Chapter 78
“Where is the Eternal Pit, exactly?” I ask Daegan and Raef over a lunch that Daegan prepared. It’s a delicious piece of thin bread with cheese, vegetables I’ve never had before, and some sort of tangy sauce on the inside. I devour it. Who knew he could also cook?
Daegan points out the window—there are many open windows throughout the palace, giving it a fresh, airy feel—toward a mountain in the distance that’s half-eaten by the veil. He hasn’t eaten much of his food even though we haven’t had a meal this good in days. His mind seems preoccupied.
“Why don’t we go exploring there tomorrow. It couldn’t hurt. Maybe we just need to torch the items anywhere on that mountain.”
Raef shrugs, but Daegan looks pensive.
“You don’t think it’s a good idea?” I press, trying to figure out what’s on his mind.
“No.” He shakes his head, casting away his distant expression as he fixes me with a subtle grin. “It’s as good a place as any. We need to try anything and everything we can think of.”
“Okay.”
After lunch, Daegan shows me around more, while Raef and Kezra go off on their own. Actually, Kezra lingers a lot longer than Raef, seeming in jolly spirits and talking our ears off about toads and wingwarts. But eventually, she leaves us.
He shows me the palace where he grew up, tells personal tales that light up his face, and some that darken it. He tells me how, pre-curse, Torrynth’s terrain was more extreme. The land used to be drier, hotter, and even more barren than it is now. I can’t imagine that.
He shows me to his personal chambers where we’ll be staying. Together. But unfortunately, we don’t waste too much time there.
The task at hand seems more urgent than ever, and like old times, we find ourselves huddled in a library.
Just how this whole adventure began. Daegan spent many years scouring this library, but that was in search of clues to break the curse.
Now we’re looking for something a little different.
If there’s another place like the Eternal Pit.
Raef finds us soon after, keeping abnormally quiet while we scour books.
With the dark cloud above me that threatens to rain down soon if we don’t find a solution, I almost can’t appreciate where I am.
A whole new library—new to me, at least—with a whole new catalogue of books to explore from an enemy culture.
Or so my father would call them. If this were any other time, I’d be relishing this moment, giddy with the opportunity to read a whole sprawling room of texts from an opposing side of history.
But, sadly, I don’t have time to scour everything.
While this library is not nearly as big as the one in Ellyar, there’s still plenty to keep you busy for years.
I’m almost depressed at the lost opportunity that’s right in front of my face.
I spend the entire afternoon completely locked in here.
Besides a few that are in the old dragon language, I can read most of the texts as we speak a common language now, but the undertones and accounts of events are already differing from what I’ve been taught.
What I’ve read. The elves have always been on the wrong side.
We need to prove it, show the rest of the continent somehow.
But in order to do that, we need to level the playing field.
We need to take away their advantage over everyone else once and for all.
Daegan leaves to get us drinks and a snack, then returns shortly after. We keep at it into the evening. Nothing is helpful. Nothing is jumping out as even remotely related to what we need.
When my eyes begin rolling into the back of my head and I jerk awake, he gently closes my book, helps me up, and carries me back to his chambers. I barely register him getting into bed next to me when I drift off.
Once again, I dream about an uncursed sky full of stars, the bright moon shining brightly in the center of it all.
~
The morning hike up the mountain is a fail.
We wander around the bottom half of it all morning, lighting the relics on fire in different locations before Daegan calls it.
And in the days after that, we fail again, and again, and again.
We try torching the items over and over, in different locations, but nothing works.
“What are we missing?” I ask one day as Daegan lies his head on my legs while I hold a book out in front of me.
I wouldn’t say he’s completely given up by any means, but his eagerness to figure this thing out seems to have faded.
All he seems to want to do is spend time with me.
It’s almost as if he’s gotten comfortable being back home, having me here with him, and he’s lost sight of what we’re doing.
Since we’ve been here and we get to spend every day together, he’s looked happier than I’ve ever seen him.
He doesn’t let me out of his sight unless I’m with Raef, and even then, it’s not for long.
