Chapter 21 – Nalia
Twenty-One
NALIA
Sage
We need to talk.
Seeing that message from my brother pop up on my computer, a sense of unease fills the pit of my stomach.
It wasn’t always like that with him. There was a time that he and I were so close I considered him one of my best friends, but when I began to have a relationship with our birthmother, our relationship quickly deteriorated.
He couldn’t understand why I would want to connect with her, and I couldn’t explain my reasons to him because he wouldn’t understand, and he also made it clear that he didn’t care.
There would never be a reason good enough in his book to reconnect with the person who essentially abandoned us.
And perhaps he was right, but I just couldn’t do what he did, I couldn’t pretend like she didn’t exist. And although our relationship has improved over the years with the help of his wife Kim, we’ve never been as close as we once were and there has always been an underlying sense of tension between us.
Sighing, I send him a message back telling him to let me know when he wants to meet up, then get back to work. As I’m talking on the phone with a client a few minutes later, a message pops up from him on my computer screen telling me that he’s in my area and that he can stop by if I’m home.
I message back that that works for me, despite the fact that I honestly have no desire to talk to him about what happened with our parents yesterday.
And I’m sure that’s what this is about. Knowing our mom, she took what I said and called my brother, wanting to make sure that he hasn’t felt the same as I have over the years.
With Sage on his way, I get off the phone with my client and quickly write down a note so that I’ll remember to talk to Bax about the questions she has regarding the flooring and paint colors she was shown by the designer she met with.
Leaving my office, I walk to the kitchen, my eyes landing on the bottle of wine still on the counter from last night when Logan came over.
He stayed until almost ten and only left when I started yawning, and it was obvious I needed to go to bed.
I didn’t want him to leave, and I could tell that he felt the same, but with both of us having kids, his staying any longer wasn’t even a possibility, so he kissed me goodnight at the door and told me he’d call.
This morning while he was on his way to work we spoke, and he asked if Zuri and I would want to have dinner with him and the kids tonight.
Even through I wanted to say yes, I told him that I would talk to Zuri after I get her from school and see what she wants to do.
I know that her and Coop have gotten close and that she really likes Billie, but I don’t want her to feel overwhelmed with all the time we’ve been spending with them.
While I’m cleaning up the kitchen there’s a knock on the door, I drag in a breath and walk to the living room swinging the door in.
My brother looks the same as he always has; his complexion is the same as mine, along with his eye color and full lips.
It’s odd looking at him, since his features mirror my own, and every time I see him, I wonder what our biological father must have looked like.
Was he as handsome as Sage? It also brings up other questions, like did he know about us, or were we a secret Sharon kept?
Those questions I’ll probably never get answers to, but I still have them.
“Hey,” I give him a hug, then stand back as he steps into the house. He hasn’t been here since I moved in, and I see him looking around.
“It looks great in here.”
“Thanks,” I tell him over my shoulder as I walk to the kitchen with him following. “Do you want a drink?”
“I’ll have water if that’s okay.” He takes a seat at one of the stools at the island, and I feel the tension in the room get heavy as I get down two glasses. After pouring him and myself a glass of water, I pass him his and then stand across from him.
“So, what’s up?” I ask already, knowing where this conversation is going to go, but holding onto hope that he wants to talk to me about the weather, or how his football team is doing this season.
“I spoke with Mom this morning,” he says, and I wait for him to continue while he stares at me with his jaw twitching. “She told me about what Sharon said.”
I’m not sure if I’m relieved that he doesn’t want to talk to me about always feeling like I owe our parents something for adopting us.
I think that topic would be easier to dive into with him than the fact that he was right all along about Sharon.
I don’t want to hear him say I told you so, especially when I have zero regrets for how things have turned out, even with the current situation weighing heavily on me.
Does it suck that Sharon sucks? Yes, but I have loved getting to have a relationship with our other siblings, and I would do everything all over again for Zuri without even having to think twice about it.
“Okay.”
“She’s not taking Zuri from you,” he says gruffly, and I lean into the counter, needing it to hold me up. “I don’t care what we have to do, but Zuri isn’t going anywhere.”
