Chapter 3 #5
“So what was it then? One minute you were rolling around on the floor with your dog, laughing. Then you looked like someone smacked you. I’m not letting you up until you tell me what happened.
” I feel tears and I don’t want to cry in front of him.
How can you tell someone that has an amazing mom that yours totally messed up your head?
“You wouldn’t understand,” I say because he really wouldn’t. No one could understand how it feels to have the person who is supposed to protect and guide you through life make you feel completely worthless.
“Try me,” he whispers. His hand moves from where he was holding me down to glide through the hair at my temple. I feel tears start to fall and I try to look away but he’s holding my face in his hands and bends over to kiss each eye. “Please tell me, baby,” he whisper.
I can’t help it. His voice is so soft and his warmth is all around me and I feel safe in that moment. Maybe safer than I’ve ever felt.
“My mom’s not like yours. She’s not sweet, she doesn’t hug, she doesn’t tell people that they’re beautiful, she would never make anyone coffee.
” Tears are falling harder and I feel like I have sand in my throat.
“I know it’s stupid, but my whole life she has made me feel bad about myself.
My mom is abusive; physically, verbally, and emotionally.
She has cut me down my whole life. It took me a long time to realize that what she has drilled into my head isn’t true, but those wounds are still there and they run so deep that there are times I can still feel them inside me.
Even when someone makes a passing comment that anyone else would laugh at; to me, it feels like a cut. ”
I realize that I have my eyes closed so I open them and see that Asher looks pissed.
His whole body is tight and his teeth are clenched.
I start to get scared and he must have read my face.
He looks into my eyes and I feel his whole body relax.
His jaw unclenches and his thumb travels over my bottom lip.
“It was what I said about you being ‘too much.’” He doesn’t ask, it’s just a statement.
I nod my head because I can’t talk. “You’re beautiful when you laugh.
Not too many women would get tackled to the ground by a dog, even their own, and laugh about it, definitely not in front of a man.
That’s why I said you were too much. I love that you don’t care what people think and that you act like yourself around me.
I’m sorry your mom is a bitch. I bet she’s jealous of you so she cut you down, hoping you would always feel inferior to her.
Hopefully, we can work on filling all the marks she left,” he says softly.
His fingers wipe away my tears. I feel it down to my soul. The words he said feel true but then I remember that I can’t trust it or believe him.
“I can’t do casual,” I blurt out. I want to cover my face or go hide in the bathroom. Instead, I close my eyes. His body is shaking, so I open my eyes and he’s laughing. “What’s funny?” I ask, irritated.
“Do you think I would try that with you, knowing that your dad, uncle, and cousins would come to kick my ass if I wanted something casual?” he asks, searching my face.
“Uh...” That never crossed my mind.
“This isn’t casual. Christ!” He growls. “You’ve met my brothers, mom, dad, and grandma.
No woman I’ve ever dated has met my whole family.
I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you in the club, hanging on your dad.
That’s why I was pissed when I caught you outside.
Then when I saw you with my grandmother, I knew I was fucked.
She’d been talking about you for weeks, telling me that I need to meet this girl that’s so beautiful and sweet.
She told me that she just moved into town and I should ask her out before someone else did.
She was right. I realized yesterday that I needed to stake my claim before some stupid fuck got to you.
That’s why I did what you called ‘kidnapping.’ I like to call that ‘securing my future.’ We’re going to see where this goes, November, and while we’re doing that, it’s not going to be casual. ”
“Okay,” I say, feeling excited and a little scared from the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes. I can tell he’s dead serious.
“Okay.” He kisses me softly. “And just so you know, if your mother ever comes to visit, I won’t be nice.”
“I don’t think my mother will ever come to town.” I’m looking over his shoulder at the same time as I’m praying that I’m right. I truly hope my mother never shows her face in this town. My dad would flip and my grandmother would probably shoot her.
“Alright, now we need to get up before Ma comes in here. She’s worried about you after what happened last night and the look on your face when you walked out of the kitchen.
Let’s go have breakfast then go meet your dad at your house.
” As if Asher summoned it from thin air, my phone starts playing Highway to Hell, my dad’s ring tone.
Asher stands, bringing me with him, then walks to his jeans on the floor and pulls my cell out of his pocket and hands it to me.
I turn around and put my phone to my ear.
