Chapter 20
I planned on having dinner alone in my room tonight, enjoying a relaxing bath then cozying up in bed for a long night of sleep.
I managed the dinner and the bath, but sleep has eluded me.
There are so many thoughts running through my head, I simply can’t quiet them.
So many that it feels like they are overflowing from my brain into the rest of my body, making me restless.
I toss and turn and twitch until finally, I can’t take it anymore.
I grab a deep black cloak to put over my thin, light purple night dress, braid my hair in one neat braid that sits over my shoulder, then, finally, snatch up my bag and a fire orb for the dark halls. It’s very late. The castle should be asleep.
The dark corridor that leads to the library seems more ominous tonight. Like it’s leading me down a path in this quest that I can’t come back from. Or maybe that’s the delirious state I’ve been in and out of for the past two days.
I pull my brass key from my pocket and unlock the library door, yanking the heavy slab toward me.
It’s so quiet I can hear even my soft slippers padding against the hard floor with every step down the dark, central aisle.
The orbs are still lit, but they’re very dim.
It’s eerier than usual in here. Or, again, perhaps that’s just the result of me being more on edge since all the events of these past few days.
I make it to the back where all the oldest books are shelved carefully, set my bag on my favorite table, then get to work browsing. I’m not sure what I’m looking for tonight, but anything is better than lying in bed tossing around with my thoughts plaguing me.
A throat clearing from my left makes my heart leap, makes me jump in the air as I spin around, wide-eyed.
Sitting at a table not far away is Daegan, looking completely at ease as he leans back in his chair, a few messy waves hanging over his forehead. There are a few books sitting askew in front of him on the table. It appears he had the same idea as me, but…
“How did you get in here?” I ask in a high-pitched voice as I rub my chest.
His gaze flicks to my hand for a moment, then travels back up to meet my eyes. Both corners of his mouth twitch.
Is he… laughing at me? Internally? Is that what he does? Keeps all of his emotions inside while he masks them really, really well on the outside?
“A key.”
I raise my eyebrows, waiting for him to continue. He doesn’t. He simply watches me.
“And where, might I ask, did you come by this key? And why was it locked when I opened it?”
“The librarian. Locked it behind me.”
I scowl. I’m supposed to be the only one with an extra key to my sanctuary. “And how did you manage that? Sadia doesn’t hand them out to just anybody.”
“I charmed her.” My stomach does a turn at the tug of his lip that’s officially a half smile. I stare at his mouth, forgetting all previous thoughts.
“I—” I shake my head, forcing myself to look away, taking a breath. Then I return my gaze to his. He’s still watching me with intense interest. It makes my stomach take a turn again. “You charmed her? I find that very hard to believe.”
He shrugs. “I can be very charming.” His voice comes out as smooth as my silky night dress as he looks at me even more intensely, as if he’s trying to rattle me or something.
Then, as if he’s grown bored of the charade already, he returns his gaze to the book in front of him and pulls a flask out of the pocket of his black shirt and takes a sip.
Ah.
“So is that the secret? You’ll almost crack a smile with a little bit of a drink? Something a little stronger than ale?”
He lifts his gaze again, focusing on me with an unreadable expression.
He doesn’t answer the question. “Couldn’t sleep either?
” he asks instead, eyeing my bag, my cloak, my braid on my shoulder, and finally, the area where my cloak fastens, exposing a small part of my thin, silken night gown.
His eyes don’t linger long, but they do linger. And I catch it.
My cheeks feel warm. “No,” I respond curtly, turning to hide my face as I resume searching the shelf in front of me.
He doesn’t offer a retort as I continue to stare at the books, trying to even out my breathing. I’m looking at them, but unable to read the words on them. His presence here has me frazzled.
Finally, I grab one at random and take a seat at my table, a very safe distance away from him. I didn’t know what I was looking for anyway, so I might as well start with this one.
Coming down here may have worked after all, since my mind can’t seem to focus on a single thing now. All my troubles from earlier have been temporarily wiped clean.
But I know they’ll return.
After a very long stretch of silence, with only the sound of turning pages filling it, I risk a quick glance up. He’s locked in on whatever is in front of him. I return my eyes to my own book before he can catch me looking.
I skim page after page, and once I’ve gone through the whole thing, I return it to the shelf and grab another at random.
As I sit, I glance up and our eyes lock again.
I find it interesting how much depth there is in his eyes.
I can see that there are a thousand thoughts going on behind them, but I just don’t know what.
His face betrays none of it. It’s there though.
At first, I thought he had lifeless, unfeeling, dead eyes, but perhaps I wasn’t looking closely.
Or maybe that’s only what he chose to reveal then, when he didn’t know me at all. I’m not really sure anymore.
“Looking for anything in particular?” he asks after a moment of silence.