“She’s not going anywhere,” I agree quietly, and he drags his gaze off mine and looks away for a moment before he meets my eye again.
“Kim and I have some money saved; we were thinking about adopting again, but it’s yours if you need it to pay for a lawyer.”
Feeling lightheaded, nauseous, and like I want to laugh and cry all at the same time, I shake my head.
“I… thank you.” I won’t tell him that I won’t need his help.
I have no idea what might happen within the next few months or years, and I will use every resource I have at my disposal to protect Zuri.
“I don’t know what will happen or if Sharon even has a chance at fighting me, given her current situation, but I appreciate you offering to help me out, and I might need it. ”
“I’m here for you, we’re all here for you.”
“I know,” I say softly.
“Do you?” My chin jerks back, the sudden anger in his tone catching me by surprise.
“Of course.”
“Then why have you kept so much from us over the years?”
“What have I kept from you?”
“The shit is happening with Sharon.” Is he serious right now?
“You’ve made it clear on more than one occasion that you do not want to hear anything I have to say in regard to Sharon.”
“That’s different.”
“Is it?”
“You know it is.”
“No, Sage, I don’t.” I place my glass down so I don’t throw it at him and rest my hands on the countertop between us.
“You didn’t give me an outline of topics regarding Sharon that you’d be open to talking to me about.
What you did say is you don’t give a fuck about her and that you want nothing to do with her. ”
“And I don’t want shit to do with her.”
“And since you told me that I’ve given you what you wanted and have avoided the topic of her at all costs.”
“You didn’t tell us that she had been caught with drugs prior to getting locked up.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, did you miss your opportunity to say I told you so, or to relish in the fact that you were right?”
“You know that’s fucked, Nalia.”
“No, Sage, what is fucked is getting pissed that you were left in the dark, when you’re the one who made it abundantly clear where you stood, and all I was doing is respecting your boundaries.
” I drag in a breath and let it out slowly before I tell him quietly.
“I have always considered your feelings when anything having to do with Sharon has come up. I have kept things from Mom and Dad, my sisters and brothers, our cousins, everyone that I love and am close with, so that you wouldn’t have to hear Sharon’s name brought up even in passing because I know that it sets you off. ”
“That’s bull...”
“And no one has even asked me about her.” I cut him off.
“It’s like I had a double life, I had my life back in Colorado, then my life here, and by some unwritten rule, the two were never allowed to cross paths.
” I slap my hand against my chest. “And I dealt with that, accepted it for what it was, but what I won’t deal with is you being a dick about me keeping things from everyone when you are part of the reason why I didn’t share information about my life.
” I hold his stare until he drops his eyes from mine, then I watch him rub his hands down his face.
“Fuck.” He drops his head back on his shoulders. “You’re right.”
“I… What?” I blink.
“You’re right.” He sits back in his seat.
“I hate her; even hearing her name makes me angry, and I have never understood why you’d want to have anything to do with her, especially when you know exactly what she did to us.
But it’s not fair that you’ve felt isolated or like you couldn’t share stuff with anyone.
” I’m so taken aback by what he’s saying that I honestly don’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry you’ve felt like that, and I’ll work on being more…
” he looks disgusted, “open-minded when it comes to her, and I’ll try to understand why you care about her so much. ”
I sigh because this is where he is confused, where everyone is confused.
“I care about her because she is the woman who gave birth to me, my brothers, and the little girl who I love like she’s mine.
But she and I have always had a very complicated relationship.
She knows that I have never considered her my mom and that I don’t really trust her.
She also knows that Zuri is the reason I’ve stuck around all these years.
I couldn’t just leave her, not when I’ve seen how Sharon is. ”
“Zuri is lucky to have you.”
“I’m the lucky one,” I tell him, and his expression softens and fills with understanding.
“I get that.” He looks towards the hall when my cell phone, that I left in my office, starts to ring. “I should get out of here.” He slides off his stool. “I’m sure you need to get back to work.”