Chapter 55
I toss and turn all night until I’m awakened by a nightmare.
I sit up in bed, sweating and breathing heavily.
Images and snippets of the dream flash through my head still.
There was a bleeding, bright heart floating through the ocean, just out of my reach.
And then came Daegan, flying high in the sky over me, his great wings beating against the air, causing a powerful, unique sound.
That part I didn’t mind. It was after, when he fell from the sky, dropping into the water after the heart and never coming back up that’s still disturbing me.
And the way I looked around frantically, out in the middle of the dark ocean all alone, not a sound or living thing in sight.
I rub at my chest, trying to alleviate the ache that’s lingering.
I want to see him. I know the dream wasn’t real, but still, I want so badly to see him right now, to have him wrap his arms around me like he did before.
We had just admitted our feelings for each other, and then we were robbed of any real time together. I’m angry about that.
My father is to blame.
I stand up, pacing the dark room in my night dress, trying to work up the courage to knock on his door. Would he even want me there? Would he turn me away?
My dilemma is interrupted by yet another knock on my door that makes my heart race. This one is incredibly soft and quiet. I probably would have missed it if I’d still been asleep.
My heart pounds so loud as I step toward the door, hoping more than anything that it’s him.
His intense gaze falls on mine the moment I open it. He’s in a thin black sleeping shirt and black pants, though I know he prefers to sleep with less layers, so I can’t help but think he threw those on just before coming here.
“Hi,” I whisper.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes. I’m fine. Are you?”
“Okay. I just wanted to check.” He hesitates, leaning a hand against my doorframe. His eyes search mine, looking for more. What he wants from me, I don’t know.
“Did I… make a noise or something?”
“Or something…” he answers. There’s something in his eyes that makes my chest ache.
He’s still concerned about me.
“Bad dream. I’m okay now.” I flash him a false smile.
“Okay.”
He looks me over one last time before he turns to go.
“Wait,” I say before I can stop myself. I really, truly do not want him to go. But I don’t want to beg, either. He pauses and turns around, his eyes heavy and dark. “Do you think you could, uh…”
I stop myself, feeling like a fool.
“Do you want me to stay?” His voice is low and even. His eyes are heavy. And I think my heart has skipped several beats.
I nod silently, stepping back into the room and allowing him to pass.
I climb into bed and look away from him as he reaches for his shirt. I just want him near me, that’s all. And he’s kind enough to grant me that. I have no idea where his feelings lie anymore, but he’s still here for me regardless.
I hear him undress and then feel the bed dip as he climbs in next to me, boxing me in between him and the wall.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Always,” he whispers back.
There’s so much more I want to say, so much more I want to ask him as we lie here in the dark, his warm body closer to me than it’s been in so long.
But I’m afraid. And like the coward I am, I stay quiet and simply enjoy him being near me.
I don’t know how often he’ll be willing to do this in the future, or how many nightmares he’ll hear and take pity on me for.
It takes a while to fall back asleep. Even though Daegan isn’t physically touching me, feeling his warmth and presence behind me is the safest and happiest I’ve felt in so long.
I want to savor it. I can just barely catch a hint of his smoky aroma, and it fills me with so much comfort I silently cry all over again.
I don’t think he falls asleep right away either. His breathing takes a while to slow and deepen. But when he finally does, that’s when I slowly begin to drift off.