Chapter 17
“You don’t have the right to know everything about me.” ~ Dakota
Dakota
R hett’s lost his mind if he thinks I’m going to tell him everything. I don’t owe him an explanation about my life. I don’t owe him anything.
“Havoc,” he pleads and I nearly get lost in those stunning blue eyes. It should be against the law for a man’s eyes to be this captivating. “I don’t want to ruin your life. I want to make it better.”
When I hesitate, he continues, “If we’re going to be in a relationship, you’re going to have to tell me at some point.”
“Relationship?” My brow wrinkles. “We’re not in a relationship.”
“Havoc, I’ve been inside you. I’ve made you come more times than any man before me.”
My cheeks warm. I never should have told him how lacking my earlier sexual encounters have been.
“Sex doesn’t make a relationship.”
“Last night was more than sex and you know it.”
I do? I’m not exactly an expert at understanding the games men and women play. Thus, my living in this outdated suite and working two jobs to pay back debts my previous man racked up.
He caresses my cheek with his thumb. I want to lean into him. Accept the comfort he’s freely giving. But I can’t. I can’t make the same mistakes I’ve made before.
“You hated me two days ago,” I remind him.
“I never hated you.”
“You tried to get me fired, and you threatened to tell Eli about my phone call last night.”
He grimaces. “I never would have told Eli about the phone call, but am I an asshole for threatening to? Yes.”
“At least you understand it was an asshole move.”
“Make no mistake about it, Havoc. I will do everything in my power to keep the people I care for safe. Including making threats and rushing home after they ran away from me.”
My heart thumps in my chest. People he cares about? He can’t care about me.
I don’t trust his words. Men lie. Especially when they want something from you. Adam is a prime example.
I need to end this. I need to push him away. I can’t trust him. Considering what I feel for him is bigger than anything I ever felt for Adam, I need this to end before he breaks my heart. And he will break my heart. There’s no other option.
There’s one surefire way to end this. Throw my pride away and expose my idiocy.
“I was married.”
His brow wrinkles. “You’re divorced?”
“Widowed.”
His eyes fill with sympathy. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. Adam was a liar, a womanizer, and a compulsive gambler.”
“What did—”
I hold up my hand to quiet him. “I won’t be taking any questions.”
He nods. “Continue.”
I can’t continue when all I can see and smell is Rhett. I shove away from the wall and duck under his arm. I pace the room as I tell my story.
“I met Adam when I was still in care. I fell head over heels for him. He was charming and sweet, and he’d been in care, so he understood me.”
Rhett growls, and I narrow my eyes at him. He coughs. “Sorry.”
“When I aged out of care, I moved in with him. I worked two jobs while I put myself through community college. We were saving our money to buy a house. I’ve always wanted to own a house. A home no one can kick me out of. A place with room for my own things. More things than can fit in a black garbage bag.”
I stop to stare out of the window at the parking lot. This is not the home I dreamed of. An outdated suite in a rundown motel with a view of parked cars.
“When we signed the papers for our house, I thought I’d won at life. I had a good job managing a plumbing company.” I glare at him. “And managing a plumbing company is a good job.”
He holds up his hands. “I was an asshole.”
Yes, he was. But discussing his past behavior is not on the current agenda.
“Life was good. I thought. Sure, Adam was gone a lot of weekends for work but I didn’t mind. I had my home. A place where I felt safe. I spent endless hours shopping at second hand stores for furniture. I even took a class in upselling used items. I didn’t sell them, though. I kept them.”
I blow out a breath. I don’t want to tell the rest of the story. The part when it becomes clear what an idiot I was.
Rhett wraps his arms around me from behind. “Finish it. Rip it off like a Band-Aid. After today, we don’t need to discuss this ever again.”
“Adam wasn’t away for work all those weekends. He was in Atlantic City gambling and paying for hookers.”
Rhett growls, but I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to comfort him. I’m too lost in my own version of hell.
“The worst part is I didn’t know. I had no clue. Until Adam was killed in a car crash. Then, everything fell apart. He wasn’t making payments on the mortgage and I lost my home.” Tears well in my eyes but I sniff and suck them back up. I’ve cried enough tears. They don’t change anything.
“I managed to consolidate all of his debts for the cars and the house. I thought I had everything covered.”
“And then Grigori showed up,” Rhett grumbles.
I nod. “I tried to ignore him. But loan sharks refuse to be ignored. A dead snake with a sign ‘Next time, it’s your turn’ was enough to get my attention.”
I shiver as I recall walking into the apartment I moved into after I lost my home to discover the snake on the kitchen table.
“There was no way I could keep up with the bank payments and payments to Grigori unless I found a better paying job. When Eli offered me the job as his PA, I couldn’t say yes quick enough.”
“But your salary isn’t enough to pay off the creditors and Grigori?” Rhett asks.
I shrug. “If I don’t pay Grigori off fast enough, I’ll never get out from under the debt. He compounds the interest over and over again until you end up paying until your death.”
“I’ll pay off the debt.”
I whirl around. “You are not paying off my dead husband’s debt.”
“What if I loan you the money?”
“No, this is my mess to deal with.”
“No,” he growls. “This is your husband’s mess you got stuck with.”
“It doesn’t matter how you frame it. I’m the one responsible for paying.”
“Why? What’s wrong with letting someone help you?”
Because people who help you, think they own you. I can’t count the number of times Adam reminded me how I owed him since he let me move in with him when I was eighteen. I ignored him since I thought I loved him. I was a fool.
“I can handle this on my own.”
“But you’re not on your own.”
“Yes, I am.”
He palms my neck. “No, you’re not. You have me.”
I shove on his shoulders until he releases me. “I don’t have you. You’re my boss’s brother who I had sex with.”
He growls. “I’m more than Eli’s brother. I’m the man you’re involved with.”
I roll my eyes. “We’re not involved. We’re not in a relationship.”
“Why not?”
My head rears back. “What do you mean, why not? Because we’re not. Because you hate me. Because you’ve tried to have me fired. Because—”
My words are cut off when he slams his lips to mine. I wish I could say I resisted him. Shoved him away and stomped off. But I can’t.
I melt into Rhett. I sigh at the feel of his lips against mine. At his clean scent surrounding me, making me feel cherished and safe.
Safe?
I can’t trust a man. Look at what happened the last time I did. Good reminder. I shove him away and retreat a few steps.
Rhett sighs. “I admit I pushed you away because I knew you were hiding secrets, but you’re not hiding secrets from me anymore.”
“You don’t know everything about me.”
“I’ll learn as our relationship grows.”
I grit my teeth. “You’re not listening to me. We’re not in a relationship.”
He smirks. “Not yet. I’ll convince you to give me a chance.”
“No, you won’t. I’ve got a lot on my plate. I don’t have time for another thing.”
“We’ll make time.”
“Are you trying to give me a stroke?”
He chuckles. “My Havoc is stubborn.”
“I’m not your anything.”
He smirks. “I’ll change your mind.” He saunters to the door. “Get some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow. Lock up behind me.”
“You won’t change my mind,” I holler after him.
He waves in response. I slam my door. Rhett as Mr. High and Mighty was annoying. I’m afraid Rhett ‘I’ll change your mind’ is going to be worse.
But I have to resist him. I don’t trust myself to make good choices about men. Look what happened with Adam.
If I lose my job because a relationship with Rhett doesn’t work out, what then? Where will I go?
And it’s not only my job I’m worried about. I’m afraid my heart won’t remain unscathed either.