Chapter 18
A FEW DAYS LATER
I was beginning to feel a bit anxious.
A few days had passed since Ellis showed up and showed his ass. I wouldn’t have been worried if I had heard anything from Benjamin, but he’d been radio silent. He didn’t return my calls or texts. I went by the shop, and it was closed. I went by his place, and he never answered the door.
Had I fucked up that bad?
Was he upset with me?
My mind was racing with every negative thought. I wasn’t supposed to come home and build this amazing connection with this man. I wasn’t supposed to get close to his child or sleep with him. Shit just happened.
My mother’s words played over and over in my head. I had to be firm in my words and my intentions. Maybe I did give Ellis false hope that there was room for reconciliation between us. It had to be something for him to show up here on some get back shit. If it wasn’t clear then, it was certainly clear now.
For days, I’d been wallowing in self-pity. Me and my room had become besties. When I wasn’t sulking, I was working to keep from sulking. Today, however, nothing I did seemed to distract me. I was about to be in this house alone because my parents were taking a day trip. I could already feel the walls closing in around me.
Closing my laptop, I sat back and blew out a breath. Running my hands down my face, I relaxed into the chair. That relaxation was short-lived when my bedroom door opened and Shirah walked in. I looked over my shoulder to find her staring at me.
“Girl, get your ass up,” she said, hands on her hips.
“Shirah.”
“Willow.”
I turned to fully face her. “What?”
“You’ve been having this funky little attitude for days now, and I don’t like that. Don’t let Ellis coming here fuck up your mood.”
“Fuck Ellis. This isn’t about him.”
“Then what is it? Benny?”
I nodded. “He’s not speaking to me, Shirah. I really think I fucked up.”
“Maybe he just needed some time to cool off. Don’t take it too personal. Sometimes, it takes people a while to get back to themselves after getting upset. I think you need to get out of the house for a little bit. My parents are having a cookout today and you’re coming.”
“Shy—”
“Get up. Wash your ass and come get in this car.”
She didn’t give me a chance to protest before she was out the door. I sat there for a minute, thinking of how I could get out of this.
“I don’t hear you moving, Willow!” she called.
With a heavy sigh, I got up from my desk and closed the bedroom door so I could undress and shower. Clearly, there was no way I was going to get out of this, so I might as well give in.
Forty-five minutes later, I was walking out of my room to say goodbye to my parents and head out to Shirah’s car. When she saw me walking out, she ended the phone call she was on. If I had to guess, she was talking to Jordan. I wanted so badly to ask if he had spoken to Benjamin. Maybe he would have some insight. Alas, I didn’t say anything at all.
The ride to her parents’ house was mostly quiet aside from her music blaring through the speakers. When we pulled up, I could tell there was already a party in full swing. The street in front of the house was lined with cars. Smoke from the grill could be seen from the backyard and the music was bumping.
I know once I went through the back gate, my mood had no choice but to be lifted. One thing you had to understand about the Grangers was they knew how to have a good time. There was no room for sadness when they got together. Even if it was a funeral, they were going to celebrate the life of the loved one they lost to the fullest extent.
I remembered when we were in high school and Shirah lost her grandmother. She had been sick for a while and they knew her death was coming. She always told them, “When I die, don’t cry for me. All I want you to do is eat good, drink good, and celebrate my life the way I would have if I were here.”
They took that to heart. The entire family gathered at her house for the repast and had one hell of a sendoff. While I knew they were grieving, they honored her last wishes. I knew that granny Granger was right there, celebrating in spirit.
The moment we walked through the back gate, Shirah’s mom squealed and came over to us.
“Willow! Hi, my baby!” She pulled me into one of those tight hugs, rocking me side to side. “I missed your pretty face. It’s been so long.”
I giggled. “Hey, auntie,” I said as she kissed my cheek.
She let me go and went to Shirah, doing the exact move. I knew she was a little tipsy because she always got super affectionate when she drank. I just saw this woman last week, and she was acting like it had been months.
“Mommy, how many wine colors have you had?” Shirah asked.
Aunt Lilith smacked her arm. “Don’t start with me. It’s a party and I’m at home.”
Shirah rolled her eyes. “I’m just saying, girl. Live your best life. Where is my daddy!”
“Over there on the grill as usual.” She turned, eyeing her husband. “Doesn’t he look handsome? Look at those thighs in those shorts.”
Shirah frowned. “Ew! Mommy, please! Nobody wants to hear you lusting after that man’s flesh.”
“Baby, that’s my man. Been my man for thirty years. When you get to that point, still being attracted to your spouse is a blessing.”
“I hear you, Lilith. Let me go speak to him.”
She left me with her mother and headed for the grill area. Aunt Lilith turned to me with a smile.
“Why the long face?” she asked, cupping my chin.
“I’m okay, auntie. Just a little in my head.”
“Sounds like man troubles. You know your mama told me about that boy coming and showing his ass.”
