Chapter 28 #2
She picks up on the third ring. “Brooke? Is everything okay? I thought you were traveling back from Arizona today.”
“Just got home,” I say. “Long flight, but I’m fine. I just... wanted to talk.”
“Well, that’s a nice surprise.” I can hear the smile in her voice, the warmth that’s been there my whole life no matter how far I’ve run or how long I’ve stayed away.
In the background I can faintly hear the TV, probably some rerun game they’re watching together.
“How was the trip? We watched the whole series. Your father was rooting for the underdog.”
“It was a great assignment.” I tuck my legs underneath me and settle deeper into the couch.
“That’s wonderful, honey.” She pauses. “You sound tired. Are you sure everything’s okay?”
And something about the gentleness in her voice, the unconditional concern that mothers never seem to lose no matter how old their children get, makes the words spill out of me before I can stop them.
“I got offered a promotion,” I say. “A big one. Senior Editor. More than that, really. They’re restructuring, giving whoever takes it authority to shape the whole magazine. It’s... it’s everything, Mom.”
“Brooke, that’s wonderful!” My mom’s voice is bright with pride. “I’m so proud of you. Your father is going to be thrilled when I tell him.”
“Thanks, Mom.” I fidget with the stem of my wine glass, watching the red liquid catch the light. “The thing is, the job comes with flexibility. I could work from anywhere, travel when I need to, be in New York for the important stuff but not chained to a desk every day.”
“That sounds ideal for you,” she says. “I know you love New York City, but you’ve also always hated being stuck in one place.”
“Yeah.” I take a breath. “It also means I could come home more. See you and Dad. Actually be around instead of just flying in for holidays and flying out again.”
The line goes quiet, and I find myself holding my breath waiting for her response.
“We would love that, sweetheart,” she says, her voice softer now. “You know we would. We miss you so, so much.”
“I miss you too, Mom,” I say, and my voice comes out thick.
I press the heel of my hand against my eye, surprised by the sudden sting of tears.
“I think I’ve been so focused on building this life here that I forgot what I was leaving behind.
And I keep thinking about all the time I’ve wasted staying away. ”
“You haven’t wasted anything,” my mom says firmly. “You’ve been building a career that you should be incredibly proud of. Because we certainly are. And we always knew you were meant for bigger things than Dark River could offer.”
“Maybe. But I’m starting to realize bigger isn’t always better.
” I stare out the window at the city lights.
“I love New York. I do. I built my whole life here and I love this city. I can’t imagine fully leaving.
But Dark River...” I trail off, trying to find the words.
“I miss it, Mom. I miss you and Dad. I miss the water and the mountains and the way everything just slows down. I’ve been running from it for so long I forgot that part. ”
“You don’t have to choose,” my mom says, and her voice is gentle but certain. “That’s what you’re telling me, isn’t it? This job would let you have both.”
“Yeah.” My throat tightens unexpectedly. “Both coasts. Both lives. My heart in New York and my heart in Dark River. I don’t have to pick one anymore.”
We’re both quiet for a moment, letting that settle between us. I can hear my dad moving around in the background, probably shuffling to the kitchen for his nightly bowl of ice cream that my mom pretends she doesn’t know about.
“This isn’t just about us, is it?” my mom finally asks. “There’s something else going on.”
I close my eyes. My mother has always been able to read me, even across three thousand miles of phone line.
“No,” I admit quietly. “It’s not just about you and Dad.”
“Does this have something to do with Dominic?” she asks gently.
“How did you know?” I let out a sound that’s half laugh, half sob.
“Honey, I’m your mother.” Her voice is warm, a little amused.
“You came home from that assignment talking about the gym and the story and Roman’s training, but every other sentence was about Dominic.
What he said, what he did, how infuriating he was.
You haven’t talked that much about a man in years.
Actually, the last time you talked about someone this way was him, back in high school. It’s not hard to put together.”
I wipe at my eyes with the back of my hand. Of course she knew. Mothers always know, even when you think you’re hiding it.
“Well, yes. Dominic. Something happened between us in Mexico City, after the fight. And then I left, and we said goodbye like it was the end of something, and I’ve been trying to convince myself that was the right choice ever since.”
“And was it?” she asks gently. “The right choice?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I thought it was. We both have these lives that don’t fit together. He’s in Dark River with his gym and his family. I’m here with my career and my friends. Three thousand miles is a lot of distance to pretend doesn’t exist.”
“But now, with you being able to have both?”
“I’m scared,” I admit after a long moment. “I’ve spent my whole life being the one who leaves. The one who puts career first, who doesn’t need anyone, who keeps moving so nothing can catch up to me. I don’t know how to do this differently.”
“You learn,” my mom says simply. “The same way you learned everything else. By being brave enough to try.” She pauses. “And Brooke? If this job means you could be in Dark River sometimes, and he’s in Dark River all the time, then maybe the geography isn’t as impossible as you think.”
“I love you, Mom,” I say, and my voice cracks a little on the words. “Thanks for always being there for me.”
“I love you too, sweetheart,” she says warmly. “Now get some sleep. It’s late in your time zone, and big decisions are always clearer in the morning. You call me if you need me in the middle of the night though, okay? I don’t care what time it is.”
“I will,” I promise, smiling through the tears. “Give Dad a kiss for me.”
“I will. Goodnight, honey.”
“Goodnight, Mom.”
We hang up, but I don’t move from the couch. I sit there in my quiet apartment, phone still warm in my hand, watching the rain streak down the windows and thinking about everything she said.
Both coasts. Both lives. My heart in New York and my heart in Dark River.
And maybe, if I’m brave enough to reach for it, my heart with Dominic too. The words we said at the airport keep running through my head.
In another life.
But the truth is, we don’t get another life. Just this one. And I don’t want to wait any longer to start living the one I want.