I want to be careful what I say, even if it’s seemingly just us locked in here in the middle of the night. You never know. “I’m looking through our oldest section because I’m trying to find… a lost treasure. One that belonged to the elves.”
He nods, not missing a beat. “Me too.”
I lift my eyebrows. “No luck yet?”
He shakes his head.
I return to my book.
I skim the whole thing. And then another.
We don’t utter a word the entire time. I’m beginning to feel tired, but I don’t want to return to my room where I may be left alone with my thoughts again.
In here, the presence of Daegan is weirdly distracting me, even if we aren’t talking.
But my eyes are starting to get blurry, causing me to rub at them.
Daegan clears his throat again, and it’s jarring in the quiet, echoey room. “You should really get some sleep, you know.”
“You probably should too.”
“I don’t sleep much.”
“Nor do I.” That’s a lie. I normally do. But the past few days have me feeling like I may never get a restful night of sleep again.
“Perhaps not. But the constant rubbing of your eyes you’ve been doing throughout that entire book says otherwise.”
How frequently has he been watching me?
“I didn’t do it that much.”
“You did,” he says with confidence.
“Okay. Maybe you’re right. There’s always tomorrow, anyway.”
He nods as I stand and begin to gather my things. He rises as well, placing all the books back on the shelf. He has no bag or any sort of personal belongings that I can see, but I know he must keep at least a couple of knives on him somewhere. Plus his flask.
And a key, apparently.
He comes closer than a bookshelf’s length away for the first time tonight, the lights finally revealing a faint shadow of darkness under his eyes.
I raise my eyebrows as he stops right next to me.
“I’ll walk you back,” he says, as if that’s completely normal.
I look up at him. “You don’t need to follow me around anymore.”
“Don’t I? You’re more important to me than ever now,” he says as he watches me with heavy lidded eyes.
I know he only means that I’m now an important part of this plan to break the curse, which he cares deeply about, but still… the words do something strange to me. His eyes burn into me, the depths of them holding me frozen in place, and I’m suddenly lost for words again.
At last, I mutter an “okay,” and take off down the center aisle. I hear him follow, but I don’t look back.
After we lock up, we stroll down the hallway in silence. It’s not safe to discuss anything to do with the plan, so we’re left with nothing to say between us.
“It really is a beautiful castle,” he says at last. I glance over at him and find him admiring the architecture, the intricate, dark details that are woven in every room.
“Where do they have you staying?”
“In the East wing,” he replies.
“Ah,” I say, drawing it out, momentarily unsure what to say next. “Is it anything like your home?”
He scoffs. “Not quite.”
At first, I think I shouldn’t pry, but then the silence begins to take over again, and I change my mind. “What’s it like?”
He glances at me for a moment, then looks ahead, a far-off look in his gaze. “Warmer. In every sense of the word.”
“Describe it to me,” I say, suddenly feeling like I want to know everything there is to know about their home.
He releases a long sigh before answering. “Well, the building styles, for starters. Ours are more… open. And our lighting is better. And our walls are made with swirling whites and golds. It’s… bright. There’s enough darkness outside.”
“So you think it’s dark and depressing here?” It’s a bit ironic coming from him.
He quirks an eyebrow at me, not missing my teasing. “Yes.” He pauses for a moment, lost in thought. He must really miss home, but he stays here anyway, determined to find answers. “It’s warmer too. In Torrynth. The air feels… better.”
I eye his outfit. He’s in all black again, his short-sleeved shirt covered in straps and pockets. “You don’t look like you’re cold.”
“Our blood runs warmer,” he replies simply. “But I still notice the difference.”
“But you’re always dressed in black...”
He side-eyes me, a hint of a grin dancing on his lips. It’s hard to tear my gaze away. “That’s different.”
“How?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. More intimidating, maybe.” His mouth quirks. I think he’s making a joke. Possibly.
I chuckle a little and he glances at me, his expression unreadable.
A stretch of silence falls between us again, and suddenly I notice how slow and unhurried our pace is. “I’ve seen so much of the world in my books, from both before and after the curse, yet I still feel like I’ve seen so little of it,” I admit as we walk side-by-side.
His eyes search mine, curious, as if he’s still not sure what to make of me. He doesn’t respond.
I don’t even realize until we’re directly in front of my door that our journey has ended.
“Well… thank you.”
He nods, looking at me unsmiling once more. “See you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow.” I smile with my mouth closed and his eyes fall to my lips. I turn and open my door, then look back over my shoulder one last time as I step inside. He remains planted just outside my doorway, watching me as I shut it.
I take a deep breath as I stand in the silence of my room, staring at the door. I close my eyes and shake my head. When I open them again, the fatigue truly sets in, and I remove my cloak and shoes and fall into bed, where sleep takes me quicker than that spider-plant nearly killed Raef.