“Of course, she did,” I mumbled, rolling my eyes.
“Is that dead?”
“Dead and buried.”
“Good. You know you’re just as much my baby as Shirah. I don’t like anybody playing in your face. If he comes bothering you again, call me. I got something to straighten his ass out.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Shirah got her feisty spirit from her mother for sure.
“I hear you, auntie.”
“Now, if I can just ensure Shirah leaves Ian’s ass alone, all will be right in the world.” She cocked her head to the side as she looked at me. “So… you and the David boy have been getting close, huh?”
“Who— who told you that?”
“Baby, you know Rose Haven is small. Most of us have been here our whole lives. Ain’t much going on that we don’t find out about.” She smiled. “You like him?”
“Yes ma’am. A lot. Auntie… it just feels so natural with him. Nothing is forced. No masks, no facades… I’m just me with him. I’ve rediscovered the fun side of me with him. I’ve missed that.”
“That’s beautiful, baby. You deserve someone who brings out the best in you. You know, his parents are here.”
“What?”
“Have you met them yet?”
“I haven’t.”
“I would introduce you, but I think that should be his job.” She pointed across the yard and a beautiful older woman and a man with Benjamin’s entire face.
“Wow!” I said, gasping. “He’s his daddy’s twin. I remember seeing them in school, but it’s been a long time.”
Aunt Lilith giggled. “At least you know what you have to look forward to in old age.” She looped her arm through mine. “Come on. Let me fix you a plate. Good food will lift those spirits.”
I followed behind her to where the buffet style food was set up and told her what I wanted. She fixed me a hefty helping and shooed me off to a table to enjoy it. Shirah eventually made her way over with a plate of her own. A few of her cousins joined us and I could honestly say my mood lifted.
One thing about the Grangers, you couldn’t help but to smile with them. They were some of the happiest people I’d ever met. The times I’d ever seen Shirah cry or be depressed were few and far between. Angry? Absolutely. My girl didn’t mind a valid crash out. But sulking? Hardly ever.
Even when she was into it with Ian, she never let him see her sweat. I wasn’t sure if it was just her nature, or if it was a defense mechanism, but hey. It worked for her. After we finished eating, Shy and her cousins started with the shots. We were about five in before she pulled me onto the dance floor.
Her other cousin was acting as the DJ and was playing all of our favorite songs. Liquor in my system, I was feeling good and having a good time. Aunt Lilith and her sisters joined us when the line dances started up. For women in their early and mid-fifties, they moved with vibrant ease.
It might have been all those drinks in their system. Benjamin’s mother joined them and I tried my hardest to steer clear of her. I didn’t miss her looking in my direction a few times today. She seemed to know who I was, but I wasn’t sure what Benjamin told her or how he was feeling about me at the moment.
After about thirty minutes of dancing, I excused myself into the house to go to the bathroom. The liquor had made its way to my bladder, and I desperately needed to relieve myself. Sprinting inside, I ran to the downstairs bathroom. Once I was done, I washed my hands and left the bathroom. I was just about to round the corner to the kitchen, when I heard my name and stopped.
“So that’s her? Willow?”
“Yep,” Aunt Lilith said.
“I see why my son and granddaughter seem so smitten. She’s a beautiful girl.”
“She is. She has a beautiful heart to match. Her and Shirah have been friends for years and she’s the sister she never had. Once you love her, it’s a lifelong thing.”
Mrs. Davis giggled. “I think Charlie is already there.” She sighed. “She and Benjamin could use a pick me up right now.”
“What’s wrong?”
“That damn baby mama of his. She broke into his apartment and wrecked everything, Lilith. When I say everything, I mean everything, including Charlie’s things.” She sniffled. “I don’t know what the hell Tierra is on, but she went too far this time. She pulled a knife on Benjamin right in front of Charlie. She was grabbing on her and yelling at her all while threatening to cut him?—”
My heart dropped, and I gasped. What the fuck! I couldn’t listen anymore. I had questions and needed answers.
“Are Benny and Charlie okay?” I asked, running into the kitchen.
They both jumped as they turned to look at me.
“I wasn’t eavesdropping. I was in the bathroom,” I clarified. I turned to Mrs. Davis. “Please… I need to know if they are okay.”
She gave a soft smile before recounting the events to me.
“They weren’t harmed, but both are emotional right now. Tierra is in the wind. Benjamin feels like he failed to protect Charlie and it’s weighing heavily on his heart. They’ve been staying with us for the last couple of days.”
I felt the tears swelling in my eyes. While I knew I couldn’t have protected either of them, I hated that I hadn’t been there to at least just… be there.
“Oh, honey don’t cry,” Mrs. Davis said, pulling me in for a hug.
I couldn’t help it. My heart was more invested in this than I realized.