The two of them have fallen back into their old routines, except now they happily bring me along.
I’ve seen Daegan and Raef doing their sparring, pullups, and other things they do to stay in shape while we’ve traveling, but witnessing them in their element with other soldiers like them is something else.
Daegan is still faster than everyone in hand-to-hand matches, and everyone seems to respect him.
Wherever we go, but especially on the training field, people address him with respect and admiration.
I won’t lie and say it doesn’t turn me on and make me want to take him to our bed even more. It does.
He made me join in on the training, much to my dismay, arguing that the better I can defend myself, the better he will feel. I might not always have my magic or Kezra, so I need to hone other fighting skills. He’s not wrong, but I feel like it’s a little useless at this point.
“Why don’t we go knock on that old witch’s door and demand more answers,” Raef suggests. He looks hopeless, and rather serious at the suggestion.
“Maethrel isn’t giving us anything more,” Daegan mumbles. The note of bitterness doesn’t escape my notice.
“That fucking asshole,” Raef grumbles. There’s a hint of aggression in his voice that’s out of character.
When Daegan looks up at me, I hope he’ll have some sort of idea. His jaw twitches, but he remains silent.
I don’t know where our elusive fairy companion has wandered off to this afternoon.
“The cursed order…” Raef finally murmurs again, as if he’s unintentionally spoken up mid-thought.
“Huh?” I ask.
He shakes his head, not meeting my gaze.
“Just a thought I’ve been having. We’re cursed. All of us. How or why, I don’t know. But we’ve been getting picked off one-by-one.” He glances between Daegan and me to emphasize his point. “Look how many of us are left. First Gaethri was plucked off, then Meela, then Rhydra, I’ll probably be next…”
I flick my gaze to Daegan. His head is still on my thighs, but his eyes are focused on Raef.
“We’re not cursed,” I assure him. Though I have no proof of that. “It’s not like you to be so…”
“Pessimistic? Downbeat? Defeated?”
“Yes. All of those things. It’s not you.”
“Well, Sand, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we’ve been through some shit. We all knew going into this that it was going to change us.”
“We’re not fucking cursed, okay?” Daegan says in a low voice full of impatience. “You’re going to be fine. We’ll break the curse eventually, and you guys will be fine.”
“When? How?” Raef pushes, not mollified by Daegan’s words whatsoever.
“I don’t know,” Daegan replies in a softer tone.
“Great,” Raef nods as he begins to stand. “Very reassuring.”
He storms out of the lounge, and we don’t move to go after him. I think he needs some space.
“Where did that come from?” I ask.
He shrugs, staring up at the ceiling once more. He’s here but his eyes seem far away.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Why did you really not think you should be with me before?”
His chest rises. Slow and controlled. “Because…” He releases the breath, attempting to gather his words.
I wait patiently, running my hand gently through his sandy brown hair, admiring the perfect slope of his nose and the curve of his lips.
He finally sits up, pulling me into his lap so I’m facing him.
He grabs me from behind, pulling me closer, then runs his nose gently up the side of my neck, inhaling.
“It would be the most selfish thing I’ve ever done,” he says into my hair. “It is the most selfish thing.”
I scrunch my face. “You’re allowed to experience joy…
and love, you know. I know you think the survival of your people is solely on your shoulders, but if anything, because your circumstances here are so dire, you should be more entitled than anyone to have that.
You and Raef.” His thoughts seem a little extreme.
I still don’t fully understand why he didn’t think he was deserving.
Maybe he still doesn’t see himself the way I do, even though I tell him every single day how brave, how selfless, and how dedicated he is.
If anything, it’s me who doesn’t deserve him.
“You gave up your entire life for me,” he says, pulling back to meet my eyes. His are swimming with remorse and guilt.
“It wasn’t much of a life, Daegan. You saved me from it.” Sadness crosses over his features, though he tries to muster a flat smile.
He doesn’t say anything further. He wraps his arms around me and buries his face in my chest as we enjoy each other’s embrace, and then, eventually, each other’s bodies, as has become our daily routine.
I still feel as if I’ll never get enough of him.