trying to find Nikolai.
He’s not here.
I sense Timur’s posture straighten too, his eyes darting across the different bodies.
Two of the thugs in the front step aside, giving way to three shapes behind them.
The three shapes begin to move forward, like ghosts emerging from a tomb.
The shape in the middle, the biggest one, is being flanked by the other two, urged forward like a prisoner. He steps up, his chin held high.
Niko…
For a moment, my shoulders relax. Some of the tension dissipates from my neck. But I look at him, sadness drills a hole in my heart. His hands are bound behind his back, his expression unreadable. He looks cold and detached, even more so than when I first met him the day of Sophia’s wedding.
Something has happened.
Something irreversible.
I catch his eye and his expression softens ever so slightly, but not enough for me to be put at ease.
Aslanov smirks, closing in. “Your boyfriend would like to say goodbye. Get it over with, lovebirds. I have other things to do.”
Goodbye?
The heart palpitations start again.
Did they just bring him here so he can say… goodbye?
I look into Nikolai’s eyes, searching his face, my mind frantically working to memorize all of his features.
The way moonlight carves shadows beneath his razor-sharp cheekbones.
The constellation of small scars that maps his jaw like a warrior’s history written in flesh.
Those ocean eyes that have seen too much death, too much pain, now dulled with the weight of whatever just happened between him and Aslanov.
He looks defeated.
But even in his current state, he radiates a dangerous beauty that takes my breath away—the kind of man who could rule empires or burn them down with equal grace. But it’s the haunted emptiness behind his gaze that breaks me. The look of a man who has already said goodbye to himself.
And in this moment, I understand something. Something I never ever wanted to live through.
This is it.
Our final moment together.
Tears begin to blur my vision, streaming down my face. I can’t even wipe them from my eyes because my hands are still in the zip ties. I can’t even go to him, hug him and hold him close. Fling my arms around him and lose myself in his embrace for a few passing moments.
All I can do is stare into his eyes, suddenly resenting myself all over again.
We spent more time hating each other than we did loving.
All of those times I pushed him away, arguing, refusing his touch…
if I knew that our time together was so limited, if I knew that this would be the end, I would have kept him closer.
I would have gotten over myself and warmed to him more quickly to take advantage of the time we had.
I would have been with him every single minute of the day, kissed him more, slept with him every single time I got the urge.
I would have done everything in my power to keep him close, but most of all, I would have stopped bringing danger to his doorstep.
God, please…
Why does it have to end this way?
He takes a step towards Timur and me, the cold, detached gaze fading for a few passing moments.
For the first time ever, he looks genuinely sad.
The small gleam that forms in the corner of his eye confirms that this really is the last time—no tricks, no last-minute plot-twists. There is no getting out of this.
An inexplicable dread consumes me.
A pain I never thought I could experience.
He turns to Timur first, silently nodding like he’s thanking him for all of the years they spent working together. I glance at Timur. This is the first time since knowing him that I have seen him unguarded, unable to get ahold of himself.
All of the air leaves my body when Nikolai turns to me.
There’s no more stalling. This is it. This is what we’ve been reduced to. Two lovers never having their desire for each other fulfilled.
I want to touch him but neither one of us can do that. Something shatters inside me when he leans forward just slightly, mouthing: “I love you.”
My heart and stomach sink simultaneously.
This is the first time he has said this.
And it will be the last.
I want to jump up, run to him, protect his body with mine, but I can’t.
My mouth opens but my voice is choked by the tears falling from my eyes. “I love you, too,” I mouth back to him, but it’s too late. Two of Aslanov’s men are already escorting him out of the shipping container. I crane my neck, trying to look at him for as long as possible.
Then, he’s out of sight.
Just like that.
They didn’t even give me time to tell him how I feel. How much he means to me.
Dear God…
Why?
Why does it have to end this way?
Aslanov is the last to leave the room. He walks down the ramp, back out into the night.
“I’m doing you two a favor,” he says to Timur and me, a smug grin on his face.
“You won’t want to see this.” He clicks his fingers, and three of his men come over to heave the swing door back up.
With a great metal thud, the door is secured in place and darkness consumes us.
My breathing hitches as I anticipate what’s next. Timur is still next to me, looking at the ground quietly. He knows what’s next better than anyone.
Footsteps move away from the door. I hold my breath, the silence stretching. Even though I can’t see a thing, I shut my eyelids, bracing myself for the inevitable. A small part of me holds onto hope that nothing bad will happen, that life can’t be this cruel.
But then a gunshot rips through the atmosphere.
And another.
There’s no sound of struggle.
No final plea.
Just a loud thud as a body falls to the floor.
“No!” A cry ripples out of me, an animalistic sound that I don’t even recognize. This is how it ends. There is nothing that can undo this moment.
He’s gone.
Niko’s gone!
I lunge forward, fighting the zip ties but they hold me in place, cutting further into my skin, gouging out another layer. I don’t care anymore. They can rip straight to my bone. It still won’t hurt as much as this.
I heave, my breathing scratching against my dry throat. My tongue feels like sandpaper. I have been dehydrated for hours but I would sacrifice water for him. My daughter and I need him but it’s too late—he has already been taken from this world.
Timur quietly mutters something in Russian under his breath, something that sounds like a prayer.
Tears fall down my face in an endless cascade.
I continue crying, pain drilling a hole in my chest. I want it to go all the way through.
I want the pain to continue piercing through my heart like a spear, in through one side, out the other, killing me.
I want to follow him, to be released from this hell, but for my daughter, I must live.
Not only that.
She is the only piece of Nikolai I have left.
And even though her father is gone forever, I must stay alive in honor of them both.
It’s what I’ve been left here to do.