“I need to see them,” I said, pulling away and swiping the tears. “I know you don’t know me, but?—”
She shook her head. “It’s fine, baby. I sense you need this just as much as I think they do. We actually live right around the corner. Two streets down. Third house on the left. The one with the tire swing in the front yard.”
“Thank you,” I whispered. I turned to Aunt Lilith. “Can you tell Shirah where I am?”
“I got you, baby. Go get your man.”
She and Mrs. Davis giggled at that. I hugged them both before sprinting from the kitchen and out the front door like a woman on a mission.
* * *
It didn’t take me long to get to the Davis home.
The news and that walk sobered me up real quick. I took the time to check my emotions because I didn’t want to walk in crying and shit. I just knew that moment traumatized Charlie’s fragile child psyche. My heart hurt for her. To have a mother that didn’t want her come in and do what Tierra did was heartbreaking.
As I turned onto the street, I noticed Benjamin’s car on the curb. Walking past it, I made my way up the driveway, then up the front steps. After taking a deep breath, I rang the doorbell. A few seconds ticked by before the door opened. Benjamin stood there, surprised to see me.
“I was at Shirah’s parents’ house,” I explained. “I uh… I met your mother. She told me what happened. Benny… I’m so sorry.”
There went the tears again. I couldn’t help myself. I rushed to him, wrapping my arms around him. Even if he didn’t hug me back, I needed him to feel that I was here, and I cared. He stood there for a moment before wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tight. The longer I held on, the tighter his hug became.
“I felt so helpless, Willow,” he mumbled into my curls. “I felt like the only way I could protect my baby was to let Tierra go.”
I pulled back and cupped his face. “You did the safest thing you could do in that moment, Benny. You can’t feel guilt for that. You protected Charlie and yourself. There is no blame in that.”
Gently, I stroked his cheeks as I looked into his teary eyes. His mother was right. This was weighing heavily on him, and I could feel it. The sound of beads and little pitter patters came around the corner. I looked behind him to see Charlie holding tightly to a stuffed teddy bear. When she saw me, she dropped the bear and broke into tears as she ran full force toward me.
Benjamin let me go just in time to pick her up. She wrapped her little arms and legs around me, buried her face in my neck, and cried profusely.
“I got you,” I whispered, clutching her to my chest.
I carried her over to the couch and sat down. As she cried her little eyes out, I rocked her from side to side, planting kisses to her temple and cheeks. I did for her what my mother used to do for me when I was upset or distraught as a child. I sang to her.
I wasn’t Mariah Carey or Fantasia, but I could carry a tune when I wasn’t playing around. Softly, I sang “You Were Loved” by Whitney Houston. Her cries slowly began to subside. By the time the song ended, she’d gone limp in my arms and was fast asleep. I could feel Benjamin’s eyes on me. I turned to find him still at the open door, watching us.
I reached out a hand to him. Finally, he closed the door and made his way over to the couch to join us. Taking the seat beside me, I guided his head to my shoulder and linked our fingers. For a moment, we sat in silence.
He reached out and stroked Charlie’s back. “She’s barely slept since it happened. Sometimes, she wakes up screaming for me. She refuses to sleep alone in her bed, so she’s been sleeping with me the last few nights. If I move to get up, she immediately wakes up crying. The shit breaks my fucking heart, man.”
“I know, baby,” I said, kissing his knuckles. “You just keep being there for her, Benny. Being present means the most right now, and I know you’re doing your best.” I paused, choosing my next words carefully. “Have you thought about counseling?”
“Yeah. I think it would be best. She’s barely said a word in days. I have to make her eat. She won’t leave my side for too long. I’m glad she has comfort in me, but I miss my baby, Willow. She was never supposed to see no shit like that.”
He sat up and rubbed his temples. I reached out to stroke his back.
“I’m exhausted,” he admitted. “I need sleep.”
“I could lay down with you,” I offered.
He looked over at me. “You don’t wanna go back to the party? My mom told me it was a cook out.”
I shook my head. “I’m where I need to be.” I stood from the couch with Charlie in my arms. “Where’s your room?”
His eyes lingered on mine briefly before he stood and motioned for me to follow him. We made our way upstairs and to his bedroom. I could tell that his parents had updated it, but it still had remnants of his childhood on display, like trophies, medals, and awards. My parents had done the same thing with my childhood bedroom.
Walking over to the bed, I kicked off my shoes and climbed in with Charlie. Cradling her to my chest, I made myself comfortable. Benjamin climbed in and settled behind me, wrapping his arms around both of us. He rested his head next to mine and expelled a deep breath.
“Just a nap,” he said.
“I’m here as long as you need me,” I said.
“Thank you, Willow.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Benny.”
“I do. You could be anywhere, but you’re here with us. That means more to me than you know.”
He placed a kiss on my cheek, then snuggled closer. The room fell silent and before long, both of their light snores filled the air. Relaxing into the warmth of his arms, I closed my eyes.
Yeah, I was right where I needed to be.