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hey, baby girl. How are you feeling?”
“Um, I’m good. I’m getting ready to feed Beast and then I’m going to eat breakfast with Asher and his mom.”
“His mom is there?” he says, sounding surprised.
“Yeah, she came by this morning. Mr. Mayson told her about what happened last night and I guess she wanted to make sure I was alright.”
“Hmm,” I hear my dad say then he’s quiet.
“Dad, you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here, baby girl. So what time are you going to be home?” I turn and see Asher leaning against the door, watching me.
“What time do you think we’ll be at my dad’s?” I ask him.
“In about an hour and a half, baby,” he says softly. I feel a small smile touch my mouth at the word baby.
“Asher says about an hour and a half.”
“I heard him, baby girl. Can you put him on the phone for me?”
“Um, sure. Hold on. Dad wants to talk to you,” I say to Asher, holding out my phone. He slides it from my hand and kisses me on my nose then takes a step back, putting the phone to his ear.
“Mike,” I hear him say. “Yeah, we’ll talk when I get there.”
Then he hands the phone back to me. “Dad,” I say, hoping that with the tone I’m using, he understands that I’m not being stupid.
“See you when you get here, baby girl. Love you.” He hangs up before I can tell him I love him too. Asher is watching me.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, looking at the phone.
“It’s all good, baby. Let’s eat.”
“Okay,” I say, feeling dread creep up my spine. I know Dad is going to say something to Asher when we get to the house and I am suddenly nervous about going home.
We walk back into the kitchen and Mrs. Mayson is standing at the stove. “Do you like grits?” she asks with a smile. I have no idea what grits are and she must have read the look on my face.
“Okay, how about some eggs and toast?”
“That’s fine. Thank you, Mrs. Mayson.”
“Call me Susan, beautiful.”
“Okay. Do you have a bowl I can use to put Beast’s food in?” I ask Asher.
He gets up and walks around the island to pull out a huge bowl.
The kind that you would use to make cookies or bread in.
He fills the bowl to the top. I watched this in horror, too stunned to stop him.
I always measure his food so he doesn’t eat too much.
I read online that you have to be careful with big dogs and their diets.
“What are you doing?” I ask as Asher sets the bowl down on the ground.
“Feeding the dog,” he says with an eyebrow raised.
“You can’t feed him that much.”
“Why not?” he asks.
“Because I Googled it and they say to measure it.”
“Babe, he’s a dog. He knows when to stop eating.” He’s looking at me like he thinks something is funny.
“How do you know that?” I ask, tilting my head.
“I’ve had dogs my whole life.”
“Oh...” That’s all I can say. Beast is my first dog and all the information I have is from Google. He chuckles and I kind of want to punch him in the arm for laughing at me.
“Whatever,” I say, shaking my head. His arm goes to the back of my head and he kisses me. I can hear his mom laughing. Oh my God, how embarrassing.
“You can’t kiss me in front of your mom,” I whisper when he pulls away.
“Just did and it won’t be the last time.” I hear his mom laugh again and I look at her, smiling down at the stove. Her head comes up and she looks happy for some reason.
“I love this, honey. Asher and his women, well, all my sons and their women, none of them ever came around. At first, I thought maybe they were embarrassed of me and their dad. Then, James and I were out one night and we saw Cash with this girl. Let me tell you...after that, I was glad they never brought anyone around if that was what they would bring home.”
“I was lucky enough to meet some of those women first hand last night when Asher took me to the bar.”
“He didn’t?” His mom looks over at Asher with narrow eyes.
“He totally did.” I smile and look over at Asher who looks like he’s ready to strangle me.
“Asher James Mayson, I thought I taught you better than that?”
“Ma, we met the boys there to play pool. I don’t have any control over who goes to the bar.”
“I can’t believe you took her to play pool for a first date.” She looks at me. “I swear I raised him better than that.”
“It wasn’t a date,” I reassure her.
“Jesus, Ma,” Asher grumbles. He looks at me and his eyes narrow.
“It was a date.” All I can do is shake my head and smile.
“You know, even when Asher was married, we never met the girl. All we knew was that they met when he was stationed in Texas and got married at a court house. We weren’t even invited.
” I feel my heart drop into my stomach at the thought of him married.
Stupid, I know. I mean, I was engaged and thought I would spend the rest of my life with the douche bag.