Chapter 30
AIDEN
Ihold a bloody hand to Catriona’s pale cheek, tracking each emotion as it flashes over her face: terror, relief, horror, dread.
“You’re in shock. You don’t know what you’re saying.
Christ, after what I’ve just put you through, it’s no wonder.
Let’s get you cleaned up. You’ll feel better after we can wash all this off you. ”
Fuck me, she’s covered in his blood. Handprints on her cheeks. Flecks of crimson in her blond curls. Her white dress is already drying stiff with the stuff. I want to burn it. Want to scrub her myself until she’s washed clean of this.
Of me.
It had been selfish of me to bring her here, knowing what atrocities may lie in wait for her. It was selfish to want to see my mother again, if only for a few minutes.
Cursing myself, I drag her along after me until I find an empty room.
I nearly stumble at the realization of what I’ve done.
That I’ll never see Ma again—had it only been a couple of hours ago?
—but right myself and lock the door behind us.
I’d been smart enough to keep a weapon in our things and, after the carnage I wrought tonight, I don’t anticipate anyone trying their luck so soon.
I killed Cian. Soon there would be families to deal with, and the deal I made with Niall already weighs heavily on my shoulders, but I can’t think about that now. Not when Catriona is shivering in my arms and covered in Cian’s blood.
I tug her through the room and to the shower, depositing her next to it as I turn the faucet on to as hot as I can stand. “Do you want me to help you?” I ask, nodding to her clothes.
She glances down and goes stock-still, as though she just now realizes the mess I’ve made of her.
Cursing underneath my breath, I close the distance between us and say, “It’s all right. I’m going to help. We’re going to get you clean. Can I?”
At her silent nod, I kneel, starting with the buckles on her shoes.
She lifts one foot for easy access and puts a hand on my shoulder.
A sound of relief escapes her throat as I massage the feeling back into her toes.
When she’s steady, I reach up and pull down her panties before tossing them aside.
Getting to my feet, I turn her away from me to draw down the zipper of her dress, skim the straps off her shoulders, and let it fall to her feet, leaving her only in a bra, which I make quick work of.
She turns back in my arms to face me and says, “Your turn.”
Before I can put meaning to the words, she drops to her knees and pulls my feet out of bloodied socks and shoes. Disarmed, I can only watch as she stands to help me out of my shirt, then unbuttons and unzips my slacks, skimming them down.
Together, we step under the spray. Bloodstained water swirls down the drain, and she closes her eyes, tipping her head back into the deluge.
I take a cake of soap and lather my hands, then use them to glide over the worst spots, careful to clean the cut on her neck and not to get any in her eyes.
She keeps her face tilted up and her eyes shut as I wash her.
Somehow, she must understand my primal need to care for her, inspect her to make certain she’s okay.
When there is no more blood staining her skin, I let her do the same to me, letting go of her for as long as it takes for her little hands to scrub me clean.
“You could have stopped him. Why didn’t you save her?
You’ve been planning this takeover for how long?
Months? Years. We could have done something.
I couldn’t save my mom, but we could have saved her.
” Her words come soft at first, falling from her downturned lips, then gain steam, ending on a demanding note as she scowls up at me.
I thread my hands through her hair on either side of her skull. “No, we couldn’t.” The words are scraped from the raw wound somewhere in my chest. If tears fall, they’re washed away by the spray. “She didn’t want to be saved. I tried to help her for a long time. I-I was too late.”
“How can you say that? It’s never too late to try to save someone you love.”
Pulling her close is the only thing that keeps me from falling apart. “I agree… but she didn’t. I didn’t want to see it. Haven’t wanted to for years. But she’s been trying to tell me for years that she was ready to go.”
“What do you mean?”
I press kisses into her hair like it will do something for the pain.
But it carves a place in my soul I know won’t ever heal.
It will only get easier to endure. “Her flowers? The ones she showed you. They’re all poisonous.
I didn’t understand for a long time why she grew them.
Then it hit me like a freight train. She was planning to use them.
” I swallow hard when my voice gutters out.
“She’d waited until she was certain I wouldn’t be alone before she did. ”
Catriona’s head presses into my chest. “No, why would she—”
“Yes. She suffered it all. Years of his rape. His torture. Of being without my dad. Of being alone here. Worrying about me. She lost herself because she knew if I didn’t have her, I’d be lost too.
She dealt with so much because of me.” The words make the ache inside me throb viciously because I know they’re true.
We’ve both fought so hard. It kills me to think she’d clung to a life that had abused her only for my sake.
Could I have saved her the torment if I’d let her go?
“Oh, Aiden, I’m so sorry.”
“Even if we had been able to do something, she gave up a long time ago. There was no saving her now.” I say the words like they’re for Catriona’s sake, but I know they’re really for me. Not that they help the guilt rising in my throat.
“Why not?”
“She called me a few weeks ago, listing another plant she was cultivating. Blue rockets she called them. Cian never cared to learn her flowers. She was less than nothing to him. If he had, maybe he would have realized. She’d given me a vial in the gardens.
It was empty. She whispered in my ear that she’d already taken it, so I didn’t have a choice. ”
“She…”
“Blue rockets, also known as wolf’s bane or monkshood, can kill you in less than two hours. She was already dead when we got here.” When I can bear to look at her, fat tears stream down Catriona’s face. “She laced his wine with the same poison to help us.”
“She poisoned him?”
“If she had this all along, she could have killed him years ago,” I say bitterly, ashamed of myself for even voicing the words.
“With you gone? Someone could have retaliated. Killed you.” I don’t know how it happens, but now she’s comforting me. “Plus, she probably wanted to see you one last time so she could say goodbye. You can’t blame yourself.”
“You have to go,” I tell her, needing to change the subject. My voice is so low I’m not sure if she can hear me over the pounding of the water. “It’s not safe for you to stay with me. I can come and find you when things are settled.”
“You can try to make me, but I’ll just come back,” she answers just as softly. “I’m guessing you made a deal with Niall.”
“You’re too smart for your own good. Yes, I’ve been building allies for years.
He finally gave me an opening after… after the charity event.
He’s not much better than Cian, and Mara is…
she’s collateral. But we’ll fix it. I’ll fix it.
” I crush her body against me, enjoying the life-affirming sensation of her skin against mine.
“I wish you weren’t so fuckin’ stubborn.
What if something like this happens to you again?
Like my ma. Do you have any idea what people like him could do to you simply because you mean something to me? ”
“I know exactly what they could do to me, and I’m still saying I don’t want a divorce.
Are you going to tell me you know what’s best for me?
Because I’ll tell you right now, that’s a great way to piss off a woman when you’re naked and vulnerable.
You fought to have me for too long. I’m not going to let you get rid of me so easily. ”
“So fuckin’ stubborn,” I repeat into her wet hair, but there’s a lightness in my chest that suffocates all of my carefully prepared objections.
I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.
The thought of losing her to Cian the way I had my mother?
It knocked me sideways as much as watching Ma die.
The feeling took me by surprise so thoroughly that I’ll never forgive myself for that moment’s hesitation that led to his demented hands roaming all over her.
The image is seared into my brain. Every time I close my eyes, I’ll see her panicked expression.
“You’ve known I get what I want for a while now, so you can’t pretend ignorance. Remember our wedding? I won’t leave you alone to face this, Aiden.”
“I could make you leave if I wanted. Tie you up and throw your arse on the plane.”
“Do that and see what I do to you,” she practically growls.
“You have to know that the next several months—hell, it could be years—are going to be complete madness. There won’t be a day when you aren’t in danger because you’re my wife.
They were afraid today, but not all of them will be happy with how things have turned out.
Cian gave a lot of them leeway to do whatever the fuck they wanted. That’s not how I want to do things.”
“After this, I know what I’m getting myself into. They can’t scare me away.”
I sigh brokenly into her skin. “What do I have to do to get you to realize this isn’t a good idea? You’re already testing the limits of my better nature.”
“There’s nothing you can do. I’ve already made up my mind. Maybe if I hadn’t met your mother, I’d feel differently, but I did. I saw what she meant to you. Look at me, Aiden.”
I listen. God, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
She cups my cheek. “You meant something to me that night, too. It’s why I left before you could get my name. It scared me.”
Groaning, I pull her closer, wrapping my arms around her until she probably has trouble breathing. “You shouldn’t have told me that, bhean chéile.”
“Why not?”
“Because after tonight, I’m not ever going to want to let you go.”
She lifts onto her toes and presses her lips to my throat. “So don’t.”
Later, when we aren’t in the belly of the beast, I’ll mourn losing my mother.
I’ll give her the grief she deserves, but now, I can’t afford to be overwhelmed by those thoughts and memories.
Catriona pressed against me is a welcome diversion, and my blood screams with leftover adrenaline.
She arches against me as my hands turn more insistent.
She presses her breasts into my chest and nips at my throat.
“I should have told you a thousand times before, but you’re perfect.”
“You did tell me before, remember? Called me your perfect little wife.”
I chuckle, surprised, as the sound rumbles out of my chest. “Still mad at me about that?”
“Don’t worry, I have plans to pay you back.”
“I’m looking forward to it.”
I capture her mouth, using the sweet taste of her to wash away everything else. She moans into it, lifting her hands to thread through my hair. The movement causes her nipples to rasp against my chest, and her breath hitches.
Tearing my mouth away, I say, “We don’t have to do this now. It’s been a bitch of a day, and I have things to see to before we can get some sleep.”
She nods, reluctantly hiding a yawn, and allows me to help her from the shower.
I wrap her in a towel like she’s something precious, and she dresses in a matching pajama set I recognize from one shop in town.
It should piss me off all over again, remembering how she put herself in danger to get my attention, but all I feel is grateful that she’s still alive.
“What things do you need to take care of now? Isn’t everyone gone?” she asks, when I’ve redressed in a clean pair of pants and a long-sleeved Henley shirt. I keep my 9mm close by just in case. I’ll have no qualms about killing the next bastard who threatens me.
“I need to make some calls before the news spreads too far. We can talk about it all in the morning. You need to sleep.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to by myself. I’d like to wait for you to get back.”
Now that the blood is cleared away, I can see the dark shadows of stress underneath her eyes. The fact that she’s still holding it together is fucking remarkable. “Okay, I won’t be long. Lock the door behind me. I’ll be back in less than fifteen minutes, I promise.”
I wait outside the door until I hear the lock click and then go in search of Bren and Tadhg to make certain they’ll keep watch throughout the night.
When I come back, she’s almost asleep. I climb into bed and tuck her close.
“You don’t have to leave again, do you?” she says into my shirt.
I should fight more. Convince her to leave. But instead, the words that come out of my traitorous lips are, “No, I don’t.”
“Then stay with me,” she says, tugging me into her arms.